I must have Attention Deficit Disorder because I’m not quite sure I understand this whole Jeremy Mayfield story no matter how many times I hear the latest developments. It’s got more plot twists than “Deathtrap.” For those of you unfamiliar with Mr. Mayfield, he is a NASCAR driver who failed two drug tests for methamphetamines. He has since been suspended from driving. To further National Enquirize this story, Mayfield’s stepmother told NASCAR officials she saw him take the drug on numerous occasions. In return, Mayfield called his stepmother a gold digger and accused her of shooting and killing his father. He has also accused NASCAR of paying his stepmother for soliciting this information. This story is the gift that keeps on giving. It’s more entertaining than NASCAR itself. Throw in some farm animals and we’ll be getting somewhere.
As if it were inexplicable enough that Janet Jackson could be romantically involved with Jermaine Dupri, the recent release of the PacMan Jones strip club video adds insult to injury. This is the same Adam Jones who, after being suspended for the strip club shooting, visited another strip club on his way to having a meeting of the minds with the NFL Commissioner. And you thought Antoine Walker entering a casino one night after he dropped $800,000 was asinine. In 2007, Jones was involved in a shooting outside a Las Vegas strip club where he and his friends ‘made it rain’ by throwing tens of thousands of dollars in the air. A scuffle broke out after Jones allegedly grabbed a stripper and starting beating her repeatedly. ESPN recently aired a video of the incident. What we’re treated to in the video is Jones, Dupri, hip-hop star Nelly, and a cast of others tossing dollar bills into the air and to quote Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski “treating objects like women, man.” The fight is not caught on video but the cameraman did catch Dupri telling strippers over the house microphone “Y’all are here to dance. Don’t bend down to get your money. Y’all just keep f*cking dancing.” Am I alone in thinking Janet can do better?
On a totally unrelated note, why does everyone look at me funny when I order one-third of a pound of cold cuts from the deli counter instead of a quarter-pound or a half-pound. One-third is no lesser fraction. Okay, so technically it is less than a half, but still why are we hating on this less frequently used decimal? Do the deli people gather behind my back, giggling in their hair nets, telling each other “that third guy was in again today.” Look, I live by myself. A half a pound is too much. The remaining sandwich meat ends up spoiling in my fridge. A quarter pound is never enough. It’s barely enough for two sandwiches. Like the baby bear’s bed to Goldilocks, a third of a pound is just right. Yet other customers look at me like I’m from Mars. It’s not like I’m not asking for five-eighths or anything they need a calculator for. It’s 33%. Let’s move on.
In a recent interview with ESPN’s Mike and Mike in the Morning, Commissioner Bud Selig continued to defend Major League Baseball’s decision to have the All-Star Game determine home field advantage in the World Series. Mike Golic disagreed with Selig’s decision and told him so. He put the commissioner on the spot, asking him if this didn’t diminish the importance of the entire 162-game season. Selig’s answer? The Commissioner said, twice, that it was logistically impossible to plan the World Series on short notice because of…. hotel rooms. Are we supposed to believe that this nation’s major cities wouldn’t be able to house its visitors for one extra night? That’s what we’re talking about here, right? One extra home game? The World Series isn’t like the Super Bowl where we already know ahead of time where it’s going to be held. So now the Hampton Inn is affecting our national pastime? Yes, the owners voted unanimously to change the rule several years ago but I can’t help but think an exhibition game starring players who are voted in by the fans shouldn’t give one team an unfair and distinct advantage. Let’s say for example that the Dodgers finish the season with 105 wins and the Red Sox finish with 95 and these two teams meet in the World Series. Despite having a worse record and likely having played a similarly difficult schedule, the Red Sox would have an extra home game simply because a Tampa Bay Ray robbed a Colorado player’s near home run. Oh wait, now that I put it that way, it makes perfect sense.
I consider myself a pretty decent tournament poker player. But what Phil Ivey is doing at this year’s World Series of Poker is ridiculous. Ivey, considered by many to be the world’s top poker player, has made the final table. No Limit Hold ‘Em is still a skill game but professionals haven’t fared well at the World Series recently due to the increasing number of amateurs that are gunning for them. That apparently hasn’t fazed Ivey who has made the November Nine. Card Player magazine publisher Jeff Shulman has also made the final table. For those of us who consider poker a sport, Ivey winning this tournament in which well over 6000 poker players entered, could very well be considered one of the most impressive accomplishments in modern sports.