Predicting the 2010 McChumpies: A look to the future

I’m not big on predicting the future. If I were any good at it, I’d be kicking back in a Las Vegas sportsbook, mango daiquiri in one hand, wad of hundreds in the other.

But when the good folks at Creative Loafing offered to publish the 2009 McChumpies and wanted me to take a look at 2010, who was I to refuse?

So fasten up, children. Away we go.

tiger-woodsThe Return Athlete of the Year McChumpy – Tiger Woods

Not only does Tiger return to the PGA Tour, he wins convincingly then signs on with his new sponsor Fidelity Investments.

The Supply and Demand McChumpy – Tall Free Agents

LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh and a host of other basketball superstars will play roster musical chairs, tilt the balance of power in the NBA and get filthy rich in the process

The Did You Just See That McChumpy – Major League Baseball

Baseball minds will meet this off-season to discuss the merits of expanding instant replay. After all, other sports have bettered themselves by employing such technology, why not baseball? In the end, baseball purists will win over, umpires will continue to get key calls wrong and fewer and fewer fans will watch the sport.

Dolphins Buccaneers FootballThe Quest for Cowher McChumpy – Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Half of Tampa Bay will call for Raheem Morris’ head despite his continued gradual success next season. He’ll eventually be run out of town… only to win a Super Bowl elsewhere.

The How Low Can You Go McChumpy – Multiple Winners

Once again, the Rams, Chiefs, Nationals, Pirates, Nets and Warriors will all stink without prejudice. Fans of these teams will invest heavily in paper bags to cover their heads in shame.

landon-donovanThe What Channel Is It On McChumpy – US Soccer

The Americans will continue to prove they’re a force to be reckoned with in international soccer. Unfortunately, nobody in the country will notice.

The Vick/Simpson McChumpy for Unimaginable Crime – Athlete to be named later

Somehow, somewhere, some day it will happen. We don’t know who it will be, perhaps Colonel Mustard in the Library with the Candlestick, but some high-profile athlete will run afoul of the law in an absolutely unpredictable and despicable manner. Your guess is as good as mine. But it’ll happen.

b-j-danielsThe Take it Or Leavitt McChumpy – USF Bulls

USF will travel to Gainesville… and lose, reminding them how close, and yet how far, they are to competing on a national scale. Meanwhile, BJ Daniels might prove himself the second coming of Tim Tebow.

The Fight the Powers that Be McChumpy – College Football fans

College football fans will continue to gripe about the BCS, begging for a playoff. Meanwhile the NCAA will defend it saying the regular season is a playoff in and of itself. Fans will protest for a split second then still watch anyway.

mark-mangino-mike-leachThe Molding the Future of Tomorrow McChumpy – Mark Mangino/Mike Leach

After attending anger management classes and finding themselves, ex-Big 12 coaches Leach and Mangino will open up a string of Le Petite Academies nationwide.

The Deja Vu McChumpy – Brett Favre

Favre will announce his retirement, then come back, not shave, succeed early in the season, have a disagreement with his head coach, then once again fall short of winning a Super Bowl. We’ve seen it before. What leads us to believe it won’t happen again in 2010?

The Who’s Watching Now McChumpy – National Hockey League

NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman will seek out help from NBA Commissioner David Stern on how to attract more viewers to his sport. Unfortunately for Bettman, he’ll read the WNBA marketing manual by mistake and fans will flee by the thousands.

tampa_bay_raysThe Keeping Up With The Joneses Made Us Broke McChumpy – Tampa Bay Rays

With division rivals Boston and New York continuing to set records for baseball payroll, the Rays will prove unable to compete financially and become a farm team for the American League East. The Trop will be bought out by Ferg’s Sports Bar & Grill since Bay residents spend more money there anyway.

The Roof Is On Fire McChumpy – NFL Salary Cap

The NFL will abandon the salary cap next year, meaning many football players around the league will soon have a nice Bentley collection. Rest assured none of them will be Buccaneers.

30 thoughts on “Predicting the 2010 McChumpies: A look to the future

  1. Tiger Woods will have to win big, because his other sources of income (endorsements)will all dry up. Fidelity Investments? Very funny material. I’d go with either Trojans or endorsing how great the service is from Denny’s waitresses.
    On the NBA front, when the superstar free agents all move and the dust settles, the only thing that will change is their salaries. Their new teams won’t get any better. The best NBA teams in the near future will be the Grizzlies and the Thunder in the West and the Hawks and Bobcats in the East. You heard it here first. Kevin Durant will be the next NBA superstar.

  2. Hysterical, laugh out loud funny! Great job writing another
    creative & entertaining post Sportschump!

  3. Snake… I think Durant has already reached that status.

    As we discussed when we last spoke, I am totally feeling you on Memphis and Oklahoma City.

    If the season ended today, OKC would be the 8th seed in the West. It might even do them some good to get swept out of the playoffs by LA. It’ll show them exactly how far they’ll need to go to become a championship team.

  4. M…. I owe a big debt of gratitude to the Creative Loafers for publishing the piece and inspiring the post.

    For all you Tampa locals, be sure to pick up next week’s copy of Creative Loafing to see the piece in print.

    Just don’t use it to line the birdcage.

  5. Chris

    Hold on for one moment you’re telling me Bill Cowher won’t be coming through the door any time soon to coach the Bucs ?

    Tiger’ll come back stronger than ever , only his pockets won’t be ‘so large’ as Elin will havve gotten half of his net worth. By all estimates that’s northwards of $500-$600 million. So you do the maths ?

    Come back performance of the year will be Bob Arum pulling his foot out of his own a__s and apologizing to Floyd Mayweather and begging his forgiveness and requesting one last chance Manny and Floyd ‘to get it on’ as referee Mills Lane use to say.

    Alan Parkins

  6. NASCAR! NASCAR! NASCAR! Kyle Busch and Tony Stewart will shine this year, maybe even “outshine” JJ! yeah, right.

  7. Al… I’m convinced Rah is there man, whether they miss out on the current crop of free agent coaches or not.

    I can’t give Arum come back performance since he should have made this fight happen in the first place anyway.

  8. Chris

    Rah’s the man alright ! But what part of ‘cheap’ don’t you now understand when it comes to the Glazers and spending money on this team ? I mean Rah told him …we’d be competitive , with a winning attitude and athletic’. Well 0 out of 3 ain’t bad is it now ? LOL,LOL,LOL !!!

    In light of Zorn dismissal and with Bruce Allen now the GM of the Redskins. I did the following piece.

    The Rooney Rule …..

    Let me know what you think as to the merits of the piece ? As and when you’re ready I’ll look forward to reading your comments.

    Alan Parkins

  9. After Dale Jarrett retired, I always pulled for Junyer, just me and J-dubyah! I don’t know what to say about JR.:( Maybe Han has the answer.lol

  10. Al… just stopped by your Rooney piece.

    I like Rah and am all for giving him another year. I want to see how Freeman develops in the offseason.

    All signs point to the Bucs going after the Berry kid from Tennessee.

    But Al, with no salary cap to come, if the Bucs don’t compete financially to go after some players, they’ll get swallowed up.

  11. Ath… Han is my official NASCAR rep, agent, guideline and sponsor.

    I go straight to the source for all things racing.

    Plus he owed me for dominating the SRM NFL season-long football pool

    Mr Elkhorn is still bitter.

  12. Chris

    Let’s not kid ourselves both you and I know that Jerry Gray isn’t going to be hired by the Redskins , at all ! He’s just been singled and trotted out to be the proverbial _igga for the Rooney Rule ! That way they’ve supposedly met their obligation to it. From there they’ll just hire Shanahan . I mean he’s being interviewed twice already and they’ve seen been in touch with him again in the last 48 hours. Bruce Allen and Snyder are just blowing smoke up everyone’s a*ss and you know it.

    Alan Parkins

  13. Chris

    The Bucs are going to need a lot more than Berry if this team is to really improve . They are piss poor in so many areas. And your boy Michael Clayton his stats for the season are horrendous !

    16 receptions -230 yds- 14.4 avg- 1 TD for which he’s being paid in excess of $10 million with his roster bonus. Bucs can scout talent alright – talent that nobody else wants ! And Bryant ain’t much better.

    With the Bucs I’ll believe it when I see it ! As Drew Rosenhaus says ….’ next question ‘ ?

    I responded your comment on ‘ The Rooney Rule’ so by all means return with a response. This is a great subject to debate and discuss.

    Alan Parkins

  14. I don’t know Gray, Al, but I do know that Shanahan likely brings a considerably more impressive resume so Gray is likely S.O.L.

    So in that sense, the Rooney Rule is just a facade.

  15. Just as great as ever, bro. I could see most of these happening during the new year.

    Although, I do have a new reality show concept dealing with Tiger’s comeback……Tiger travels with John Daly in his motorhome from tourney to tourney. While one is driving the coach, the other one’s in the back driving….ahem. Look for “Ridin’ Dirty” starring John and Eldrick this year on Tru TV.

    Junior will still be the 4th best driver on a 4 driver team….again.

  16. Chris

    Rooney Rule , then why mandate i if the NFL teams aren’t totally prepared to live up to their part in it all ?

    Was that Boise TCU St game meant to be exciting. I’ve had prostate exams that’ve provided me with more uplifting moments even if it was undesirably painful !

    Boise St beats TCU 17-10 and we’re meant to get excited about some of these Bowl games ? Gimme a beak !

    Alan Parkins

  17. Chris

    When it comes to assessing talent I hardly think that Bruce Allen is the guy you want for the job. And in Shanahan’s last few years with the Broncos, his track record there with regard to the draft wasn’t that overly impressive at all. So tell me where do you see the Redskins going with this so called ‘duo’ ?

    As you put it, Shanahan on paper because of his resume’ is the best man for the job. But like I said his last few years with the Broncos was far , far , from being impressive. ‘nough said !

    Alan Parkins

  18. You didn’t just win the contest…. you dominated! I suppose I could send you an autographed football card. By a player, not me. Which are your two favorite teams?

    College of Charleston beat UNC, last night, for the third time in recent history! They are now 3-0 lifetime against the Heels.

  19. Al… I thought the game would have featured more scoring, as did Vegas. Not sure what the over/under number was but I’m pretty sure it was over 27.

    At least we got to see Boise State run one of their trick plays. You knew it was coming eventually.

    Boise State returns all but one starter next season. If they’re ranked high enough in the preseason, they might just make the national championship game.

    Then all hell would break loose.

  20. Han… I had no idea Bobby Cremins coached Charleston. I saw him being interviewed last night and was in shock.

    That was Bobby Cremins, wasn’t it? I’d recognize that graying bowl cut anywhere.

    Autographed football card? Are you a collector?

  21. Chris

    More scoring ? If it’s scoring you want ,watch Tiger and the over and under as to whether or not he’ll bag a ‘Major’ this season and the number chicks that’ll once again come out of the woodworks.

    Well Zorn is out but I wonder if he’ll join the treadmill of ex-coaches who end up being hired as coordinators or something else ?

    Dropped this NBA piece for your perusal.

    http://tophatal1.wordpress.com/2010/01/05/hickory-dickory-dock-the-mouse-ran-up-the-clock-tick-tock-tick-tock-time-is-now-ticking-in-the-nba/ …………

    Just click on the text link to view.

    Alan Parkins

  22. Al… I would imagine Tiger would be back in time for a major. After all, that’s what he lives for.

    At least, that’s what we thought he lived for. Now we know it wasn’t only Jack Nicklaus’ record he was chasin’.

  23. CH….Yeah, that’s Cremins. I think this is his 3rd year here now. After a couple of transition coaches, the admin finally got the guy they wanted to replace John Kresse.

    Was a collector. Have plenty of BB-FB cards from 70s thru 90s. Several autographed. Whatcha looking for?

  24. Pingback: Sports Chump » Memorable moments of 2010: The SportsChump Year in Review

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