Since Brett Favre has officially returned to the Minnesota Vikings for his twentieth season, SportsChump thought we would make coach Brad Childress’s life a little easier by offering him some tips on dealing with the elderly.
Pick up and drop off the elderly at designated areas whenever they travel. Oh wait, you already do that.
Old people are often indecisive and might need nudging in a particular direction. Encouraging them to do so might help prevent against future waffling.
As with most seniors, be sure to shower them with attention and remind them where they put their playbooks… or their teeth.
Whether it’s mahjong, shuffleboard, gin rummy or quarterbacking, the elderly, despite their age, can still be very competitive.
On your next undercover visit to Mississippi, mix in a re-route to Florida. We have lots of old people here that might help you acclimate to your returning quarterback.
The elderly enjoy gardening, often on riding lawn mowers. Appease them and let them do so, as long as they’re properly supervised.
The elderly can be quite emotional so keep around plenty of tissue.
The venerable can often be forgetful so it’s good that all uniforms have players’ names clearly labeled on the back. They may also forget the simplest of daily tasks, like shaving, so its best to keep a handful of disposable razors on site to keep up appearances.
Old people like to feed the birds in the park. This year, make sure they don’t feed errant passes to Dolphins, Lions, Cardinals, Eagles or Bears.
Stock up on Metamusil.
The elderly like to go to bed early, so curfew should never be a problem.
Brittle bones may take longer to heal. Adding a geriatrician to your medical staff might be a worthwhile investment.
Old people enjoy their soap operas so expect plenty of drama this season.
Remember! The elderly have a mind of their own. They might become ornery, refuse to follow orders and think they know more than you. You might also want to keep in mind that, more often than not, they’re right.