The night I knocked out Brock Lesnar and other tall tales from the weekend in sports

This Saturday, I traveled to Gainesville to witness the marital vows of an old poker buddy, so before we even start talking about sports, I’d like to extend my most sincere and heartfelt congratulations to Damion 2.0 and his beautiful bride.  Thanks for one blast of a weekend… and once again, you’re welcome for the lap dance.

Since we were busy celebrating matters of the heart, sports obviously took a back seat, although like any good Gator fan, Damion did strategically plan his wedding on a bye week.

A few key events, however, did catch my eye.  After playing with fire for so long, it was nice to see the LSU ‘Paper’ Tigers finally lose a game.  This could have easily been their fourth loss of the season.  Oklahoma was also knocked from the ranks of the unbeaten.  Brock Lesnar’s face got bloodied up pretty good, but not by me, as the title of this post suggests.  The Giants beat the Phillies to advance to the World Series and, since I was out of the immediate Tampa Bay area, I actually got to watch the Bucs play a home game on television.

A few chumpservations on the weekend that was….

The Best Team in the NFC?

The Bucs eked out an exciting, although painful to watch, last-second victory over the visiting Rams.  Tampa is now 4-2, in second place in their division and according to Raheem Morris, “the best team in the NFC.” I guess Coach Morris has watched as much Bucs football as the rest of Tampa Bay, for you’d have to be either delirious or extremely uninformed to call his team the best in the conference.

The Bucs rank 30th in the league in total points, scoring only ten touchdowns in six games, and despite their winning record, have scored 30 fewer points than their opponents.

Want the Bucs offense in a nutshell?  On their second offensive possession, after forcing a Sam Bradford fumble near the Rams goal line, they suffered consecutive penalties and a sack on Josh Freeman to give them third and goal from the St. Louis 35!  Within seconds, they had moved thirty yards IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!  I guess the NFL is doing us a favor by not putting them on TV.

While I congratulate them on their winning record and I’m normally a glass-half-full kind of guy, nobody in their right mind, other than their head coach, thinks this is a playoff team.  I’ll apologize in December if I’m wrong.

You Got Knocked The %*&@# Out!

Brock Lesnar got absolutely pummeled by Cain Velasquez Saturday night in one of those would-you-just-call-it-already-so-we-don’t-have-to-see-any-more-bloodshed type of fights.

Fair or not, mixed martial arts will always be compared to boxing for the sheer brutality of their sports, which got me thinking… other than the belts around their waists, which never seem to stay around very long, how will future generations view MMA champions?  We laud figures like Rocky Marciano, Joe Louis and Muhammad Ali as part of our history but how will we remember those who paved the road for MMA?

MMA fighters lose.  All it takes is one good shot for a career blemish… and a mightily bloodied nose.  It seems impossible for even the best fighters to avoid the loss column for very long.

Rocky Marciano finished his career 49-0.  Joe Louis was 65-3.  Lennox Lewis retired at 41-2.  Randy Couture is considered one of the greatest mixed martial artists ever and he’s 19-10.  Chuck Liddell is 21-8.  After this weekend, Lesnar is 5-2 and many thought he might become one of the sport’s greatest.

Velasquez remains undefeated after nine fights yet how long until he gets beat?  Maybe it’s unfair to compare MMA to boxing after all.

By Invitation Only

With no top-ranked team able to hold on to #1 for very long (see Alabama, Ohio State, Oklahoma), undefeated Boise State remains the kid outside the BCS candy shop with his nose pressed up against the window.

The main argument for ranking the Broncos no higher than third is that they play in a weaker conference against inferior opponents and that if they played in either the Pac-10, Big Ten, Big 12 or SEC…. bla, bla, bla.  While that’s a valid argument, there should be no doubt that Boise State can beat any school in the country on any given Saturday.  They just won’t be given the chance… and their time is running out.

Top-ranked Auburn has only four games remaining, one of them against Alabama.  Second-ranked Oregon has a considerably easier schedule, playing only one ranked team the rest of the way out.  And people complain about Boise’s easy schedule.

As always, the season will play itself out but it appears voters will do everything possible to keep Boise out of the championship game.

Don’t Believe The Hype

Both the Yankees and Phillies, once thought to be the best two teams in baseball, are watching the World Series from home, or Cabo, or wherever multi-millionaire athletes go when their seasons are over.

The Giants-Rangers Fall Classic starts Wednesday, to the shock of everyone except a friend of mine who placed a Nostradamus-like future bet on San Francisco to win the National League SIX MONTHS AGO!  Nice work, Croshere.

The Giants and Rangers have the 10th and 27th highest payrolls in baseball, proving it’s not about how much money you spend but how you spend it.

While the Rangers feature Josh Hamilton, Vlad Guerrero and Cliff Lee and the Giants have Tim Lincecum and a bunch of up-and-coming stars, most think this World Series won’t draw ratings.  Even though these two teams represent the nation’s fifth and sixth biggest television markets, with both the Rangers and Giants residing west of the Mississippi, will the casual fan on the East Coast tune in?

Tearful Goodbyes

As I watched an aging Brett Favre walk off Lambeau Field, hugging former teammates in the final football game of the weekend, I couldn’t help but see the similarities in my returning to Gainesville and seeing so many old friends.  Of course I didn’t fracture my ankle, nor do I wear Wrangler Jeans, but other than that, the instance was remarkably similar, I promise.

JD, McDiesel, Martina, Puckett, Fritchie, Boston and Damion 2.0 are friends with whom I logged MANY a drunken hour hanging out, playing poker and just shooting the breeze.  Although it had only been a year since I had seen many of them, that didn’t stop any of us from wanting to set up a poker table smack dab in the middle of the reception hall.  We didn’t, of course.  None of us wanted to be responsible for causing the shortest marriage in history.

So once again, a hearty congratulations to all the winners this weekend:  Cain Velasquez, Tarvaris Jackson, the Auburn Tigers, the Bucs, Giants, Rangers and of course, the newlyweds.

Until next time.

33 thoughts on “The night I knocked out Brock Lesnar and other tall tales from the weekend in sports

  1. Chris

    All the hype in the world can’t make up for someone’s deficiencies especially in the case of Lesnar who’s a muscle bound hulk with limited ground skills in spite of stellar wrestling credentials. Hence the reason Velasquez pummeled his ass .

    As to Favre when the size of his ‘manhood’ now becomes the subject of topic rather than his achievements of the field this season then questions will be asked .

    Boise State will only be allowed to go as far as the likes of ESPN and Notre Dame will allow them to go. I bet you weren’t aware that they have votes as it relates to the rankings ?

    🙁

    tophatal 🙂

  2. Thanks for the kind words. The Mrs and I are thrilled you made it for the nuptials. Next time you’re in town, more poker, less dancing – I promise.

  3. Al…

    If you follow the link I put in the Lesnar portion of the article, you’ll find one site that had already ranked him the third greatest fighter ever.

    I don’t know all that much about the sport but I do know that Lesnar’s been one of their most marketable.

    It now appears Brett has shortcomings both on and off the field.

    And why doesn’t it surprise me that Touchdown Jesus has a hand in all this?

  4. To give our readers an idea of the kind of poker junkie D2 is, at the after-party, when we’re all celebrating his special night, he actually told me he felt bad about not getting up a poker game for the occasion.

    Have you ever considered an intervention, sir?

  5. Similarities indeed! Down to the texting of nude photos of yourself and the grizzled gray beard and close-cropped hair.

    BTW, I did get that text from your boy about the 10-1 NLCS. He was drunk and listening to Backstreet Boys at the time.

  6. Chris

    And who were the adjudicators for that ….members of NAMBLA ? Third greatest fighter ever ? I’m assuming that these’ll be the same as_holes asked to give credence to the fact that Charlie Sheen should still be thought of as a wonderful human being and his problems aren’t as bad as they seem when adjudged against Mel Gibson ?

    tophatal 🙂

  7. Chris

    There ought to be only two independent schools when it comes to collegiate football …. Army & Navy and that’s it !

    Notre Dame football is like the pimple on a gnat’s ass ! It’s no longer relevant in the big picture !

    I hope that once Comcast takes over NBC and the deal is final they can jettison showing their games on television !

    tophatal 🙂

  8. Rah knows what he’s talking about but at the time he must’ve been under the misapprehension that everyone else was listening to him ?

    It pays to keep one’s mouth shut rather than making a complete a_s of one’s self . Someone ought to remind Rah’ of that fact .

    tophatal 🙂

  9. Al…

    Fantastic idea!

    Imagine how much America would spend on a pay-per-view cage match between Sheen and Gibson.

    I’d most certainly cough up $49.95 for that. I might even have a house party in its honor.

  10. And I’m cool with coaches saying whatever it takes to pump up their teams. I’m even cool with coaches believing it.

    All I know is that I’ve seen the Bucs play and if they’re the best team in the NFC, that is one lousy conference.

  11. Chris your a class act my friend! Great to see you again…
    and not give you my money from poker!

    See you down the road

  12. Some people get married on the bye week, others hang out at the Bellagio Sports Book instead. Best Bloody Marys ever. Sorry we couldn’t get together. Made a couple hundy, not much considering the action I had, but beats hell out of losing. Check out the Aria and Palazzo (Emeril’s Stadium) if you go…

  13. Yaz…

    Sorry I missed ya. Wear your sportschump t-shirt out in Vegas with pride.

    Sorry you lost on the Steelers to cover but I’m sure your poker winnings made up for it.

  14. Chris

    Mel vs Charlie ? Followed by Sarah Palin against Joy Behar and Whoopi ? Now that’s quality tv right off the bat ! LOL,LOL,LOL !!!

    The NFC is beginning to look like the streets of Port Au Prince Haiti as it’s become infested with so much crap !

    So Urban is now blaming his players for their poor season ? Isn’t he and the coaches the ones who ought to be blamed when one considers they recruited in large part the players on this Gators’ squad ?

    tophatal 🙂

  15. Al brother do a little homework before making declarations. Brock Lesnar was the 2000 NCAA Heavyweigt champ as a senior, finsished 2nd as a junior and also won the Junior College title the year before as a Sophmore. I didn’t see the fight but to say he lacks ground skills is a stretch. Chris I think the fact that at any time anyone can go down with one punch makes the sport great to watch. Boxing bores me to tears. The future of the sport is up in the air but Randy Couture and The Iceman have become household names so it is possible there will be a legacy.

    As for Raheem, he is obviously trying to get his team fired up and probably doesn’t give a crap what anyone thinks. I too cringed when he said that especially considering the Bucs may be the third best team in their division, let alone the conference. On the other hand he was laughed at when he said the Bucs were on a race to 10 wins and yet they have a better record than almost every team in the NFC so maybe, just maybe, he knows what he is doing. When you consider they are the second youngest team in the league and they have several starters and regular contributors with less than 3 years NFL experience I’d say he is doing pretty well.

    College football is a joke when it comes to crowning a champ. It’s closer to the contest for homecoming queen then the contest for the homecoming game. PLAYOFFS!!!!!! Whats so damn hard about that? They get a month after the season! 8 team bracket winner take all! Do it..just do it!

  16. Al my apologies I missed your reference to his college wrestling. I will watch the fight before passing judgement. BJJ often trumps wrestling.

  17. Actually, I had my Stillers minus half a point in the first half, so it worked out well, even though I was sweatin’ it hard when you called. Meet me in LV for the first two days of March Madness, we can double team ’em with the tees, lol.

  18. Al… the Bucs would definitely be the best team in Haiti… I think.

    And as far as I’m concerned, everyone in the Swamp, from top to bottom, is responsible for sucking hind teat.

  19. Nice!

    I’m gonna go ahead and purchase the URL sportschump-octagon.com for just such debates. Have at it, boys.

    And what are we to make of this whole Lesnar-Undertaker thing? Wouldn’t it diminish everything the UFC has accomplished if Brocko flip flops back to faux wrestling or will it just be a celebrity appearance a la Shaquille O’Neal or Mark Cuban?

    And playoffs, Seth?

    Just to play devil’s advocate, what if the two best teams in the nation are in the SEC but only one conference champion is allowed into the playoff system. Is that still equitable?

    These are all things I’m hoping the powers-that-be are considering.

  20. The NFC is just plain awful this year. I like parody and all, but I like having sure things to bet on as well! Nothing is a sure thing in the NFC though…

    About those WS ratings. I don’t care who tunes in. I just want to see some good games. Last night was ugly! 7 errors, wtf!?!

    Gotta feel for the Broncos a little. They get no love and all they do is win. I would love to see them play Oregon, that would be one fun shootout to watch!

  21. Chapaquitic…

    So you’re agreeing with Rah that the Bucs MIGHT be the best team in the NFC? That’s just your East Coast bias talkin’.

    There were some errors last night, that might just have been nerves, but there were also some hard hit balls. And I think any time you see Vlad play the field, you’re bound to have an error or two. That guy was running as fast as Molina.

    Cowherd seems to think, when it’s all said and done, Boise might be the only undefeated team left. If that’s the case, it’ll be awfully hard to keep them out of that title game. What is the BCS so afraid of?

  22. Playoffs are still a stretch Chris although I can dream. Lot’s of tough games left. I agree the NFC is weak but Giants and Durty birds look stout. Too bad about the Cowboys…not!

    BCS is afraid Boise might win! Didn’t they beat Oklahoma in a bowl game a few years ago??

  23. Sure, I’ll agree with Rah only because you could make the case for about 10 teams in the NFC for being the best in the conference.

    Speaking of Molina, did you notice that no matter who wins the WS he will get a ring!?! I guess he should try to get Texas one though!

    I don’t see Oregon losing. Their schedule is pretty tame the rest of the way. USC might be tough this weekend, but I don’t really see them knocking off the Ducks.

    I think the BCS is afraid of losing their billions of dollars with a non-big conference school. The system is rigged I tell you!

  24. Don’t get me wrong, Seth. I’d love to see the Bucs make the post-season but I still think the Giants, Redskins, Eagles, Packers, Falcons and Saints are all better than us.

    And I don’t see what’s wrong with Boise winning a title. So what? I mean, people act like buildings would crumble and the sky would fall if we actually crowned them champion.

  25. Chap…

    See my comment to Seth above about which conference teams I think are better than the Bucs.

    I had heard that about Molina. He’ll also get playoff checks from both teams, which is a good thing because it looks like the kid likes to eat.

    Herd was calling for the Ducks to lose this weekend at USC. If not, they have ‘Zona and that’s pretty much it. The Pac-10 doesn’t have a championship game yet, do they?

    And is that the reason for excluding Boise from the title game? If so, I guess that makes sense. If they have to cough up 12 mil to Boise, that’s certainly reason enough not to have them in that game.

  26. Chris

    Nah the best team in Haiti are the Ton Ton Makoute All Stars ! They go after blood which is not something that the Bucs are capable of by any sretch of the imagination .

    They’re still way too soft !

    tophatal 🙂

  27. We’ll see how the Bucs do cross-country this weekend, Al, in a perfectly winnable game.

    5-2 would be a tremendous start for this young team and would lay out nicely for a potential wild card spot.

    A loss in Arizona would mean this Bucs team is who we thought they were.

  28. Pingback: Sports Chump » An apology letter to Raheem Morris

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