Presenting… Your NBA Lockout Caption Contest

I miss basketball season.

It was a season that began with LeBron hate, concluded with even more LeBron hate and was punctuated with some Blake Griffin highlights and a Dirk Nowitzki championship ring.

I miss basketball season because now, there’s really nothing left on television to watch.  You don’t expect me to watch baseball, do you?

I miss basketball season, especially knowing there might not be one next season.

I miss basketball season, but probably not as much as the gentleman pictured below.

This photograph begs the question, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done at a sporting event?  I’ve painted my face before, but this guy, and his make-up artist, take the cake.  By the looks of it, probably carrot cake.

I’d like to thank the good folks at Shoot-Hoops.com for turning me on to this photo.  It’s one I could not resist for a post-NBA season caption contest.  So have at it, people.

After all, it’s always basketball season here at SportsChump.  Face paint or not.

39 thoughts on “Presenting… Your NBA Lockout Caption Contest

  1. You kiss your mother with that face? :O

    ps: its actually an amazing photo, but of all the many things a mom can be proud of… I’m not sure thats one of ’em? And he shaved his eyebrows too??? egads!

  2. M…

    Now that’s what I call a make-over, huh?

    Or, since the NBA is officially locked out, have this guy become the mascot OF the lockout. Have him attend all meetings between players, owners and attorneys.

    It’d certainly keep things light.

  3. ‘And to think that I missed my calling as a back up dancer to Lady Gaga but instead I chose to put on makeup play the role of an NBA basketball and a fan of the game ‘ !

    ‘nough said ! Time to lament the passing of two sports and the idiocy shown by their respective hierarchies !

    Waaaahhhh !

    tophatal ……………..

  4. How in the hell am I going to get my head in that net? Where’s Shaq when you need him?

  5. My mom always told me if I kept watching so much basketball I’d turn into one. Until now, I always thought she was kidding!

  6. If the NBA is on par to lose in excess of half a billion dollars ($500,000,00) this year can we expect Rashard Lewis to give back half of what he’s earned ($20,500,00) this past season ?

  7. Speaking of watching baseball, how ’bout that all-SEC College World Series? That was exciting baseball, Rev! Gamecock Dynasty!!!

    Caption?

    Phat Phuks Chinese Buffet instituted a basketball lockout before the NBA did.

  8. Frank…

    Always love me a good wrestling reference.

    Much better than you submitting pictures of yourself in spandex.

    Thanks for sparing us.

  9. Al…

    In his, and so many other cases, what’s wrong with a pay-per-play deal?

    Of course, the players union would never let something like that happen, but think about the novel concept of actually reimbursing a player for his output on the floor.

  10. You crazy kids.

    Snake, remember that scene from “The Men Who Would Be King” with Michael Caine and Sean Connery where they played polo with the heads of beheaded?

    There ya’ go.

  11. The only bad thing about the basketball head was including Reichsführer Stern’s signature.

  12. WOW I got David Stern to sign my face! Now he is locking the league. That Bastard I should’ve never let him touch me the way he did!

  13. Snake…

    Look, you are, with no offense, one of my elder and more versed readers, not to mention being one of the biggest and more knowledgeable basketball jones I know.

    Among all professional sports, where would you rank David Stern among commissioners of all major sports for as long as you’ve been a sports fan?

    I’ll let you lay it out before I respond.

  14. Despite what Stern has done to increase revenues in the NBA (although 22 of 30 teams say that they’re losing money) He is clearly not neutral when it comes to team loyalty. Never forget the Patrick Ewing lottery fix in favor of the Knicks back in 1985. Or the bullshit dress code back in 06-07. He screwed the pooch by allowing Seattle to lose the Sonics in 08. I’m saving the best for last. The commissioner has broad powers to make things better in the league and he could have helped the Celtics back in 86 after the Len Bias death, but he essentially told the Celtics to fuck off. Throw in some of the worst officiating in professional sports and I say yes, Stern is one of the worst commissioners in sports. He probably would be the worst if it wasn’t for Bud “Lite” Selig.

  15. Snake…

    Here’s a list of recent commissioners in the four major sports

    Major League Baseball
    Bowie Kuhn (1969–1984)
    Peter Ueberroth (1984–1989)
    Bart Giamatti (1989)
    Fay Vincent (1989–1992)
    Bud Selig (1998–present)

    NFL
    Pete Rozelle (1960-1989)
    Paul Tagliabue (1989-2006)
    Roger Goodell (2006-present)

    NHL
    Who cares, really. We know Bettman has been commissioner since 1993 and he sucks.

    I tried looking up the history of NBA commissioners online and all I could find was Stern’s name. He became commissioner in ’84 and probably had the history of all previous commissioners forcibly removed from the internet.

    I’m gonna play some devil’s advocate with you on this one, Snake, because, as you know, I think the Power Jew is probably one of the best commissioners we’ve had in professional sports, after probably Pete Rozelle who’s credited with making the NFL as popular as it is today.

    1) I’ve never believed the Ewing lottery was fixed. Hey, and it’s not like Pat brought them a title or anything. Orlando won back to back number ones and that didn’t get them anything either. The league has tried everything in its power to make it an equitable system, in an effort to keep teams from tanking games at the end of a season to get the top pick. I suppose you think this year’s draft awarding Cleveland numbers one and four was fixed also, yea?

    2) Call it racially motivated or not but that dress code was actually good for the league. Tattooed-up players were starting to alienate a certain part of their fan base so Stern did what he thought was best, which was ensure the employees/representatives of his league looked presentable. I do believe I’ve heard you complain once or twice in the past about the increased tattoo ratio in the league. I also believe the River had a dress code for its employees just as another every other major company on the planet.

    3) Seattle losing the Sonics was a tragedy but they obviously couldn’t support the team. Relocation has become a part of professional sports these days. So has bankruptcy. Look at Major League Baseball.

    4) What was Stern supposed to do in the Bias situation? Allow the Celtics to just select another draft pick. That was bad luck, but asking Stern to do something about that would be like, well, asking him to ensure Patrick Ewing went to the Knicks.

    5) You know as well as I do that basketball is one of the hardest sports to officiate. You want bad calls, watch any random inning in baseball and see how many balls are called strikes and vice versa. And sure, the NFL now has instant replay but how many game-changing calls have been blown even with it in effect. Heck, the “Tuck Rule” may have changed the course of NFL history by giving the Patriots their first of several Super Bowls when that might not have occurred had that play been called properly.

  16. 1) I’ve never believed the Ewing lottery was fixed.
    COME ON. EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT THE ENVELOPE WITH THE FOLDED BACK CORNER.
    2) Call it racially motivated or not but that dress code was actually good for the league. Tattooed-up players were starting to alienate a certain part of their fan base…
    IT WAS RACIAL,NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. MOSTLY WHITE FANS AND MOSTLY BLACK PLAYERS. THAT’S THE WAY IT IS, GET OVER IT.
    3) Seattle losing the Sonics was a tragedy but
    they obviously couldn’t support the team. Relocation has become a part of professional sports these days.
    ACTUALLY THEY HAD GREAT FAN SUPPORT BUT THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT DIDN’T WANT TO PONY UP FOR A NEW ARENA.
    4) What was Stern supposed to do in the Bias situation?
    HE COULD HAVE GIVEN THEM A CONSOLATION LOTTERY PICK THE NEXT SEASON. THAT WOULD HAVE WORKED.
    5) You know as well as I do that basketball is one of the hardest sports to officiate.
    SURE ITS HARD IN BASKETBALL, BUT STERN COULD DO A LOT MORE TO KEEP HIS REFS IN LINE, LIKE MAYBE FINING THEM FOR BAD CALLS AND UNNECESSARY T-FOULS.

    As for who the prior commissioners were before Herr Stern, they were Larry O’Brien from 75 to 84, Walter Kennedy from 63 to 75 and Maurice Podoloff from 46 to 63. O’Brien was responsible for the NBA-ABA merger.
    Bottom line is that Stern was in on the last CNA and he can’t keep his owners in line. If they spend too much,that’s their fault, not the players’ fault. The NBA should have revenue sharing for TV money, just like the NFL. On the owners side, its just plain old greed. Do I think that players should get mega-millions? Hell no, but the owners opened the bottle and let the genie out, not the players. If the owners can’t cut it then the NBA should contract and get rid of the dead wood. 16-20 teams would be OK with me if it meant a better product on the floor.

  17. Snake…

    I still don’t get the whole Bias thing. Did the Bulls get any love when Jordan retired for two years?

    Did the Clippers get special treatment when they drafted Michael Olowokandi who turned out to be a bust?

    Bias’ death was a tragedy but the league had nothing to do with it. Giving Boston a consolation pick would be playing favorites to its winningest franchise, which is exactly what they were accused of with the Ewing deal.

  18. Chris

    You’re right it’d be a novel idea to have the NBA players paid in terms of their productivity rather than on mere premise alone ! Guys like Lewis and others would be starving . How the hell is it that the Trailblazers give a Greg Oden a qualifying contract of $ 8.5 million ? What was that based on to begin with ? His productivity or the fact that a pic of his member went viral on the net and there were so many tweets about it ?

    I’m trying to get a piece up and running ‘ 10 Questions For The Commish’ . It’s something that I’ve been having trouble thinking up questions that’d be applicable to both Goodell and Stern jointly !

    I had the unfortunate pleasure of having to watch my fellow countryman David Haye put up such a bad performance in defending his WBC heavyweight title against one of the Klitschko brothers . Obviously the Russian came away with a unanimous 12 round decision and deservedly so ! But Haye’s excuse that he broke his toe in training in the runup some two weeks before the fight but wanted to fight anyway was a poor excuse to use after having his a#s beat like the wicked stepchild ! You either put up or simply shut the hell up as far as I’m concerned ! All that came from Haye in the runup to and on the eve of the bout was that he’d beat Klitschko so bad that his mother or brother wouldn’t recognize him . So much for that bull_hit then !

    tophatal ………….

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