SportsChump makes the Majors, contemplates HGH: A hypothetical fairy tale

I’m about to turn 43.

Roger Clemens is 48.  Mark McGwire is 47.  Barry Bonds and Rafael Palmeiro are both 46.  Sammy Sosa is 42 and Andy Pettitte is 39.

These are the names most commonly associated with Major League Baseball’s steroid era.  For one reason or another – most likely to perpetuate their careers and gain increased fame and fortune – these players have all been linked to some sort of performance enhancing drug which enabled them to run faster, hit harder and throw farther.

Just like those guys, I grew up playing baseball and judging by our ages, probably right around the same time frame.  It’s safe to say they had a little more success on the diamond.

But let’s say, hypothetically, I made it to the bigs.

Bare with me here.

I end up making my college team, get picked up on a fluke by a Major League squad and end up having a relatively successful career, not necessarily to the extent these guys did, but you’d have heard of me.

I reach my mid to late thirties and am staring a contract extension in the face.  My numbers are down, my power has declined and I don’t have the same range I used to some years ago.

I know there’s an easy fix.  It comes in the form of a needle.  I also know such actions are unofficially condoned in the clubhouse.  I’m told by my “physician” that there are no drawbacks, unless re-signing for another fifty million dollars can be considered a drawback.

I’ve always thought myself to be a person of high moral fiber, relatively speaking, but why wouldn’t I at least consider taking a performance enhancer if the consequences were minimal and the good far outweighed the bad?  Seems like a no-brainer to me.

It’s not like I’m an Olympian.  Nobody’s stripping me of my gold medal.  I’ve passed every drug test I’ve ever taken.  The only other factor at risk is my legacy in the minds of others.  Is that really worth fifty million dollars?  Why wouldn’t I add a wrinkle to my work out regimen if it makes me feel better, run faster, throw harder and hit longer?  Suddenly, I’ve gained an entirely new fan base, extended my career and I’m rich!  Let those with a conscience bat .227.

Just food for thought.

I’ve never come down hard on players who chose to go that route.  My high horse is parked firmly in its stable, grazing on oats and looking to take a nice, long nap.  Steroids were part of the game, part of the culture.  In the cutthroat world of professional sports, only the strong survive.

Most fans agree that Major League Baseball turned a blind eye to its rampant drug use but in a few years, we’ll be approaching the point where the aforementioned players are all eligible for the Hall of Fame.  Bonds, Clemens and Sosa become eligible in 2013.  Judging by the back of their baseball cards, they are all first ballot Hall-of-Famers.  Stigma is not a statistic found on the back of that card.  Neither are court appearances nor perjury charges.

We all have our opinions on whether these guys should receive an invite and I’m not looking to change your mind.

All I’m saying is when I work back-to-back, twelve hour days, I often need the help of ibuprofen and a Red Bull or two to get me by.  Those products, of course, are FDA approved.  Steroids are not.  Neither is entry into the Hall of Fame for the greatest players of this generation.


43 thoughts on “SportsChump makes the Majors, contemplates HGH: A hypothetical fairy tale

  1. Pingback: SportsChump makes the Majors, contemplates HGH: A hypothetical fairy tale, MLB | BallHyped Sports Blogs

  2. Chris

    All I’m saying given the medical findings as to the problems that arise from taking any type of PED but having your “crown jewels” shrink up to the size of a walnut is enough of an indicator that you don’t mess with ‘roids at all . Need I say anymore on the matter ?

    Shrunken ‘nads a less than appealing weaner has a way of turning the women off don’t you think ? Size does matter !

    tophatal ………….

  3. Chris

    The article you mentioned was that sent to my g-mail account ? As I don’t believe I’ve received it as of yet .

    tophatal ……

  4. It’s time to get over this moralistic hand-wringing over steroids. Baseball has been a game about cheating since its inception – pitchers doctor balls, hitters cork bats, everybody steals signs, and everybody was juicing. Nobody wants to remember that half the people who got named as steroid users were pitchers. I’ve written about this before, here’s a better explanation of my position.

    http://dubsism.wordpress.com/2010/08/07/finally-somebody-else-gets-it/

  5. Well, you know I’m with you on this front. I’d allow all of them in. We have other cheaters in the HOF, and it’s so screwed up already it doesn’t seem right to keep them out. Hell, I’m for McGwire getting in…

  6. Chris

    I know they say Christmas comes early but this is ridiculous ! Cowboys’ consultant Gil Brandt is reporting and I stress this might be just his own personal opinion but he says that Favre will be back in the NFL …. this season. Fu_k it that’s it I’ve had enough shoot me now !

  7. Baez is going to get his, Al.

    I’m wondering if the recent Bonds trial is going to have any effect on the Clemens trial whatsoever.

    At this point, who knows WHAT to expect from our legal system?

  8. I do remember that piece, Dubber.

    I don’t know what got into me with this one, but I figured it was timely enough since we’re going to see a lot more of Roger Clemens’ bloated self on the news these days.

    The problem, and trust me, there’s more than one, is that baseball is so full of itself. At least with Pete Rose and Joe Jackson out, it made for good debate. But with Clemens and Bonds out, I mean really, what’s the whole point of even having a Hall of Fame to begin with?

    Maybe we could just let in guys like Edgardo Alfonzo and Ruben Sierra and call it the Hall of the Mediocre.

    Not only that but writers NOT voting for Clemens and Bonds will mean they’ll vote for players who otherwise wouldn’t belong.

  9. Chap…

    Of all the names I mentioned, I would think McGwire is the LEAST worthy, so if he gets in, I think they’d have to let ALL of them in.

  10. Al…

    You’re not actually surprised at news of another Favre comeback, are you?

    I think that’s just grand.

    And the big news of the day? Yao Ming retires and Ohio State self-imposes sanctions.

    It’s a bad day for Chinese Buckeye fans everywhere.

  11. Why wouldn’t I add a wrinkle to my work out regimen if it makes me feel better, run faster, throw harder and hit longer?
    Because the use of steroids can cause death. Ken Caminiti died because of steroid use and Selig and his cronies encouraged players to inject that poison into their veins. A-Rod started using steroids years ago. It wasn’t only washed up players but men in their prime and now some of them are dead.
    I don’t give a damn if these jerks make the Hall, but steroids should have never been allowed in baseball period. Too many young men did not get to be old men because they were trying to keep up.
    Have a good weekend my friend, I’m going home and get drunk now. Cheers!

  12. Agreed, and I don’t think McGwire deserves to be in. I never understood what the writers have against these guys. Most of them were never players or had to deal with these kinds of decisions. I still think it’s lame Tim Raines didn’t get into the HOF….

  13. Chris I don’t mind the comebacks it’s the crying I can’t take once he ( Favre) retires once again ! Not even my niece cried that much when her favorite toy got chewed up by my brother’s dog (Bull Mastiff) years ago .

    Can you imagine how that speech could quite possibly go ?

    “I wanna thank Jen Sterger for showing me some kindness ” !

    ” I take it back ’bout Aaron Rodgers being a douche bag ” !

    ” I’d like to thank the the people of Minnesota for puttin’ up with me but most of all I want to apologize to Adrian Peterson and the rest of the players on the Vikings for letting them down ” .

    ” And if Brad Childress is still alive ….. well Brad you’ve just been Punk’d …….. boo ya ” !

    Baez won’t be getting his as of yet ’cause there are some hood rats in O town and that’ll be hiring him to be sure .

    Clemens’ lawyer Rusty Hardin has put out a call to Baez to see if he’ll co-chair the defense of the player in his upcoming trial. That ought to be persuasive enough for the jury to acquit don’t you think ?

    Like I said size does matter it’s simply not just about the motion of the ocean !

    Slow But Steady , Slow But Really Steady …

    I’m not saying Jeter has lost a step or two but I bet he’d still be beat by a quadriplegic in a 100 yard dash !

    The Rays put a can of whup a#s on the Yankees last night !

    tophatal …..

  14. Chris

    How comes you’ve not got any questions as with regard to my piece Ten Questions For The MLB Commissioner ? Just askin’ that’s all !

    Even you I know must a litany of questions you’d like to pose to Bud apart from wanting to give him a swift kick in the ‘nads ?

    tophatal ………..

  15. All these people in denial as to the danger in the blatant use of ‘roids . They ought to view what it can do to the body . That with meth amphetamines might just be the worse thing out there at present besides crack cocaine .

    I see that Orlando medical professional Anthony Galea kept his mouth shut to the Feds rather than further implicate A-Rod and quite possibly Tiger Woods ___ the two are amongst some of his more high profiled clients .

    tophatal …………

  16. Re: Tim Raines, Chap.

    2600 career hits.
    Led the league in stolen bases four straight years, including 90 in a single year.
    .294 career batting average.
    23 seasons in the league.

    Is he no longer eligible? I’d think those numbers are good enough.

  17. Ah, it’s good to talk about Brett Favre again, isn’t it, Al?

    Jeter will probably get those two hits within the next three games but the Rays can’t get caught up in all the hoopla.

    They need to pull off at least one more of these wins. Everything else will be gravy.

  18. Chris

    There’s a reason why there’s the Veterans’ Committee when it comes to premise of getting into the Hall of Fame . There they actually get it right because the BBWAA aren’t that bright to begin with !

    Tim Raines will get in even if it means he’s got to go the Ted Williams route to be eligible . Cryogenically speaking of course !

    tophatal ………….

  19. Hey,

    50 million or 10million is the reason for the juice for it is the only way a 35to40 year old can perform as he was in his twenties and as for side effects like smaller balls are not most women going to overlook it since they are on their million dollar yachts..thank about how your all nighter drunk fest today is harder to recover than 10years ago esp if you do three days in a row!!!

    GO vols

  20. Raines got snubbed for a couple years, then didn’t even get the minimum percentage to stay on the ballot, yet Blylevyn stayed on the ballot and got in after a decade!?!

    My theory on Raines is the writers didn’t like him because he admitted to having coke in his pocket on a lot of nights. Not sure how it’s a PED, but maybe it numbed up whatever ailed him at the time…

  21. Raines deserves to be in the Hall for sure but no one deserves it more than Pete Rose! For starters when he bet on baseball his playing career was over. How can he not be in the hall?? He holds 17 different big league records!

    Most career hits – 4,256
    Most career outs – 10,328
    Most career games played – 3,562
    Most career at bats – 14,053
    Most career singles – 3,215
    Most career runs by a switch hitter – 2,165
    Most career doubles by a switch hitter – 746
    Most career walks by a switch hitter – 1,566
    Most career total bases by a switch hitter – 5,752
    Most seasons of 200 or more hits – 10
    Most consecutive seasons of 100 or more hits – 23
    Most consecutive seasons with 600 or more at bats – 13 (1968–1980)
    Most seasons with 600 at bats – 17
    Most seasons with 150 or more games played – 17
    Most seasons with 100 or more games played – 23
    Record for playing in the most winning games – 1,972 (this one says it all)
    Only player in major league history to play more than 500 games at five different positions – 1B (939), LF (671), 3B (634), 2B (628), RF (595)

    His record for most hits will never be broken and is perhaps the most unbreakable record in sports. To put it in perspective, Derek Jeter is the closest current player to the record and he would need to play 8 more years and average over 150 hits a year to beat it. If Pete isn’t in the Hall, it is a hall of mediocrity to be sure.

  22. Chris

    I believe that the Raines’ family will handle the situation with the grace and dignity it deserves . We all know that the Williams’ family were simply fu##ed up to begin with . An appearance on the “Jerry Springer Show” …. would be a step up in class for them .

    The Tampa Bay Rays lost their focus in the series against the Yankees . Jeter gets the hits needed but here’s my problem with the Rays once the hit came about it was if the Rays simply thought they were there for the festivities .

    Like I said I don’t care if Brett returns what I can’t stand will be the crying that we’ve all become accustomed to each damn time he retires ! It’s a pain in the a#s ! Man up Brett !

    Most exciting sporting event over the weekend perhaps ? US Women’s team defeating Brazil on penalties in World Cup ? Man team USA has a couple of hot chicks on that team . Keeper Hope Solo can play with my …… b_lls anytime she wants ! She can juggle them too as far as I’m concerned !

    Did D Wil go to Turkey to play ball for Beseitkas professionally or because of the prime hashish that can be had ? I know for god damn sure it ain’t because of the money !

    tophatal ………….

  23. Chris

    The NFLPA and NFL really does look after their own don’t they . Another former NFL great dies in deplorable circumstances . Hall of Famer John Mackey age 69 dies in an assisted living facility suffering from dementia and early stages of Alzheimers. Never mind he’s got a colostomy bag attached to him because he can’t use a rest room because of his numerous maladies beyond the dementia , Alzheimers and it’s said severe bouts of depression. What is it that the NFL and NFLPA needs to learn about the sacrifices made by players such as Mackey , Dave Duerson and Mike Webster ? All of these guys have died needlessly because neither the league or their own god damn union really took time to assist them in their acute needs .

    I’ll be doing a piece on Mackey’s death.

    tophatal ……..

  24. Chris

    So Hall of Famer John Mackey dies in an assisted living facilities in such inhumane conditions . Whereby he’d now become a drooling vegetable suffering from dementia and early onset of Alzheimers . Now we come to find out the union (NFLPA) were about to cut off his benefits at the time of his death. How nice of they and the league to try and keep up this facade that they actually care about the old time veterans . See my piece on his death entitled It’s Never Too Late .

    And did this piece also on D Wil and his pursuing $5 million to play ball in Turkey . Not that he needs the money mind you having earned in excess of $16.5 million last season .

    tophatal ………

  25. Chris

    Clemens’ lawyer Rusty Hardin has suggested that the jurors in his Federal case should not view his not giving testimony as a sign of admission of guilt as his client should be viewed as a man of character and integrity . Get the f_#k out of here ! Is he kiddin’ ? Clemens has thrown anyone and everyone under the bus included members of his immediate family ! How’s that to be viewed as a person of character ?

    I just hope that the jury is bright enough to see through the facade and at the same time the attorneys from the Justice Dept prosecuting the case don’t screw things up ! I’d hate to see couple of hundred thousand dollars be spent of the taxpayers’ money being wasted all over again ! Oh wait didn’t they spend close to $20 mil on the BALCO investigation and trial of Bonds and track star Marion Jones ? My bad !

    I guess you can win and you simply do lose all at the same time ?

    What’s Happening ? Nuthin’ ! Hotties Are Needed !

    tophatal …….

  26. Al…

    The whole NBA-players-rushing-to-Europe thing is actually pretty interesting.

    I can see Noah going since he’s an international cat anyway, but I can’t see free agent veterans going and risking their health for a quick buck.

    I will say this. If a bunch of players start going, that’s not a good sign for the new CBA.

  27. Al…

    I know they’re saying the NFL is inching closer towards agreement but I still haven’t heard details of a plan to take care of its vets.

    They just might get screwed again.

  28. Chris

    When has the NFL much less the NFLPA ever been interested in taking care of the veteran players ? F_ck it the VA barely takes care of its own when it comes to the military vets and we’re expecting the NFL to do likewise ? Let’s get real here !

    You shouldn’t be surprised that this was the lowest rated game in recent history . Hell you could have put some strippers center field and have garnered more interest than the game itself ! Was it me but did the AL players simply turn up merely to make sure that they got their roster bonuses because they were named to the team ?

    As for the mistrial in the Clemens’ case what’s left to be said ? I mean the prosecution here have made Marcia Clarke and Chris Darden seem like doyennes of jurisprudence and they tried to prosecute OJ with even more evidence than was to be had here in this case. Why was a DA from the Justice Dept seen discussing the case with a federal legislator on tv to begin with ? Never mind the fact that this was so close to the trial and the fact that the jury hadn’t been sequestered .

    Giants’ closer Brian Wilson (see link provided ) looked so gay in his spandex outfit at the ESPY’s ! Wonder where he keeps the package because it’s nowhere to be seen ?

    tophatal ………..

  29. Chris

    Given the fact that once the NBA lockout was enacted the players were uninsured what did anyone expect would happen ? Players like Deron Williams certainly don’t need the money but the coverage provided at no cost to him then why not take advantage of a situation ?

    Will this be the Giants’ new uniform for the rest of their season as worn by their closer Brian Wilson ? The guy needs to throw in his man-card don’t you think ? Is he a switch hitter or simply down with the Village People ?

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