Schwartz v. Harbaugh: A tale of four Jims

For those of you who failed to tune into Sunday’s Wrestlemania, er… NFL game of the week between the 4-1 49ers and the 5-0 Lions, you missed some fireworks, not only during the game, but afterward as well.  I call it a tale of four Jims.

1 – Hi, My name is Jim.  I was recently hired on as head coach of the San Francisco 49ers.  I left a cush job at Stanford with a potentially Heisman winning quarterback to take the NFL gig.  I was torn over the decision to do so, yet it’s one I made with little regret.

I’m a feisty character.  I hail from a football family.  Heck, I even played for Mike Ditka.  It was my destiny to revive one of the most storied franchises in NFL history: the San Francisco 49ers.  Most prognosticators thought my Niners were destined for another losing season, yet I’ve led them to a 5-1 start and right now, we appear to be playoff-bound.

What I’m trying to say is… I’m a badass.  I proved that by beating the previously undefeated Detroit Lions in their own house.  So what if I had a “who’s the man” moment?   That’s my style.  Brash.  Take it or leave it.  I refuse to apologize for my youthful exuberance.  Perhaps I took the post-game handshake too lightly but I’m a Harbaugh.  That’s what we do.

2 – Hi, my name is Jim and I’m pissed.  What ever happened to sportsmanship and respect for the game of football?  Of course I’m upset my team lost a game it shouldn’t have, but I want my damn handshake.  I deserve it.  I’m the head coach of the most promising young team in the league, your Detroit Lions.  Who the hell does this rookie coach think he is, jumping around like a schoolgirl and chest-bumping his players after a regular season victory?  Act like you’ve been there before.  A little professionalism would be nice.

3 – Hi, my name is Jim.  I knew better than to show up a colleague.  Quality NFL coaches are hard to come by and I’m fortunate to have the job.  The last thing I want to do is ostracize myself from the coaching community.  I should have treated my victory over Detroit as if it were just another win, which it was.  I apologize to my opponent and should never have lifted my shirt, showing my frightfully un-tanned belly, while jumping for joy.  That’s a side of me I care never to show again.  From now on, as I continue to compile wins in this league, I vow to behave like more of a gentleman.  My most humble apologies.

4- Hi, my name is Jim.  Okay, so I overreacted.  Look, my previously undefeated team played their asses off.  I wanted to show my locker room that I possess the same intensity they show me every Sunday.  We’re good and we know it.  That last thing I wanted was an opposing coach taking our efforts lightly.  So I probably shouldn’t have chased him down the field and nearly into his locker room to speak my mind.  I was at a loss.  I let my emotions get the best of me like so many coaches have done in the past.  I sincerely hope Coach Harbaugh, and his 49ers, make the playoffs so that perhaps, we can meet them again and ahem… exact a little revenge.

The moral of this story is that Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz were both right and wrong.  Although Harbaugh had every right to be excited about winning a big ballgame, he was wrong, or at the very least inappropriate, for not controlling his emotions in front of a colleague.  Save that for the locker room.  Jim Schwartz had every right to be upset about Harbaugh’s frivolity.  He had just lost a big game and felt he was being showed up, however, that doesn’t excuse him from chasing his adversary all the way downfield to make his point.

Emotions get the best of us in the heat of the moment.  That’s why we love sports.  But it’s how we act, or choose not to act, in those situations that define us.

All four Jims were right and wrong on Sunday.  We all know why.  They should too.

38 thoughts on “Schwartz v. Harbaugh: A tale of four Jims

  1. Hi, I’m Jimmy H. a megalomaniac with delusions of grandeur who inherited a good football team from a terrible coach. I shouldn’t have revealed my true self that way, but I won na na na na!

    Hello, I am James S. a victim of a napolean complex as well a slight bipolar diorder. I hide it behind a very talented team that frankly scares me. That is the reason for my display of false bravado. I will get my revenge ha ha ha ha!

  2. See? That’s the thing, Aer.

    Nobody saw the Niners as any good because Singletary couldn’t win with them. Alex Smith was a bum and Frank Gore was washed up. Now Smith is in the top ten in QB rating and Gore’s top five in rushing yards.

    What a difference a year makes.

  3. Chris

    Someone should’ve reminded Schwartz that had his team won then none of this bs would’ve happened ! You were saying about the Lions being for real ? What indications were there might I ask ? Five wins against mundane teams mean nothing ! And like I said ’til we see how this team handles real adversity they’re not as good as many seem to believe them to be . Not only that Stafford has yet to survive a complete NFL schedule of 16 games . So now what ?

    Harbaugh and Schwartz in the end will have their Brokeback Mountain moment !

    Superthug . Somehow I can’t see either of these two coaches throwin’ down and impressing us their thug mentality !

    tophatal ……….

    tophatal ………….

  4. Hi my name is Jim H, I thank God each and every hour that my team plays in the NFC Worst, er, West.

    What has two thumbs and called the 49ers’ to win outright in Detroit last week on his SRM picks?

    This guy!

  5. Hi my name is Jim Halpert, and I would’ve thought of a much funnier way for each Jim to react to the highs and lows of winning and losing in the NFL. I would’ve probably made Dwight make a list so there’s no confusion on post game actions in the future!

  6. Al…

    What did Morgan Freeman tell Brad Pitt in Se7en? “It’s impressive to see a man show his emotions.”

    I enjoyed watching the incident and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. I even posed the question, was it healthy for the NFL.

    If you cornered Goodell, tied him up with Wonder Woman’s truth-telling lariat, and asked him if the scuffle was good for the league, what do you think his answer would be?

  7. Han…

    I swear I am KILLING the ESPN league I’m in. I’m in the 99th percentile.

    I guess you just have a knack for listing the games I get wrong.

    Keep up the good work. You know I’ll soon be making a charge.

  8. I think the funniest part of all this is that everyone is talking about the handshake more than the actual game, and it was one helluva game!!

    I hope these two somehow meet in the playoffs.

  9. Hi, this is Jim Ignatowski, you know, from “Taxi.” I just want to say that both of you Jims are douche bags. Handshakes? Snubbing? BFD. Just coach the game Jim & Jim. Most fans couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the coach. Let’s face it, you two are on the second tier. Not everybody can be Bill Belichick.

  10. So whaddaya think, Chap?

    Did Goodell make the right move by remaining silent about the altercation?

    I guess it would be tough to fine one (Schwartz) without fining the other (Harbaugh). I would imagine they’ll both be on a relatively tight leash from now on.

  11. I love when Snake comes out of his comfort zone to talk about the NFL.

    AND he trumped us all with a Jim Ignatowski reference.

    We all bow in respect, sir.

    Now if you could only fix this whole NBA lockout thingy.

  12. In yr World Series Poll (on the side of this webpage) U are asking people to “vote.”
    May I suggest another polling category:
    “who cares!”
    (I promise not to abuse that option :} )
    Glad we didn’t name you Jim. Interesting post SC.

  13. Best way to get this NBA contract done is to first get rid of Reichsführer Stern. Let’s get back to the good old days of Larry O’Brien, when teams were fun to watch and all the players were smoking pot instead of drinking Gatorade. When Afros were about a yard wide and the player’s shorts were actually short. That rant felt good.

  14. I think a guy shows his emotions when he gets kicked in his crown jewels , not when someone pats him on his back after his team loses ! Schwartz is a schmuck ! They’ll have their Brokeback Mountain moment !

  15. I reacted kinda similarly postgame. I had the Motowners +3.5pts in teasers. Stafford and Lions reacted like deer in the headlights on their final possession.

    As for these 2 wannabie coaches on the right or wrong meter? Schwartz wins a spit descision based on Harbaugh’s frat house behavoir. I think his(JH) late coach Bo S would agree.

  16. M…

    Even though the Sox, Rays, or G-d forbid Yanks aren’t in the World Series, that doesn’t mean there’s no reason to watch.

    After all, it’s still the World Series, right?

    Perhaps I should write a post entitled Top Ten Reasons To Watch This World Series.

    Bud Selig might actually contract me to do so considering television ratings will likely suffer with neither a big market East or West coast team participating.

  17. Snake…

    As always, glad to offer you the venue for expressing yourself. That’s what I’m here for.

    First of all, I’m beginning to agree with you more and more about Stern, not because he can’t get this conflict resolved but because he was smart enough to realize years ago that league was existing at an unsustainable pace. He could have warned players and coaches about this years ago. Now we’re in a shit-storm without an umbrella.

    Second of all, players aren’t smoking weed anymore? What happened to that? They were throughout the nineties. Perhaps negotiators should spark a blunt for their next meeting, sing a little kumbaya and get this thing done already.

    I think the afro might be on it’s way to making a comeback. We just need some of the big name players, like Dwight, LeBron or Wade to sport one for a while and make it fashionable again.

    And lastly, I’m glad the short shorts are gone. Although for throwback uni nights, one team should probably bring ’em back just to see what happens. Don’t tell me that wouldn’t draw attention.

    If only there were a season.

  18. Al…

    After watching the video of the altercation for the millionth time, I think it was the shove in the back AFTER the handshake that really pissed off Schwartz.

    After losing the way they did, he was just looking for a reason to react. That mini-shove in the back did it.

  19. RB…

    I would have taken the Lions outright without the tease play but I feel your pain.

    And speaking of Bo, who better to bring up than Woody Hayes when it comes to coaches losing their composure?

    Although with Sean Payton getting his leg broke on the Tampa Bay sidelines, we saw what can happen these days when coaches get a little too close to players in the action.

  20. I never understood why the coach handshake thing was so mandatory. They don’t make the players do it, so why do the coaches have to? I guess it’s for the camera shot of good sportsmanship… I like that Goodell didn’t do anything, especially since there were no blows thrown!

  21. Chap…

    I’ve always been a fan of the post-game handshake, whether it’s the NBA, NCAA or NFL.

    It shows sportsmanship and puts the events that just occurred in their proper place.

    That being said, I’ve heard some pretty good arguments for abandoning the post-game ritual. After all, it is a violent game.

    But then what’s next? Abandoning post-game prayer? Don’t think so.

    It’s far more appropriate that grown men learn how to act… or perhaps just hire bodyguards.

  22. Chris said,

    “But then what’s next? Abandoning post-game prayer? Don’t think so.

    It’s far more appropriate that grown men learn how to act… or perhaps just hire bodyguards”

    AGREE,you get it!

  23. How’s it go?

    You don’t tug on Superman’s cape.
    You don’t spit into the wind.
    You don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger
    and you don’t mess around with Jim.

    GO NINERS! I’m diggin’ it!!!!

  24. Al…

    Right now, I’d have to say the Palmer deal is a win-win.

    In the end, it all depends on how he plays to see who got the better end of that deal but it doesn’t matter since he wasn’t playing in Cincinnati anyway.

    The Raiders got what they wanted. A ‘proven’ quarterback to fill in while Campbell’s hurt. Mike Brown got what he wanted. He didn’t waver to Palmer’s demands and ended up getting two high round draft picks for a guy that wasn’t even playing.

    We’ll see who gets the last laugh. A quarterback controversy when Campbell comes off the DL isn’t entirely out of the question.

  25. You’re right about the post-handshake shove. That’s what lit Schwartz’s fuse. No doubt about it.

    Win-win for the Bengals and Raiders? We’ll see. A 1st and 2nd for a broken down QB (and possibly 2 1st rounders!) will come back to haunt the Rai-dahs.

  26. Chris

    What happens the moment that Palmer has his first hissy-fit ? It’s not as it’s not uncommon with the guy during his professional and college career .

    So Orlando mayor Buddy Dyer is now sounding off as he enters the fray concerning the Rays immediate future ? He states that both Hillsborough & Pinellas County have done a lousy job in servicing the baseball team as a host . Dyer further goes on to state that he would like to see the organization move to Orange County , specifically to the downtown Orlando area .

    Care to say how you view this new _#ssing contest ending up in terms of an outright winner ? It’s going to get nasty between all three political governmental agencies . And the residents within the areas in question won’t be served with any degree of surety at all once this all begins to foment . Pinellas County says it wants to raise a $ 100 million as a bond issue to go towards a prospective new venue . The city of Orlando and Orange County are each running multi million dollar deficits but yet they want to use public funds in this exercise while laying off country and city employees .

    Political bull_hit run amok with there being little common sense being shown from anyone concerning this issue !

    It’s Not News Unless It’s Relevant ………..

    Dwindy 1

    Apparently Kim K married the wrong Kris Humpheries and not our boy here aka Sportschump . Our boy would have already satisfied Kardashian with her walking around barefoot and pregnant , whilst living off her money . And that can’t be bad at all !

    tophatal ……………..

  27. See?

    Now if they had only listened to my Same Name suggestion a few months back, Humphries could have extended that marriage with a well-needed sanity break.

    Although I probably would have been tearing my hair out.

  28. Al…

    I don’t imagine Palmer will be pulling off too many hissy fits in Oakland. First of all, he’s not Donovan McNabb and second of all, I don’t think Huey’ll stand for that. Nor will the fans.

    He’s got a new lease on life. Let’s just see if his talent is still there.

    So far Buckhorn’s been pretty silent about this whole Rays thing. If you ever catch any links to his quotes on the team moving, send them my way, will ya’?

  29. Is it a bad sign if I laugh at the coach of my own favorite team as he participates in a heated game of tag running downfield?

    Hopefully Schwartz stays put against Atlanta.

    Or maybe he’ll chase Matt Ryan while throwing footballs.

    So glad this season didn’t get shortened or cancelled.

    Step aside, NBA

  30. PA…

    I don’t think the Lions need any more pressure on the opposing quarterback but they probably take comfort in the fact that they can always rely on Schwartz if needed.

    The reconciliation between the NFL, as opposed to the lack thereof in the NBA, just shows which sport is boss in this country, and which sport fans could do without.

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