Sports Snobbery, Episode 1: A fan talks Tiger’s recent win streak

“You’re totally elitist. You feel like the unappreciated scholars, so you shit on people who know lesser than you.”

Nick Hornby, High Fidelity



The following is the inaugural piece in a series I’m going to call Sports Snobbery.

Sports Snobbery was inspired by the asinine things I overhear people say when trying to hold an informed conversation about sports.  Look, it’s perfectly understandable if sports are not a priority in your life as they are in mine.  Other things matter, I get it.  Just please don’t pretend to know what you’re talking about when you really don’t.  It’s demeaning to those of us who take these matters seriously.  You don’t hear me professing to be an expert in classical music or macramé.  I know my place.  There’s no shame in saying you don’t know and moving on.  There’s a scene in High Fidelity where John Cusack, Jack Black and Todd Louiso, the three kids who run the record shop, ridicule customers whose knowledge of music is less than theirs.  Consider this my record shop.

I created to offer up thought-provoking conversation about what’s going on in the world of sports (and all things otherwise) and perhaps even entertain and educate the fringe sports fan.  Fortunately, most of my regular readers know their stuff.  Yes, that’s you.  It’s those non-subscribers, the random loudmouth you meet in a sports bar, or a particular conversation you happen to eavesdrop upon, that make us unabashed sports fans roll our eyes and want to punch that person in the neck.

Well, I’ve had enough.  If I hear you say something uneducated about sports, you’re going to be called out for it.  Trust me, this is for your own good.

The subject of our initial Sports Snobbery was a poor, unsuspecting sap sitting next to me on my flight back from the Masters.  I was trying to get some rest but he and the stewardess felt compelled to engage in an hour-long conversation about his Pomeranian named Twittles.  Unable to sleep for more than five minutes at a time, I was already on edge.

Upon our descent (finally!), the stewardess asked me about my travels.  I guess she had also had enough Twittles talk.  I told her I had just gone to see the Par Three Tournament at the Masters.  She and the gentleman next to me enviously oohed and aahed.

Then the passenger next to me said, and I quote, “A lot more people will be watching the Masters now that Tiger’s won a few tournaments.”

Please buckle up.  We are about to experience some turbulence.

At this point, I had a number of options.  I could have punched him in the neck as I previously suggested but I would never condone such behavior.  I could have politely corrected him yet that might have come off as pompous.  Instead I chose the high road.  I ignored him entirely and went about reading my SkyMall magazine, wondering which of those products someone would actually buy if they had an extra $299.99 of discretionary income.

There were so many things wrong with this gentleman’s statement that I don’t know where to begin.

First of all, it’s the Masters; the Super Bowl, World Series and Stanley Cup of golf.  It is its own entity.  Sure, Tiger’s contention on Sunday would help ratings but I’d dare to venture those watching were glued to the Bubba Watson-Louis Oosthuizen overtime shootout.  If you missed it, you missed out.  Incidentally, so did Tiger, who finished 40th.

Second of all, Tiger has not won “a few tournaments” going into the Masters.  I can see where this poor cad could be confused considering Tiger had just won Bay Hill two weeks prior but that was the first tournament he had won in nearly four years!  It was kind of big news considering he’s only the most recognizable athlete on the planet.  If Mother of SportsChump knew that little tidbit of trivia (she boasts a touch of sports snobbery herself), I expect you to as well.  Perhaps my co-pilot was too wrapped up in grooming Twittles to know.

Fasten your seatbelt.  We’re coming in for a landing.

There’s no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid statements.  I don’t expect people to immerse themselves in sports as I do but again, there’s no shame in simply saying you don’t know.  It’s much better than just making stuff up or expounding upon something you may have read somewhere.  Ill-informed comments like these will become the foundation of Sports Snobbery.  Feel free to submit your own stories of sports snobbery and don’t feel bad about doing so.  This is our venue.  Oh, and be careful who you say stupid stuff to in the future.  It might just end up plastered all over the internet.

49 thoughts on “Sports Snobbery, Episode 1: A fan talks Tiger’s recent win streak

  1. Pingback: Sports Snobbery, Episode 1: A fan talks Tiger’s recent win streak - BallHyped, Golf | BallHyped Sports Blogs

  2. I’m not much of a sports snob,but there is one habit some people have that drives me crazy.(actually it’s not a drive, more like a short put) It’s when some guy thinks that he could do a better job coaching a team than the actual coach. They say hindsight is 20/20 and I guess if you add that up you would have these schmucks I.Q.s.

  3. It’s wrong to have someone in the gallery shout out to Tiger ” where’s Elin ” ? What guy needs to be reminded how much he’s really ” effed up “ his life ?

    But then again I can well understand , apart from his recent win , have you seen Tiger’s game .? Jesus , I hear Stevie Wonder is better off the tee and has a better putting game on the greens from anywhere beyond and within 60ft of the “pin” .

    Ozzie is now as passionate about the Cuban American community . So much so , that he’s now detailing how he thinks their heritage is just as cherished as that of the gay community .How in hell didn’t the Marlins see bull_hit this coming after his idiocy with the White Sox prior to his abrupt departure ? Didn’t he once suggest that White Sox GM Kenny Williams barely knew his mother and was perhaps born out of wedlock ?

    If at all interested ?

    A Season of Hope Or Perhaps One of Desperation ……………

    Justice By Any Means Necessary But Not Necessarily So In The NFL ……….

    tophatal ………

  4. Chris,

    Edgy huh? I think you wanted a piece of the! Look, we here have an unparelled knowledge of the sports world. Albeit for different reasons. Love of the game, the intense competition, great memories, etc. Mine is my livelihood. I’ve been unemployable since military discharge. Yes, honorable. Sports knowledge is my luck. We can go into any arena and discuss all major sports with a good opinion and credibility. I used to call BS on all of these frauds. It’s a waste of mental bandwidth. So if I’m right…flashing knowledge and ego with no monetary gain. Nah! The novices/snobs are getting better requoting SportsCenter.

  5. When I find that people that I am communicating with don’t know (S%^&) about sports, I simply tell them they are idiots and never talk to them about sports ever again. This Sports Snobbery is perfect Chris.

  6. A couple of things spring to mind Chris… You see the TV ad where this dude tells his friend about picking up this old baseball at a yard sale. The friend spots “Honus Wagner” hand written on the ball just as the “dude” throws it out for his dog to fetch!

    The second is a little more appropriate to your topic… I wonder what happened to the golf club Elin crowned Tiger with? What would that be worth? Here’s something I put together not long after that memorable occurance a couple of years back…

  7. I’m a star! 🙂

    Oooooh yeeeeaaah.

    Thanks for the shout-out.

    Verrrry proud-to-be …Mother-of-Sports-Chump! 🙂


  8. Aer…

    There’s a reason these guy get paid millions of dollars.

    What gets me more are the parents on the sidelines that want to beat the tar out of those who are coaching their kids.

    I’m not sure who sets a worse example.

    And don’t worry. I have a ‘coaches’ piece coming up soon. I know you’ll stay tuned.

  9. Al…

    Tiger was an afterthought at this year’s Masters. What’d he shoot? One under on the par fives that he usually dominates?

    That’s where Masters champions make their marks and this year, he wasn’t even close.

    I agree that Tiger’s presence would have led to better ratings but the tourney itself was a good as ever, with or without him.

    I’ll have an interesting take on the Guillen comments coming up soon. Just trying to gather my thoughts.

  10. Billy B…

    He wasn’t. Trust me.

    I’m sure had you asked him to name five UNC grads who made the NBA, he’d have whiffed on a few… and that would have just set you off, considering we could probably name about thirty.

  11. “A lot more people will be watching the Masters now that Tiger’s won a few tournaments.”

    This guy HAD to be an executive at ESPN.

    Send his ass over to Dubsism for a few minutes. I’ll set his shit straight.

  12. Maybe we should create one of those “buttons” we can then place on our web sites saying “SPORTS SNOB” (Enter At Your Own Risk!). That way, anyone about to leave a comment behind has been advised their take best have facts incorporated into it. Only fair to warn unsuspecting visitors the “electric fence of electronic journalism” is in full effect. Therefore, they will not be “shocked” if they are called out for not knowing what they are talking about.
    Sorry you had to bear that burden, Chris. Life is not fair.

  13. And Dub…

    I’ll call you soon to discuss.

    But I guess I should ask you, are you ready for fame and fortune, because we both know that’s where we’re headed.

  14. I took one for the team there, SA, and I’ll work on having those buttons made up. Or we can just watch the poor schmoes get shocked. That’s kind of fun too.

  15. RB…

    Dubs and I may resurrect a little podcast thingy, so stay tuned.

    You can always make a guest appearance. Our gambling expert from way out yonder.

  16. Well said, sir.

    Perhaps next time, I’ll go all Passenger 57 on him and take poor Twittles hostage just to see the look of complete terror on his face.

  17. You know what they say about dudes with small dogs/

    I heard someone talking the Petrino snitchuation. One guy says ‘I can’t believe someone paid his mistress $200,000’ (false). He then went on to say that Arizona was smart for getting rid of him.

  18. Chris

    Tiger’s problems are still mental , rather than this physical skills .

    Why all of this angst from the angst from the Marlins’ and front office ? I mean it’s been a pattern of behavior with Ozzie Guillen .

    So Bird and Magic are about to see their fame heightened on Broadway with a musical being written about their collegiate and NBA careers . Something else for Mark Sanchez to ingratiate himself as he and Tebow take in some shows .

    Former Mavericks’ player Lamar Odom has personal and professional issues . Let’s see he’s married to a Kardashian ……… can’t ” knock her up” and he’s somewhat miffed that he’s not riding on Kobe’s coat-tails . Let’s see now, if one of his baby mamas enters the fray to ask for more child support .

    tophatal ….

  19. So, Alex, where do you think Petrino ends up? Do you think a major program takes a chance on him?

    I know it can’t/won’t happen for a while but I can see him ending up at some small school at a discount rate.

    Here’s hoping he keeps his motorcycle in the garage from now on… and yes, that is a metaphor.

  20. Yea, I found it kind of odd, Al, that they’re making a play out of Bird and Magic. I wonder what other real life sports stories would be worth a spot on Broadway. Can’t wait for the one on Kwame Brown.

    Or better yet. The one on Lamar Odom.

    Boy, is his act tired.

    Be over in a bit to check out your latest.

  21. Finally, someone mentioned this! Good job Chris. The worst offenders are the people that review sports with you and analyze the game when the things they’re saying doesn’t even make sense. To the guys that love sports, but don’t know nothing about it, think before you speak.

  22. Ya’ know what, BS/CDR, here’s the thing.

    As sports fans, we watch ESPN religiously, which is what we’re given.

    But we also know well enough to extract our news from a bunch of different sources, or better yet, actually watch an event, analyze it, and form our own opinion based on what actually happened.

    Imagine that.

  23. Lamar’s issues can be summed up in a few simple word …” bro-mance with Kobe “. While he’s now pining to get back to La-La Land Fisher is making hay while the sun shines in Oklahoma with the Thunder .

    If Mr Kardashian and his wife are so intent on having kids then how comes his ##s makes no mention of the kids he’s fathered prior to his marriage with the “he–she” ?

    Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson (former NBA player) is a damn moron ! He’s now left with egg on his face concerning the situation involving whether or not the Kings remain in the city . There are calls for the Maloofs to sell the team but they’d rather keep that loss making concern and seek a city willing to offer them tax incentives and to build a multi million dollar venue for them . Wasn’t that the same premise that Stern and Clay Bennett engineered before they duped the city of Seattle and moved the Sonics to Oklahoma City ? Remember I did say to you originally that Joe and Gavin Maloof had no intention of remaining in Sacramento with the Kings’ franchise . Now what for that idiot Kevin Johnson who was quite prepared to use millions of dollars of taxpayers’ funds to finance a new venue for the Kings when in large part his city’s infrastructure was falling apart .

    Another day , another loss for the Magic . What’s new ? . If at all interested ? It Takes An Ass To Know An Ass And The NBA Is Literally Filled With Them … ! What We Don’t Need To Know About The MLB Season At Present .

  24. That’s the worst thing as a sports fan. Having to listen to someone who has no sports knowledge and be so certain they know what they’re talking about.

    Your copilot knew somewhat what he was talking about. Although I would have understood a righty hook.

  25. Al…

    I don’t necessarily know that it was a bromance with Kobe as much as it was Lamar listening to Kobe telling him what to do and ultimately feeling fortunate he got the hardware he did as a result of being his teammate.

    I haven’t been closely following the Sacramento situation. I knew they were leaving, then staying and what, now they’re leaving again? You know the Maloofs have way more say in that situation than KJ could ever hope to.

  26. AF/DHS…

    Look, I can appreciate the guy trying to make conversation, had he not talked for hours on end about his damn dog.

    I didn’t start the conversation. The stewardess, excuse me, flight attendant did.

    Either way, I saw the Masters. They didn’t. And I’m okay with that.

    I’m a patient and forgiving man.

  27. Sac-town mayor KJ is like any other lame a@@ politician out there who thinks that using public funds to assist a multi-millionaire owner sports’ franchise owner is the best way forward to his municipality while his city’s infrastructure is actually decaying . These morons haven’t learned a god damn thing from the mess that took place in Seattle involving Clay Bennett’s purchase of the Sonics and then relocating the franchise to Oklahoma City . And there were idiots in Cali who actually believed that KJ’s initiative would work ? It wasn’t working because not even Stern was backing that thing wholeheartedly . When the #$ck will these idiots learn ?

    Of course it was the “bromance ” with Odom ! I mean in reality what has he (Lamar) done over the course of his career ? I mean Chris Webber had the temerity to describe and suggest that Lamer Odom as one of the best players to have played in the NBA over the last decade . WTF are they giving /feeding to these NBA analysts prior to them going on air ?

    Gotta love the latest news now implicating the es

  28. Gotta love the latest mess embroiling the NFLPA (union) in the Saints’ scandal . As they had knowledge of this all some 6 months before it all became public . Now what ?

  29. Given the fact a number of the Maloofs’ business interests have been hemorrhaging red ink in recent years through mismanagement and bad business decisions that forced them to sell in part to sell of stakes in the their beverage and transportation interests . So you can now understand the reasons behind their maneuvers concerning the Kings . Even the Palms in Vegas is under continued pressure to give them a major return .

    What was Stern thinking when he do sold the Hornets to Tom Benson of the Saints ? Was that meant to go under the radar , given the Saints off the field issues ? Never mind the fact that the organization seems to be at an impasse concerning a new long term contract for Drew Brees . They’re no closer to an agreement than when Brees’ agent Tom Condon approached the front office at the end of the regular season to start contract negotiations .

    In terms of the Rays , since when did that team take it upon themselves to lay down like a dog and be simply brutalized by anyone with a mind to kick it up and down the street ? That team looks god damn awful at present ! There’s no leadership to be found from anyone , not even from Maddon, himself , as the manager ! Now what ?

    NFLPA player rep Scott Fujita states that the union had evidence within their possession as long ago 2010 to suggest that there was something untoward concerning the Saints ? Why am I not surprised by this latest tidbit of information ? And we have idiots trying to down play this all , as much ado about nothing ? Apathy it seems knows no boundaries wouldn’t you say ?

    tophatal ………..

  30. Al…

    By the time it’s all said and done, Goodell’s gonna have a nice little mess on his hands with the whole New Orleans bounty scandal.

    Anything else that comes out at this point will only make matters worse.

  31. Al…

    MLB didn’t do the Rays any favors by scheduling a brutal road trip to start their season after a three-game home stretch against the Yanks.

    Tigers, Sox and Jays and most of them day games?

    At least they’ll know what to expect come the post-season.

  32. Pingback: Sports Snobbery, Episode Two: Dwyane Wah-Day | Sports Chump

  33. Pingback: Sports Snobbery, Vol 3: When fumbles aren’t fumbles, touchdowns aren’t touchdowns and that magical moment when the uneducated sports fan becomes insufferable | Sports Chump

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