Nets knight new mascot; millions frightened

Remember Red Auerbach, who once said his Boston Celtics would never have cheerleaders on the sidelines as long as he owned the team?  Well, Auerbach passed away in 2006.  Not long after that, the Celtics had cheerleaders shaking their pom-poms all over the Fleet Center.

Far be it from me to criticize hot chicks in spandex.  I like girls; girls are good.  But not only do we have cheerleaders spread throughout professional basketball, we have mascots as well.  Lots of ‘em.   In arenas across these United States, we have gorillas dunking basketballs, head-banded fuzzy bears in Utah inexplicably doing the same thing through flaming hula hoops and now, we’re blessed with the newest addition to this nonsensical bunch of fictitious creatures: The Brooklyn Knight.

It was only a matter of time before the recently relocated Brooklyn Nets added a costumed character that, by some accounts, makes a mockery of a franchise that wants to be taken seriously.  Mascots are for college programs, not professional ones.  I’ll give the Philly Fanatic and San Diego Chicken a pass since they’ve been around nearly as long as I have but what’s the point of having some guy dressed as the Flash, Perseus, or whatever that panty-hosed freak with wings on his ears, is walking around the Golden State Warriors’ arena, frightening the crap out of little children.

If you think that’s odd, wait until you meet the Brooklyn Knight, who many an observer claim looks like the gimp from Pulp Fiction, minus the cellar gang-rape of Ving Rhames, or so we hope.

Who were the brainiacs inside the Brooklyn boardroom that decided having a masked, leather-clad, shield-wielding weirdo running around the arena was a good idea and how much are these people getting paid to do their jobs?  Apparently, Marvel Comics invented the character.  Couldn’t they have consulted Beyonce before wheeling this leather-faced Lancelot onto the court?

And what’s Brooklyn Knight even mean anyway?  Aren’t most people afraid to roam the streets of Brooklyn in the middle of the night?  It pains me to say this considering I grew up with a comic book collection that would rival your average Comic Con nerd but if the Knight is the best they could come up with, I’d love to see what was left on the cutting room floor.

So, I figured my readers could do a little better.  Since I still have a gift to give away thanks to the friendly folks at A&E Sports, I hereby present you with this challenge.

Let’s show Mikhail Prokhorov, Jay-Z  and Stan Lee that the common sports fan, sans marketing or animation background, can come up with a far more imaginative idea for his team’s new mascot.  The suggestion below that best replaces Gimpy the Brooklyn Knight will win the grand prize… and very possibly honors to become SportsChump.net’s very own mascot.

Just bring your gorilla suit.

32 thoughts on “Nets knight new mascot; millions frightened

  1. Pingback: Nets knight new mascot; millions frightened - BallHyped Blog Network, NBA | BallHyped Sports Blogs

  2. Hysterical.

    Cracked me up. Great writing. Funnnnny!

    OK so now I have to start thinking about a SC Mascot? The options are limitless. (I’ve got lots of terrific “super hero” pix I could submit …. just saying …)

    Look forward 2 what yr readers come up with.

    A very entertaining & creative read SC. Thx!
    M

  3. What if the character was draped in a eight foot cast net with debris from the East River hanging from it. You know local stuff like used condoms, hyperdermic needles, and Jimmy Hoffa’s pinky ring.
    Have a great weekend brother and cheers!

  4. Dwin…

    Are you insinuating there are brothels in Brooklyn and if so, I’d hate to think what the mascot’s name would be for all the Asian Massage parlors we have here in Tampa.

    Oh, towel boy!

  5. I bow down to Aero and his brilliant idea. He incorporates New York and a ‘Net’… get it?

    My lame suggestion would be to have a “boy in the bubble” rip off. A dude in a huge bubble that is made to resemble a basketball.

    He rolls around the concourses and mezzanines, scaring little kids, while getting kicked along by drunken Yankee fans.

  6. Chris

    So this is the best that Jigga and Mikhail Prokhorov could come up with ? I’m a little disappointed considering how much they’ve spent on the team by way of the <a href="http://spotrac.com/nba/brookyln-nets/"&lt; salaries , nevermind the cost of that venue , a reputed $ 500 million for the Barclay Center , alone .

    .
    So there seems to be some rancor , because Cabrera beat out Trout for the AL MVP ? What , no recount and a delegation from the state of Florida to conduct an investigation ?

    Tophatal …….

  7. Oh, Triple SC, I disagree on your thoughts about the Brooklyn Knight. Granted , I have not seen him in action, just the picture from your site, but add the cape to your comment and you had me at ” a masked , leather-clad, shield -wielding…” However, you must consider this is coming from one who has Batman as the wallpaper on my cell, as well as my ringtone, a Batman display in my spareroom, etc., so any resemblance is good stuff…Now to the bat cave…
    Dee Dee

  8. Al…

    I do kinda like the black and white unis though. And the floor isn’t all that bad either.

    They’ve got themselves a competitive team and a good coach. We’ll see how they fare in the post-season.

  9. Dee Dee…

    I’ll be sure to send up the bat signal next time I put up a post.

    The Knight is no Batman. I dig Batman too. Who doesn’t?

    But I’m pretty sure Batman could take this guy and be off in time to bag Vicki Vale.

  10. The Knicks are beaten now, Al.

    And it looks like the Memphis Grizzlies are not just going to roll over for anyone.

    They’re like Western Conference Finals good.

    Whoops! Did I just say that out loud?

  11. Dub…

    That officially makes our second John Travolta reference in this comments section… which will inevitably lead to our second massage parlor comment as well

    Funny how things come full circle.

  12. Chris

    The Nets have everything to at least make them a credible threat in the regular season . Well , the postseason , is something else , altogether.

    So no chance of Kansas St or Oregon getting a do-over ?

    Florida sorely missed Jeff Driskell , in their victory over Jacksonville St .

    Bud Selig says that he intends to carry out an in-depth investigation behind the Marlins’ ongoing fire sale . Funny , how is that Selig’s office won’t be carrying out a similar investigation, as to what took place concerning the issue of the stadium for the South Florida franchise ? If the US Justice Dept , albeit , at a snail’s pace is still investigating the city of Miami and their alleged fraudulent actions . Then why doesn’t Bud , get Joe Torre do something worthwhile as VP, while seated on baseball’s hierarchy ? I mean , is Torre simply to insert his finger into Selig’s rec#um , in order to keep him happy ? Or is it , the other way around ?

    The Bucs are on a three- game winning streak , let’s hope it will be four game winning streak .

  13. Yea, Al, I’m concerned about the Gators traveling to Tallahassee next week. I’m not sure whether Driskell will be able to play but I don’t like our chances without him. Heck, I’m not even sure I like our chances with him.

    And um…. HOW ‘BOUT THEM BUCCANEERS!!!

  14. So tell me, Al, I know you’re no Lakers fan but would you spend a romantic evening with Dyan Cannon in exchange for courtside Lakers seats?

    Inquiring minds want to know.

  15. Dub…

    It’s a good thing Andy Kaufman isn’t around today.

    That crazy fuck would probably challenge a UFC fighter and I’m pretty sure we both know how that would end up.

  16. Chris

    I think that the Gators will do well against the
    `noles , albeit that both teams will have a great deal at stake . Bragging rights within the state of Florida , as to who , has the best program in the state this season .

    As ” The Irish ” , are now ranked #1 , do you see them possibly being knocked off their perch , when they take on USC , next Saturday ?

    Driskell , one would hope is ready for that game , because he will be needed .

    There was a time when Dyan Cannon may have been ” do-able” , but that was many moons ago. She hopped on board the train to Crazy-ville , several years back and hasn’t been the same ever since.

    Terrific performance by the Bucs , specifically the final last 2 minutes of the game . Seeing is believing , and winning at this moment , means everything .

    What I thought might well have been a much closer game , instead , it turned into a blowout . The Patriots simply took it to the Colts in almost every aspect of that matchup . Julian Edelman was simply outstanding .

    Needless to say , the Chiefs, Eagles and Raiders , have their problems , and those wounds are self-inflicted .

  17. Al…

    It is perfectly conceivable that the winner of that Florida-Florida State game play for a national championship.

    Highly unlikely but stranger things have happened. If Notre Dame loses to USC, the winner of that game is likely in against the winner of Alabama-Georgia.

    Call me kooky but stranger things have happened.

    Of course, Matt Barkley won’t be playing for USC but that might be a good thing. Oh, and wait until you read my upcoming piece on USC quarterbacks. You’re gonna love it.

    And I’m just not sure how Andy Reid makes it out of this alive, man.

  18. Pingback: Sports Chump » Who’s afraid of a big bad Pelican? New Orleans introduces new mascot to mixed reaction

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