Donald Chump’s “You’re Fired!” Volume One

The Apprentice Season 3I not so proudly present the first in what will most likely, and rather unfortunately, be an ongoing series I like to call “Donald Chump’s You’re Fired!”

Let us commemorate this flagship edition with the football player who once referred to himself as “OchoCinco.”

The Ocho first burst onto the scene as Chad Johnson with the Cincinnati Bengals in 2001.  Early in his career, his Chadliness put up impressive numbers, once leading the league in total receiving yards.  He was also selected to six Pro Bowls.

As is the case, however, with so many NFL wide receivers, Chad’s outspokenness eventually wore out its welcome.  In 2007, while still clearly at his peak, in an effort to one-up the league’s other wide receivers in the woefully, unnecessary ‘showmanship-after-a-touchdown’ category, Johnson donned a faux yellow jacket on the sidelines, signifying his Hall-of-Fame-worthiness.  Such a gesture is now laughable, based on the story I’m about to tell you.

chad ochocinco hof jacketChad Johnson (yes, he legally changed his name BACK to Chad Johnson after once legally changing it TO Chad Ochocinco, because of the number 85 he once wore) is a wife beater.  Let me repeat that sentence without the parenthetical explanation of his egoism.  Chad Johnson is a wife beater.  And no, not the ribbed tank top so many of us wear, yet shouldn’t, in the comfort of our own homes.

Chad Johnson physically abused his spouse.

He head-butted her.

Allegedly.

Chad’s former wife, Evelyn Lozada, who used to star on Basketball Wives (and I’m proud of the fact that I had to look that up), accused him of such in 2012.  He was subsequently arrested on domestic violence charges.

Their marriage lasted about as long as an NFL training camp, with probably just as much rough-housing.

Ocho EvelynBut before we shed a tear for Lozada, we should know she has been in her fair share of spats on the aforementioned, “reality” TV show.  Only Chad, Evelyn and their two foreheads know what really happened that evening with Chad bearing the legal brunt of it all.

Regardless of who you believe head-butted whom, the Broward County Sheriff’s Office put out another warrant for Chad’s arrest, this time for violating the terms of his probation by not showing his beaming smile at his P.O.’s office when he was supposed to.

So, for this initial episode of Donald Chump’s “You’re Fired,” please allow me to present a novel idea.  Let’s not only fire Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson along with his grief-stricken ex-wife, but any network executive that decides it is in any way beneficial to air programming as mind-numbing as Basketball Housewives.

These three parties have all lost their grip on, ironically enough, reality.

Chad, somewhere along the line, you should have learned it’s not okay to hit a woman and Evelyn, my dear, I have the same advice for you.  From here on out, please keep your foreheads to yourselves.  And to VH1 who is responsible for polluting our television airwaves more than they already are, might I suggest you go back to just showing music videos for you too, are fired!

38 thoughts on “Donald Chump’s “You’re Fired!” Volume One

  1. Pingback: Donald Chump’s “You’re Fired!” Volume One - BallHyped Blog Network, NFL | BallHyped Sports Blogs

  2. SOS…

    I’m not really sure what happened between those two that night but Ocho was arrested for domestic violence so we can only assume guilt, right?

    Chad’s just another reason so many casual fans are becoming fed up with sports.

    Either way, as one good friend told me, the only time it’s okay to smack a girl is during sex. Words to live by.

    We now return to the family portion of our broadcast.

  3. Two points:
    1. Evelyn Lozada has to shoulder some of the blame for her choices in men. After spending 10 years with Antoine Walker(not the most stable of athletes)she moves on to a pillar of society, Chad Johnson. What’s wrong here? Was Dennis Rodman taken?
    2. Poor taste of not, this is funny.
    Q: What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? A: Nothing. She’s already been told twice.

  4. Is there a Hall of Fame for jerks? Maybe I’d best be happy there isn’t… LOL!

  5. A man hitting or being violent towards women is never acceptable. That said, a woman hitting a man is equally unacceptable.

    But yes Chris…a fanny smack is perfectly acceptable when between the sheets lol

  6. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episode that Donald Trump appears in was on TBS, just this morning. Is that what inspired you mention Donald Trump today?

  7. Dwin…

    I’m pretty sure that’s a Hall of Fame wouldn’t get into although there’s a long line of professional athletes knocking at its pearly gates.

  8. Greg…

    I was never really a Fresh Prince of Bel Air fan. I was already pretty much grown when that series became big.

    I do, however, know all the words to “Parents Just Don’t Understand.”

  9. Damn Chump, talking smack about my Orioles…not cool man!!!

    I thought you were a Red Sox guy anyways?

  10. Dolphins’ coach Philbin fired Chadwick about 9 months ago, Rev. He has not been gainfully employed since…. he should have had plenty of time to meet P.O.s and such.

  11. D…

    Interesting you should bring that up.

    Now that I’ve been in Tampa for about five years, I’ve grown an affinity for the Rays.

    As a lifelong Red Sox fan, I’ve been struggling with a piece on “Switching allegiances” which I expect to have up, as soon as I gather my thoughts.

  12. I never really believed that Chad ever accepted the role of Robin as TO took Batman. You gotta feel for these guys that grow up without a male figure for guidance.

    Chris r u a RSox fan? When my bro moved to Tampa in the 90’s he rooted for all the local teams except when the Rays were playing the Red Sox.

  13. Chad Douchebag Stinko.
    Still a class act after all these years.

    Maybe him, Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Chris Brown should start a Fight Club…You know…one where you hit other guys instead of females.

  14. Bets…

    There’s something to be said for that but somewhere along the line, these guys have to learn right from wrong on their own, no?

    And yea, lifelong Red Sox fan even though I grew up in New York.

    Like I said, I’ll have my thoughts on switching allegiances up soon.

  15. Al…

    Chad’s made his bed and now he has to lie in it. I wonder what sort of time he’ll do, if any.

    And yes, man. Chicks dig the hair… or lack thereof.

  16. I don`t know that Chad will ever lay or lie in another bed .

    I`m not saying that Joe Maddon has suddenly become confrontational with the umpires , but if I am John Hirschbeck , I would be asking Joe to take some Altoids or breath mints .

    Another bad loss for the Rays . Practice makes perfect as they say Win one , lose two , win a series , lose two straight . Is that the Rays idea of consistency ?

    Why not simply place a mannequin in your shop window ?

    tophatal

  17. Chris

    So Del Negro is out with the Clippers ? Donald Sterling , owner of the franchise makes the Bidwill family of the Arizona Cardinals seem like geniuses with many of his economic and personnel decisions .

    Garcia uses racial remark and slur against Woods

    Was Sergio Garcia trying to make a joke when he suggested that he would feed Tiger fried chicken ? I love fried chicken and I would love to have a tete-`a-tete meeting with Sergio …… “ yardy style“ ……… no rules , anything goes !

    tophatal ………..

  18. Al…

    I don’t see why any team would team would take a chance on Chad at this point.

    The Rays still have a lot of tinkering to do as their bullpen continues to be unstable. At least they’re hitting like we’ve never seen before.

    Does not re-signing Del Negro’s contract mean Chris Paul stays? And who do they get to take his place?

    Insanity about Tiger and Sergio. The hits just keep on coming although personally a Thai food line would have been funnier. Fried chicken is just so Fuzzy.

  19. Chris

    Chris Paul and Del Negro never had any discord or an adversarial relationship at all . This was all owner , Donald Sterling`s doing along with hat oaf of a general manager Gary Sacks .

    Vinny Del Negro throughout the playoffs has implored his team to play more resilient defense . To your mind did you see any evidence of that ? All Sacks and Sterling seemed to want …….. was more LOB City And One Basketball . That doesn`t win games in the postseason and it`s about time the Clippers and their fans realize that fact .


    What have you got against Thai food or Thai women ? LOL,LOL,LOL !!!!
    I loves me some Thai food and their women ! Hell yeah !

    Personally , I`d love to see Tiger and Sergio sort out their differences in either boxing ring or an MMA octagon ! Your thoughts on tat scenario ever happening and who would you have your money on ? The kid from Cypress , California or Spaniard from the Iberian peninsular ?

    Left you a response on my latest piece . You didn`t respond concerning Bonds` comments concerning Miguel Cabrera ?

    tophatal

  20. Al…

    We all know about Donald Sterling but if these playoffs have proven anything, it’s that the Clippers are far, far away from becoming a championship team and not all of that is Vinny Del Negro’s fault.

    Oh, and a Tiger-Sergio grudge match? Tiger’s about twice his size so I’m not sure Serg would have much of a chance.

  21. Chris

    If there is a chance that Tiger can take down Sergio, I would appreciate seeing that bout unfolding in front of our very eyes .

    Did Cleveland Browns` owner Jimmy Haslam really apologize to his fellow owners for the embarrassment he has caused to the NFL ? Wow ! What the hell am I missing here ? He has defrauded several thousand clients of his transportation companies out of tens of millions of dollars that he may well have used to purchase the Browns` franchise . Damn, Haslam is making Bernie Madoff seem almost human . LOL, LOL, LOL !!!!

    Donald Sterling now beginning to make NBA owners seem not all that bright .

    Mark Davis of the Raiders is looking to borrow $75 million from the NFL , in order to purchase the remaining stake in the franchise he does not currently own . There goes the neighborhood . LOL,LOL,LOL !!!

    Greg Schiano denies there is a quarterback controversy brewing with the Buccaneers . Josh Freeman on the other hand is said to be optimistically cautious . I wonder why ?

    Bucs draft picks in 2013 and their preseason schedule .

    tophatal ……..

  22. To be honest, I had trouble getting by the picture of the top, with you featuring the Trump hairstyle. It looks like a squirrel got shocked, fell out of a tree, and landed on your head. You should make that your profile picture on Twitter.

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