Swinging freely at Muirfield
October 8th, 2013 by Chris Humpherys
“Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me.”
-Salt n Pepa
“We’re going streakin’!!!”
-Will Ferrell as Hank the Tank in Old School
There’s a nudist colony not too far from me. I’ve actually been there once, not on a dare, but because it was a holiday weekend and some friends were going to party.
This was years ago and I kept my clothes on. I generally don’t disrobe in the presence of more than one other person whom I deem special enough to do that sort of thing with. It’s not that I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I just don’t find it necessary to display the family jewels in front of a bunch of strangers.
Streakers, however, live by a different credo. I’ve done some crazy shit in my lifetime but I can’t say that stripping down to my bare essentials and running around a sporting event has ever crossed my mind. Has it yours? If so, you’re probably reading the right website.
Most of the time, when we see streakers scurry through sporting events, be it baseball, football or tennis, we’re amazed that some guy would drop trou and take to the playing field for fear of the consequences… and the shame.
This time around, at Muirfield, it was a little different.
The streaker didn’t have a penis.
That’s right. At last weekend’s President’s Cup, an Ohio woman decided to get naked and run onto the course to display her American pride, among other things. How totally awesome is that? Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the golf course.
Now let’s say you’re working security at a local sporting event and some guy decides to run onto the place naked. You gotta figure it’s open season on the guy, right? Like, you could totally take him down, give him a few solid jabs no questions asked and wait for authorities to get there. Guys streaking is almost understandable. We’re guys. We do stupid things. We pee in public, throw things at the television set for no particular reason and try to fix things we have no business fixing.
But women streaking? How and when does this happen and how can we predict the next time it will so we can all be there to watch?
Now pretend you’re a security guard at the same event and some woman decides to randomly strip and take to the field of play. You’d have to just sit there in amazement, right? Then what? You can’t tackle the poor girl. You’d pretty much have to hope she runs out of breath or decides to put her clothes back on. Carry on, folks. There’s nothing to see here.
Imagine meeting a girl for the first time and asking her the craziest thing she’s ever done only to hear her say she streaked at a major sporting event. And how about this lucky girl’s eventual groom-to-be? Mom, I’d like you to meet the girl I’m going to marry. Your mom looks at her skeptically, thinking she looks vaguely familiar. Oh, you’re the girl that ran onto the golf course naked for millions to see. Son, I’m so proud. When’s the date?
Just when we thought we’ve seen everything, now we have women showing their affinity for the links. I’m a golf fan, but come on.
Kimberly Worcester, who gave us just another reason to be sports fans, was arrested and cited for disorderly conduct. She has a court date set for two weeks. Here’s hoping she brings something nice to wear.