Chumpservations, Vol. 29: Tweets, death threats, fake penises, chicken mcnuggets and dookie chains

Darrelle RevisRemember the old joke about the guy who walks into the doctor’s office and says “Hey, Doc. It hurts when I do this,” only to have the doctor advise him to simply stop doing it?  Apparently, Darrelle Revis isn’t familiar with that one.  Revis is still receiving death threats via Twitter from some spurned, psychotic Jets fans with nothing better to do than Tweet about Revis and straighten up their mom’s basement.  By no means am I defending these troublemakers but maybe, just maybe, it’s time for Revis to delete his Twitter account.

barnes ibakaSpeaking of deleting Twitter accounts, perhaps it’s time for Matt Barnes to do the same.  In a fit of rage after Wednesday night’s Clippers-Thunder game which saw Barnes and Serge Ibaka get ejected for an altercation, Barnes took to his cellphone to spit out this gem:  “I love my teammates like family, but I’m DONE standing up for these n*****! All this s*** does is cost me money.”  Notice how in delivering his N-Bomb, Barnes went neither Hard R (Riley Cooper) nor Soft R (most hip-hop) but rather full asterisk, not that it makes it any better.  Barnes has since Tweeted a lengthy apology.  I forget whether it was Jim Rome or Colin Cowherd who I first heard say that Twitter is both the best and worst thing to happen to professional sports, but they were right.  I get that emotions fly high in the heat of the moment but whatever happened to actually telling people how you feel face to face rather than using a popular website to express your true emotions.  Oh wait.  I do that here.  Never mind.

chicken mcnuggetsRecently Usain Bolt told the media that he won gold in Beijing by adhering to a strict diet of Chicken McNuggets and sex with strangers.  I know Bolt is famous and currently experiencing the perks of being the fastest man alive but it takes mad game to walk into a woman’s hotel room in the Olympic Village with nothing but a box full of fried chicken parts and suggest they get it on.  What ever happened to flowers and Marvin Gaye? Here’s hoping Bolt wasn’t as quick in the sack as he is on the track.

In other less shocking confessional sports news, Mike Tyson’s latest autobiography reveals the former heavyweight champion of the world ingested both cocaine and marijuana before bouts.  Tyson was allegedly high on cocaine before losses to both Danny Williams and Lennox Lewis.  You think he’d feel more energetic.  When asked how he passed drugs tests, Tyson claimed to use a “fake penis” which contained someone else’s urine.  The saddest news of all is that professional boxing was far more entertaining with a cracked out Mike Tyson in the ring than it currently is without him.

Allen IversonNBA legend and cultural icon Allen Iverson recently retired, which was news to those of us who thought he had done so years ago.  Iverson hasn’t played a meaningful minute in the league in about four years which means his actual retirement announcement may have lasted longer than Brett Favre’s.  Cue the comeback talk.  Iverson was recently spotted at an Eagles game, waving to the appreciative, Philadelphia crowd.  He was wearing his traditional sideways baseball cap and dookie chain which prompts the question, this guy is 38 years old.  Is he ever going to stop dressing gangsta?  I mean, I know that’s his thing and I’m not suggesting he go all suit-and-tie but he’s only got a few years before shopping for something nice to wear at his Hall of Fame induction.

Some Kentucky basketball fans recently created a website entitled 40-and-0.com, commemorating what they hoped would be an undefeated season.  They must have forgotten they had Tim Izzo and the Michigan State Spartans on their schedule.  Kentucky lost that game and their record now at stands at 2-1, a far cry from 40-0.  Perhaps they can sell that URL to Michigan State who now appears to have a far better shot at achieving that goal.

muschamp losesOkay, do you really want me to talk Florida Gator football?  I’ve been doing my best to hold my tongue but I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.  A home loss to Vanderbilt?  I enrolled in my first class in Gainesville in 1987 and I don’t ever recall our football team losing to Vandy, either at home or away.  Do you know why I don’t remember that?  BECAUSE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN!!!   Vandy hadn’t beaten Florida in 22 games.  The last time the Gators lost at home to Vanderbilt was 1945!  Households didn’t even have television sets back then… which would be a good thing since this Gator team is absolutely unwatchable.  And empty seats in the student section?  Maybe today’s college student is getting smarter.  I wouldn’t want to watch that garbage either.  I’m not necessarily calling for Will Muschamp’s head, at least not as much as every other Florida fan, but I am saying he needs to right this ship quickly or he’ll be in the same unemployment line as Lane Kiffin.

Andrew Wiggins Jabari ParkerAnyone who watched highlights of Tuesday night’s Duke-Kansas game knows NBA general managers are anxiously counting down the days until next summer’s draft.  Duke’s Jabari Parker and Kansas’ Andrew Wiggins are phenomenal freshmen who certainly don’t play like freshmen.  The general consensus is that they’ll never be sophomores.  I highly recommend you take the time to see these superfrosh hoop it up for their respective programs because it won’t be long before they’re doing so in NBA uniforms.

For some inexplicable reason, we’re still talking about why Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett don’t talk to Ray Allen.  Can we please move on from this already?  Ray Allen left Boston over a year ago to join the Miami Heat on their quest for a second consecutive title.  He hit one of the biggest shots in the playoffs to ensure that happened.  But for some reason, these guys can’t forgive and forget which doesn’t make much sense.  It’s not like they played together their entire careers and although they won a title, they certainly weren’t a dynasty.  Their Celtic bromance only lasted five years.  It’s not like it was the breakup of the Beatles, although it might have seemed like it to some Boston fans.  Like Allen, KG and Pierce are no longer wearing Celtic green.  In fact, Rajon Rondo is the only Celtic still on that roster from their 2007-8 championship and you don’t hear him bitching.  So can we move on?  Or maybe it’s just time for reporters to ask better questions.

I’ll leave you with one last thought.  I don’t know if you’ve seen this dunk yet… but WOW!  Meet Central Florida’s Javonte Douglas who, as you will see, is about to tell gravity to eff off.

28 thoughts on “Chumpservations, Vol. 29: Tweets, death threats, fake penises, chicken mcnuggets and dookie chains

  1. Pingback: Chumpservations, Vol. 29: Tweets, death threats, fake penises, chicken mcnuggets and dookie chains - BallHyped Blog Network, NBA | BallHyped Sports Blogs

  2. I hear Jonathan Martin’s lawyer will be onboard when the phins’ hierarchy get together for their little “chin wag” . Incognito has field a grievance with the union seeking to appeal his suspension on the grounds that his behavior was said to ” be acceptable within the confines of the locker room ” . Good to know that you can throw around racial epithets and sexually derogatory remarks aimed at a teammate’s mother in a workplace and fans alike, as well as players can seek to excuse it . WTF !

    It is not always the journey that takes its toll, it is the failure then to cross the finish line ….

    tophatal …………….. ?

  3. Chris

    When is sexual assault not deemed a sexual assault or a crime ? Oh , just when it now happens to involve a Heisman trophy candidate , who is also the quarterback of the second ranked team in the nation in the BCS rankings . What the hell is going on concerning Jameis Winston ? Accusations of collusion between Tallahassee Police Dept and known associates of Winston , presumed suspect and then you have the “sketchy account” of the victim , the assault and what is said to have taken place , as she claims , the incident took place at a party , where everyone had been drinking .

    Tallahassee Police Dept has reopened the case at the instruction of the State Attorney General’s Office . I wonder how this all could impact the ‘noles ?

    Thoughts on the Buccaneers versus the Falcons on Sunday ? A win is of the utmost importance for both teams , given their respective predicaments within the NFC South . Who knew that that Matt Ryan’s contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on given his and the team’s play this season ?

    It is not always the journey that takes its toll, it is the failure then to cross the finish line ….

    tophatal …………..

  4. Chris

    Chicken soup for the soul , Chris , chicken soup for the soul . Because we know the politicians in St Pete , Pinellas County and Tampa are simply too dumb to pull their own heads out of their own @ss !

    If agent Scott Boras is saying this , it is not because he’s got a vested interest in the situation but because it makes sense .

    Courtesy of USA Today …

    Scott Boras thinks the Rays should move to New Jersey


    “The Tale of Two Cities: The one they’re in and the one they should be in,” says agent.

    By Ted Berg

    Baseball super-agent Scott Boras made an interesting suggestion at the MLB general managers’ meetings on Wednesday. Boras thinks the Tampa Bay Rays should consider moving to New Jersey. From the Star-Ledger:

    “I think there’s a lot of cities that may attract them, but I don’t know…maybe…maybe New Jersey would like their win percentage,” Boras said, completing his takedown of the Tampa Bay market….

    Tampa Bay had the worst attendance in the majors in 2013, when Rays averaged a 18,645 fans per game at Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg, Fla., a facility universally regarded as outdated. They also finished last in 2012 and 29th in 2011 despite posting a winning record each season.

    “I would say the Tale of Two Cities: The one they’re in and the one they should be in,” Boras said, when asked how to describe the situation.

    Boras’ motivation is obvious: He wants teams to have the most possible money to throw around so he can secure the best possible salaries for the players he represents. But his idea is a decent one, even if it’s never going to happen.

    If baseball worked more like regular business, the Rays would seem wise to pack up and move to someplace in the Northeast if they can’t get themselves a better stadium in the Tampa area. But MLB’s antitrust exemption and structure mean it’d be impossible for that to happen without encountering a heck of a lot of bureaucracy, since the Yankees, Phillies and Mets can all claim territorial rights in parts of New Jersey.

    But Boras’ interests here happen to align with the best interests of the game. He wants teams to make more money so they can spend more money, and there’s almost no doubt the Rays — or a handful of other clubs — would stand to make more in an area where there’s more demand.

    And putting another team somewhere near the Yankees, Mets and Phillies would also theoretically cut into those teams’ shares of the market and help level the playing field around the league.

    Again, it’s probably not going to happen. And it seems likely that any movement or expansion in baseball would be to broaden the league’s footprint rather than emphasize an area that’s already covered. Plus, teams like the Rays and A’s have shown that winning does not necessarily require a massive payroll.

    ========================================
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    What Boras failed to acknowledge however , is that the Rays simply can’t afford to break their existing lease and then face stiff financial penalties and a legal lawsuit . Otherwise Sternberg and the team would have “bolted ” out of town long ago .

    tophatal …………..

  5. Al…

    It’s not time to press the panic button on the Nets just yet. They’re only eight games into the season and have a whole bunch of new parts they’re trying to figure out how to play. Give it to the All-Star break before we can really criticize.

    Re: the super frosh, same thing. They’ve only played a few games so far. Let’s see how the season progresses. Odds are whoever lands either player will be happy they did.

    The Martin-Incognito story continues to get wilder. This is why I said the Dolphins should have handled it internally when they had the chance. The last thing they wanted was an NFL investigation.

    Re: This Sunday’s Falcons-Bucs game, this is another one the Bucs should win. The Falcons are reeling. I would also think that Glennon is auditioning for his starting job next season. He’s got seven more games to give ownership a warm and fuzzy that he’s their guy.

    The Boras comments didn’t bother me all that much, Al. I mean, a fan base that’s consistently last in attendance is going to receive its fair share of criticism.

  6. Chris

    Jason Kidd isn’t listening to anyone and he and assistant coach Lawrence Frank have already gone toe-to-toe concerning coaching strategies . Hence the reason with the Nets , the games they’ve lost and the fact there’s no defense (100.9 ppg) being played by the team as a whole .

    The panic button was already pushed by the Nets, the moment they hired Jason Kidd to come in coach this team . This idiocy borders on what the Knicks did in hiring Isiah Thomas , and we all saw what he accomplished with that franchise as head coach and also Head of Basketball Operations .

    Consider the present standing of both the Knicks and Nets and tell me what you see from both teams in terms of their play ? I fully understand that teams have to find a rhythm , but aren’t these guys meant to be professionals and be held accountable ? JR Smith in the off-season gets busted for violating the league’s substance abuse program and sits out a couple of games and his response …….. ” I made a mistake ” . Yeah , ###hole that was your second mistake in the past two seasons .

    Incognito field a grievance with the union to have his suspension overturned . Martin , has no wish to meet with the (NFLPA) union , because it looks as if they’re trying to force him to change his mind in taking any type of legal action against the league or the Dolphins . NFLPA Executive Director DeMaurice Smith says he’s disappointed but will press ahead with their own inquiry into the matter . Martin’s two main legal reps , David Cornwell and . Also the so called joke threats made by Richie Incognito also apparently involved not only sexually derogatory remarks concerning Jonathan Martin’s mother but also Incognito getting some of his buddies to together to gang-rape his teammate’s sister . Just a tidbit for the apathetic idiots who see Incognito’s remarks as alleged child’s play . Racism in the workplace , another morale booster for American society as a whole ?

    The players on that Dolphins’ roster must have an IQ lower than a gnat , if they feel that type of behavior somehow is acceptable even in jest .

    I guess it will take Jeremy Foley some time to come to the conclusion that Muschamp’s performance as head coach this season , is apparently no better at the time of Ron Zook’s firing .

    Zook is now working as a mid-level financial executive at a bank .

    The game between the Bucs and Falcons could turn out to be an afternoon of utter boredom given the recent performances of both teams and their play overall over their last five games or more . Division wise both are out of it and might as well prepare for the draft and next season , quite possibly without Greg Schiano and Mike Smith at the coaching helm .

    Pick your poison …

    tophatal …………..

  7. Al…

    We are in full agreement on the Kidd hire. I still feel they’ll eventually figure it out. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll translate into a title but they’ll at least make a playoff run. The Knicks I’m not so sure about.

    Five straight losses for Florida, Al? I’m at a loss for words. For once.

    And I know earlier I said Glennon is auditioning for his job next season. I’m guessing Schiano is as well.

  8. Chris

    The Gators losing five straight is one one thing , but the ways in which they have lost is really disturbing . There seems to be no heart on on the team , much less from the coaching staff . FSU are likely to beat the Gators’ @@s like a drum when the two teams meet . Florida’s two most recent recruiting classes were definitely overrated and nowhere as talented as many believed them to be .

    The Bucs and Glennon finally seemed to have found a rhythm and the defense was definitely making some “lights out hits ” to preserve the game for team in their lopsided win (41-28) over the Falcons . How bad is Atlanta team at present ?

    All I can really say about the Nets at present , is that this is an organization , that simply believes throwing money at a problem is the best way to solve a solution . Given their record , standing and the fact that Jason Kidd remains clueless and not apparently heeding any a advice from Lawrence Frank , could end badly for the franchise at the end of the season . I mean, can you tell me what Kidd has brought to the table other than his playing experience ? . To your mind has the team improved in any way whatsoever , in terms of offense or defense compared to last season ?

    tophatal ………………….

  9. Chris

    We all know ” crack to be whack ” as attributed verbatim to the late Whitney Houston . Yet why is Doc Rivers said to be intent on gauging Lamar Odom’s interest in resigning with the team ? Can a player with his issues offer anything to that team at this juncture ? And how the hell does anyone believe that Odom would be prepared to listen the team’s presumed leader ,in , Chris Paul ?

    So the Pacers fell the Bulls in a great game over the weekend ? No unbeaten teams left in the NBA or NFL at present .

    tophatal …………..

  10. Al…

    That’s gotta be on coaching then, right? I mean they have the talent on the field, don’t they? From everything I’m hearing, Muschamp is going to keep his job… despite not making a bowl for the first time in 22 years.

    The Bucs looked great yesterday, Al, and again, that stadium was rocking. But can the Bucs really be that good or are the Falcons just really that bad?

    And I’m still not sure why the woes or methods of the Nets surprise you. They have a billionaire owner who thinks he knows a lot about hoops but doesn’t and nobody in the organization for years has had even the slightest clue. So why would now be any different?

    What is going on with Odom these days? Is he a part of any roster? Is he in rehab? I haven’t heard.

  11. Chris

    The fact that Mushchamp is likely to keep his job is also down to Jeremy Foley and he as the AD, has no wish to admit that he might have made another mistake in terms of the hire of Wil Muschamp . Firing him at this juncture to follow after the Ron Zook debacle would leave the Gators’ AD with egg over his face .

    I am not all surprised concerning the Nets’ woes and the fact that Mihail Prokhorov is throwing around money, as if he were in a strip club . It is not as , if he actually made his fortune by way of actually creating something from scratch . Friends in high places within the Russian Politburo and the fact when the state decided to sell off their state assets, there was Mikhail Prokhorov with the funds buying up these assets on the cheap , and then having their prices inflated on the stock indices across a number of European Bourses. It was alleged at the time , the financing may well have come by aid of certain Russian crime lords . Make of it what you will . All of the allegations in question were denied . Yet then again , his failure also in the Russian Presidential elections may well have had something to do with the fact that he was also critical of Vladimir Putin , the current President . So make of it what you will .

    The Nets are a bad team , lacking in leadership and hemorrhaging red ink all over the place , as they have been over the last three seasons . They have ran up losses in excess of $115 million during that time frame and will be “on the hook “ for over $65 million for this season in terms of the league’s luxury tax for exceeding the soft salary cap which now stands at $58.455 million . The Nets’ payroll for this season is almost $101.4 million .

    I know the NBA is first and foremost a business , with entertainment and team success being secondary . So let me pose this question to you , how is that the Nets are failing so miserably at both , at this juncture ?

    The Falcons may well end up firing Mike Smith but the failure really lies with a lack of leadership on that team alongside GM Thomas Dimitroff’s propensity for making some dumb draft choices over the past three years and damn crazy free agency acquisitions .

    tophatal ……………

  12. Chris

    Nothing about the Nets has surprised me this season as that team does not have truly vocal leader . Garnett at this stage of his career remains a petulant child . So what if Ray Allen went elsewhere ? Does anyone remember the circumstances under which Garnett left the Timberwolves ? He made sure that he alienated himself from his teammates , fans and the owners , all because he wanted his own way .

    The belief that r Mikhail Prokhorov , made his fortune through his business acumen would be like suggesting Meyer Lansky was never a criminal , simply the . guy who built Vegas .

    Last night’s game was great , even if as a Pats’ fan it was a bitter pill me for me to swallow . Is it me , but were there replacement officials from 2011 refereeing that contest ? How the hell could they have made that erroneous call ?

    tophatal ……………..

  13. after reading this rambling rant… and then the wholly rambling comments, Thanks Al, I no longer have anything to say… Can that be? Oh except eff the Celtics AND the Net’s… (spared you the profanity too)

  14. Falcons, Nets and Gators, Al. Imagine how bad it must suck if you were a fan of all three of those teams. Fortunately, I’m only currently suffering through the woes of one of ‘em.

  15. Twitter is for 12 year old girls, not a marinated in 2Pac lyrics wannabe thug like Barnes.

    McViagra….Who knew?

    Tyson never ceases to amaze. You know, I indulged in my fair share of drugs in my youth but I never ate an ear.

    I loved Iverson’s game and his heart on the court. His style…not so much. Nothing like a bluehair rocking his hat cocked and saggin hard.

    Like Allen gives a crap what KG and PP are holding on to…Sour grapes taste like sweet wine when you’re hoisting trophies.

    Since when did they put trampolines under the floor? May be time to raise the rim to 11′.

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