SportsChump Motion Pictures proudly presents Alejandro

ARod limoAccording to recent reports, Major League Baseball’s performance-enhancing prototype, Alex Rodriguez, is dropping his appeal, taking the year off and heading to Mexico.  Good for him.  I’m surprised Bud Selig didn’t offer to drive him to the airport.

A-Rod will probably settle himself into some cozy cliff-side mansion he paid cash for, become a hermit, grow a Duck Dynasty beard and reflect on all the lies he told us over the years.

Or better yet, I’ve found him a more appropriate calling.  Stay with me; this isn’t as far-fetched as it might seem.

As you know, the disturbing mind of SportsChump likes to borrow from the seemingly fictional, yet all too real, world of sports and well, elaborate a little.

As you all recently read, Dennis Rodman played Birthday Ambassador to the supreme leader of North Korea.  It was my theory that he was actually sent abroad on a secretive government mission to rid the land of their Weapons of Mass Destruction.  I called it the Rodman Supremacy.  Conspiracy, you say?  Think about it: which is more likely, that he was sent over there by the president or that he was invited over on his own accord.

Well, I hereby cordially invite you to our latest episode of SportsChump Theatre, where we have a spurned baseball player, a former legend turned sour, returning home to Mexico to become… a soap opera star.  Rodriguez has always been a drama queen; a role as soap opera anti-hero might just be his true calling.

The telenovela is as much a part of Mexican culture as the tortilla or the inability to drink tap water.  So who wants to wager Rodriguez makes a cameo on a Mexican soap opera this season?  If you’re the head of Galavision, you’d be a fool not to make him an offer.

So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Alejandro.

Alejandro text

The Latin lover arrives home (artistic license: A-Rod is actually Dominican-American) after years of playing professional baseball abroad although this time, he returns to his little Mexican villa a figure of disgrace.

The entire town of Santo Poco who once supported him unconditionally now turns their collective noses up at him knowing he brought shame both to his name and their town.

Alex Rodriguez, Alejandro, enters his family’s villa after many yearsHis father, brother, mother and the lover he once left behind all sit in the living room.

Tears welling up in his eyes, Alejandro shouts “Papá, I’m home.  Hermanito.  Mamá, it’s so good to be back after all these years.”

Alejandro’s father lifts his head up from the newspaper he’s reading, lowering his spectacles down on to his nose.  The aging, weather-beaten father gets up from his patterned living room chair and leaves the room with a look of disgust on his face.

“Papá!” shouts A-Rod, reaching out his arm dramatically.  A single tear runs down his face as his father leaves the room.  Alejandro knows he returns a disappointment.

Alex eats“No te preocupes, mi hijo.  Your father will be fine,” responds Mama Alejandro, happy to see her son under any circumstance.  She gives him a hug before shuffling into the kitchen to prepare some coffee.  “Just give him time,” she comforts.  “He’ll come around.”

Alejandro’s brother gets up to give his older brother an embrace.  “How are things, hermanito?” asks Alejandro.  “How’s that curveball coming?  Still remember everything I taught you?”

The brother nods shyly, unsure whether he should follow his mother’s lead or his father’s.  Alejandro lovingly messes with his younger brother’s hair.  “After dinner, we’ll go out for a catch.”  The brother nods then leaves the room, fearing the heckling he’ll receive from the neighborhood when playing catch with his brother in the front yard.

Alejandro’s former lover glances shyly from across the room.  Alejandro slowly approaches her.

“Amor, it is so good to see you.  You have no idea what this last year has been like for me,” he confesses.

His lover knows not what to believe.  He’s lied so many times before.

As the sun begins to set on the village, made famous only because of Alejandro’s ascent into stardom, a loud rumbling emerges outside.

Alejandro and his girlfriend scuffle over to the living room window, carefully peeking their heads through the drapes.

Mexican protestorsThe villagers had gotten word that Alejandro had come home.  They now gather outside his home with pitchforks and torches violently protesting his return.

“Salga, Alejandro!  We know you’re in there!” shouted one apparent leader of the group. “You have disgraced our town and your name!  Come outside and meet your maker!”

Alejandro’s lover holds him back but he knew this time would eventually come.  He had to do what he had to do.

Alejandro walks outside to a throng of boos.  He stands on the elevated patio.  The crowd silences as he raises his hands to speak.

“I’m sorry,” Alejandro told the crowd, finally facing his inner demons, admitting his guilt for the years he had cheated the game.

The crowd peacefully disperses.  That’s all they ever wanted to hear.

13 thoughts on “SportsChump Motion Pictures proudly presents Alejandro

  1. Having just seen the movie ” Lone Survivor ” and a while back ” Zero Dark Thirty ” . I am wondering f Bud Selig will ever seek to hire a group of ex mercenaries to take A Rod out ?

    Here is a player who had the world at his feet and somehow he chooses to ##ck it all up and then look to apportion elsewhere for his misdeeds . He remains baseball’s active leader in v home runs as as well as runs batted in . No chance that MLB or Elias Stats will ever seek to wipe those records from the books at all .

  2. Why would Selig want to “take out” A-Rod, Al?

    He’s already won his war against him, not like it was all that difficult to do. Either way, we’ll soon be rid of both of them. The record books, however, won’t be.

    Can’t blame the Dodgers for paying Kershaw. What’s the going rate for automatic these days? They’ve got money to burn anyway.

    The Rays, meanwhile, simply hope that players like Price stay on their roster because they like it here.

    We’ll see how long that will last.

  3. Selig’s legacy being what it is , will not be looked upon kindly , unless you happen to be one of the oafs at ESPN ,who’ve spent more time kissing his sphincter , rather than reporting the real issues within the game .

    The weather in Tampa is very conducive , unfortunately the fanbase being what is for the Rays continues to be tepid if not lukewarm .

    The Dodgers have over $275 million < committed to Zach Greinke and Clayton Kershaw alone in terms of salary commitments . And with the $8 billion twenty year deal with Time Warner , I don’t believe they will be hurting for money . And parent company Guggenheim Partners has assets of over $100 billion to mess around with . Kind of makes the Rays seem like a paltry organization by comparison , don’t you think ?

  4. Chris

    No truth the rumor that Kellen Winslow Jr has signed an endorsement deal with the makers of Vaseline intensive care , as part of their new sales’ pitch for kinder and softer hands .

    Receptions > caught by Winslow in 2013 and the number of balls he was said to be “cupping ” (two) when caught by a female member of the public pleasuring himself (parking lot of a New Jersey shopping mall) allegedly . He states he was in fact looking for a local Boston Market outlet .

    Bob Arum says he’s prepared to offer Mayweather $30 million to fight Pacquiao ? Floyd Mayweather won’t leave his Vegas home for anything less than $45 million guaranteed for a proposed bout against Manny Pacquiao .

    Of the NBA Finals you have witnessed over the years, which would you say was the most thrilling in terms of the level of play ? I know you mentioned in the piece I completed that you enjoyed the ”96-97 Finals between the Bulls and Jazz ?

    tophatal …………….

  5. It fascinates me in an age where the very media that tries to break down anyone that rises above the masses to be popular simultaneously admits the people it “serves” will forgive almost any indiscretion if you just admit you messed up. Some errors in judgement are of course much larger than others but we are a forgiving society for the most part. Just fess up when given up. That’s all you really need to do…and people may not forget what you’ve done but they also will remember how you handled things once revealed.

  6. Don’t kid yourself, Al. You and I both know the Baseball Hall of Fame will eventually construct a wing in Bud Selig’s honor. Heck, he’ll probably end up funding it.

    If you think Kershaw got paid, wait til you see the rest of the money the Dodgers will dole out in salary. Highest payroll in baseball? I think so.

    My comments on Winslow’s antics will be ahem… forthcoming.

    Please don’t tell me you think the next boxing match between Fighter A and Fighter B will garner anywhere near the pay-per-view revenue it should if anyone still gave a damn.

    Hmmmm…. Most exciting NBA Finals in recent years? That Lakers-Celtics one of a few year’s back was pretty good. Last year’s wasn’t all that bad either despite its foregone conclusion.

  7. Chris

    The Dodgers have committed over $300 million pitchers Zach Greinke and Clayton Kershaw alone in terms of team payroll . That should tell you their desire to not only win an elusive World Series title . Not since 1988 have they actually reached that proverbial height of having won baseball’s biggest team prize .

    The Dodgers’ team payroll will far exceed $200 million and put them in line for the luxury tax . That being said their salary commitment in 2013 was approximately $215 million and they only paid just over $9 million while the Yankees with over $220 million payroll paid out over $30 million luxury tax . How is that asinine scheme meant to viewed as being fair and of benefit to the game when that type of imbalance is shown ?

    The game is being governed by bunch of idiots and the fans continue buy into the crap that the likes of Bud Selig and the owners are selling .

    Selig may well go into the Hall of Fame , but you tell me what positives he has brought to the game as commissioner ? If anyone believes that the use of instant replay in 2014 will add to the creation of a level and competitive playing field , they are sadly mistaken. That alone will not stop the continued incompetency of the league’s umpires . The same can be said with regard to the NBA , and proof that took place last night in the game between the Spurs and Blazers .

    How often do you hear about Gregg Popovich being ejected from a game over what was clearly a questionable call and gross error by a referee and his assistants ?

    I am quite certain that the umpires (MLB) and the referees (NBA) may well have attended Hadley University . Attendees (students) there , their lone disability is that they are legally blind.

    Kinder softer hands , is that what Kellen Winslow Jr wishes that he had ? He says he was actually looking for a local Boston Market eaterie and that was the only reason why he was in the parking lot of the mall at the time . On the other hand (pardon the pun) an explanation is needed why a open container of what appears to be used Vaseline was found in the Escalade ? Having allegedly relieved himself (sexually) , what did he do with the evidence that may well have been part of that particular bodily function ?

    Papa Winslow must be so proud of his son and how his career has plummeted in the NFL . And to think at one time the Bucs actually made Kellen Winslow the highest paid tight ends in the NFL ? No wonder the franchise remains in such a damn mess . There is no damn intelligence to be found among the Glazer family or any of their front office executives , since the departure of Rich McKay .

    tophatal …………………

  8. Pingback: SportsChump Motion Pictures proudly presents Alejandro - BallHyped Blog Network, MLB | BallHyped Sports Blogs

  9. Al…

    Dodgers ownership has made it clear to everyone that they’re willing to buy a championship. Their payroll this year will probably be four times the Rays.

    You know my thoughts on Selig.

    I didn’t catch Pop getting ejected but it doesn’t surprise me on bit.

    And as promised, my take on Winslow’s ball-handling skills have been posted.

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