Your job should you choose to accept it: Rename Hooker Rehab and win fabulous prizes

Sapp HOFTwo years ago, Warren Sapp was one of the happiest men on the face of the earth.  He had just been inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame after a lifetime of hard-nosed football.  He served as a well-respected member of the community.

This week, he’s in hooker rehab.

You don’t need for me to tell you what happened to Sapp on an extremely ill-advised Super Bowl weekend.  The headlines speak for themselves.  Mr. Sapp made a bad, bad choice.

He was arrested not only for soliciting a prostitute (two, actually) but for assaulting them afterwards, which of course Sapp denies.  Either way, wiser decisions were made with footballs and pin-needles inside the New England locker room before the game than were made by Mr. Sapp immediately following it.

Sapp was subsequently fired from his job at the NFL Network.  He remains in the NFL Hall of Fame.  For that matter, so do OJ Simpson and Lawrence Taylor.

Whether Sapp is innocent or guilty is not the point.  The point is that in accordance with his probation, Sapp is required to attend what they call “Hooker Rehab.”

You read that right.  Somebody not so inventive came up with the name hooker rehab and it stuck.

So let’s get to the bottom of this.  What exactly is hooker rehab?

Donna SummerIf hooker rehab is a way to get problem women off the streets and away from resorting to prostitution as a way of living, then I’m all for it.  If hooker rehab is designed for men who have an addiction with prostitutes, then more power to the institution as well.

But perhaps we should call it something else.  Hooker rehab just sounds like a bad reality TV show, one you wouldn’t want to watch but couldn’t turn your eyes away from, mostly because you hoped a random boob would pop out.

I’m not suggesting hooker rehab isn’t an appropriate name.  Heck, it almost makes me want to attend a meeting just to see what goes on there, depending on the cover charge of course.  I’m just saying there’s probably a more scientific, and perhaps politically correct, name we could use to describe the good these meetings are allegedly doing.

I am therefore putting your creativity to the test.  The person who can best rename “Hooker Rehab” will win a brand new SportsChump t-shirt, a free ride down Tampa’s Nebraska Avenue and the sage advice that it’s always best to use a condom when engaging in carnal knowledge with anyone who in any way is associated with hooker rehab.

 

16 thoughts on “Your job should you choose to accept it: Rename Hooker Rehab and win fabulous prizes

  1. I’ll think of something better later I’m sure but how about ” The Warren Sapp School of How to Let the NFL Network Get Rid Of You”. Or maybe “Sapp & Robinson – Now we Know How To Keep You From Getting Caught”. (Reference Eugene Robinson from Falcons on the night prior to SB in 1999).

  2. There’s a whole slew of NFL guys that could sit in and guest lecture, Moose.

    And of course I remember that Eugene Robinson story. Hadn’t he just won the NFL’s Humanitarian Award the day before? Good thing they did their due diligence.

    Let’s not forget about Mark Chmura either. Talk about a hot tub time machine.

  3. He had – maybe the rehab class should be renamed the Sapp-Robinson Humanitarian Payback For (To?) Girls in Stiletto Heels.

  4. We’re all addicted to something… Too bad.

    How about Warren’s War on fidelity…

  5. Charles Barkley ” Officer , if I’m speeding, it’s because I’m off to get a blow-#ob from a hooker ” .

    Lawrence Taylor ” She should’ve told me she was under the age of sixteen before she forced me to have sex with her ”

    Darren Sharper ” I had a drink with these women , how was I suppose to know they couldn’t take their liquor ? It’s not as I drugged them intentionally for sex ” .

  6. Okay, gang. Mark is in the lead here.

    Damn, didn’t he win a shirt not too long ago?

    Share the wealth, bra.

    C’mon, gang. What else we got?

  7. Personally, I don’t believe the Justice Dept will be able to punish the soccer organization with any meaningful severity . Besides , let me ask you this , if they’re going after FIFA , then why haven’t they gone after MLB and how the current Dodgers’ ownership obtained the ball-club when it was known the alleged bid by Magic Johnson and his partners had issues initially apart from not being the highest bid submitted ? Ask yourself that , albeit the whole process was presided over by Federal Court Judge within the Federal Bankruptcy Courts . Bud Selig was known to favor the bid of Mark Walter and Magic Johnson , and that was even with Mark Cuban having made a higher bid for the club .

  8. 1. Ho-B-Gone
    Muhammad Ali could do the commercial.
    “Ho-B-Gone kills Johns dead”

    2. Prostitution Solution
    – Located in Malibu, of course, with live “winning” seminars by Charlie Sheen.

    3. Cow’s Milk
    Hey dipshit,
    -Why buy something that so many are giving away for free?
    (Especially if you’re a celebrity)

    4. Beavhab

  9. Sweet.
    Another SportsChump T to rock around So Cal.
    Make it another XL…Got any other colors besides white?
    A prize for talking shit…Which I would have done anyway.
    What a country.

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