Ladies and gentlemen, I once again proudly present the demented mind of Dr Milhouse…
[Fade in on what is obviously a teenage boy’s bedroom. Empty Pepsi cans litter the floor, posters of various Redskins legends adorn the walls, with a bed (without a frame) in the center in front of a large TV. JAY walks in, shrugging off his jacket.]
[The XBox One comes to life and Madden 2016 springs to life. A picture of Odell Beckham Jr. flashes across the screen as Jay begins fiddling with the controls]
JAY: Okay, let’s try an Exhibition Mode game just to get familiar with the controls. Redskins, obviously…but against who? Let’s hit Random….okay, the Lions!
A game slowly begins as we fade in on RFK Stadium. The announcers go through the motions introducing the game as Jay flips through the instruction book]
JAY: Okay, so A is to hike the ball….I’ll figure out the rest, whatever. RG3 will just run all over them anyway. SUPER BOWL, BABY! WE’RE GOING 16-0!!!
[A brief pause as Jay realizes a mistake]
JAY: Wait….did I put the settings on Hall of Fame instead of Easy? Ah, whatever, it’ll be okay. I mean…it’s Detroit. What can they possibly do?
JAY: Oh c’mon ref! That was a late hit! Throw a flag or something! The linesman didn’t even block for him!
JAY: OH COME OFF IT! I TOTALLY HIT THE JUKE BUTTON! The game’s cheating!
JAY: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! FORGET THIS! MOM, WHEN’S DINNER? XBOX OFF!
[The XBox One slowly shuts down as the last image on the screen is Robert Griffin III being carried out of the game on a stretcher]