I woke up late Sunday morning needing a relaxing day in front of me.
So I took the two books I’m currently entrenched in out to my neighborhood pool for some all-natural Vitamin D.
All was fine and dandy, sun a-blazing and birds a-chirping, until I heard a guy from the apartments above blasting some techno music out of his patio doors. This was about two o’clock in the afternoon. I thought to myself who the hell jams to EDM (electronic dance music) at that hour, unless of course they were still going strong from the night before.
What was even more abhorrently sacrilegious about his choice of music, aside from the fact that it was soullessly electronic in and of itself, was that it sampled both Led Zeppelin and Yes. So aside from the incessant aunce aunce that was making my ears hemorrhage on a relaxing, sunny afternoon, I was being subjected against my will to Robert Plant’s likely unlicensed and most certainly, inappropriately placed “Gonna Give You My Love” over… and over… and over again.
I left as soon as my tan lines outweighed the unbearable beats from above.
I came back to the comforts of my quiet home to find a hysterically tasteless and musically-related hashtag trending on Twitter.
At least it took my mind off the aunce aunce.
These, my friends, are the reasons you need a Twitter account, for no other reason than to spend time thinking creatively and making others laugh.
Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present the sick and twisted minds behind #FakeRockAndRollFacts.
#FakeRockandRollFacts Ono is not Yoko’s real last name. It’s what the other Beatles said when they met her.
#DonaldTrump was the inspiration behind Pink Floyd’s The Wall. #FakeRockandRollFacts
Foreigner knew what love was THE ENTIRE TIME. #FakeRockandRollFacts
Now that Aerosmith is getting older they’re rereleasing their hit under the more appropriate title “Walker This Way” #FakeRockandRollFacts
They only say “All you need is love,” because they assume you’ve already had #coffee. #FakeRockandRollFacts
Pearl Jam is actually the least popular flavor of jams and jellies sold at Knotts Berry Farm #FakeRockandRollFacts
#FakeRockandRollFacts Nickleback is a great band.
#FakeRockandRollFacts Jim Morrison was born in a van, and Van Morrison was born in a gym.
It only takes Gene Simmons one lick to get to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie pop #FakeRockandRollFacts
#FakeRockAndRollFacts In order to be politically correct, Def Leppard originally considered calling themselves “Hard Of Hearing Leppard”
After failing his Presidential bid, Cruz re-formed his cover band Ted Zeppelin #FakeRockandRollFacts
Before every gig, Mick Jagger makes himself a simple soup with some bread.
It’s only stock and roll but he likes it.
Meatloaf is Vegan #FakeRockandRollFacts @HashFakeFacts
@midnight Little Richard is the biological father of both Lil’ Wayne and Lil’ John #FakeRockandRollFacts
Scientists discovered that listening to Rush postpones losing your virginity by 5 years. #FakeRockandRollFacts
#FakeRockandRollFacts Nobody calls Steve Miller the Space Cowboy. Nobody calls him the Gangster of Love. No one even calls him Maurice.
#FakeRockandRollFacts The members of KISS actually only like to hug.
After 1980, Leo Sayer transformed himself into fitness guru Richard Simmons #FakeRockandRollFacts
Bad Company was actually quite profitable and a pleasure to spend quality time with #FakeRockandRollFacts
In Summer 1974, Cher toured Chile with a military themed show entitled August Pinocher #FakeRockandRollFacts #WarCrimesSuck
#FakeRockAndRollFacts David Lee Roth to be honored by R&R Hall of Fame as LEAST Obnoxious Frontman
Joan Jett and the Blackhearts all died of smoking related diseases in the mid 90s. #FakeRockandRollFacts
#FakeRockandRollFacts George Michael once opened for Elton John. And I’m not talking about a concert
American Pie was actually made in Japan. #FakeRockandRollFacts
#FakeRockandRollFacts Billy Joel did start that fire……
#FakeRockandRollFacts: Phil Collins Becomes Alcoholic, Changes Name To Tom Collins
Chuck Berry and Little Richard lost Rock & Roll to Elvis in an Epic Poker game. #FakeRockandRollFacts
She didn’t really shake him all night long; it was more like 3 or 4 minutes. Then he fell asleep. #FakeRockandRollFacts
Pete Best has no regrets #fakerockandrollfacts