It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…

Let’s talk about sport and adventure of another sort, shall we?  Considering hockey and basketball seasons are over and all we really have to talk about is how bad the US Soccer team is, it’s time to get inventive with my summertime posts.

Al the test tubeSo here’s goes.

First, let it be known that science is not my strong suit.  None of them are.  While I fared considerably better in chemistry and physics than I did in biology, when someone tries to explain something to me that is in any way scientific, I can’t help but wonder if they notice the look of bewilderment on my face.  In fact, Al the little green test tube in Trivia Crack is my sworn nemesis, smiling at me with his smug little grin as he ends my every turn.  I score in the mid-to-high 70s in most every other category (89% in sports, thank you very much) yet I struggle to stay around 68-69% in the field that baffles me most.

So I’m going try and explain what I saw the other day the best I can in layman’s terms.

I was sitting on my sofa and relaxing before work when I heard helicopters hovering above my building.  I didn’t panic.  I haven’t done nearly enough wrong to warrant the authorities busting down my door.  In my increasingly hermitic state, I just played on my laptop and bided my time until it was time to make the donuts.

Finally showered and ready for work, I walked to my car and said hello to my friendly neighbor who is singlehandedly keeping Phillip Morris in business from inside his screened in patio.

He said “take a look at this,” pointing to his screen, or at least what I thought that’s what he was pointing at.  He wasn’t.

Apparently they’ve been doing some construction nearby, putting up entirely new power lines, which I can only hope reduces my apartment’s number of electrical shortages while not simultaneously making me glow from its exposure.

I had seen that construction workers were doing something in my neighborhood lately.  I just didn’t pay it any mind until my neighbor pointed out one construction worker in particular.

man dangles from helicopter

And you thought your job was tough.

As I turned my head to what my neighbor was actually pointing at, I saw a man dangling from a helicopter about, I don’t know, five hundred feet in the air.  Let’s just say it was high enough to make Evel Knievel nervous.  I hadn’t had my coffee yet or I really would have been feeling the heebie-jeebies.

Apparently what these companies do is employ workers who hang from helicopters instead of having them climb up eighty foot utility poles.  I’m not sure the exact logic behind this.  Perhaps it’s safer to dangle a human being from a helicopter than it is to have him climb up that far.   I suppose that makes sense.  Someone also told me it was cheaper.  There’s nothing like the bottom line to figure into the equation of one man’s well-being.

I regret not taking a video of the flying electrician but let’s just say as the helicopter lowered him from pole to pole, he wasn’t exactly going school zone slow.  The hanging chad (there has to be a Chad somewhere that does this for a living) was traveling at a pretty startling pace.

Neo and MorpheusThe adventurous side of me for a brief moment thought “That would be pretty cool.”  The far more sensible side of me thought there’s no way in hell I’m strapping myself to the bottom of a helicopter like Neo trying to save Morpheus from the Matrix.

I immediately thought of Lee Majors in “The Fall Guy” and Burt Reynolds in “Hooper” and how I’d much rather tend bar for a living than fly through the air with the greatest of quease.  Heck, I don’t even own a tool belt.  I can barely change a light bulb or answer a simple biology question never mind hang 200 feet in the air while shouting “Just a little lower, Bob!”  Sticking a paper clip in an outlet has to be far safer electrical work.

So the next time you complain about your job, keep in mind there are a few gigs out there more hazardous.  Be thankful yours doesn’t involve the constant risk of plummeting to your demise.

the flying electrician

12 thoughts on “It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…

  1. So this is what Duke Energy is now paying their employees to do ?

    Will Johnny Manziel prove to be more of a success as an incarcerated inmate than his NFL career was said to be ?

    When Tavaris Jackson points a gun at a female and responds …. ” look b#tch ” ? Should we take him at his word ?

    Mike Krzyzewski is head coach of the USA Men’s Basketball team for the Rio Olympics . But at this pace with the number of players now dropping out, can he now rely on some of his Duke starters as back-up replacements ?

  2. Did you read about Manziel’s attorney, Al? It never gets old with that guy.

    And who ya’ got in the Olympics for basketball, man? USA or the field?

  3. You sure that wasn’t Manziel stunt-doubling as Tom Cruise in the next Mission Impossible movie?

  4. Moose…

    I don’t think even Manziel could keep that gig.

    Although having Cruise recruit him into Scientology would be about the only thing left for Manziel at this point.

  5. The way the US Team players are now opting out from going to Rio , has me wondering , will head coach Mike Krzyzewski bring in some of the Duke players ?

    At least Johnny Manziel’s attorneys aren’t F Lee Bailey or Alan Dershowitz . Manziel’s father suggests, his son should be sentenced to jail, because he remains a danger to himself and to others. Has he just now figured that out , considering his son’s behavior at Texas A & M ? WTF !!!!!

    The Rays lose eleven straight , then pound the Red Sox 13-7 ? Go figure ?

    English soccer fans are in mourning after the team’s loss to Iceland, 2-1 in the European Championships . What with the Brexit (UK’s exit from the European Union) , the soccer hooligans from the country can’t now pi$s on immigrant refugees in Paris . So they will begin to pi$s on each other instead.

    Team USA’s loss in the knockout stages of the Copa D’America was equally embarrassing after the amount of bull$hit coming out of team coach Jurgen Klinsmann’s mouth. His utterances about the US not being scared of Argentina was a joke , as the team got their a$ses handed to them 4-0.

  6. Duke’s good but not that good, Al. This team that the US has compiled is good enough to win the gold. We’ll just see if they show up.

    Johnny Manziel’s dad. Dude, this guy has clearly never whooped his son’s ass. And it shows.

    And then the Rays lose again, Al. Shocker.

    US Soccer? Same old story, isn’t it? Make it to the Final Four, get beat by “the better team” then don’t show up in the consolation game.

  7. No thanks to the heli-swing.

    …Trivia Crack, Quiz Up and Words with Friends on the other hand

    ALL IN

    Love those apps…I’m hooked like Manziel when it comes to those


  8. Chris, the team on paper is good, but look at the number of top-rank marquee players who have dropped out off the roster in the last ten days for the Team USA Basketball. If they should falter and it is a possibility they might then they will only have themselves to blame. Explanations concerning their not playing , have ranged from tiresome regular and postseason, to the issues of the Zika Virus and epidemic.

    Manziel’s father was too busy doing his Art Briles’ impersonation.

    Kevin Cash is so out of his depth that it has become painful to watch the team , much less listen to Cash’s explanations concerning the Rays’ inconsistency.

    Team USA Soccer might not be as much as an embarrassment as the English soccer team, who lost 2-1 to Iceland in the knockout stages of the European Championships. Iceland’s population is just over 323,000 people and by comparison, the population of England is 53 million. At least the English soccer hooligans haven’t let the country down ,when it comes to their gross behavior (pis$ing and $hitting on refugees in France during the tournament).

    The silly season has started during the NBA off-season. Joakim Noah looks set to sign a big deal with the Knicks. Now Timofey Mozgov (center) who averaged 6.3 and 4 rebounds this past season with the Cavaliers , will sign a four-year $70 million deal with the Lakers. If that’s the case, then what will this mean when it comes to Dwight Howard and his chances of another big money contract ?

    You wonder why the NBA is the only professional team sport where the players are overpaid ? Name one other professional team sport here in the US where there are so many athletes earning in excess of $20 million a year while producing nothing in return for their respective teams ?

    Tophatal ….

  9. Yea, Al, NBA players are cashing in this week. How about that Conley contract? And Whiteside in Miami?

    Listen, teams can obviously afford to pay players these salaries so I’m not crying for the owners.

    Let’s just see how much it costs to get into your average NBA game, however. If the cost of those salaries is getting passed along to the fans, well, then they might be hitting a wall some time soon.

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