The least desirable Christmas gift ever

I was walking around the mall the other afternoon, looking for last minute Christmas gifts for loved ones (I’m a procrastinator; that’s what I do) when I stumbled into one of those stores that sells calendars, games, toys and what not.

big-bang-theory-monopolyYou know the kind.  The stores that sell eighty different kinds of Monopoly boards based on what university you went to, what fast food you eat and what kind of television programs you watch.  Seriously, I saw a Big Bang Theory Monopoly game and a Walking Dead Yahtzee box.  The profit margin on these gifts has to be through the roof, unless of course they pay licensing to the networks, NBA, NFL, NCAA or Major League Baseball, in which case it is those institutions that make all the money while the manufacturers of these products hope for volume sales just to get by.

If you hit your local mall this holiday, you undoubtedly saw stores like these or the inescapable mid-mall kiosks that sell potato chip bowls, party platters, grill spatulas, oven mitts and slippers decorated with the logo of your loved one’s favorite team.

One gift, however, struck me as odd, mostly considering how much they suck.

I mean, if I saw a Browns calendar, I’d probably buy it for someone simply because they’re Browns fans and they don’t have much to live for.  While they suck, at least they have a nice, rich tradition of sucking.  Their fans are faithful and they know their shit.  The Jaguars?  Well, they are simply too sucky to pick on.  Besides, the Jaguars are all that miserable city has too root for other than a day without air pollution, which is far less likely to happen than the Jags’ next winning record.

rams-calendar-2017No, upon perusing the shelves for random sporting gifts to buy people, because that’s what the SportChump does, I found a 2017 Los Angeles Rams desk calendar.

Hmmmmm…

I get that maybe if I lived in Los Angeles (I don’t), that maybe, just maybe, I’d buy someone a Rams calendar, assuming I could find a Rams fan to begin with.  They do exist, right?  I did not open the box to see whether each day had a Rams history factoid and a big black “L” scribbled across it.

Last year’s Rams calendar might have been worth something,  a collector’s item if you will, as 2016 was, once again, the first season for this old/new Rams team playing in that city.  Confused?  For a brief and dysfunctional history of the Rams franchise, here ya’ go.  They started in Cleveland (I guess that explains their recent history of sucking) in 1936, later joined the NFL and moved to Los Angeles in 1946 where they stayed (and were quite often competitive) until moving to St. Louis in 1995.  The gypsy ca-Ram-van finally moved back to Los Angeles this year and soon will have a state-of-the-art new stadium in which to lose their football games.

As expected, the 2016 Rams weren’t any good.  They are currently 4-11 and this year’s Christmas present to their fans (not a calendar) was losing at home to the equally bad if not worse San Francisco 49ers, which had lost 13 straight… until they played the Rams.  It’s a good thing no one in Los Angeles is paying attention.

The good news for Rams fans is that they have their quarterback (maybe) and running back (do they?) of the future and they recently fired their coach who simply didn’t fit in with the new team concept.  Nor was he able to embrace the team’s past superstars (see: Fisher vs. Dickerson I).

We here in the Tampa Bay area have just experienced a ten year drought of suckiness with the team only now starting to emerge from the wilderness so we can relate to Rams fans.  But is there anyone even in Los Angeles proper that received this calendar as a Christmas gift and genuinely sighed “Just what I always wanted?”  Again, trust me.  They were far more content with the Fisher firing.

fisher-rams

In one week, the Rams’ season will (thankfully) be over and our little calendar buddy will hit the sales rack, until about March or April when he’ll be marked down again.  Then, in June, he’ll probably be sent over to the Salvation Army or Goodwill where even there, shoppers will have enough sense to not buy this calendar.

I honestly can’t see why anyone would buy this gift… unless Eric Dickerson wanted to send it to coach Fisher a gag.  Then, and only then, would this giving this calendar as a gift would make perfect sense.

14 thoughts on “The least desirable Christmas gift ever

  1. Jeff Fisher has many admirable traits , but his stating, he wants to be known for the wins he has garnered over the course of his career does seem laughable, when look at his overall record, which is sub.500 .

    Rex Ryan promised so much and failed to deliver . He’s now becoming the gift that keeps on giving , but in reality, no one wants. Buffalo Bills’ team owner Terry Pegula and GM Doug Whaley had no other option , than to Rex Ryan. I think Todd Bowles of the New York Jets will also meet the same fate. The team lacked discipline and not one player wanted or ever stepped up to the plate over the course of the season.

    Trust you and the members of your immediate family had a great Christmas ? Have a Prosperous Year in 2017 . Best wishes !

  2. Just for the record I am a RAIDERS FAN and have always been such. However, because I grew up and live in proximity to LA and the fact that the Rams spent their Pre-season on my campus disrupting my summer youth camps, I can, with some confidence say that there are hundreds if not thousands of fans who would buy this calendar. While I personally wouldn’t but one or use it if it was a gift, there are those who much like any die hard fan are happy they are back and that LA has a team. How long Thais honeymoon will last is, like any other franchise, contingent upon them winning. They do have solme tools that should allow them to experience some success but let’s just say LA is a city used to winning. Truth be told, it is also a very fickle city. Everybody loves a star when there on top. The real test will be what the future,(next season), produces. That will be the forecast for their future. Worst case scenario is you have a keepsake of what could have/ could be.

  3. I’m waiting for the Big Bang Theory Monopoly Game to be discounted…
    I have seen the occasional “why in the hell is this in this store” sporting gift over the years, calendars included. The Rams. Ah, the Rams. I don’t know what the hell they have going for them aside from the fact they’ll be able to move elsewhere as soon as people stop showing up in droves…which should be as early as next year. It’s funny, many moons ago when Jeff Fisher was new and shiny I wanted him to be the Eagles HC. At least he would have continued our then-tradition of spicy defensive play (spicy being the politically correct thing to say). Jeff has a boatload of money now and we’ll see him in a network suit soon. By the way I have a good friend who is a Browns fan. He owns how supremely gruesome they are and I respect the hell out of him for that.

  4. I was never a LAmbs fan. Eric was unreal, but too much Dieter Brock and Chrissy Everett would turn off anyone.

    I pulled for the Raiders when they first moved to LA, (having USC alum Marcus Allen played a big part of that), but soon as that POS Al Davis took em back to Oakland, I dropped them like a hot potato. I am now an official Raider-hater. Rams too. But many out here are still loyal to both. Including my father and brother. Both die-hard Rams fans even when they were in St. Louis, so I give em credit. Lots of those here.

    As for me, I grew up a huge Lawrence Taylor fan, but was never really a NY Giants fan. Just loved the way LT played every down like his life depended on it. Cocaine…It’s a hell of a drug.

    I adopted the Packers in the early 90’s due to my sister in-law’s passion. She married a guy from Green Bay, moved there and every time she visited insisted on watching religiously and I got drawn in and hooked. Been a So-Cal cheesehead ever since. GO PACK!

  5. Al…

    Coaching in the NFL can’t be easy. Far more men succeed than fail, which is odd when you consider over the course of time, it’s a zero sum game. For every loss, there must be a win.

    Which makes it all the more compelling what Bill Belichick is doing in New England (and for the record, I already feel sorry for the guy that will have to eventually replace Brady.)

    Fisher and Ryan may end up somewhere else but it’s looking less and less likely as the stink they leave behind them cannot be erased from their resumes.

  6. Mony…

    I think the Rams need to flash it up a little bit, bring back some of the style of play of the Marshaul Faulk St Louis Rams. I think only then the city will embrace them once again. You know how they like themselves a little showtime. And as you suggest, a little winning.

    And if, as you say, you know a few people interested in the calendar, tell ’em you can probably find a few pretty cheap here in Florida.

    Belated Christmas gifts if you will.

  7. Burnsy….

    There’s a line at the end of The Firm where Tom Cruise is talking to his mafia clientele, one of them played aptly by Paul Sorvino (when is he bad).

    When convincing his clients that their secrets will remain with him and only him (attorney-client privilege), he compares himself to a ship that will never reach a port.

    Sure sounds these Rams to me.

    I know they are beloved in LA. Most of the post was meant in jest. But starting, or rather restarting a professional sports franchise can’t be easy, particularly when the product they’re putting on the field is atrocious.

  8. Fucking classic Rome.

    Glad the Chrissy reference didn’t go unnoticed.

    Though there was the Kurt Warner era after that, but still, I think that clip ranks higher to non-Rams fans.

  9. Those were some bad ass Rams teams for sure, Bleed, but L.A. can hardly take credit for them.

    So what’s your take? Here are your options:

    A) Goff and Gurley will be stars for L.A.
    B) Goff will be a star but Gurley won’t
    C) Gurley will be a star but Goff won’t
    B) Neither will be a star and both will be moved

    Which one are you taking? Or I guess I should include an option E which is both will be serviceable but not dominant.

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