After a brief birthday hiatus and neglecting to post anything on the website for a few days, one dedicated reader politely requested I jot down something about SEC media week.
I won’t lie. I missed the whole damn thing. A week full of whiskey, dinners and golfing got in the way, although probably not as much whiskey, dinner and golfing that occurred over SEC weekend. Besides, without Steve Spurrier at the helm and Nick Saban no longer having to ass-chew Lane Kiffin, SEC media days are a sequel we have no business watching. The event came and went like a feather in the wind, unless you consider a coach from one school claiming a coach from another school ran a dirty program nothing to see. Isn’t that par for the SEC course?
That nothing to see lasted one week… until the “butt dial” heard ‘round the South. If only Hugh Freeze’s cellphone hooker scandal had happened seven days sooner. SEC Media Week would have garnered Super Bowl-like ratings.
So, by popular demand, I decided to throw down a little something tasteless. Besides, webmaster Eddie Griffin, a huge Mississippi State Bulldog fan, would have pulled the site down if I “miss”ed the opportunity to rag on Ole Miss and their now former head coach.
And so it goes, another college football head coach stepping down amidst scandal. The latest? Oh, you haven’t heard? Hugh Freeze, formerly of Ole Miss, used his cell phone to contact a call girl. It was his school issued cell phone. Since Ole Miss, a.k.a. the University of Mississippi, is a state school, that means taxpayer dollars funded the phone to get their head coach laid by someone other than his wife. Side note: Hugh Freeze made $1.5 million last year in salary alone, more than enough to buy another cell phone.
One day we’ll stop holding these men to higher standards.
Of course, that’s baloney. We should hold these men accountable. They teach the young men of tomorrow the difference from right and wrong, just apparently not which cell phone to use when lining up strange. More importantly, they teach them how to score touchdowns.
But they’re no role models. I mean, look at Bobby Petrino. The guy was caught cheating on his wife after wrecking his motorcycle with the woman he was sleeping with on the back. This woman was also illegally hired to work in the department. Petrino gave very possibly the most embarrassing tell-all press conference, this side of Tiger Woods, while wearing a neck brace. His face was all bloodied from the accident, his reputation and ego probably more so. They should have charged a cover for that press conference. You couldn’t make that story up if you tried. Seriously, if you do a Google search for Bobby Petrino, this is the first image that comes up.
On a day that OJ Simpson was almost set free, Hugh Freeze grabbed the headlines. He nearly led Ole Miss to a national championship and made a football program that was an afterthought a national powerhouse. He had his team ranked in the top five for the first time in fifty years. He beat ‘Bama. Twice.
Then he made that phone call.
Look, I’m not here to judge. To each his own. But I will say using state funded cell phones to call hookers when you have a wife and teenage daughters at home is not the smartest thing a man has ever done. Welcome to the SEC!
In the grand landscape of college football scandals, this too shall pass. It will fall somewhere between George O’Leary lying on his resume and Joe Paterno turning a blind eye to shower stalls at Penn State.
So, to honor the dishonorable Coach Freeze (who will coach again, don’t you worry), I hereby present the funniest (and most tasteless) Freeze Tweets from the post-SEC Week that was.
Scott Vann @swvann
Breaking news: Hugh Freeze has just been named assistant men’s basketball coach at the University of Louisville.
Shouldn’t we wait until we have all the facts before we judge Hugh Freeze?
And by “all the facts”, I mean “a photo of his whore.” #OleMiss
I have yet to find any overly hysterical Tweets about the Hugh Freeze scandal. I guess internet access in Mississippi is still spotty.
Marcus Maxximista @ido4me_period
Hugh Freeze got Blind Sided.
Colton Pouncy @CTPSports
Michael Oher is out here biting cab drivers. Hugh Freeze is dialing escort services with the company phone. I’m ready for “The Blind Side 2”
If it came out that Nick Saban somehow had that escort service number programmed into Hugh Freeze’s phone… would anybody be surprised?
Big Daddy @ShitBigPapaSays
Hugh Freeze now qualified to coach for the Dallas Cowboys.
Aaron Torres @Aaron_Torres
Hugh Freeze busted for calling an escort service. If Rick Pitino taught us anything, its that you ALWAYS let the assistants make those calls
Noah Richardson @Nrichardson32
Hugh Freeze resigns and OJ gets out of jail in one day. Coincidence? I think we have ourself a coach.
Jonny Loquasto @JQuasto
Hugh Freeze was just contacting that escort service so he could lecture them on how to live virtuously
Larry D @LarryD10467
His wife said he is not going to get any til Hugh Freeze’s over