Strippers and cellphones: Just another day in the life

The following is a family story.  You know… one for the children.

As I work in the service industry, most of my friends are service industry people who have funny service industry stories to tell.

The following is one of those stories.

We recently hired a new security guy at our pub.  He didn’t last long, only made it through the night.  I guess we weren’t the right fit.

But on his way out, he told a funny story.

Said bouncer-for-a-day was recently employed by a local strip club prior to coming to work at our far more family-friendly establishment.  As many of you probably know, Tampa Bay is essentially the strip club capital of the world.  For those of you who don’t know, strip clubs are places where scantily clad (or even lesser-clad than that) dance on a stage, flirting with men (and quite often women) in exchange for dollar bills (or sometimes fives, tens or twenties depending on whether you’re hanging out with Nelly).

This particular strip club was not one of those places.  According to the bouncer, it was considerably lower end.  As you’ll soon find out, they held their employees, and patrons, to a much lower standard.

Said bouncer appeared to do things by the book, which is generally what you want out of a club bouncer.  Any impairment in judgment could affect his job performance which in turn could expose the club’s liability in case of an incident.

So, when the bouncer, let’s call him D, walked into this club and found not only patrons smoking blunts, but also the bartenders and bar managers as well, he knew this wasn’t the place for him.  For those of you who don’t know, blunts are a blend of marijuana and tobacco rolled up in cigar form… or so I’ve heard.

But the blunt-smoking was just the tip of the iceberg.

He told me that he saw something in this club that he had never seen before in all his days of security work.  During the evening, a stripper took to the stage… and was on her cellphone the entire time!

Now I have been to some ratty strip clubs in my day and I’ve seen plenty of shit go down on stage.  I’ve seen pregnant strippers, strippers smoking cigarettes, aging strippers, rotund strippers, toothless strippers and basically strippers on stage who had no business whatsoever taking their clothes off in public.

To each his own.

But I can honestly say I have never seen a stripper get on stage and start texting her friends and family.

Oh my God!  I’m on stage and this one guy… he threw a quarter and like… Oh my God!  So, like, what are you doing later?  What am I doing?  Oh, nothing.  I’m just at work.  Okay, let me call you back.  Okay, bye.

That’s right.  She wasn’t on stage flirtatiously flaunting her body parts for all her customers to see which, like it or not, is the most essential part of being a stripper.  It says so right there in the stripper manual.  Note: Most strip clubs do not have employee manuals but you have to admit, if they did, they’d be entertaining as hell to read.

When working in the “service” industry, while at work, one is supposed to be doing just that…. SERVING!!!  Piddling around on one’s cell phone means you’re taking attention away from your clientele and giving it to whomever is on the other end of that phone.

This stripper wasn’t shaking her tailfeather on stage which is the job she signed up for but rather was Facebooking, Instagramming or perhaps even day trading.  Priorities, right?

So, let this be a lesson to you good folks at home.  The office is no place to be playing around on your cellphone, particularly when your job requires you pay attention to others, while on a stage, dancing to Motley Crue, in a bikini with dollar bills hanging out of it.

Or perhaps we should all get our noses out of our phones and focus more on social interaction.  Just a thought.

14 thoughts on “Strippers and cellphones: Just another day in the life

  1. Eric Bolling didn’t heed the warning. PBS’s Charlie Rose wasn’t concerned about the use of a cell phone as he simply dropped his pants and let his junk swing in the air. Who knew PBS wanted to offer up adult service to its patrons ?

    Is it me , but Jameis Winston is not content with trying to steal from Publix, that wants to have sex with female Uber drivers ? Can you imagine what Christmas will be like in his household when Amazon has to ship him a delivery ? Amazon Prime will take on a whole new meaning in terms their services offered.

    tophatal ……….

  2. Al…

    They join the long line of pro athletes who got busted for sending pics of their nether regions. Who is Brett Favre and Greg Oden.

    Still waiting to see how this whole Jameis thing plays out.

  3. I just saw an episode of Cops in shot in Tampa where a cop was busting hookers in a full-on clown suit. You just can’t surprise me with a Tampa story anymore.

  4. Now I want to write a Stripper Employee Handbook. Which is actually what I do for a living. The writing. Not the stripping. Nobody needs that.

  5. Only been to a strip club like 5 or 6 times…Always disappointing IMO and the few I went to were the higher end ones in LA and Vegas. Just don’t understand giving my hard earned money to gold digging sluts to give me blue balls. Seems counterproductive…Kinda like your cell phone ho.

    BTW…A blunt has no tobacco. It’s typically a Swisher Sweet split open length wise with the tobacco dumped out and replaced by weed. I prefer the strawberry flavored Swishers.

  6. I like angel already based on her post. Now if we could just get SC stripping we’d have a story

  7. Al…

    I have a feeling the Fitzpatrick-led Bucs will receive their comeuppance this weekend in Atlanta.

    He’s doing well in Jameis’ absence but let’s keep in mind who they’ve beaten the last two games: Jets and Miami.

    He’s a short-term answer to Jameis getting his head and health right. A very short team answer.

  8. Careful, Moose.

    Angel has been known to stalk a brother. Fortunately, I’m not her type (and her husband is my boy).

    She much prefers talk, lanky, Latvian goalies.

  9. Blunts (from what I have learned) don’t have tobacco, like your other friend said…. strictly for research purposes. If I didn’t have my face in my phone at work I would never see these amusing articles.

    Was she even texting while making a sexy pose? Maybe she was sexting, and thought it counted.

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