We take a short time-out from our annual Nick Saban-Urban Meyer Invitational for this news bulletin!
ONLY ONE OF THESE TWO COACHES WILL BE INVITED TO THE PLAYOFFS!!!
Ah… but which one, the announcement that every Buckeye and Crimson Tide fan will be losing sleep over until the bell tolls noon on Sunday.
Odds are that Alabama will be the favorite to land that fourth and final playoff spot, coveted positions that Clemson, Oklahoma and Georgia have mostly likely already locked up… but in the words of one famous, college football analyst, not so fast, my friends.
Since both Meyer and Saban are sleeping about as little as their fans, and considering a legitimate case (sort of) can be made for both schools, I thought we’d have a little fun with how to best determine which school gets the nod.
Accordingly, I thought I’d come up with a few helpful (and most assuredly fun) suggestions, a final competition if you will, that each coach could perform in front of a national audience to determine which program is more deserving.
For example, they could….
- Host a Billy Madison debate style contest between Meyer and Saban. Winner’s school gets in.
- We could have a tug-of-war between the two with each coach picking the school’s most notable athletic alumnus to help them out, resurrecting the ghosts of both Archie Griffin and Joe Namath. Oh wait, those guys aren’t dead.
- The selection committee could host an old school Battle of the Stars competition. No, never mind. Urban Meyer’s heart couldn’t take it.
- Personally, I like a stand-up joke-off between the two, a quick, five-minute set to see who can make a neutral audience laugh more. The only problem is that neither of these two coaches have a sense of humor.
- We could host a Dave Chappelle episode where both Saban and Meyer talk trash to one another in front of a crowd, Playa-Hater style. Fedoras, canes and fur coats optional but encouraged for full effect.
- Saban and Meyer could square off in an Over The Top arm-wrestling match, complete with cut-off, sleeveless T’s and trucker caps turned backwards. Sly Stallone could referee.
- Spelling Bee!
- Another personal favorite would be the Wonder Woman Golden Lasso Competition. I suggest that the fictional Wonder Woman tie each of them up with her golden lasso and whatever sordid truths they reveal, the one whose are more shocking gets the nod. Somewhere Rick Pitino is cringing at the idea… which is why I like it so much.
- In keeping with the holiday spirit, perhaps a blind-folded Christmas present wrapping contest for the disadvantaged. For fun, we would supply only one roll of tape.
- Or, perhaps, after each had thrown back a bourbon or two, we could strap them into NASCAR vehicles Ricky Bobby style and, you know, hope for the best.
- And then of course, there’s a Dance-Off!!!
Okay, so they were just suggestions. Perhaps not the most strategic of ways to determine a national champion. Either way, like it or not, the real answer will come at noon on Sunday without any of these contests taking place, unfortunately.
One school, and coach, will be in. The other’s school, and coach, left out.
Or we could do the sensible thing and just nominate the undefeated, American Athletic Conference champion, Central Florida.
Now that, my friends, is laughable.