And the best song of the 1980s is…

I love lists.  I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame.  An eternal flame.

When Sirius/XM and Billboard decided they were going to take an entire weekend and count down the top 500 songs of the 1980s, I contemplated taking off work and wondered how much coffee I would need to stay up for 72 straight hours so as not to miss a beat.

By no means is the 80s my favorite decade for music.  That being said, I do feel it gets an unnecessarily bad rap for putting out otherwise meaningless tunes.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.  In fact, the 80s is probably the most diverse decade the music industry has ever known.

The 80s was a time when rhythm and blues died, pop reigned, new wave planted its flag and hip-hop was born.  Sure, the decade had its share of memorable one hit wonders but what decade hasn’t?  The countdown billed the decade as one that started with the Miracle on Ice… and ended with Vanilla Ice.  Very clever, Sirius XM.  You really got me.

The list was destined to create some debate in the SportsChump household.  Little did I know I’d have a problem only 20 songs in.  Michael McDonald’s “I Keep Forgettin’” and INXS’s “New Sensation” ranked behind Debarge’s “Who’s Johnny” right out of the gate.  I found out later the list wasn’t doing INXS’ Kick any favors when “What You Need” chimed in at 442.  There would be more musical crimes, none more so than listing “Purple Rain” at 369?!?  I figured that would be top ten for sure!  When they listed Expose’s “Seasons Change” at 220, two songs ahead of Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing,” I concluded their list was either totally full of shit or the 80s saw far too many fans making a run on Expose albums.

How they put this list together, they never said.  Was it strictly by records sales?  Chart time?  Would they discriminate by genre?  Clearly, they were not taking into account the overall social impact of the song if Purple Rain didn’t crack the top 350!

I was between 12 and 22 years old in the 80s.  It was the perfect time to be an 80s-o-phile.  But how well could I remember which songs dominated the airwaves and was I willing to place a wager on it?

Of course, I was.

I challenged my concert-going, music aficionado partner in crime, BCole, to see if she could name more songs in the Top 20 than I could.  Thirteen years my junior, surely, I would mop the floor with her.  She was bouncing in her crib to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” while I was rocking my Ray-Bans and pop-collared denim jacket to “Back in Black.”  She didn’t stand a chance.

Unfortunately, BCole knows her shit and me whiffing on Purple Rain was a bad start.

When compiling my own list of which tracks would land in the Billboard 80s Top 20, I kept thinking back to what videos MTV played incessantly, you know, back when they played videos.  I delved deep into the archives to recall which songs controlled the airwaves for months at a time.  Would a song like Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing,” a great 80s song in its own right, rank high on the list considering it gained popularity only later thanks to Tony Soprano?  Would they take into account staying power, as in what songs have held up over time, or was this list strictly based on how much time these songs spent on the charts?  I know artists like Madonna, Huey Lewis and the News and Hall and Oates dominated the decade but which songs of theirs, if any, would land in the Top 20?  Or was I way off base and would it be some totally cheesy, 80s love ballad that had slipped my mind?

I was already putting too much thought into this.  The list had taken precedence over the Final Four!  DAMN YOU, SIRIUS XM!!!

So, trying to keep my heart strings out of it, I offered up my Top 20, which, in no particular order, consisted of…

Whitesnake – Here I Go Again

Van Halen – Jump

Prince – Purple Rain

Guns and Roses – Sweet Child O’ Mine

Bon Jovi – Livin on a Prayer

Police – Every Breath You Take

Michael Jackson – Billie Jean

Madonna – Like a Virgin

Lionel Richie/Diana Ross – Endless Love

Cyndi Lauper – Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Def Leppard – Photograph

Bangles – Walk Like an Egyptian

U2 – With or Without You

Survivor – Eye Of The Tiger

Eurythmics – Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

Foreigner – I Wanna Know What Love Is

George Michael – Careless Whisper

Prince – When Doves Cry

Kenny Rogers – Lady

Phil Collins – Against All Odds

I felt pretty confident about my list.  BCole’s also included Every Breath You Take, When Doves Cry, Eye of the Tiger, With or Without You and Billie Jean, meaning we had fifteen unique songs.

Her others guesses included Madonna’s Papa Don’t Preach and Material Girl, J. Geils Band Centerfold, Duran Duran’s Rio, Lionel Richie’s Hello, Michael Jackson’s Beat It and Thriller, Paul McCartney’s Say, Say, Say, Bruce Springsteen’s Born In The USA, John Cougar Mellencamp’s Jack and Diane, Blondie’s Call Me, Rick Springfield’s Jessie’s Girl, Tom Petty’s Free Fallin’, Queen’s We Will Rock You and Joan Jett’s I Love Rock n Roll.

The countdown ultimately reached its Top 20 songs a full day-and-a-half after it started.  It was enough to make you not want to hear another 80s song for the rest of your life… or at least until the next countdown.  Combined, we were close, with the smarter of the two of us landing six out the Top 20 correctly and the other guessing five.  Editor’s Note: she also beat me in my March Madness bracket.

Before delving any further, SPOILER ALERT, stop now if you care to take any guesses.  Here are Billboard’s Top 20 songs of the 1980s in reverse order:

20 – Lionel Richie – Dancing on the Ceiling

19 – Lionel Richie – Say You, Say Me

18 – Steve Miller – Abracadabra (admittedly his worst yet top-selling song)

17 – Michael Jackson – Billie Jean

16 – Diana Ross – Upside Down

15 –Dionne Warwick & friends – That’s What Friends Are For (Don’t end a song title with a preposition)

14 – Ebony & Ivory – Stevie Wonder & Paul McCartney (not to be outdone by the equally memorable Joe Piscopo/Eddie Murphy rendition)

13 – Joan Jett – I Love Rock and Roll

12 – John Lennon – Just Like Starting Over

11 – J. Geils Band – Centerfold

10 – Kenny Rogers – Lady

9 – Blondie – Call Me

8 – Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson – Say, Say, Say

7 – Queen – Another One Bites The Dust

6 – Irene Cara – What a Feeling (Theme From Flashdance)

5 – The Police – Every Breath You Take

4 – Survivor – Eye Of The Tiger

3 – Lionel Richie & Diana Ross – Endless Love

2 – Kim Carnes – Bette Davis Eyes

And, according to the Billboard charts, the number one song of the entire decade was…

Olivia Newton John’s Physical.

Almost forty years later, it would be farcical to say that Physical didn’t dominate the charts.  It might not be the best song of the 80s (because it isn’t by any stretch, no pun intended) but it did spend a whopping ten weeks at number one, plus it inspired an entire gender across the globe to wear spandex and leggings, which I suppose isn’t a bad thing.

As trend-setting, record-selling and chart-topping as Physical was, it can be argued that any slew of songs that made the list were both subjectively, and objectively, better.  Had Olivia Newton John resolved America’s obesity problem, I’d argue that it was the most influential song ever but Richard Simmons has had more of an impact on people eating healthy than Olivia Newton John, which begs the question how important and rankings anyway?  Texas Tech was never number one this season and they’re about to play for a national championship, which can only mean that the people getting paid to rank college basketball teams must be the same people that bought all those Olivia Newton John albums back in the day.  No disrespect to lovely and talented Mrs. John (“Oh, Sandy!” he says in his best John Travolta impression) but Grease was far more impactful.

But then again, what do I know?  I lost the contest.

16 thoughts on “And the best song of the 1980s is…

  1. Despite the fact the song was released the same year that my adorable face entered the world, I have an opinion still on why the #1 song of the 80’s according to Billboard, may actually deserve its place. I think you just may be missing the point of why “Physical” was huge. Imagine, it’s 1981, the glass ceiling is in full swing for women, it’s completely acceptable to flirt and sexually harass your female coworker and God forbid she turn him down because her secretary job was on the line…then ONJ puts on TV, a song giving women a sexual voice, over sexualizing men in her video, and making a feminist stand without “the man” being aware of it. She is a fucking genius and THAT is why I believe it’s #1….and most men today still don’t even realize it. Hehe

  2. I LOVED this post!! Surprised you didn’t include “Thriller” on yr list sir? And there were a few others ( What a feeling/Flashdance) that yr partner- in-crime got that seemed like sure bets to me. So BOTH yr lists had some great pix. As for me… I have trouble narrowing or judging the field. Phil Collins, Prince & Sting should have led the pack in my humble opinion . When did Wings do all that great stuff? Was that more late 70’s? And I hated Ebony & Ivory ( even though I respected the performers I thought the song was pablum). So I’m not good at that stuff but proud of U sir. And I love lists too!! Must be in-the-blood? Wonderful post!! Really enjoyed it!! Thx!

  3. There are some talented voices on the Billboard 20 list, i.e. Mercury, Ross, and Jackson. However, solo performances by either Steve Miller or Blondie wouldn’t last 30 seconds with Chuck Barris on his “Gong Show”.

  4. Although, I did love that album as a kid…I wouldn’t have picked that as number one. I do really like you sticking up for INXS, (was the first concert I ever went to). I do feel like there were far more popular artists like Prince, U2, Michael Jackson and Madonna who should have been closer to #1.

  5. I’m a few years older and the 70’s are of more interest to me. But lately I have been listening to a lot of 80’s music and I have to say that there are many songs that bring back fond memories. Music like most things is very subjective,so I can’t disagree with anyone’s choices.

  6. Texas Tech is playing for a national championship because, as Olivia Newton-John says, they get physical. Do not underestimate this team. Chris Beard came here with a plan and set out to recruit players who fit into that plan. What you are witnessing is the fruits of his efforts. This team believes in Chris Beard and the plan, so don’t be surprised when Texas Tech comes home with the National Championship.

    And now, for the number one song in Lubbock, Texas—

    https://youtu.be/ERwLlf-GW-s

  7. I was between 9 and 19 years old in the 80s.
    My list would be much different in that I can only go by what my heart and ears tell me, not the feminist / social justice logic that landed ONJ the #1 spot. Don’t get me wrong, Sandy was a fixture in my 80’s spank bank, but the black spandex she rocked at Rydell High was far superior to the chopped hair and florescent colors of Physical. I consider Magic and A Little More Love far better, more listenable songs of hers than Physical.

    Jump might be Van Halen’s biggest hit, but it’s their worst song. Instant station change by me anytime it comes on. Pretty much any other cut off of 1984, Diver Down, Fair Warning or Women and Children First is better than that shit cut IMO. Same with Walk This Way. Even though it was huge and ground breaking, Rockbox, It’s Like That, Hard Times, Sucker MC’s, Hollis Crew were better songs.

    Where’s Crazy Train by Ozzy, Stop Draggin My Heart Around by Tom Petty & Stevie Nicks, Genius of Love by Tom Tom Club, One by Metallica, Your Love by The Outfield, Straight Outta Compton by NWA, She’s a Beauty by The Tubes, Paul Revere by The Beastie Boys, Billy Squire In The Dark, Jam On It by Newcleus, Bryan Adams Summer of 69, White Lines by Grandmaster Flash, The Trooper by Iron Maiden or anything by Public Enemy? Makes me wonder if whoever put this list together was even alive in the 80’s.

    Oh well. Opinions are like assholes I guess.

  8. Gong Show, Bets.

    Another 80s classic that I used to watch religiously.

    Or was that the 70s?

    It’s all starting to blend together.

    Reminds me of when I saw Billy Joel in concert last year. He’d intro each song with “We recorded this song back in nineteen-seventyyyyyyy…… ah, I don’t remember.”

  9. Mary…

    Don’t get me wrong.

    Of what I heard from the Top 500, U2, Madonna, INXS, Michael, Lionel Richie and others were all over it. However, there can only be one number one.

    And she wears spandex.

  10. Deac…

    There’s a line in one of my all-time favorite movies, High Fidelity, where John Cusack’s character asks “How can a personal preference be wrong?”

    Thank you for that, Nick Hornby.

    And by the way, I snuck a peak at Billboard’s top 20 of the 1970s. As you might imagine, it includes most of the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever.

  11. Beagle…

    Congrats and congrats again. Texas Tech reaching the final game has to go down in the all-time annals of Whoulda Thunk It?

    They were nowhere on my radar, only because I don’t watch much college basketball. Lotta happy people in Lubbock, I can only imagine.

    Next time, I’ll just have you fill out my bracket. Makes sense considering how many SportsChump contests you’ve won over the years.

    Good luck, tonight, and Guns Up!. From here, it’s possible.

  12. Bleed…

    I thought for sure Run DMC’s collaboration with Aerosmith would have been in the top 20. In fact, I had a tough time keeping that off my guess list. Fuckin’ song changed music as we know it.

    They even wrote a book about it. Wanna read it? Here it go…

    https://www.amazon.com/Walk-This-Way-Aerosmith-American/dp/0735212236/ref=sr_1_1?crid=H46VMZRMISGS&keywords=walk+this+way+book&qid=1554755711&s=gateway&sprefix=walk+this+way%2Caps%2C193&sr=8-1

    It’s one of the 12 books I’m currently involved with.

    All I can think is this list was strictly based on record sales and hip-hop even in the late 80s hadn’t quite caught on yet.

    If I can find a list of the top 100, I’ll post it here.

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