Ybor City’s Centennial Park to erect Largest Cock Ever: A SportsChump/Tampa News Force Exclusive

Walking into work one day, surrounded by chickens (this makes total sense if you know Ybor City), I had an idea.  With all the statues being put up and torn down these days, wouldn’t it be funny if Ybor City decided to build a giant statue honoring its own fowl heritage.

I ran the idea by a friend, local comedian John Jacobs, former host of Jokes at the Joyce and co-founder of Tampa News Force.  Never one to shy away from a good cock joke, he encouraged me to proceed with the article.

So here goes an attempt at a little local, and probably far too cocky, suggestive satire.

It never fails.

Any time a passerby unfamiliar with Tampa’s historic Ybor City district visits the area for the first time, the question rolls off the tip of their tongues.

“What’s with all the chickens?”

For over a century, our fair-feathered friends have been clucking around Centennial Park as if they owned the place.  They also do their fair share of something that rhymes with ‘clucking,’ which explains why there are so many chickens roaming the streets of Ybor.

These are no ordinary birds, mind you.  These cocks are protected.  One need only engage in conversation with a die-hard member of the Ybor Chicken Society to get a detailed blow-by-blow on how to properly care for the local cocks, find out how long they’ve been hanging around and discover each and every hole they fill in our community.

At long last, these historic cocks are about to be celebrated.  In their honor, local artists and politicians are standing at attention with plans to erect a monument of the world’s largest cock.

Upon hearing that a giant cock was going to be built in the bulge of Tampa’s historic party district, several local bartenders and comedy hosts (both male and female) felt it was an homage to them.  They all came up well short.  This one’s for the birds.

“A bust of a cock? How appropriate for Ybor City!” said local party-goer, Willie Johnson, tongue in cheek, referring to the slew of local bars that offer drag shows as entertainment.

“Getting this cock up is going to be hard.  It’s really a game of inches,” said staff in charge of the project.  Word on the street is they’re also flirting with a matching World’s Largest Pussy sculpture at a cat park nearby.  “It’s going to be very hands on but we want to make sure the pussy is well taken care of before the cock is finished.”

Anti-cock activists think such a massive undertaking is too much to swallow.  “With all that’s going on these days, I can’t believe some have the balls to even bother,” said one local dissenter.  Either way, it looks like the erection will come to fruition.

Ybor’s Giant Cock should be a site to see, surpassing the previous largest cock in both girth and length.  Many expect visitors to come from miles around to lay their eyes on the world’s most statuesque cock.

“We’re proud of our crowning achievement,” said project helmsman Peter Morningwood.  “Previous efforts to celebrate the cock have gotten the shaft.  This time around, however, members have put their heads together and finally gotten to the meat of the issue.”

6 thoughts on “Ybor City’s Centennial Park to erect Largest Cock Ever: A SportsChump/Tampa News Force Exclusive

  1. Having spent a lot of time in Ybor as a vendor as well as patron, I can honestly say that a giant cock is the perfect mascot for that poultry infested village.

  2. Poultry infested? The most populated area is with the 7-eleven, cigar store, and The Ritz. I’m talking about, long before the 7-eleven became the only place to hang out at

  3. Or maybe that’s just my method of thinking, after becoming 133 percent tired of being bothered by homeless and drug addicts in that area. Living in Ocala, I’m still haunted whenever I walk out of a drugstore or convenience store. Haunted by the days that I couldn’t do so without being bothered by homeless and drug addicts. I bet that vendors would enjoy shoving a cart into their bones

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