Brushes with sports greatness, Vol. 2: Tiger Woods, Bay Hill and the origin of the Steve Lowery Fan Club
March 11th, 2010 by Chris Humpherys
This is a tale of two, beautiful, March afternoons that took place only a few years apart… back when Tiger Woods was still playing golf. At the time, I was living in Orlando, home of the Bay Hill Club & Lodge which hosts the Arnold Palmer Invitational, one of the PGA’s premier tour stops. Read the rest of this entry »
How to host a successful NCAA March Madness Bracket Challenge
March 10th, 2010 by Chris HumpherysMost sports fans recognize March as the most entertaining time of the year. The NBA is in full swing, the baseball season is about to begin, most of us are still talking about the Super Bowl, and the NFL draft is right around the corner. But more importantly, March brings what can be argued as the purest form of competition today: the NCAA tournament! No BCS, just a single-elimination, gut-wrenching basketball tournament, buzzer-beaters and heartbreakers, first to six games wins. All others go home with only promises of next year.
Tens of millions of Americans enter basketball pools annually with the hopes of accurately predicting the most games. However, you are more likely to win the lottery than you are to correctly guess every winner. That doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t effectively run a pool and have tons of fun in the meantime.
What follows is how to run a successful basketball pool. This assumes you can’t fly to Las Vegas for the first weekend and parlay as many underdogs money line as possible…
1 – Abandon all responsibility for three weeks. Running a pool with even 20-30 entries requires time and effort. If you have classes, blow them off, particularly on the first Thursday and Friday of the tournament. It is on these two days where most of the games are played. Nobody in their right mind can be expected to work under these conditions. You will be glued to your television set and all other obligations should understand that. Ensure you have enough food and beverage for that first weekend. There will be limited time for anything other than analyzing basketball match-ups and kicking yourself for not picking that first-round 4-13 upset.
2 – Brackets are announced on Sunday evening. Games begin at noon that following Thursday. Immediately surf the internet for a clean bracket to print and distribute. This will be your template. Remember, you’ll want to choose one with pertinent information only, i.e., school names, team records & venues. Graphics that clutter the form are unnecessary.
3 – Establish rules and point values, being careful not to put in writing any reference to prize money. Sure, it’s March Madness but there’s no reason to be sent to prison. Award points geometrically per round or allot more for picking an upset. Ultimately, it’s up to you.
4 – Clear off a wall in your living room and design a life-size bracket for all to see. Those in the pool need to know you’re serious about your commitment. After all, your home will become bracket central for three weeks. Your wife or girlfriend might not appreciate this, but roommates should understand. If not, it’s time to find new ones.
5 – Ensure all entries are collected by tip-off Thursday.
6 – Participants will likely have made a copy of their own selections. A successful pool manager should distribute pool-wide picks, then update them throughout the tourney. This makes it much more fun for those participating. Just be sure you’ve done so accurately. The last thing you want is for someone to find flaws in your masterpiece.
7 – Prize money should be distributed according to pool size. If you’re hardcore, you can establish a winner-take-all payout, but it’s more enjoyable if most participants think they have a shot to finish in the money. It’s tradition for the last place finisher to receive his money back, then be publicly ridiculed.
8 – Remember, this is all in fun. You are about to dedicate the next three weeks of your life watching college athletes give their all for the chance to be etched in history. Enjoy it.
Chumpservations, Vol. 9: Mel Kiper, Rockettes and the NFL Draft, Gary Bettman vs the NHL vs the Winter Olympics and what not to say at an open bar wedding
March 7th, 2010 by Chris HumpherysThe Roof Is On Fire
Football fans, get your popcorn ready. That’s right, there’s only seven weeks until they kick the Rockettes out of Radio City Music Hall for the weekend and prepare the venue for the NFL draft. This year, there’s only one player who stands out as a clear number one, Ndamukong Suh, but despite that, this draft will be unlike any other in recent history. That’s because the NFL is about to tread into unfamiliar waters.
With an uncapped year approaching, some players stand to get VERY rich while owners around the league will soon take serious gambles with their pocketbooks. Although football reigns supreme, even the NFL isn’t recession-proof. In this economy any owner not named Jerry Jones and Daniel Snyder will think long and hard about who they sign and how much they pay. In fact, there’s rumors that the top three teams in the draft, the Rams, Lions and Bucs, are looking to trade down to avoid being burdened by a huge signing bonus.
It makes good financial sense for these teams to do so if they’re not in love with any of the top three picks, but will there be teams looking to move UP? Not only is the NFL entering an uncapped year, but there will also be no salary floor, meaning owners can spend as little as they want.
With a lockout looming, football players and the agents representing them will be looking to land a huge payday while owners will be looking to tighten their bootstraps. After all, who wants to cough up $30 million dollars in guaranteed money on unproven talent? For every Peyton Manning, there are five JaMarcus Russells. There’s already considerable clamor among veterans that rookies are paid too much, even if the vets get a nice steak dinner out of the deal. Last time I checked it’s hard to find a steak that costs more than eighty bucks.
Whether we like it or not, we’re about to be subjected to seven more weeks of Mel Kiper’s speculation and Todd McShay’s rebuttal regarding which teams will jockey for draft position when not even Chris Mortensen knows for sure.
War rooms, get your cell phones ready. We could be in for a wild ride.
Thank You, Sir. May I Have Another?
Nothing says Geeksville more than offering to buy a pretty girl a drink while standing next to her at an open bar.
I tended bar at a wedding last weekend for about 150-200 people. The couple getting married did it up right, splurging for all the liquor for their guests. The only way to fly… although I’m sure they probably grimaced when they got the bill.
Since it was open bar, the return customers were aplenty. As is usual at such functions, there’s always some single guy who thinks he’s coming up with a clever line no one’s heard before. Inevitably someone will approach a single female, or his friends, and shout “This round’s on me!” or “I got this one!” while the bartender rolls his eyes. I mean, come on. Even the guys from the FreeCreditReport.com ads come up with a new jingle every now and then, although it’s probably unfair to compare your average wedding lush to the most prolific recording trio of this generation.
One poor guy at this particular wedding, who was clearly getting his drink on, must have dropped that line about four or five times that very evening! Fortunately his comments were met with a series of disingenuous chuckles.
People, I plead with you. I know it’s tempting to say something witty when faced with a night of free booze but next time, please refrain from cheapening the moment, and yourself, by jokingly offering to buy someone a drink when the liquor is already free.
The only person who thinks that’s funny is you.
Passing the Torch
Raise your hand if you watched the Olympic gold medal game between USA and Canada. Now raise your other hand if you regularly watch the NHL. If you’re sitting there with only one hand raised, you’re not alone…. and you’re probably looking pretty silly. Simon says you can put your hand down.
Last Sunday’s gold medal was the most watched hockey game since, you guessed it, the 1980 Olympic games. That game drew more viewers than any World Series game since 2004. It also outdrew any Final Four or NBA Finals game since 1998. One would think that the NHL, a sport which so desperately needs viewers could benefit from this sudden spike in hockey interest.
Commissioner Gary Bettman disagrees. In fact, he’s debating whether to keep NHLers OUT of the next winter Olympics. Nothing like looking a gift puck in the mouth.
Just like the rest of the nation, I watched USA-Canada on the edge of my seat. I’m not a huge hockey fan but I couldn’t turn away, shouting loudly as Team USA scored the game-tying goal as time expired, then shutting off the tube moments after Sidney Crosby finally shut up the trash-talking Americans once and for all. Canada reclaimed dominance in their sport just as Dwyane Wade, Kobe Bryant and LeBron James had done with basketball in the Summer Olympics only two years ago.
Sundays’ finale was quicker, cleaner and prettier than most NHL games. There were fewer clock stoppages and considerably less blood left on the ice, an image the NHL is becoming more and more know for.
I knew we Americans have an abnormal affinity for bloodlust, otherwise guys like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal wouldn’t be millionaires. But we’re also patriotic. Heck, at this week’s Buffalo-Pittsburgh game, USA goalie Ryan Miller got a louder standing ovation in Pittsburgh than their superstar Sidney Crosby and Miller plays for the opposing team!
When polled, most NHL fans want fighting in hockey, but there has to be some sort of middle ground. It’s the job of the commissioner, the owners and their advisors to figure out what can make their sport better. If Bettman is wise, he’ll take something from these Winter Olympics and incorporate that into his league’s brand of hockey before the last fan reaches for the remote.
Movie review: The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock
November 15th, 2009 by Chris HumpherysI’m a sports snob. I strongly believe there’s only a handful of truly great sports movies. It’s just too difficult for filmmakers to recreate the drama that takes place on the field. So when the Creative Loafers asked me to review The Blind Side, a sports movie I would never see, starring an actress I really don’t like, I was skeptical. But they promised me Jujubees, Read the rest of this entry »
A Tribute to the Boss
April 28th, 2009 by Chris HumpherysHello, my name is Christopher and I’m a Red Sox fan. Which makes what I’m about to say so difficult.
I could not have written this six years ago. In October 2003, we Sox faithful had once again suffered another devastating defeat to our arch-rival and overall evil-doers, the New York Yankees. This time, the blow came from the bat of Aaron Boone in the American League Championship Series. Game Seven, extra innings, another loss to the Yankees, could things get any worse? Read the rest of this entry »
