Tales from the Hard Rock, Vols. 1 and 2
February 4th, 2012 by Chris HumpherysThis post goes to show that lightning can strike twice… if you’re lucky enough.
Months ago, I was going to write a feel-good story about friendship, gambling and how SportsChump finally got the better end of a woman scorned. (Hey, it only took 43 years, right?)
My birthday fell back in July. I was blessed to be surrounded by family and friends who all came to share the love. The drinks were flowin’, the food was a-plenty and the karaoke was abundant and atonal.
After a long night’s work, my partner in karaoke crime, Pure Prairie Dave, and I hit the local Hard Rock for a deliciously fattening, chicken-fried steak breakfast and a few hands of Let It Ride poker. His inebriated wife-to-be came along for the ride.
We debated whether or not to take her, knowing either choice would ultimately be the wrong one. Gambling is a time-consuming activity. Had she not accompanied us, his phone would have been ringing off the hook with her angrily awaiting his return home. Had she come with, which she did, she would have also complained… which she did.
After a solid hour or so of celebratory morning champagne and the inevitable ebbs and flows of the poker table, our chip stacks were hovering around even, give or take our bar tab. His fiancée lay not-so-pleasantly asleep in the car.
She approached the table minutes later, still tipsy from the karaoke-fest hours earlier and demanded to be taken home. I don’t mean to imply that she caused a scene but let’s just say car keys were flung halfway across the casino floor.
Recognizing the urgency of the matter, Pure Prairie Dave decided it was best to call it a night. I understood, having been there myself on occasion. As the happy couple bid the table a fond farewell and stumbled towards the exit, I stayed at the table to press my luck.
Now, for those of you who have never played Let It Ride, the game is actually quite simple. Each player is dealt three cards face down. The objective is to land a winning hand with the assistance of the communal flop. A pair of tens is the lowest winning hand and pays even money. Better hands obviously pay a higher multiplier on your original bet. There are five bets, two of which you can pull back at your leisure as the hand progresses.
Well, the very next hand, I was dealt pocket tens, so I knew I already had a winner before the dealer’s flop. In the distance, I could see the loving couple stumble out the casino door. As the game suggests, I let it ride.
The next card came. Another ten. Trips and I was good to go, knowing a fourth ten would pay huge with the amount of chips I had bet that hand.
The fourth ten hit and so did I, to the tune of over a grand. Happy be me!
Well, the same thing happened again last Wednesday, with the same loving couple after another night of karaoke bliss. This time, Mrs. Pure Prairie Dave sat at the table, playing alongside us and learning the game as she went.
The night, er… morning was going well, with all of us breaking even until… straight flush (9-10-J of clubs) in the pocket and an off-suited 7 and 8 on the flop, making SportsChump the big winner in the casino once again.
Now, of course, I don’t condone gambling outside of someone’s limits, always know your bankroll, but Let It Ride is a great way to kill time if you have a couple hundred bucks to spare. The payback can be huge. Just know what you’re doing.
It also helps to have a little luck on your side.
Tags: Hard Rock, karaoke, Let It Ride, Pure Prairie Dave
Posted in card table, Featured, Life of Sports Chump | 5 Comments »
SportsChump takes his talents to South Beach
June 30th, 2011 by Chris Humpherys
My sincerest apologies for neglecting my SportsChumpian duties lately, but if I told you that within two days time I shook hands with Reggie Bush, was fondled by an eight-foot python, hit the links with a rabbi, put on a karaoke rendition of “Sex Machine” inspirational enough to warrant a Rastafarian embrace and had a six-year old teach me how to Dougie, which one of those would you believe? Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Dougie, Edwin Rodriguez, Florida Marlins, Jack McKeon, James Brown, LeBron James, Miami Heat, Red Bull, Reggie Bush
Posted in Baseball Diamond, card table, Featured, Hardwood, Life of Sports Chump | 24 Comments »
Impersonating Real Life: Elvis, Lady Gaga, the Beastie Boys and sports
April 22nd, 2011 by Chris Humpherys“If a tribute band were to completely succeed, its members would no longer have personalities. They would have no character whatsoever, beyond the qualities of whomever they tried to emulate. The goal is not to be somebody; the goal is be somebody else.” Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: AL East, Barry Bonds, BCS, Beastie Boys, Elvis Presley, ESPN, Jimmy Page, Lady Gaga, Led Zeppelin, Los Angeles Dodgers, Mini Gaga, MLB, NBA, New York Mets, NFL, Ohio State Buckeyes, PGA, Robert Plant, Shaquille O'Neal, Terrelle Pryor, Tiger Woods
Posted in Baseball Diamond, card table, Featured, Hardwood, Life of Sports Chump, Music, Pigskin, The Tee Box | 39 Comments »
Interpreting blackjack hands, Vol. 1: Splitting fives
February 18th, 2011 by Chris Humpherys
I’m slowly becoming a fixture at the $10 blackjack tables at my local Hard Rock.
Of course, the risks of playing a (relatively) low-stakes blackjack table means you see things you wouldn’t ordinarily see at a more experienced table… Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: blackjack, Hard Rock
Posted in card table, Life of Sports Chump | 19 Comments »
A Day at the Races: Another unsuccessful betting excursion at Tampa Bay Downs
January 4th, 2011 by Chris Humpherys
I’ll be the first to admit I don’t know a lick about horseracing, which is a shame considering I come from a long line of gamblers. I’ve always held my own at jai-alai, poker, sportsbook and the dogs but the big win at the horse track has always eluded me. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Crown Royal, Denver Nuggets, Horse Racing, Jai Alai, Maryland Terrapins, Miami Heat, Poker Table, Ralph Friedgen, Sportsbook, Tampa Bay Downs, Utah Jazz
Posted in card table, Featured, Life of Sports Chump | 26 Comments »
Memorable moments of 2010: The SportsChump Year in Review
December 31st, 2010 by Chris HumpherysThe final days of 2010 are upon us, which means that SportsChump has completed its first full calendar year. Thanks to all who have come and gone and ahem… come again.
SportsChump first went viral in April, 2008 which means we’re rapidly approaching our terrible twos. Consider that fair warning. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Air Supply, Bay Hill, Ben Roethlisberger, Cee Lo Green, Chris Bosh, Chuck Aaron, David Stern, Dustin Johnson, Dwyane Wade, Florida Gators, Greg Oden, Hank Gathers, Jay-Z, Jim Tressel, John Cena, Lance Berkman, LeBron James, Loyola-Marymount, Mark McGwire, Maverick Carter, Mel Gibson, Miami Heat, MLB, NBA, New York Yankees, Ohio State Buckeyes, PGA, Phil Mickelson, Public Enemy, Red Bull, Rick Pitino, Steve Lowery, Tampa Bay Rays, Tiger Woods, Tim Tebow, Urban Meyer
Posted in Baseball Diamond, card table, Featured, Hardwood, Life of Sports Chump, Music, Pigskin, Screen, The Tee Box | 32 Comments »
The night I knocked out Brock Lesnar and other tall tales from the weekend in sports
October 27th, 2010 by Chris Humpherys
This Saturday, I traveled to Gainesville to witness the marital vows of an old poker buddy, so before we even start talking about sports, I’d like to extend my most sincere and heartfelt congratulations to Damion 2.0 and his beautiful bride. Thanks for one blast of a weekend… and once again, you’re welcome for the lap dance. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: BCS, Boise State Broncos, Brett Favre, Brock Lesnar, Cain Velasquez, Chuck Liddell, Cliff Lee, Joe Louis, Josh Freeman, Josh Hamilton, LSU, Minnesota Vikings, MMA, Muhammad Ali, Oklahoma Sooners, Philadelphia Phillies, Poker Table, Raheem Morris, Randy Couture, Rocky Marciano, Sam Bradford, San Francisco Giants, St Louis Rams, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tim Lincecum, UFC, Vladimir Guerrero, World Series
Posted in Baseball Diamond, card table, Featured, Life of Sports Chump, Pigskin, Punches, Screen | 33 Comments »
Poker night at the synagogue: A study in unmenschlike activity
February 22nd, 2010 by Chris HumpherysI played in a charity poker event last week, believe it or not, at the same temple where I had my Bar mitzvah so many years ago. Nothing like pocket tens and torahs to brighten up an evening. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Mike Matusow, Poker Table
Posted in card table, Life of Sports Chump, Music | 33 Comments »
My second mom
February 1st, 2010 by Chris HumpherysWarning. This is not a post about sports. It is, but it’s not.
What you are about to read is not a breakdown of the upcoming Super Bowl XLIV, a spring training preview, a mid-season NBA review or a Tiger Woods where for art thou piece.
This is a post about love, life, family and passing. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Boston Red Sox, Hall of Fame, New York Yankees
Posted in Baseball Diamond, card table, Life of Sports Chump, Music | 55 Comments »
Presenting the 2009 McChumpies: The best and worst of the year in sports
December 25th, 2009 by Chris HumpherysAfter seeing Tiger Woods win AP Athlete of the Decade in light of his recent controversy and seeing Serena Williams win the AP Female Athlete of the Year with images of her berating a line judge still fresh in our minds, I thought to myself, why not have my own awards ceremony. Read the rest of this entry »
Tags: Bill Parcells, Billy Joel, Bob Arum, Bud Selig, Delonte West, Don King, Donovan McNabb, Floyd Mayweather, Indianapolis Colts, Jimmie Johnson, Kansas Jayhawks, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Louisville, Manny Pacquiao, Manny Ramirez, Mark Mangino, Mercury Morris, Miami Dolphins, Michael Jordan, Mike Wallace, MLB, NASCAR, New Jersey Nets, New York Giants, New York Yankees, NFL, Penn State Nittany Lions, Peyton Manning, Pittsburgh Steelers, Plaxico Burress, Rick Pitino, Roger Goodell, Rush Limbaugh, Santonio Holmes, Serena Williams, St Louis Rams, Stafon Johnson, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tiger Woods, Tim Tebow, USC
Posted in Baseball Diamond, card table, Hardwood, Life of Sports Chump, Music, Pigskin, Screen, The Tee Box | 46 Comments »
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