Brushes with sports greatness, Vol. 2: Tiger Woods, Bay Hill and the origin of the Steve Lowery Fan Club
March 11th, 2010 by Chris Humpherys
This is a tale of two, beautiful, March afternoons that took place only a few years apart… back when Tiger Woods was still playing golf. At the time, I was living in Orlando, home of the Bay Hill Club & Lodge which hosts the Arnold Palmer Invitational, one of the PGA’s premier tour stops. Read the rest of this entry »
How to host a successful NCAA March Madness Bracket Challenge
March 10th, 2010 by Chris HumpherysMost sports fans recognize March as the most entertaining time of the year. The NBA is in full swing, the baseball season is about to begin, most of us are still talking about the Super Bowl, and the NFL draft is right around the corner. But more importantly, March brings what can be argued as the purest form of competition today: the NCAA tournament! No BCS, just a single-elimination, gut-wrenching basketball tournament, buzzer-beaters and heartbreakers, first to six games wins. All others go home with only promises of next year.
Tens of millions of Americans enter basketball pools annually with the hopes of accurately predicting the most games. However, you are more likely to win the lottery than you are to correctly guess every winner. That doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t effectively run a pool and have tons of fun in the meantime.
What follows is how to run a successful basketball pool. This assumes you can’t fly to Las Vegas for the first weekend and parlay as many underdogs money line as possible…
1 – Abandon all responsibility for three weeks. Running a pool with even 20-30 entries requires time and effort. If you have classes, blow them off, particularly on the first Thursday and Friday of the tournament. It is on these two days where most of the games are played. Nobody in their right mind can be expected to work under these conditions. You will be glued to your television set and all other obligations should understand that. Ensure you have enough food and beverage for that first weekend. There will be limited time for anything other than analyzing basketball match-ups and kicking yourself for not picking that first-round 4-13 upset.
2 – Brackets are announced on Sunday evening. Games begin at noon that following Thursday. Immediately surf the internet for a clean bracket to print and distribute. This will be your template. Remember, you’ll want to choose one with pertinent information only, i.e., school names, team records & venues. Graphics that clutter the form are unnecessary.
3 – Establish rules and point values, being careful not to put in writing any reference to prize money. Sure, it’s March Madness but there’s no reason to be sent to prison. Award points geometrically per round or allot more for picking an upset. Ultimately, it’s up to you.
4 – Clear off a wall in your living room and design a life-size bracket for all to see. Those in the pool need to know you’re serious about your commitment. After all, your home will become bracket central for three weeks. Your wife or girlfriend might not appreciate this, but roommates should understand. If not, it’s time to find new ones.
5 – Ensure all entries are collected by tip-off Thursday.
6 – Participants will likely have made a copy of their own selections. A successful pool manager should distribute pool-wide picks, then update them throughout the tourney. This makes it much more fun for those participating. Just be sure you’ve done so accurately. The last thing you want is for someone to find flaws in your masterpiece.
7 – Prize money should be distributed according to pool size. If you’re hardcore, you can establish a winner-take-all payout, but it’s more enjoyable if most participants think they have a shot to finish in the money. It’s tradition for the last place finisher to receive his money back, then be publicly ridiculed.
8 – Remember, this is all in fun. You are about to dedicate the next three weeks of your life watching college athletes give their all for the chance to be etched in history. Enjoy it.
Chumpservations, Vol. 9: Mel Kiper, Rockettes and the NFL Draft, Gary Bettman vs the NHL vs the Winter Olympics and what not to say at an open bar wedding
March 7th, 2010 by Chris HumpherysThe Roof Is On Fire
Football fans, get your popcorn ready. That’s right, there’s only seven weeks until they kick the Rockettes out of Radio City Music Hall for the weekend and prepare the venue for the NFL draft. This year, there’s only one player who stands out as a clear number one, Ndamukong Suh, but despite that, this draft will be unlike any other in recent history. That’s because the NFL is about to tread into unfamiliar waters.
With an uncapped year approaching, some players stand to get VERY rich while owners around the league will soon take serious gambles with their pocketbooks. Although football reigns supreme, even the NFL isn’t recession-proof. In this economy any owner not named Jerry Jones and Daniel Snyder will think long and hard about who they sign and how much they pay. In fact, there’s rumors that the top three teams in the draft, the Rams, Lions and Bucs, are looking to trade down to avoid being burdened by a huge signing bonus.
It makes good financial sense for these teams to do so if they’re not in love with any of the top three picks, but will there be teams looking to move UP? Not only is the NFL entering an uncapped year, but there will also be no salary floor, meaning owners can spend as little as they want.
With a lockout looming, football players and the agents representing them will be looking to land a huge payday while owners will be looking to tighten their bootstraps. After all, who wants to cough up $30 million dollars in guaranteed money on unproven talent? For every Peyton Manning, there are five JaMarcus Russells. There’s already considerable clamor among veterans that rookies are paid too much, even if the vets get a nice steak dinner out of the deal. Last time I checked it’s hard to find a steak that costs more than eighty bucks.
Whether we like it or not, we’re about to be subjected to seven more weeks of Mel Kiper’s speculation and Todd McShay’s rebuttal regarding which teams will jockey for draft position when not even Chris Mortensen knows for sure.
War rooms, get your cell phones ready. We could be in for a wild ride.
Thank You, Sir. May I Have Another?
Nothing says Geeksville more than offering to buy a pretty girl a drink while standing next to her at an open bar.
I tended bar at a wedding last weekend for about 150-200 people. The couple getting married did it up right, splurging for all the liquor for their guests. The only way to fly… although I’m sure they probably grimaced when they got the bill.
Since it was open bar, the return customers were aplenty. As is usual at such functions, there’s always some single guy who thinks he’s coming up with a clever line no one’s heard before. Inevitably someone will approach a single female, or his friends, and shout “This round’s on me!” or “I got this one!” while the bartender rolls his eyes. I mean, come on. Even the guys from the FreeCreditReport.com ads come up with a new jingle every now and then, although it’s probably unfair to compare your average wedding lush to the most prolific recording trio of this generation.
One poor guy at this particular wedding, who was clearly getting his drink on, must have dropped that line about four or five times that very evening! Fortunately his comments were met with a series of disingenuous chuckles.
People, I plead with you. I know it’s tempting to say something witty when faced with a night of free booze but next time, please refrain from cheapening the moment, and yourself, by jokingly offering to buy someone a drink when the liquor is already free.
The only person who thinks that’s funny is you.
Passing the Torch
Raise your hand if you watched the Olympic gold medal game between USA and Canada. Now raise your other hand if you regularly watch the NHL. If you’re sitting there with only one hand raised, you’re not alone…. and you’re probably looking pretty silly. Simon says you can put your hand down.
Last Sunday’s gold medal was the most watched hockey game since, you guessed it, the 1980 Olympic games. That game drew more viewers than any World Series game since 2004. It also outdrew any Final Four or NBA Finals game since 1998. One would think that the NHL, a sport which so desperately needs viewers could benefit from this sudden spike in hockey interest.
Commissioner Gary Bettman disagrees. In fact, he’s debating whether to keep NHLers OUT of the next winter Olympics. Nothing like looking a gift puck in the mouth.
Just like the rest of the nation, I watched USA-Canada on the edge of my seat. I’m not a huge hockey fan but I couldn’t turn away, shouting loudly as Team USA scored the game-tying goal as time expired, then shutting off the tube moments after Sidney Crosby finally shut up the trash-talking Americans once and for all. Canada reclaimed dominance in their sport just as Dwyane Wade, Kobe Bryant and LeBron James had done with basketball in the Summer Olympics only two years ago.
Sundays’ finale was quicker, cleaner and prettier than most NHL games. There were fewer clock stoppages and considerably less blood left on the ice, an image the NHL is becoming more and more know for.
I knew we Americans have an abnormal affinity for bloodlust, otherwise guys like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal wouldn’t be millionaires. But we’re also patriotic. Heck, at this week’s Buffalo-Pittsburgh game, USA goalie Ryan Miller got a louder standing ovation in Pittsburgh than their superstar Sidney Crosby and Miller plays for the opposing team!
When polled, most NHL fans want fighting in hockey, but there has to be some sort of middle ground. It’s the job of the commissioner, the owners and their advisors to figure out what can make their sport better. If Bettman is wise, he’ll take something from these Winter Olympics and incorporate that into his league’s brand of hockey before the last fan reaches for the remote.
Poker night at the synagogue: A study in unmenschlike activity
February 22nd, 2010 by Chris HumpherysI played in a charity poker event last week, believe it or not, at the same temple where I had my Bar mitzvah so many years ago. Nothing like pocket tens and torahs to brighten up an evening. Read the rest of this entry »
Dunk you very little, NBA
February 14th, 2010 by Chris HumpherysWatching the NBA’s Slam Dunk contest has always been a tradition for me. I haven’t missed a single one in over twenty years. The names of former champions, Erving, Jordan, Ceballos, Nance, Carter, Wilkins and Webb ring proudly like a who’s who of elevator men. Read the rest of this entry »
Leading a Tebow-less existence: The challenge that lay in front of Urban Meyer
February 12th, 2010 by Chris HumpherysI have a picture of my uncle and me when I was about 15 years old. I’m wearing a Gator shirt in the photograph. My uncle Rosco attended the University of Florida well before me and had given me the shirt as a gift. At that point, campus life in Gainesville was still years away. I was much more focused on more important things in life, like how to properly unsnap a bra.
Twenty-five years later, not much has changed. I’m still wearing Gator shirts and most of my time is spent trying to finagle my way around a bra strap.
Over that same twenty-five years, however, Gainesville has changed in leaps and bounds. A school that had nary a conference championship in either football or basketball now boasts five national and twelve conference championships. They became the first school ever to hold football and basketball titles simultaneously. It was as if championships grew on trees.
But things might never be this good again in Gainesville. How could they possibly? After two championships in four years, they have a football coach who’s health is in question, a golden boy gone and nearly an entire defense drafted. The cupboard isn’t exactly bare but what’s left inside is certainly inexperienced.
For those of you who have never visited Hogtown, football is a religion. It’s no different from any other college town that lives and breathes football like Columbus or Tuscaloosa or Austin… except the weather is considerably better.
Next season, however, marks a new beginning. The winningest senior class in SEC history has bid the Swamp a fond farewell. Gone are Riley Cooper, Jermaine Cunningham, Dustin Doe, David Nelson, Brandon James, Brandon Spikes, Ryan Stamper and of course Tim Tebow. Juniors Joe Haden and Carlos Dunlap have also declared for the draft and are both projected first rounders. Nobody knows what will happen with Urban Meyer, his health a primary concern.
Meyer shocked Gator Nation not long ago when he made his health issues public and abruptly announced his retirement. Offensive Coordinator Steve Addazio was named interim head coach, for a minute, until Urban unretired. He has now vowed to be on the sidelines this spring, but the 2010-11 season might just be his biggest coaching challenge yet.
A short time ago, Billy Donovan won back-to-back national championships in Gainesville. The athletes he recruited, Al Horford, Joakim Noah and Corey Brewer, were recently voted the college basketball team of the decade by ESPN. But Donovan’s recent recruits have yet to win a tournament game. Staying on top is no easy task.
Similarly, between 1993 and 1996, Florida won four consecutive conference and one national championship. but only one after Danny Wuerffel left. Spurrier could never recover from the loss of his Heisman trophy winner and Wuerffel was no Tim Tebow. Hence the challenge that lay in front of Urban Meyer.
Despite reports of a record recruiting class, including landing 17 of ESPN’s top 100 prospects, Tim Tebow was one of the greatest college football players ever. In many ways, he transcended the sport. Don’t believe me? There’s currently more talk about where he’ll be drafted than there is discussion about the consensus number one pick, Ndamukong Suh. Duplicating Tebow’s success won’t be easy. The shadow larger than it’s ever been.
Of course the challenge of starting from scratch pales in comparison to getting Urban’s health right, but both tasks seem monumental. Alabama won a national championship and show no signs of slowing down under head coach Nick Saban. SEC football is not for the weak of heart, no pun intended.
College football chews up coaches and spits them out. With the pressure to win and win now, long tenured coaches like Joe Paterno, Frank Beamer and Bobby Bowden are a thing of the past. Even Bowden was forced out of the stadium that bears his name.
Which brings us back to Urban Meyer.
Amid such stout competition, can he rebuild another national championship essentially from scratch? Can he make household names out of Ronald Powell, Dominique Easley, Matt Elam and Johnathan Dowling as he did with Tebow, Percy Harvin and Brandon Spikes?
If anyone can, it’s probably Meyer. Despite a whirlwind January, Meyer still managed to woo a record recruiting class to Gainesville. While that’s no guarantee of success, it’s a good start. Suddenly things might not be that bad after all. We’ll see what happens when the school takes its first Tebow-less snap.
Tweeting for the Super Bowl
February 8th, 2010 by Chris HumpherysSince I couldn’t make it to either Miami or New Orleans for Super Bowl XLIV, I decided to hunker down in front of the laptop and Tweet the night away. I was curious to see a) who else was doing so and b) what they were writing about during the most watched television event in history. Read the rest of this entry »
This week’s caption contest celebrates Roger Federer, Andy Murray and the Australian Open
February 3rd, 2010 by Chris HumpherysI’m always hesitant to label an athlete the best to ever play his sport Read the rest of this entry »
My second mom
February 1st, 2010 by Chris HumpherysWarning. This is not a post about sports. It is, but it’s not.
What you are about to read is not a breakdown of the upcoming Super Bowl XLIV, a spring training preview, a mid-season NBA review or a Tiger Woods where for art thou piece.
This is a post about love, life, family and passing. Read the rest of this entry »
How to host a successful Super Bowl party
January 27th, 2010 by Chris HumpherysYou and your buddies have been planning a Super Bowl party for months. Deep down inside, you know the party with its canned beer, half-eaten bag of stale chips and couch that seats three will suck, but at least you’ll be with your boys for the most hallowed of all sports days. Read the rest of this entry »
