Drugs, lies and Brian Cushing’s everlasting erection

“Honesty is such a lonely word.” –          Billy Joel   I did not have sexual relations with that woman.  I’ve never bet on baseball.  I cannot tell a lie, I did chop down that cherry tree. Blatant mistruths have been Continue reading

The contest to end all contests, so to speak

Oiled up, buns up, I lay there on the massage table.  After all, tending bar for forty-plus hours a week and writing for nearly that many requires some painstaking, preventive maintenance. As she and I always do, the official licensed Continue reading

Waging the war on wagering

“Gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir.” -Judge Smails   I’ve been puzzled by this whole online, fantasy football gambling, Draft Kings, Fan Duel thing for quite some time. Something just seemed odd about it. For example, if it is illegal Continue reading

Chumpservations, Vol. 30: Phone books, sneaker pimps, oddball gratuities and the world’s most famous Heimlich

Phony I came home the other morning to find a phone book sitting on my front door step.  They’ve gotten considerably smaller over the years. I grew up in New York City.  Back then, we had three separate phone books Continue reading

Super Bowl Tweets better than the game itself

Well, that was a riveting Super Bowl.  Not! If you feel bad about not being entertained, consider the fact that the most watched program in US television history was even more of a downer for Colorado residents and those bearing Continue reading

Modern Athletes I Would Want On My Side If A Bar Fight Broke Out

I’ve worked in the bar industry for quite some time.  Every once in a while, one drunken sot at the bar takes offense to the way another drunken sot at the bar is looking at him and shit goes down.  Continue reading

Celebrate the Disgraced Sports Superstar with MC Hammer

1991 was a simpler time in America.

Chumpservations, Vol. 9: Mel Kiper, Rockettes and the NFL Draft, Gary Bettman vs the NHL vs the Winter Olympics and what not to say at an open bar wedding

The Roof Is On Fire Football fans, get your popcorn ready.  That’s right, there’s only seven weeks until they kick the Rockettes out of Radio City Music Hall for the weekend and prepare the venue for the NFL draft.  This Continue reading