Starring Tom Brady as Clint Eastwood… or Ferris Bueller?

I had this vision the other day of Tom Brady riding off into the sunset after one final, big game victory. He could always play more football, extending his already Hall of Fame career but at this point, he doesn’t Continue reading

The Trump Chronicles, Part One: White Guy Twitter Battles Are Only The Beginning

Our nation has reached a moment of crisis.  We have LeBron James and Phil Jackson arguing about the proper use of the word “posse,” dogs and cats are on the verge of living together and President Obama just concluded a Continue reading

The contest to end all contests, so to speak

Oiled up, buns up, I lay there on the massage table.  After all, tending bar for forty-plus hours a week and writing for nearly that many requires some painstaking, preventive maintenance. As she and I always do, the official licensed Continue reading

Chumpservations, Vol. 30: Phone books, sneaker pimps, oddball gratuities and the world’s most famous Heimlich

Phony I came home the other morning to find a phone book sitting on my front door step.  They’ve gotten considerably smaller over the years. I grew up in New York City.  Back then, we had three separate phone books Continue reading