Your weekly Chumpdate for July 16 feat. Carl Crawford, Willie Mays, Richard Jefferson, Antoine Walker, Pedro Martinez, Matt Cassell and Barack Obama


baseball-25x25-24St Louis hosted this year’s All-Star Game, a contest which the American League won 4-3.  This marks the twelfth straight time the AL has won the Midsummer Classic.  Can you say domination?  I knew that you could.  Tampa Bay’s Carl Crawford won the MVP award for his game-saving catch of Brad Hawpe’s near home run in the seventh inning.  It was the first time a position player had won the award without an RBI since Willie Mays did so over forty years ago.  Not bad company to keep.


baseball-25x25-25Speaking of the Say Hey Kid and keeping good company, Willie Mays rode to this year’s All-Star game in style: on Air Force One with President Barack Obama.  Sporting his Chicago White Sox warm-up jacket, President Obama threw out the first pitch of Tuesday night’s ballgame.  Prior to the game, he visited both American and National League locker rooms, meeting players and signing autographs.  Most players were noticeably awestruck, except of course for Derek Jeter who ranks slightly higher on the cool scale.  After all, Obama never caused Mariah Carey to gain 100 pounds after dumping her.


basketball-25x255And people think I have commitment issues.  San Antonio Spur Richard Jefferson recently called off his wedding to former New Jersey Nets dancer, Kesha Ni’Cole Nichols, a mere days before the ceremony.  Unaware of RJ’s cold feet, invited guests showed up at his Manhattan wedding only to find out he was having second thoughts.  Guess his playing with the Spurs is a conflict of interest.  Jefferson was cordial enough to leave a credit card behind and treat his guests to whatever they liked.  Unfortunately for Nichols, the card wouldn’t cover a new husband.


basketball-25x256Like those of us at, Antoine Walker is in dire need of a stimulus package.  Doing his best Charles Barkley impression, Walker faces criminal charges for owing over $800,000 to three different Las Vegas casinos.  After winning a national championship at Kentucky, Walker had a respectable NBA career, averaging over 20 points per game his first seven seasons in Boston.  His later years, however, were characterized by injury and inconsistency.  According to, Walker made over $100 million while playing in the league, including $8.5 mil his last year in Minnesota where he averaged a career low 8 ppg.  Sounds like Walker should have quit while he was ahead on both counts.


baseball-25x25-26Speaking of questionable investments, the Philadelphia Phillies have signed three-time Cy Young Award winner and one-time Don Zimmer tackler, Pedro Martinez to a one-year, one million dollar contract.  That is a wise investment.  The poor investment I referred to earlier was the $50 million the New York Mets shelled out for Martinez in 2005 after the Red Sox refused to offer him a four-year deal.  Pedro won 32 games for the Mets over that time span, a far cry from the 23 games he won in 1999 alone.  Even a somewhat healthy Martinez will shore up a Phillies team that already leads the NL East as they look to stick it to the Mets yet again.


football-25x252Cashing in on his success with the New England Patriots last season, Matt Cassell just signed a six-year, $63-million deal with Kansas City.  Without Cassell last year, the Chiefs went 2-14.  In Tom Brady’s absence, the Pats went 11-5 with Cassell behind center.  Average those numbers together and the Chiefs might actually contend in 2009.


golf-25x25Thursday marks the commencement of this year’s British Open.  With Phil Mickelson out of the tournament for personal reasons, Tiger Woods is an even more considerable favorite than normal to win the Open Championship.  Las Vegas lists the next closest competitor, Sergio Garcia, at 20:1. Considering this year’s tournament is being held at Turnberry, a course on which Tiger has never competed professionally, gamblers stand to make a fair amount of money if Tiger is not the one holding the Open trophy on Sunday.

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27 Replies to “Your weekly Chumpdate for July 16 feat. Carl Crawford, Willie Mays, Richard Jefferson, Antoine Walker, Pedro Martinez, Matt Cassell and Barack Obama”

  1. Chris

    So what it is it that I’m missing concerning Walker ? He managed to owe several casinos just short of $1m ? Couldn’t he have availed himself of a marker from Barkley ?

    Well at least Cassel doesn’t end up with a hot chic’ like Gisele Bundchen. So we can all be thankful at this juncture. But mind you I hear that the AI runner-up, Adam Lambert has him under his gay-dar just in cse that singing gig doesn’t work out quite to his liking.

    Well The Open is Tiger’s to lose , come what may. If he gets off to agood start and keeps the ball in play. Then I expect him to fare well. If not then he’s liable to struggle.
    I don’t at all expect a European win of the event.

    Alan Parkins

  2. Awwww man, why you gotta hurt my feelings reliving that dang Martinez/Mets contract? What a waste of money! So, Richard Jefferson dumped this girl the night BEFORE the wedding. Sweet! AND he leaves his Black AMEX for all the guests, who showed up, to party on. This is great stuff!

  3. Chris …..

    So let me get this straight , Jefferson called off his wedding because of what ? I do hope that when it comes to playing for the Spurs he doesn’t end up playing being like he’s Clay Aiken’s left ‘nad. Always getting being or being sucked on, on a regular basis.

    So the Heat are now said to be looking at either Odom or Boozer ?

    I for one don’t know if that’ll be enough into luring Dwyane Wade into re-signing for the team.

    I mean if they really want a big presence up front as another scoring option. They’re going to want someone who night in , night out really brings it ! Neither Boozer or Odom epitomizes that at all ! Anyone who believes otherwise has been using far too much crack.

    Alan Parkins

  4. Chris ….

    News flash …this just in . Brett Favre’s still alive. And no he’s not had sex with either Mindy McCready or Miley Cyrus. But I do hear that he’s still infact insured with GEICO. Well if a caveman can do it then surely Brett can . Oh I forgot, the cavemen are the complete antithesis of what GEICO’s said to be about.

    And so’s Favre as far as I’m concerned now when it comes to the NFL. The story is stuck on empty, much like the Vikes’ll be come the end of the regular season.

    Alan Parkins

  5. Chris

    Well now that Mayfield has seen fit to call his step-mom a whore . After she’d outed him for his antics and his now second meth-amphetamines bust by NASCAR. Do you think he’ll be made a US special envoy to the Middle East ?

    I suppose he and Fox’s Brian Kilmeade can do their bit for world peace and racial intolerance.

    And lo’ and behold Bobbby Bowden’s now sure of the exact date of his retirment. I guess with dwindling attendance at Doak Campbell and a program that’s essentially about as noteworthy now as the last hit record of Whitney Houston. I guess in his eyes it really is the time to bow out afterall .

    Mind you he won’t actually do it until he’s assured that he won’t lose those 14 victories courtesy of the NCAA.

    Whilst all of this is going on Jumbo Fisher is practising infront a mirror his interview techniques.

    They say when you’re a Seminole fan then next being thing to being that is an a-hole !

    Alan Parkins

  6. One of these days, Al, a pro athlete down on his luck that owes $$$ to a series of casinos, is gonna end up in a reservoir somewhere.

    If Cassell ends up with Sofia, he’ll have Brady beat hands down.

    Tom Watson is your early leader with Tiger six off the pace.

  7. Donny C… you know I dropped that Pedro comment just for ya’.

    I can’t believe the Phils are picking him up for that little. His head seems to be in the right spot. We’ll see if his arm is.

    And how the hell did we miss that RJ party? It’s not like us to miss an open bar.

  8. Tophat… empty or not, ESPN will still continue to report it incessantly.

    The Heat have been looking at a lot of people this off-season. I’d say it’s about time they crap or get off the pot.

  9. Al… I honestly think this Mayfield story is more disturbing than any performance enhancing drug story in the NFL or MLB.

    Is he taking it to enhance his performance or is he just a crackhead?

    I forget which driver it was that called him out, but he basicaly said Mayfield should not be allowed to drive until NASCAR knows for sure.

    Can’t say I blame him.

    And no Gator fan wants Bowden to retire. We own them right now.

  10. Nice update, bro.

    Dude had some really cold feet….would rather cough up an unlimited credit card than get married.

    Curly of the Three Stooges said it best, “Are you married, or are you happy? Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.”

    I think the Chiefs have the least ammount of talent in the NFL. Yes even the Lions are better. Cassell will be lucky to match the two wins from last year. Especially with Tony Gonzalez gone now.

  11. Han… RJ probably figured (correctly) that bailing would have cost him less in the long run. Ouch, did I just say that?

    Let’s just hope Cassell doesn’t end up concussed like his predecessor.

    Hey, have you put anything up about the Mayfield story? I think that’s the most interesting to come out of NASCAR in a while. If so, feel free to post the link on here. I’ll be right over.

  12. Chris ..

    I don’t know that Jefferson was the gay one playingn for the Nets. But rumor has it that he loved to share a bubble bath with John Amaechi.

    Mayfield is a guy in complete denial. Rest assured that NASCAR is doing the right thing by not letting him on the track. It’s bad enough when Kyle Busch is on it as it is already. As there’s a love hate relationship ‘tween he and Dale Jr.

    Chris by the way Don Ameche was the actor. John Amaechi is the gay former NBA star. Don’t ask me how I know. But my mind is sometimes like a sieve. It gobbles up pieces of mindless and needless information.

  13. Chris

    As to the Heat , coincidentally I’d just finished a piece on them. As it’s been rumored that they’re aggressively pursuing both Carlos Boozer and Lamar Odom .

    As good as both of these players are . I don’t know that either’ll improve the Heat anywhere near enough, whereby they can be looked upon as serious and legitimate contenders in the East.

    Lamar Odom or Carlos Boozer Sorry I Can’t Dignify That With An Answer ……

    If Cassel ends up with Sofia Vergara, then I’d gladly swap spit with Portia de Rossi and Ellen Degeneres ! Who knows I might even be able to make ’em both switch sides again ? LOL,LOL,LOL !!!!

    Unfortunately for us , Brett’s treated like a deity by ESPN. They place him up there alongside Ghandi , Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama . As to the reasons why ? Your guess is as good as mine !

    Alan Parkins

  14. Chris

    So the Phillies’ve signed Pedro to a 1 yr $1m deal laden with incentives. If they make it to another World Series, whereby he fans 8 and actually has a hit. Will that make him an invaluable member of the team ? I mean afterall he was the Yankees’ Daddy .

    Alan Parkins

  15. Al… I said Don but I meant John. I haven’t kept current on my alternative lifestyle trivia… not that there’s anything wrong with that. Either way, I know you have both their Fatheads in your room right next to Tyrese.

    Dude, this Mayfield story is OUT OF HAND

  16. How in the world are the Heat going to land both Boozer and Odom? That might make D Wade a little happy this season? Are they gonna package Beasley in that deal?

  17. Chris …

    If one remembers Odom’s first stay in Miami wasn’t all that productive. So why’s there the belief that this time around things’ll change ? As for Boozer , they can work their way around things to get him in a Heat uniform. See the piece I completed and it explains it all there.

    Odom’ll be offered the mid cap level exemption in terms of a contract. Somewhere in the region of between $3-$5m a year. So in his case it’ll more likely than a one year deal and then they’ll take it from there.

    As to Riley and the Heat this window of opportunity for a second go around is slowly closing and Wade knows it. Hence his overall apprehension at present.

    I ain’t sad ’cause my boy Tyrese is kickin’ a_ss Transformers II. The fact that I’ve been mistaken for him in public has been a blessing. But the thing is I’m not gettin’ any tail. Besides I’ve got almost twenty plus years on the guy in the age compartment.

    So the last chic in the WSOP bitthe dust ? There hasn’t been one the main table in a decade from what I’ve been led to believe. I just hope Phil Ivey can still keep up that momentum. But it’s looking like it’ll probably be newcomer winning it all in November.

    Here’s my take on the Mayfield situation should you be interested ?

    Shut Up And Drive ….I Think Not

    Alan Parkins

  18. Odom has never been able to live up to his expectations and I feel for the guy for it. He’s a mismatch waiting to happen when he wants to be. Just not consistently enough.

  19. Chris

    There’ve been several players in the NBA that I’ve found to be increasingly annoying to my mind. They’re supremely gifted but have never fulfilled or even half-way lived up to their full potential.

    The two that come to mind have been Chris Webber and Lamar Odom . Offcourse there are several others but it’d take all day to list ’em all.

    As to the cut at The Open . You may well be right as the weather has played havoc with the scoring. Look what happened with Tom Watson ?

    I think that it’ll make or break over these final two rounds. And whoever stands atop of the leaderboard on Saturday evening will be a lucky man.

    Someone ought whup Antoine Walker‘s as_s !
    You guys in Vegas that sort of money, you’d better pay up and thank your lucky stars that it’s not ‘Two Fingered Tony’ that you owe the money to.

    Sometimes The Choices You Make Are Clearly The Choices That Can End Up Defining You …..

    The above link is to my latest piece. Please don’t throw up as it’s about everyone’s favorite Packer.

    Alan Parkins ………….

  20. Chris

    I caught some of the women’s softball last night. Boy oh boy lil’ Jenny Finch is smokin’ . As to is Cat Osterman ! I wouldn’t mind either of ’em being part of a black man’s triple decker sandwich.

    I do hope they both like dark meat ?

    Alan Parkins

  21. I’m with you on Webber although he always had the bad luck of running into the Lakers, who were just a better team.

    Now if you want to talk about the all underachieving team, then you have to mention Derrick Coleman.

  22. I think that is an interesting point, it made me think a bit. Thanks for sparking my thinking cap. Sports Chump » Your weekly Chumpdate for July 16 feat. Carl Crawford, Willie Mays, Richard Jefferson, Antoine Walker, Pedro Martinez, Matt Cassell and Barack Obama was a wonderful read.

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