Since Brett Favre has officially returned to the Minnesota Vikings for his twentieth season, SportsChump thought we would make coach Brad Childress’s life a little easier by offering him some tips on dealing with the elderly.
Pick up and drop off the elderly at designated areas whenever they travel. Oh wait, you already do that.
Old people are often indecisive and might need nudging in a particular direction. Encouraging them to do so might help prevent against future waffling.
As with most seniors, be sure to shower them with attention and remind them where they put their playbooks… or their teeth.
Whether it’s mahjong, shuffleboard, gin rummy or quarterbacking, the elderly, despite their age, can still be very competitive.
On your next undercover visit to Mississippi, mix in a re-route to Florida. We have lots of old people here that might help you acclimate to your returning quarterback.
The elderly enjoy gardening, often on riding lawn mowers. Appease them and let them do so, as long as they’re properly supervised.
The elderly can be quite emotional so keep around plenty of tissue.
The venerable can often be forgetful so it’s good that all uniforms have players’ names clearly labeled on the back. They may also forget the simplest of daily tasks, like shaving, so its best to keep a handful of disposable razors on site to keep up appearances.
Old people like to feed the birds in the park. This year, make sure they don’t feed errant passes to Dolphins, Lions, Cardinals, Eagles or Bears.
The elderly like to go to bed early, so curfew should never be a problem.
Brittle bones may take longer to heal. Adding a geriatrician to your medical staff might be a worthwhile investment.
Old people enjoy their soap operas so expect plenty of drama this season.
Remember! The elderly have a mind of their own. They might become ornery, refuse to follow orders and think they know more than you. You might also want to keep in mind that, more often than not, they’re right.
Anything I forgot, Chumpeteers?
You seem to know a lot about the elderly, amigo.
So wrong, dude.
It’s been rumored that Childress initially wanted to go down to Hattiesburg but he felt it wouldn’t have been in his best interest to go down there .
The whole circus has been one big joke so let’s hope for their sake the season doesn’t go belly up ? Or should we actually hope for that ?
Tiger’s back in the saddle no word as of yet who he’s riding and in what position. Rumor has it though that his 9 iron is as good as ever . And so are his moves in and out of the bunkers .
Bud Selig will rue the day he was born . Goodell and his wish for an 18 game schedule has pis_ed off St Peter so much that the archangel Gabriel will be sent to earth
to have a word with the commish. Pestelance will be rained down upon the league and frogs will be seen to flying all over Cowboys’ stadium. Wait a minute won’t that be an improvemnt on what we’re use to seeing from the Cowboys when they play ?
tophatal ……. 🙂
On the behalf of my fellow elders we would like to refute the notion that Brett Favre has the maturity to be counted among our ranks. Just because he looks older than a lot of 60 year olds does not mean he is emotionally stable enough to join our distinguished group.
We thank you and wish you a safe and happy weekend.
Al… with all the injuries, I don’t see how the Vikes can possibly match the success they had last year.
Good to see Tiger play well again. At least that’ll make Corey Pavin’s decision to ask him on the Ryder Cup a little easier. Yeah, like he hadn’t already made up his mind.
Goodell goes to heaven, huh, Al? You sure about that one?
Look, if the old people don’t want him and the young people don’t want him, if Packers fans don’t want him and Jets fans don’t want him, then who does?
Certainly not Tarvaris Jackson.
Based on last night’s performance I’d say the Packers are in good hands with Rodgers !
And This Is Meant To Do What ?
You forgot to mention that the elderly may say that this is their last year playing shuffleboard, but we’ve all heard that before.
Al… The Pack are definitely better off with Rodgers these days. But could they have made another Super Bowl run had they held on to Favre those last few years?
And how about this? What if Rodgers eventually ends up winning a Super Bowl? Will he be as revered as Favre was in that town? He’ll have as many rings.
Chump no way till Rodgers gets into a movie with Cameron Diaz! Where were you at the Lillians golf tournament?
That shuffleboard is hard to quit.
Speaking of people who have absolutely no business playing sports, did we ever tell you how John and I finished in 36th place in a local bocce tournament?
That was out of 36 teams.
You’re just realizing now I wasn’t at the Lil’s golf tournament?!?
Trust me. I wanted to make it but duty called. I’ve been working my tail off lately.
How was the turnout?
I’m wondering if Jevon and Brett ever ended their feud… Maybe Favre is so old he forgot about it! http://gnb.scout.com/2/376285.html
Jews and bocce go together like pepperoni and dysentery. (?)
Already a questionable pre-season for the Vikes, Chap.
I’m gonna have to go under on their season wins total.
But as long as Childress just coaches them to the playoffs, anything can happen in December.
Favre’ll be 50 by then.
The good news, Unc, is that when we turned the standings sheet upside down, we were in first place.
#4 would fit in well with you down in Tampa. Isn’t the median age about 59 these days?
Fortunately, Drew, I’m still on the bottom side of that curve.
I will say this, though.
When all that Brett Favre-Green Bay drama first started, I was totally down with him coming down here.
I figured he had two, three or four good years left in him. Plus that was an old divisional rivalry and he still seemed like he had something to prove.
Not only that, we didn’t have a proven QB.
Alas, it was not to be and now we have a young QB with a very sore thumb.
The Packers are my surprise team in the NFC North this season . They’re going to surprise one or two people that’s for sure.
The Bengals cut Antonio Bryant . Funny one good season and this guy got paid like a mutha’ . Now the Bucs’ Michael Clayton states he’s got nothing to prove as his body of work is there for all too see . Look I believe in hype but his bull_hit has become laughable ! Another thing why is that Raheem doesn’t force Winslow to be at the team’s mandatory OTA’s ? He’s done nothing in the preseason and since he’s been with the Bucs he’s not a damn thing worth talking about and he’s the highest paid TE in the league ? WTF ? The team has no cohesion and they lack a real leader on both sides of the ball .
tophatal …….. 🙂
Just like a really good Rolex the Rays are still ticking and they’re scaring a whole slew of people around MLB .
Go West Young Man , Make Your Fortune And Claim The Fame That Awaits You ……
tophatal …….. 🙂
Al… The Packers can’t be your surprise team if they’re expected to win that division and possibly make it to the Super Bowl.
And the Bucs receiving corps will be interesting this year. Here’s hoping for a solid, healthy year for Cadillac because I don’t know how many of those WRs are going to get open on their own.
The Rays are solid, man.
Some friends and I almost went to last night’s Jays game but got caught up at happy hour instead.
I hear there were plenty of tickets available.
Only 12,000 in attendance? Ouch!
Brett’s mama says the only reason Brett’s returning is to win the Superbowl. So let me go with the flow of the Packers being the underdog here please ! LOL,LOL,LOL !!! I have it on good authority that Schlereth and his buddies from ESPN will be building a shrine to Brett on opening day.
Any truth to the rumor that Leinart is looking to get his a_s kicked by Whisenhunt if he doesn’t stop bitching and whining ?
tophatal ….. 🙂
The Bucs’ receiving corps is like the strategy of the war on terror. That bitch went nowhere fast and there’s no sign of a victory in sight !
This’ll be Rah’s mantra ….. dig in boys pucker up as you’re going to get shafted !
tophatal ……… 🙂
tophatal …… 🙂
So Tiger’s moving to NYC ? How much more trouble can he get into there then ?
tophatal …. 🙂
Things I’m Now Trying To Understand In The World Of Sports ……
tophatal ……. 🙂
Now comes word, Al, that the Cards are looking to trade Leinart.
Did I hear this correctly? That Leinart wanted an explanation of why he wasn’t starting?
What? That he sucked wasn’t enough of an explanation?
So the Bucs cut Derrick Ward, huh? That little experiment went well.
And no worries, Al. It’s only a matter of time before ESPN erects a statue to Brett Favre right outside their complex.
And Al, I’m not so sure Tiger can afford Manhattan these days. Drinks there are expensive.
Elin probably could… but not Tiger.
Yeah I heard that one off the grapevine and it’s alleged that the Raiders have shown interest ? Well they’re bound to aren’t they ? The saying is “ a fool and his money are easily parted. ” In the case of dear ol’ Al Davis it’s his mind that has departed and then some . When is enough , enough with that organization ?
Team USA defeated Iran at the World Championships. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadenijad has dispatched the his own personal guard (death force) to bring home the players for summary execution for loosing to the Zionist infidels ! Some Iranian players are said to be pleading with the US for political asylum ? LOL,LOL,LOL !!!
Who’ll be the first NFL coaching casualty do you think this season ? Dropped this piece on the subject.
There’s A Price To Pay For Failure ……….. And It’s Always Steep
tophatal …… 🙂
At least Dominik has the balls to admit to a mistake . Unlike Gruden who’s apt to lay the blame elsewhere.
Tiger ain’t short of money Chris . That 12,500 sq ft pad being built in Jupiter for him will set him back at least $40 million but he’s paying that off in 5years via a jumbo mortgage. To date he’s earned in excess of $1.2 billion over the course of his career. Take out taxes, the payout to Elin and he’s still worth at least $500-$600 million when it’s all said and done .
If I don’t have to go south on business I’ll try to make a couple of the Rays’ home games over the closing month of the season .
tophatal ……. 🙂
You lost me when you said “The Raiders have interest.” That statement immediately loses any credibility when it comes together putting together a winning franchise.
Funny that you wrote about who might be the first NFL coach to lose his job. On my way home from work, I was thinking the exact same thing. I would think Morris might be in the Top 5.
As always, I’ll be over to check you out.
Tiger’s not short on money, Al.
But he certainly has less than he did last Labor Day.