While writing a recap of Saturday night’s Tampa Bay Rays-Seattle Mariners game, most credible media outlets probably tastefully reported the facts with little or no room for imagination.
Fortunately, this is no such website.
We’ve been known to get a little sophomoric from time to time here at Sportschump.net like the day we did this…. or the day we did this, so why not continue the trend?
Saturday night, the Seattle Mariners sent starting pitcher Charlie Furbush to the mound. Charlie Furbush. There have been porn star names with more tact. Let’s just say, on a slow night at work, it was difficult for my co-workers and I to contain the one-liners. I mean, there have been plenty of major leaguers with names that refer to a particular part of the female anatomy. Rusty Kuntz first comes to mind.
I know we’re all adults here (well, some of us) but how can one not poke a little fun (pun intended) at possibly the most humorous, current surname in sports, and furthermore, how is his not the top-selling jersey in the greater Seattle area?
Let’s say we lived in a more, immature world where innuendo ran amok. Saturday’s recap might have gone a little something like this:
St. Petersburg, Fla. – Saturday night was a rough one for Furbush.
Furbush was used up pretty good early on and was eventually unable to continue. On just another Saturday night in the Bay area, the Rays lineup proved a little too strong for Furbush. Furbush was sent to the showers after three, and saw red after being pulled by his manager. The Rays were eating up Furbush all night long.
Furbush was wild and not in opposing hitters’ faces like in the past. The Rays took advantage when they could, really knocking the boots off of Furbush. Furbush failed to show up with quality stuff and simply couldn’t shave off anything.
After such a rough outing, the Mariners may end up cutting Furbush.
Furbush is still fresh in the major leagues, but after last night, Furbush might find it difficult to find a comfortable home in someone’s rotation.
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I SWEAR I am not making this up.
Furbush was recently involved in a trade from Detroit to Seattle with another player whose name is Doug Fister.
And here’s me thinking that you’d be gettin’ down to business on your ” honeymoon night” with Kim K ? But then her “bush” was been well tended to by Reggie while they were hooking up .
Good time in baseball at present if you’re in an interesting divisional or wildcard race .
tophatal ………….
Honeymoon or no honeymoon, Al, Kimmy K knows I’m loyal to my readers.
I’m still kind of surprised I didn’t get an invite to that wedding, which is okay because I didn’t have anything to wear anyway.
Like I used to say to my old neighbor when I was growing up, “Hey, if you’re Lipschitz, then my ass talks.”
Yes, I know what you say to be true. Fister is flourishing in Motown, while Furbush is floundering in Seattle. At the top of my all-time name team, however, is former nascar driver Dick Trickle.
Snake…
We did have a customer come into the bar the other night whose last name was Hiscock.
Ah yes, Yaz. How could we forget Mr. Trickle?
We had a high school football coach named Dick Hertz. I think it was a case of the clap.
Snake…
There was also a guy who pitched for the Mariners back in the day whose name was Dick Pole.
I think he was also a pitching coach for the Reds.
I don’t know how parents can name their children without thinking of the consequences. Years ago, the general manager of Endicott Buick in Pompano Beach was a guy named Dick Beaver. And since this is a sports column, let’s not forget the founder of the sporting goods manufacturing company that bears his name, Richard Head. Dick to his friends.
Snake…
I’ve been called worse.
Back in the late 70s, the Packers had a linebacker named Mike Hunt. Try being a sports announcer and calling that sack with a straight face.
Snake…
Pretty sure the announcers referred to him as Michael.
And if you haven’t, some time in your life, paged Mike Hunt at an airport, then you simply haven’t lived.
I guess that is what you talk about when you live in a town with a team way out of the pennant race. Here in a whale’s vagina we’re right in the thick of it. Furbush or no Furbush. Oh wait, the Padres were out of the race 25 games into the season. Never mind.
Hey, do me a favor and send me another gmail invite for the group…thanks.
Chris
You and me both ! As I was hoping that as her (Kim K’s) mom Kris has pimped the three eldest daughters she might need someone to “break in” both of the ….. two youngest ?
Is it me but Pat Haden as AD for the USC Trojans has a valid point in not seeing Paul Dee preside over any hearing that concerns the Canes ? I mean if Dee who’s now the chairman of the NCAA’s Infractions Committee has a say in any form of punishment meted out, it in essence becomes a novel joke doesn’t it ? Paul Dee is also a former AD of the Canes as well as having taught ethics and law at the school .
Tell me what else is wrong with that whole scenario as it unfolds ? You now have idiots saying that Shapiro isn’t to be believed because his allegations are all lies . I hardly think that the guy is going to make those claims to the Feds knowing full well even though he’s locked up the ramifications aren’t going to be serious !
It looks as if both the Sox and Yankees have a few problems at the moment but nothing that a good whupping up against a mediocre team can take care of !
tophatal ………..
Fair Hooker comes to mind.
True story…for a while as a kid, I lived next to a family named “Cox.” While that was questionable by itself, what they named their daughter was simply cruel….
…wait for it…
…Fonda.
I think she’s in a lesbian terrorist group now…
Are we forgetting the old Walmart standbye? “Shoppers, paging Mike Hunt.”
Chris you must be bored. Don’t know about you, this 108-110 degree heat is knocking the crap outta me. I know, you ain’t got it much better.
By the way, what are you doing blogging on your Kardash-tastic honeymoon?
Hey chappy81, Fair Hooker was a heckuva receiver for the CLV Browns.
Sorry, I missed your post Snake about Mike Hunt.
Drew…
C’mon, now. The Rays are holding their own, quite a feat considering the division they play in.
They’re eight games out, twelve games over .500 and have the best starting rotation outside of Philadelphia.
Your invite is on its way.
You mean the Google group, right?
Al…
That must be your imagination.
I don’t see either the Sox or Yanks having any problems. Neither is in jeopardy of missing the playoffs.
Chap…
What’s a fair hooker?
One who negotiates?
Dub…
Do you know what you call ten thousand armed lesbians?
Militia Etheridge.
Thank you, I’ll be here all week.
Ronbets…
You haven’t yet submitted your entry to my over/under contest.
Skeered?
Dub…
Much like the Rays, Humphries is definitely knocking the boots off of Furbush.
And Dave from South Tampa sends a long distance dedication, making sure that none of us forget the other great current baseball surname.
Kosuke Fukodome.
Thanks for sending the invite again…we should have enough people for a little fantasy football league and a weekly bet against the spread competition.
Winner of each gets to hang out with Shawn Kemp up in Seattle for a day!
If a female wins then it’s an even better prize because…well…you know Shawn is very prolific in a certain way.
Set it up, Drew, and I’ll work it from my end as well, whether it’s on Yahoo or ESPN. Doesn’t much matter to me.
FYI, I’m not sure hanging with the Reign Man is exactly what I’d use as incentive to win.
Chris
At this juncture neither are in jeopardy of missing a playoff berth but you’ve got to admit they’ve been shaky as of late .
Does Paul Dee have the integrity to recuse himself from overseeing the NCAA Infractions Committee hearings on the Canes ? Bear in mind he was a former AD of the school ( Miami) but he’s now the chairman of the NCAA body that metes out punishment concerning schools in violation of the rules .
So Larry Fitzgerald gets his $50 mil guaranteed for playing on a team that may well struggle this season ? And what is it about Bud Adams than makes him so intelligent ? He now likens his Pro Bowl running back Chris Johnson to a petulant child and thinks that he’s not worth a pay raise . Johnson might be the only reason to watch the Titans at all this season ! Bud Adams ought to keep his pie hole shut at present as he’s a real dumb a## !
tophatal ……….
Not sure I entirely agree with you, Al.
The Yankees have won 17 of their last 23. And while the Red Sox have been playing .500 ball of late, the Rays have been pitching lights out and can’t seem to make up any ground in the standings.
It’s gonna be awfully hard for Hasselback to win in Tennessee without Chris Johnson by his side, and it’s looking more and more like that’s what he’s going to have to do.
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Here’s a good list!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEvspTR4ISs&feature=player_embedded#!
Jimmy Johns, mmmmmmm.
Chap, that thing was hysterical!
Nice find
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never forget the infamous Pete LaCock of the Kansas City Royals. With that name, he should have played in Montreal.
Or at least starred in a porn, huh, Evan?