It’s been a while since I’ve challenged your collective creativity with a caption contest but after a rainy Monday in Daytona, Juan Pablo Montoya’s run-in with 200 gallons of jet fuel gave me all the motivation I needed.
For those of you who stayed up ‘til the wee hours of the night to watch the highly anticipated, yet dreadfully boring, Daytona 500, you more than likely saw Montoya swerve his racecar directly into the track’s dryer truck, causing a huge explosion and a two-hour delay to boot. And I thought I was a careless driver.
After a wreck in only the second lap, and several others after that, Daytona soon began to resemble your local interstate during rush hour, just with cars going three times as fast. The Montoya wreck added to the fireworks, literally, but was also partially responsible for decreased television ratings. So, let me get this straight. This was the first prime time running in the event’s fifty –plus year history and ratings were down? Who’s running that sport, Bud Selig?
So, to honor, perhaps the most anticlimactic Daytona 500 ever, I proudly present this week’s caption contest. The winner of this contest will receive a complimentary book of matches, one free Spanish lesson and an owner’s manual for a Chevy Impala.
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Let’s get this party started with a simple one, shall we?
How about… “Juan Pablo Montoya to star with Nick Cage in Ghost Rider 3: The NASCAR Files”
Whoa man, I said a Bud light.
Very nice, Aer.
That Bud Light had to be bad by then, no?
And just out of curiosity, I’d like to know how many cases and kegs of Bud Light were consumed over that Sunday/Monday in Daytona.
You’d have to figure obscene amounts.
It’s the only thing that could make that race watchable.
A crash with a fuel truck, not too bad. A multi-car pile up, better. A fatality, excellent. Anything less than these examples makes for a snoozer of a race. Right down there with baseball and golf. If I had to watch NASCAR all the time, I would become a major alcoholic. Can you relate to that Chris?
Sort of, Snake.
But I don’t see why we would let an automobile race ruin a perfectly good night of drinking.
Oh, this will make a heckuva tweetpic at 100 mph…whoops…LOOK OUT!!!
Watching NASCAR gives me a bigger headache than drinking all night. And how can they call them “stock cars” when they have 900 hp and the Taurus is a 2 door? That’s like saying the WWE is legit.
Don’t text and drive, Yaz.
Oh… and by the way, how the hell you get out of not going to Vegas for Puckett’s bachelor party.. or are we just getting too old?
Wait, Snake…
The WWE’s not legit?!?
Odds of catching a ball at a major league ballgame: 563 to 1; Odds of getting a hole in one: 5,000 to 1; Odds of setting the track on fire: Juan in a million.
BTW, have you been following the trials of Tuberville?
Beag….
A Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuan in a millllllllllllllion…. chaaaaaaaaaaaaaance of a liiiiiiiiiiiiifetime.
Was that Luther Vandross? Oh shit, no, that was Larry Graham of Sly and the Family Stone fame. Imagine that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYycDyAxgb0
So wow, you scooped me. Sounds like Tuberville went all Madoff and duped people out of nearly two million dollars?
And here we thought convincing them to watch Texas Tech football was crime enough.
Not only that, his wife was involved in a traffic accident last November resulting in serious injuries to an elderly couple. Since then, the gentleman has passed away, and Mrs. T may face criminal charges, not to mention the sizeable civil lawsuit headed their way. Here’s a link to the most recent article:
http://msn.foxsports.com/collegefootball/story/Wife-of-Texas-Tech-coach-Tommy-Tuberville-could-face-criminal-charges-in-death-of-a-man-injured-in-car-accident-022312
Yikes, Beag. Not a good year in the Tuberville household.
But let me ask you this. What’s the world coming to when the wife of a head coach of a major league college football program can’t have a little fender bender and have it covered up.
This never would have happened at Auburn. They just would have bought that family a new grandfather.
Not that they didn’t try. Speculation is that she was on the phone with him when the accident happened. Video from the accident scene shows Coach Tuberville arriving on scene a few minutes after LPD and glad-handing the officers.
All I know is he’d better hope for a miracle this season. The alumni are not happy especially after last season- donations are down significantly, and if things don’t improve, he’ll probably be looking for a job.
Only in the shady world of college football, Beag, can your wife kill an elderly person while you rob investors of millions of dollars and you still have a job.
The big news isn’t that Montoya wrecked. The big news is that this is the first time a car driven by a Hispanic didn’t have 40 others in it.
Wow, dude.
That’s pretty good.
How many NASCAR drivers does it take to cause a huge fireball?
Just Juan.
Very nice, Balzac.
I figured it would take either a NACSAR post or you being the first person to respond to a new article to get a rise out of you.
FYI… I’m currently in first place in my fantasy NASCAR league. I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.
“I told you guys the A/B/C rated extinguishers wouldn’t put this out.”
“I hope Miguel will forgive me for destroying the stash of coca ! Oh s##it “
Chris
Word has it the last time Montoya was involved in an accident of this magnitude he was being chased by ICE> / Border Patrol as he failed to stop at a checkpoint at the border .
So Otis is interested in seeing if can obtain Monta Ellis from the Warriors ? Will this ultimately turn that frown upside down for Dwight ? Your thoughts .
Maddon buys himself a souped-up ’56 Chevy Bel-Air . Nice to know he’s spending his money wisely . What did the Rays do this offseason in reality to improve the team ? Oh Sternberg raises the payroll from $42 million last season to $65 million this season . Let’s hope it works for the Rays’ sake !
tophatal ………..
In a word, yes. Of course, not being invited played into it. 🙂
Chris
So the Steelers’ front office and specifically GM Kevin Colbert made the decision to cut Hines Ward in order to have the money to keep Mike Wallace ? The NFL really is a business isn’t it ? Ward will now join two other illustrious WR’s with over 1000 career receptions that may not ever see the light of day when it comes to the Hall of Fame . Cris Carter and Tim Brown ….. . But bear in mind Ward holds all of the primary offensive records for the franchise . Credibility is definitely lacking when it comes to the writers who adjudicate the nominees for the Hall .
How High Would You Like My Boot To Go With Your Celebratory A#s Kicking … ?
It Was Meant To Be The Year of The Quarterback And In Many Ways It Was And Then It Wasn’t ….
tophatal …………….
Montoya: “That girl cut me off, damn girls can’t drive!”
SA…
I don’t get it. What’s that mean?
Al…
Border patrol. Good one. And entirely inappropriate. Nice work.
Whatever trades the Magic make, they might want to consult their big man in the hopes that pulling the trigger on those deals will warrant a verbal commitment to stay put.
Yaz…
As much as I wanted to go, a) I couldn’t take off work and b) I’m not sure, at 43 years of age, that heading to Vegas with 20 dudes for a bachelor party is something I should be doing, or rather, something my liver can handle.
Al…
I’m not sure what’s going on in Pittsburgh these days but how about the recent news about New Orleans and their bounties.
Except Goodell to drop the hammer.
Chap…
Speaking of girls driving, it is just me or is Danica Patrick and the attention being paid to her becoming increasingly unbearable.
I saw the race but couldnt hang during the delay. I’ve enjoyed the comments from your photo and truly amazed how long it took a group of men to play the woman card. I was going there right away, but not on Danica’s driving, rather the distraction card of a woman on the track, albeit not that long…. then thought the wiser. Ha ha
Dee Dee
Oh come on, Dee.
Don’t hold back.
Let me ask you this. Are you a fan of Danica Patrick or no?
Okay, Triple SC, All there is to say on this matter is Montoya must have been distracted thinking about giving Danica a lil ole’ tap, “Rubbing is Racing” after all.
I sent my husband to Indy 500 for his 40th bday and he brought me back a Danica shirt. I honestly wore it the other day, but prefer my Mark Martin shirts. What I couldn’t stomach much more of was how many times Michael Waltrip said Danica’s crew had to get her back on the track to get her more experience. He mentioned it several times and I believe they didn’t mention that on any other new driver. Danica even has an edge on the other new guns- she has been professionally racing for many years. I love when women break through and make an impact, but I agree with you, all this special attention is ridiculous.
DeeDee
If that’s the way you feel, DD, you’ll love the post I just put up, he he.
Guess I don’t win the contest, Chris! Anywayyyy…fire extinguishers have different ratings to fight specific types of fires…so you don’t use water in the wrong instance, for example. It seemed when the “grounds crew” first arrived they were fighting a jet fuel fire with small extinguishers grabbed from the lunch room. You really can’t put out a jet fuel fire with just any old concoction…not that I have any experience with that..no sir…not me. Nothing to see here.
SA…
No serenade, no fire brigade, just-a pyromania?
Man, that felt good!
Don’t know that I’ve quoted Def Leppard on this site before.
I was long overdue. Thanks for the inspiration.