Okay, so it’s been a while since I’ve flown commercial. Traveling through Tampa International quickly reminded me why I drive everywhere.
First of all, it was a good thing I arrived ninety minutes before takeoff, what with line after endless line. I counted five different times within a twenty minute timespan that I had to pull my driver’s license out of my wallet, why I kept putting it back in there, I don’t know. I should have just duct taped it to my forehead for convenience.
Then the airlines charged me $25 just to check my suitcase. Really? And entrust some baggage-handler with my lucky, and atrociously stinky, golf shoes? Best of luck to you, sir. I barely touch them myself but if you feel the need, have at it. I’m quite surprised they didn’t ask for my firstborn when I tried to access the internet at the terminal. I feared what a bagel and coffee might cost. Best to stay hungry.
De-robing while passing through security is also such a pleasant experience. I contemplated side-stepping into one of Delta’s special assistance lanes to expedite the boarding process. I figured, since I hadn’t slept in 36 hours, the bags under my eyes (I’m surprised they didn’t want me to check those too!) would qualify me. I reconsidered, figuring having to explain to friends and family that I missed my trip to the Masters because I was wrestled to the ground by the heavy-set Puerto Rican lady working security would be difficult to explain, yet somehow not all that surprising.
Upon pulling my laptop out of its case to check it through the scanner (for some reason, the x-rays can’t see through my computer bag), I wondered if a security agent would demand to sift through my yet-to-be-published files for further inspection. I could tell people I was frisked for literary brilliance. Mr. Airport Security, sir. Are you a sports fan? Have you ever heard of sportschump.net? Here, take a business card and tell all your friends. Have I mentioned I’m going to the Masters?
Oh, and did you know they now have internet on airplanes? I was half-tempted to dump the $5.95 for the hour flight just to Tweet from 30,000 miles up. Remember, I come from the old school, when the passengers in the last four rows were allowed to chain smoke, as if that fifth row from the back contained some magical barrier that would prevent unwelcome carcinogens from spreading throughout the plane. Ah, the good old days. And what’s with the pre-flight fasten your seatbelt instructions? Are there still people out there that don’t know how to do this?
But this is, after all, a sports website, so enough travel talk. The next 72 hours would bring the national championship game (I liked Kentucky minus the six), Major League Baseball’s opening day (who cares?) and most importantly two rounds of golf with Liar North, who defeated me last time we played.
This time, revenge would be mine… or would it?
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Chris
I hope that the cavity and rectal search provided courtesy of the TSA was well worth it at the airport . LOL,LOL,LOL !!!!
On to other things , great win last night for Cal’s and his Wildcats ! Now with Dolan and the Knicks said to be hovering around and there being talk of a 5yr $50 million contract to come and coach the Knicks . Do you think Calipari will ” jump ship ” ?
I see Ryan Leaf got busted again ? Oh to have to seen his career somehow flourish in the NFL ….. but it wasn’t to be , thank God !
Courtesy of the Washington Post
tophatal ……….
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And they didn’t even buy me dinner first, Al.
I had heard that about Ryan Leaf, pretty sad considering I thought he had made some progress with his own personal demons. I guess it goes to show the battle never ends, huh?
And no matter what kind of NBA offer Calipari gets, can’t UK just match it?
I mean, it is Kentucky.
Chump, I’ve been to the Tampa airport multiple times traveling to onto Sarasota. Security is outrageous at that place. Never having enough space waiting through security when you get of the tram. They usually have a guy who speaks little english directing everyone. It’s almost like they don’t really care if you make it through to your flight. Enjoy your trip, tell Tiger Hi for me.
Chris
I’ve been through the cavity search twice , courtesy of the TSA in the past five years . Once having returned from Jamaica … which I can understand because they may well have felt I might have had some “weed” on me . But I forwent that long ago . And the other was traveling cross country on a flight from Denver , Colorado , back to Tampa . The female and her male counterpart made me feel like the Stepen King character ….”Andy Dufresne ” from “Shawshank Redemption ” . I was defiled I tell you and I’m sticking with that story .
The Wildcats can match the offer as they’re one of the most profitable programs of their kind in the nation. I mean we’re talking ” Kentucky basketball “ ……. the next best thing to God and naked pictures of Ashley Judd dependent upon your tastes .
Leaf is , his own worse enemy ! His head was never screwed on straight to begin with , certainly not in college or once in the NFL with the Chargers . And we have to remember that “putz “ Mel Kiper did suggest that Leaf was and would be a far better prospect than Peyton Manning . Now you know why I never bother listen that imbecilic ##swipe from ESPN .
tophatal ……….
Yea, dude.
Traveling by air is a pretty miserable experience in general. That’s why I keep it to a minimum. Besides, I live in Florida so there’s really no need for me to ever go anywhere.
I’m all for heightened security in lieu of past events but you’re right, there tend to be some overly unfriendly people waving those magic searching wands.
How about a smile every once in a while or is that sort of thing frowned upon?
You just traveled for the strip-search, didn’t you?
Don’t get me wrong, Al. Ashley Judd’s as hot as they come but I’m pretty sure Madison Square Garden could compete.
And think about it. Where is Calipari more likely to succeed? Kentucky or New York? I think that one’s a no-brainer.
And Dub…
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
Don’t hate me because I’m kinky.
Safe journey my friend and remember you promised us pictures.
FORE!
Hilarious!!! Next time just ask for the line where you can get “double-frisked” and they’ll move ya along pretty quickly. Hope you have a blast!
That last line about the seatbelts made me think of Tommy Boy!
Oh, Aer, trust me.
The pictures are coming.
Pervert Air, SOS.
What a great idea for an airline! Think of what you could charge for airfare.
What happens at 30,000 feet, stays at 30,000 feet, huh?
Chap…
Fat guy in a liiiiiiiiiiittle coat!
Oh puh-leeze. You never had to go on a road trip with my father. The four words you never wanted to hear- “I know a shortcut.” We won’t even discuss the time in France when I found him discussing travel routes with a gentleman who spoke NO English (my dad didn’t speak French- and didn’t think it was funny when I told him I wouldn’t bail him out of jail if he tried to check in to the Hotel de Ville).
Beag…
Reminds me of “Forget Paris” with Billy Crystal and Debra Winger where her father reads every street sign they pass as they’re driving around town.
You asked for it, you got it. Toyota.
Chris
Is it wrong to have ” #@t dreams about Ashley Judd ?
I hear if the Knicks’ front office throw in a couple of hookers then not only will they be able to lure Calipari but the entire eligibility class from that Wildcats’ championship winning … team would be prepared to follow their coach .
Is it me but is Bynum looking cut short his stay and his welcome in La La Land ? Apparently the organization has fined the player in excess of $20,000 ( mere drop in the ocean) in terms of his annual salary for violation of team rules . And the fact that he’s had a “second bust up” with Mike Brown doesn’t seem to be going over well with either Jerry Buss and GM Mitch Kupchak . Never mind the fact that they’re about to opt to give him a $16.5 million one year extension on his contract . Room for Dwight ya’ think ?
If at all interested as and when ready ?
It’s For All The Marbles …..
That A-ha Moment
So NFL teams are now going after a new look in terms of the gear ? Since when did the team owners and league hierarchy think it appropriate to now become trendsetters in terms of making a fashion statement ? I mean they’re now trying to allude to the fact that the changes will enhance the safety of the players . As if they’ve ever been concerned with the health and safety issues concerning the players in the first place ? Goodell is a $$#@ing simpleton as too are the members of the union’s executive committee !
When and if Leaf gets sent to jail with the DA James Farren (West Texas) stating that he’ll rescind the former NFL’ers probation …. ____ will he (Leaf) be willing to take the top or bottom bunk in his cellmate’s abode, while being someone’s bi_ch in that supposed relationship ? Here’s to Ryan Leaf and that other ##s wipe Mel Kiper , who to this day still has no wish to admit that he stated in front of millions that Leaf would have a better NFL career than Peyton Manning . Somehow I don’t believe that Kiper is a soothsayer or that he consulted with Miss Cleo ! Your thoughts ?
WTF ! Leaf actually accomplished enough in the NFL to have a career retrospective ? Well I never ! Man ………. and here was I thinking that his now ……. infamous ” don’t talk me alright ” was his biggest contribution to the NFL ? Boy was I wrong or what ………. tell me if I am ?
For your edification as to what made Ryan Leaf such a narcissistic an pompous as#hole !
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMe0Rz1frdE
Do enjoy .
tophatal ……………
Chris
I hate to bust your bubble Madison Sq Garden is Spike Lee’s home away from home . He may well be the Knicks’ most high profiled celebrity fan but let’s be real he’s no Jack Nicholson is he ? I mean Jack has probably ” laid the wood” the entire cheer-leading squad of the Lakers past and present over the last two decades , probably .
tophatal …..
I don’t fly. Period. Gave it up years ago. Didn’t have a problem with the concept…but my body did. Now, post 9/11…it is very easy to “just say no.” I’ll drive, thank you. All the horror stories from those who do fly only get worse. Speaking of driving, I trust you will be spinning out 300+ yard drives at will and breaking course records accordingly…especially on the 19th Hole! Enjoy!
Al…
I think the Lakers would move Bynum if the right offer came along but I don’t think they’d just get rid of him for the sake of doing so. Seven-footers don’t grow on trees.
SA…
I played 36 holes over the last two days and didn’t hit one drive over 300 yards.
Must be something wrong with the driver I was using, right?
After all, it couldn’t be me.
Chris
The Lakers if they could get rid of Bynum and simply get the Lady Bears’ Brittney Griner . LOL,LOL,LOL !!!! That way Kobe can have some on the team almost as skilled as himself don’t you think ?
My piece on Opening Day with regard to the Rays amongst others things .
On Base For What ?
tophatal ……….
Chris
The ties that don’t necessarily bind us …… <a href="'ntoine Walker , ex Celtic . He and Jordan are the only players to have earned over $100 million over the course of their NBA careers and to have won an NCAA title . However , it’s Walker who’s now toiling in NBA D-League having also declared bankruptcy . My how the world turns …..LOL,LOL,LOL !!!
‘ntoine needs a really great accountant or someone who can teach his @@s how to handle money !
tophatal ………….
7′ (footers ) don’t grow on trees ? How to explain Manute Bol and Shawn Bradley ? Your thoughts ?
tophatal …………
Al…
Griner’s about to get paid and make some lucky WNBA team an instant contender.
Not that anyone cares.
‘Toine’s not the only guy in professional sports to mishandle his money. I can’t necessarily say it’s anyone’s fault but his own.
I think he mismanages his weight as well.
Seven-footers may grow on trees, Al, but skilled seven-footers don’t.
‘toine’s money problems pale into insignificance when measured against Latrell Sprewell’s . He had two homes foreclosed on , a a yacht seized by the banks and the IRS came in and took the rest , including his 5 cars , two of which , happen to be a Ferrari , one Porsche and a vintage Rolls Royce and Mercedes Benz (Fastback) high end customized .
7′ in the NBA who can play center are few and far between . I think it’s being proven right now in the league ! .
tophatal ………….
Unfortunately when it comes to female sports no one really takes much note . I mean who really cares what Danica Patrick is actually doin’ in NASCAR ? Less she’s barely clothed she rarely gathers much in terms of the news cycle . On the WTA no one is interested unless it’s about Sharapova or one of the Williams sisters and that’s about it .
I caught Costas’ show on the little watched NBC Sports Network and they discussed amongst other things Title IX and is there too much money involved in collegiate athletics ? The latter I think we all know the answer to so it’s not really open to discussion . Title IX is still a long way from where it should be and in terms of any tangible achievement !
tophatal ………….
I haven’t kept up with Sprewell’s antics in a a while, Al, but somehow that doesn’t surprise me.
Can’t these guys get some sort of investment counselors or do they already have that and they just don’t pay attention?
Women’s tennis, Al, is the only female sport that really draws.
The sport better hope it has a replacement for the Williams sisters or that could also disappear.