My journey to Augusta, Part Three: Bourbon, bogies and unibrows

Now for more on Kansas-Kentucky.

After a long day of golf and bourbon-drinking, the details of which I’ll return to shortly, Liar North, Mrs. Liar North and I all went to a local, Charlotte sports bar to watch what everyone outside of Kansas felt was a foregone conclusion: Kentucky winning a national championship.

The poor kid sitting next to me on my first, connecting flight was a bright-eyed, young Kansas fan, on his way to Monday’s slaughter, er… championship game.  He couldn’t have been any older than fourteen.  I assumed so not only because of the blossoming acne on his face, but also because of the World and its Peoples textbook that rested untouched at his feet.

I wished him the best of luck in New Orleans, telling him that my Gators had met, and lost to, Kentucky three times this season.  He shrugged fearfully.  I knew full well I would have been hard-pressed to take Kansas that night but this was probably this kid’s first experience with New Orleans and I didn’t want to ruin the trip for him.  If his folks were cool enough to take him out to the French Quarter after a disappointing Jayhawk loss, this could potentially be his first glimpse of an unexpected nipple, something New Orleans is known for, and isn’t seeing a breast for the first time far more memorable than any basketball game?  As a thirty year old man, he’ll be telling his friends how distraught he was the night he saw Kansas play Kentucky… until that drunken girl with giant hooters nearby flashed the crowd.  Laissez les bon temps rouller.

As it turned out, Kentucky ended up covering the six-and-a-half point spread in what turned out to be a tight game late, but one I never thought to be in question at any point of the evening.  Kansas narrowed an eighteen point lead down to five with a few minutes remaining, but if I were a Kentucky fan, I can’t say I was ever biting my fingernails.  In the end, Kentucky, a team loaded with freshmen and sophomores, tormented Kansas, a team loaded with juniors and seniors, all night long.  So much for experience trumping talent.  Not on Calipari’s watch.

Anthony Davis, the 18-year old, uni-browed freshman phenom, once again proved he was college basketball’s best player on its biggest stage.  He picked up the tournament’s Most Outstanding Player honors after only converting one field goal, probably becoming the first player in history to do so.  That trophy likely had his name engraved on it before the tourney even began.  Despite limited scoring, he put his fingerprints on the game all night, finishing with 16 boards, five assists, six blocks and three steals.  We’ll find out soon whether he’s one-and-done, jumping to the pros as many expect.

But on to things that really matter: My Monday afternoon beatdown of Liar North on the golf course.

It’s funny how two people can look at a scorecard and see two totally different things.  To be perfectly honest, he edged me out by two strokes on Monday’s round but then again, he believes in revisionist math and was the one keeping the score.  And besides, I told him score was only a state of mind.  Tuesday’s round was even less competitive.

The courses we played were beautiful.  After 36 holes, I begrudgingly concede that Liar North is the better golfer, but since he doesn’t run a sports website and I do, when I say that the rounds were neck and neck, you’d have to believe me.

I’m slowly becoming resolved to the fact that I’m not a very good golfer, and never will be.  My score exceeded triple digits in both rounds and it’s slowly becoming more obvious that lessons are needed.  But I will say this, Liar North also shot over 100 both days as well.  I had the only birdie, a beautifully-read chip shot from just off the green on 15, and I also managed the best nine of the eight we played.  So I had that going for me, which is nice.

After a long Tuesday night of billiards and Grand Marnier, and an unwilling concession of defeat, the following morning would at long last bring the three hour drive to Augusta National.

Click here for My Journey To Augusta National, Part One

Click here for My Journey to Augusta National, Part Two:  Traaaaveling



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12 Replies to “My journey to Augusta, Part Three: Bourbon, bogies and unibrows”

  1. Pingback: My journey to Augusta, Part Three: Bourbon, bogies and unibrows - BallHyped, NCAA Basketball | BallHyped Sports Blogs

  2. Chris

    Of the subject matter just briefly but in your honest opinion will those two whining retards kiss and make up ? I’m talking of the orally fixated Stan Van Gundy and Dwight Howard ! These two have been bitching and whining all season long and it simply hasn’t done the Magic any good whatsoever . And last night the team gets blown out by the Knicks at home at the Amway Center .

    Stan Van Gundy: Dwight Howard wants him to be fired

    Magic coach tells reporters that he has been told by high-ranking officials that the star center has requested a coaching change.

    Orlando Magic Coach Stan Van Gundy said Thursday he has been told by high-ranking team officials that star center Dwight Howard has previously asked that he be fired.

    “I know he has,” Van Gundy told reporters after the team’s morning shootaround ahead of Thursday night’s matchup with the New York Knicks, won by the Knicks, 96-80. “That’s just the way it is. Again, I’ve been dealing with that all year. It’s not anything real bothersome. You go out and do your job.”

    Howard has denied reports that he has asked for Van Gundy’s dismissal. He again denied it Thursday.

    “Whatever happens at the end of the season is not under my control,” Howard told reporters. “I am a player for the Magic. I am not the GM. I am not [owner] Rich DeVos. I am not [Magic Chief Executive] Alex Martins. So that’s not my job. So you guys should stop … every other week … trying to find something, because there’s nothing.

    Click on link to read in full .

    I see Tiger had his struggles in the first round of The Masters ? Still within striking distance however ……… I don’t feel it will take a big score to win the first Major of the season on the PGA Tour . -3 or -4 at best I think might just do the trick !

    I see Bobby Petrino has some problems ? He crashes his motorcycle which he was riding with a female passenger accompanying him on the ride . Problem ……… passenger in question wasn’t his wife but a female “acquaintance ” of his . The wife was at home looking after the kids (four) . At the incident when the police arrived he made sure that the female in question had already been driven away by an undisclosed individual . Nice !

    tophatal ………

  3. I can imagine you lining up for that shot ” Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former sportsblogger, now about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac… It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!” and receiving total consciousness.

  4. Yes, New Orleans, the perfect place for a pubescent child. What a turrible game that was. Honestly, how lucky was Kansas to be in that game (purdue).

    How crowded are these golf courses pre-Masters? I can imagine they are packed of ole geezers and women (hopefully not, though).

    Good round Thursday. Who have you been following around?

  5. Chris

    What the hell is wrong with Magic Johnson ? After having spent $ 2billion on the Dodgers what’s his first official act as the owner ? No he wasn’t accompanied by his immediate family to the game against the Padres at Petco Park , San Diego ,Ca. He chose to go with none other than ex-owner Frank McCourt . Your thoughts ?

    See my views on the matter ! (Any of the links shown below )

    An Ass By Any Other Name Is Still An Ass !

    tophatal …………….

  6. Van Gundy stop bi#ching and whining like a kid it’s unbecoming ! Dwight will be going elsewhere at season’s end . Get the team on the right track you moron !

    Horses for courses in terms of The Masters moving day starts Saturday and ends , Sunday . Need I say anymore on the matter ?

    tophatal ………….

  7. Al…

    I hate to say this but I think I agree with the cast of Inside the NBA.

    Shaq, Kenny and Chuck all agreed that something needed to be done in Orlando, that what Stan Van did was wrong and that a change needs to be made.

    If that locker room no longer respects him, he ain’t gonna get it back. I mean, who the hell’s in charge there.

    Tiger’s off to a nice start on Friday but how about Freddie Couples? That guy always kills this course.

    And please see my take on Petrino in my newest caption contest. What a tool!

  8. I agree, DHS.

    A little upset I didn’t just go ahead and lay the points, but it’s not like there were many takers.

    I was only in Augusta for Wednesday’s Par Three and I can say, it was pretty crowded. More crowded than I remember it being last time I was there.

    But just beautiful. Trust me when I tell you, I wanted to stay.

  9. Wow, didn’t hear that about Magic, Al.

    What was his reasoning behind that?

    I thought McCourt was pretty much persona non grata ’round Chavez Ravine.

    Surprised they let him in.

    Or was he just collecting his things?

  10. Al…

    I’ve always been a firm believer that those sort of matters need to be handled in house.

    And it’s Stan’s job to be the adult here.

    Otherwise, that’ll be another big man that got him fired.

    Looks like Shaq and Dwight have even more in common than we thought.

  11. At which hole did you realize Liar North was the better golfer? The Windmill hole on the one where you have to putt it up a Gorilla’s butt?

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