The Bobby Petrino Motorcycle Ride I Should Never Have Taken Caption Contest

We interrupt this Masters update for a caption contest that simply could not wait.

Far be it from me to poke fun at those less fortunate, unless of course those people are married, multi-millionaire football coaches who can’t keep their pecker in their pants and end up getting busted for having an affair with a female employee twice their junior after, wait for it…. crashing their motorcycle while she was riding on the back of it.  At the end of the day, when they rank bone-headed moves, this one has to reside near the top.

University of Arkansas understandably placed head coach Bobby Petrino on administrative leave after they found out that… get this, Petrino failed to tell his athletic director she was even at the scene.  Oh, don’t worry about that injured girl in the ditch, officer.  She’s not with me.

The only pertinent questions that remain are will he be fired before Stan Van Gundy and was he wearing that neck brace at the press conference for sympathy or was it damage sustained after his wife beat the crap out of him for running around town with one of his interns?

Ladies and gentlemen, I not-so-proudly present to you this week’s caption contest.  The most creative caption will receive a Groupon for half-off motorcycle lessons, some first aid cream and one, unused Get Out Of Jail Free card.


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47 Replies to “The Bobby Petrino Motorcycle Ride I Should Never Have Taken Caption Contest”

  1. Chris

    How’s Petrino going to explain this to his wife and kids ? ” No honey the person with me was no one of any importance “ . What’s the saying …… ” you don’t s_it where you eat ” ? . And if you can’t ride a motorcycle then make your the “skank” you’re with isn’t the one who’ll then be talking to the public about the relationship. Pitino knows all too well after his tryst in a restaurant restroom with Karen Cunagin-Sypher .

    I see Shaq kicked his lady (ex reality star Nicole “Hoopz ” Alexander [she also dated Flava Flav]) to the curb ? They apparently had a ” bust up” after she found another female’s number in his possession ? Wasn’t this a precursor as to how Shaq’s marriage ended in the first place ? Albeit, that his ex was having her furniture (a@s) ” waxed and shined ” as well .

    tophatal ………..

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  3. Al…

    This certainly makes Ben Roethlisberger’s and Jay Williams motorcycle accidents look trivial by comparison.

    Even though the Williams accident cost him his career, I’m guessing the Petrino crash did as well.

    Think about it. Can you imagine him all freaked out after the accident, with his mistress laying bloodied in a ditch? I see him telling her, just stay here, baby, I’ll have someone come get you, or better yet, go hide behind that tree and tell the cops a bear attacked you.

    Ya know, we bitch when student athletes do stupid shit. Well, coaches need to be held to a higher authority. They ARE role models. They SHOULD be teaching a younger generation how, and how not to act.

    Don’t get me started.

  4. Clearly the wife did the damage…you can even tell his his voice is up a few octaves from a few days ago.

    As for a caption…

    Petrino’s Penis Peccadillo Pops Previous Press Propaganda

  5. Chris

    About the only thing that could make this story even more disturbing were if Petrino followed suit of that Palm Beach billionaire who legally adopted his girlfriend (see link ) to avoid a civil suit after injuring her and another victim in a traffic accident . He fled the scene leaving his girlfriend laying in the wreckage along with the other victim at death’s door .

    That’s my girl!

    Legal ploy shields assets vs. DUI suit

    A 48-year-old Florida polo mogul — about to go on trial for DUI manslaughter — adopted his 42-year-old girlfriend in a move that could shield much of his fortune from a wrongful-death lawsuit.

    Billionaire John Goodman’s adoption of Heather Hutchins, his girlfriend since 2009, is “surreal” and moves the case into “a legal twilight zone,” said Palm Beach County Circuit Court Judge Glenn Kelley.

    Goodman, founder of the International Polo Club and heir to a Texas air-conditioning fortune, was driving his $200,000 Bentley in February 2010 when he ran a stop sign in Wellington, Fla., and struck the Hyundai of Scott Patrick Wilson, authorities said.

    Wilson, 23, drowned when his car flipped over into a canal. Investigators said Goodman’s blood-alcohol level was twice the legal limit.

    Goodman goes to trial for DUI manslaughter and other charges on March 6 and faces up to 30 years in prison if convicted.

    But he also faces a civil trial, starting three weeks later, in a wrongful-death suit brought by William and Lili Wilson, the victim’s parents.

    Judge Kelley has ruled that a trust fund Goodman set up for his two children was off-limits if a jury awards money to the Wilsons.

    Instead, Goodman stood to lose much of his personal assets, which includes his airplane, a yacht and a stable of polo horses. His family business was sold seven years ago for more than $1 billion.

    Click on link to read article in full .


    As and when ready let me know what you think about the following ?

    An Ass By Any Other Name Is Still An Ass !

    Will SVG and Dwight kiss and make-up put their “bro-mance” back on an even keel ?

    How ’bout the Magic last night mailin’ it in</b ? A p#@s poor team and organization from top to bottom !

    D-How’ is too dumb for his own good ! He should’ve left the Magic when he had the chance ! But then again look at who’s the coach (SVG) and gm (#ss wipe Otis Smith ) of the organization to begin with ?

    D-How and SVG ‘s “bro-mance” is nothing like Adele’s song Rollin’ In the Deep . Because they haven’t had it all .

    A caption befitting this Pertino piece …… ” I don’t cheat on my wife I just have sex with other women when I get the chance to ” !

    tophatal ………..

  6. Chris

    I love riding bikes , I’ve got one myself ( Ducati) but even I know when it’s not practical to try perform a sexual act while riding . I can only surmise that Petrino was trying to get his “swerve on” in more ways than one .

    tophatal ……….

  7. Dub…

    I just had an idea.

    You know how former athletes like Allen Iverson, Jose Canseco or Antoine Walker try their hand at other things, minor leagues, etc., to get back into the big time?

    Well may we need a developmental league for coaches. Ya’ know, when they just ain’t cuttin’ it. We know there’s quite a long list these days.

    Now that’s something I might actually pay to see.

  8. Mun….

    Worth it? He’s got major facial scarring, has lost his job and has been deloused publicly.

    I guess I need to see more pictures of this girl.

  9. Al…

    Whatever happened to the days when cheery old Dwight Howard was doing impressions of his coach? Remember that? They seemed to get along back then.

    What the hell happened?

  10. I turned in my motorcycle license over 10 years ago. Why? Living in a town that distributes FREE alcohol 24/7 can be detrimental to your health even driving a Hummer. This Pitrino incident has some Teddy Kennedy similarities. Nothing happened to that late drunk and not much is gonna happen to Bobby. He coaches in the SEC and wins games. That’s his mulligan. Slap on the wrist and few non-conference games suspension.

    BTW, what’s wrong with a 50 year old banging a 25 years? Oh yeah, beside the fact that he’s married with 4 kids. She’ll get over it. She’s gotta love the good life of a SEC wife.

    Hope you’re having a blast @ Augusta.

  11. RB…

    I beg to differ. I think he’s gone, man.

    I know SEC football is SEC football but there’s no way a school is gonna put up with that nonsense. It’ll reflect on their program.

    It’s not like he’s tenured or has won them anything.

    I definitely think he’s gone. What kind of number can I get on that? I might even lay odds.

  12. NO BET SPORTSCHUMP………………. you’re too big favorite here.You would have to lay 2 bottles of XO to my 1 DomP.

  13. Al…

    Dwight’s not going to be hurting for money no matter where he goes, but he’ll be making way more if he stays put.

    Nice road victory for the Magic over Philly tonight. They needed that one.

    I still think, though, that if Stan Van doesn’t get them out of the first round of the playoffs this year, he’ll be gone.

  14. Al…

    Re-adding Pena to the roster is the antithesis of the Magic re-adding Hedo Turkoglu to theirs.

    One has worked brilliantly so far, the other, not so much.

  15. Caption – “Helmets Are Not Overrated”

    Comment –
    “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Dorrell. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the people of Arkansas. Thank you.”

  16. He was not practicing safe and proficent motorcycling at the time. I fugure his previous inappropriate relationship ended at the scene of the crash.

  17. How bad are the Yankees ? That ##s kicking they got courtesy of the Rays made them look really bad ! All this from a team with an almost $200 million payroll ?

    Former Bucs’ player Warren Sapp filed for bankruptcy ? Assets $6.4 million ….. debts in excess of $6.77 million of which he owes his ex-wife in excess of $250,000 in child support and alimony . Consider this also , Sapp reveals that he’s misplaced his Superbowl ring . Now what ?

    tophatal ……………..

  18. Al…

    You bring up an interesting point about Dwight.

    We all got on LeBron and who was advising him. I never for one second thought that Dwight had people in his ear. I just assumed he was acting on his own for the most part.

    Now he’s hurt with back spasms. If he’s not 100% come playoff time, that’s not going to give us much closure to what will likely be the end of the Stan Van Gundy era.

  19. Like I said over on your site, Al, what’s lost in all this Sox and Yanks are 0-3 talk is the fact that a team many thought were the best in baseball, the Rays, are 3-0.

    And what the hell has Warren Sapp been spending his money on? How do these former athletes go so broke?

  20. JW gets my vote… that was a great caption!

    And I hope they fire, tar & feather the guy … no that would be too nice… his wife should just pull a Lorena Bobbitt.

    What a jerk. 😛

  21. M…

    Don’t go favoring J-Dub just because he’s of “special needs.”

    Oh, and this just in. The guys on PTI both think that if it’s taken this long for the school to make a decision, they’re keeping him.

    Just goes to show the power of college football.

  22. BS…

    Now that you mention it, it might be nice to hear some contrition from Petrino.

    I mean, we did from Pitino when he messed up.

    We’ll see if it comes from the neckbrace.

  23. Motorcyle accident? The bike didn’t look at all harmed, plus, the girl didn’t get hurt at all. If you slam your bike into a woodpile, everybody gets hurt. I think somebody (probably the fiance) beat his a$$ and everybody else involved has been paid to tell the “motorcycle accident” story. Yeah, right. Not unless Little Honey cuts a flip off the back of the bike and lands on her feet like Jean Claude Van Damme.

  24. “I can ride my bike with no handlebars, no handlebars, no handlebars…”

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