I’ve been hitting the links a little more regularly these days. The weather here in the Sunshine State is beautiful, courses are abundant and greens fees are incredibly reasonable. Clubhouses are practically giving the golf away.
Ever since I returned from Augusta National, I’ve been feeling it, consistently hovering around bogey golf, shooting 89, 96 and 91 my last three rounds. That’s a major accomplishment for me, considering I didn’t even pick up a golf club until my mid-20s. Removing the baseball swing from my stroke has been a struggle ever since.
Of course I don’t take the sport all that seriously. Ironically, that’s probably why I’ve seen recent improvement in my score. Besides, cigars and bourbon are regular cart partners.
Last Tuesday, plans to hit the beach and Rays game fell through, so I decided to play golf instead. I called a few of my regular golfing partners but everyone was tied up. It was a gorgeous Florida afternoon, so I decided to roll solo.
From the very first hole, I hit the ball well, getting off the tee consistently, hitting solid approaches and keeping the three putts to a minimum.
Then one particular tee shot got me thinking. On the sixteenth hole, a 146-yard, par three, I stuck my tee shot about eight feet from the cup. The line was right on; the ball just went a touch long.
But what if I had holed it? Don’t get me wrong, holes-in-one are near impossible to come by, and I don’t ever expect to get one, but golf tradition states when a player hits a hole-in-one, he has to buy drinks for everyone in the clubhouse after his round.
So what if I hit one while I was playing by myself? Would anyone believe me? I get razzed enough for using the occasional foot wedge to improve my lie. Hey, if it’s good enough for Judge Smails, it’s good enough for me. But think about it. You’re out on the golf course, getting in a quick round all by your lonesome and voila, the ball goes in the hole. What do you do, after obviously jumping for joy and screaming at the top of your lungs?
Do you immediately look around to find a witness, hoping perchance there’s a groundskeeper who saw your little miracle? Do you storm in to the clubhouse, credit card in hand, looking to get everyone sloshed? Do you text or call every last friend and family member to tell them what happened? And how many of those responses come back “Yeah, right!” Like a tree that falls in the woods not making a sound, if you hit a hole-in-one with no one around, does it count?
Again, I’ve never had a hole-in-one. I imagine they’re as much about luck as they are skill. That’s one of the great things about golf. You never know when one can happen. So if, or rather when, it happens to me, you might want to be around because I plan on throwing down hard.
And if you don’t believe me, that’s okay too.
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Golf… I’m yawning. ZZZZZZZZZZ. I had a hole-in-one sock a few years ago. I mean seriously, with all that’s going on with the NBA playoffs, you’re talking about a hole-in-one that you didn’t make?
I just looked at your poll predicting the NBA playoffs 1st round upsets and started to laugh when I saw that 6 fools picked the Hawks to upset the Celtics. Then I realized that I was one of the 6 fools who picked the Knicks to upset the Heat. As a recent veteran of arthroscopic knee surgery, my heart goes out to Baron Davis. This looks like a career ending injury.
Oh, trust me, Snake, there are more playoff posts in the works.
Besides, considering I had written six consecutive NBA pieces, I figured I’d give some of my non-basketball jones readers a break.
And Snake…
Obviously no one could have predicted Sixers over Bulls, until Noah and Rose went down. Aside from maybe the Clippers, that’s the only first round upset we’re gonna see.
I actually didn’t like any upsets in the first round but I was surprised to see OKC absolutely roll Dallas the way they did.
Quite impressive.
Kinda like the tree that falls in the forest when nobody’s around… Does it make a sound?
My dear old Dad was a pretty fair golfer. In our old California hometown they annually held the city golf championships and it was match play. Dad was up against the owner of the local Ford dealership who was a good golfer… They were neck and neck until, with 5 holes to go and anyone interested in golf in our little town looking on, Dad hit a nice tee shot. He saw it hit the green and turned away while the rest of us watched it roll right into the cup. Darn near everybody went bonkers (Dad was a likeable guy plus the car dealer was a regular money grubber). Suddenly the car dealer was completely discombobled! Dad won each of the final holes and the championship! I think he had as many as 4 holes in one…
Now I’ve played many rounds of golf and like you have never had the pleasure…
As for you… Good Luck!
Thanks for bringing a pleasant memory of my old man to mind!
Wish it would have dropped for ya brother. On the bright side you still have breathing room on your credit card.
You could always have it witnessed by Bigfoot, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny.
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. You know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
Dwin…
Dude, that sounds like a screenplay in the making. Or was your dad Bagger Vance?
Aer…
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t THAT close. Probably the closest I’ve ever put one on a par three is a few feet away.
But I’ll take it.
And don’t worry, bra, I’ll keep trying. Headed out there now actually.
Dub…
Well, at least you still believe in Santa Claus.
The good thing about Harry Balzac is that he probably didn’t even need to cut and paste that Spackler quote.
He already knew it by heart.
Carl Spackler, what a guy.
I believe U SC.
And I believe in U.
But knowing most of the (wonderful) people U play golf with … and the condition-their–condition-is-in… I might not believe what they “witnessed” anyway? 🙂
M
As long as you take a pic of the ball in the cup you should be good. Seriously, who’s gonna lie about an unwitnessed ace?
My first round of golf ever… Par 3… my shot was dead on line… bounced about 8′ in front of the hole… hit the stick about halfway up… and fell… just outside of the cup…. 25 years ago and I have not came close since!
Chris
The only links that interests me nowadays are hot links ! Haven’t played in over 8 years and then that was at Doral at the invitation of a friend . My handicap was at the nineteenth hole !
So will Tiger play the Players Championship or simply go back to retooling his game ?
Pujols hits first home run in over 125 at bats . Why all furor to begin with given the fact he averages over 40 home runs a season for the past 7 years ? Just asking that’s all !
The Marlins have a new sales’ pitch for attracting fans given their continued slump and that of the attendance overall since the new stadium’s opening . See my latest piece for the details and let me know what you think ?
Bat , Ball , Glove , What Else Will They Need ?
tophatal ………………
Buisness must be slow at that course if they didn’t even pair you with some other random straggler…
Snake…
Have you ever caught any of those Making of Caddyshack specials?
Classic stuff, man.
Another 91 yesterday, M.
Tell Rossie I’m gunning for him.
Han…
I’ve done that as well, hit the pin a few times with similar results.
Didn’t come close to a hole-in-one yesterday but did shoot a 44 on the back.
Four straight rounds well under 100 has to be my best stretch of golf yet.
I can’t see Tiger not playing at Sawgrass, Al. It’s a big tourney and we both know he’s got tons of spare booty ’round Jacksonville area. We’ll see if it helps his game.
It was only a matter of time before Pujols knocked one out of the part. Every one was in panic mode during his recent cold streak. It’ll take more time before the Angels realize whether signing him to that long-term deal was a worthwhile investment for the franchise.
Be right over to check out your Marlins piece. I’m guessing their new advertising slogan has nothing to do with Fidel Castro?
Chap…
My work schedule allows me to play during the week when there is literally nobody out there.
It makes for a nice relaxing round of golf.
I was fortunate that I had a witness for my only hole in one, but I have encountered guys on the course run up to me and asking to confirm their holes in one on the course, then later in the clubhouse. My asking price for confirmation…a second complimentary shot. 🙂
Tiger will play ……….. the question is ….. which Tiger actually shows up for the tournament ?
It won’t be Fidel being used as a sales’ pitch for the Marlins’ game . God imagine how that would go down in Little Havana ?
By season’s end it wouldn’t surprise me to see Pujols hit Pujols hit 35 HR’s and ith 95 RBI’s , with the Angels gaining a berth in the postseason !
So ” Money Mayweather ” wins his fight against Cotto . Now he has to serve jail time . What’s wrong with that picture and in particular the asinine ” justice system ” in the state of Nevada ? The judge essentially gave him a ” stay ” ( having found him guilty of perjury and obstructing justice and making several threats against witnesses , his ex-girlfriend and his kids) allowing him to fight gain a $40 million payday .
Spurs sweep the Jazz …. can’t wait for ’em to meet up with Thunder in the conference Finals !
tophatal ……….
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SportsGlutton…
A hole-in-one, huh?
Okay, I am SO not talking to you.
Al…
These days, Tiger is repeatedly being asked whether what’s going on in his head is responsible for what’s going on with his game, and he continues to say no. I’m not sure the point in that. I mean, it’s obvious to everyone watching, isn’t it? Besides, golf is so mental anyway. Is it really showing a sign of weakness by admitting that and if so, what’s wrong with that? Kid still has a way to go before he’s close to the golfer he once was.
The Spurs are now -190 to win the West and the Thunder are plus +190, we’ll see how much of a favorite they make the Spurs over the Clippers. I wouldn’t count Chris Paul or Blakey Blake just yet.
This is why I always like to have people playing behind me to serve as guaranteed witnesses should I ever execute a hole-in-one. Fortunately, that is not hard to achieve at the various miniature golf courses in my area.
It will be an interesting (TPC Tournament) Players Championship as I expect all of the ‘ big guns’ to come out firing on all cylinders _____ all looking to prove a point .
If the Clips’ bring their A game then it could prove to be interesting but their bench and starting five are no match for the Spurs .
So let me get this straight ….. Hamels intentionally plunks the wunderkind Bryce Harper …… his punishment ( a joke) he gets to sit five games …. not his next five starts but 5 games. . Did I miss something here ?
Guillermo Mota for a second offense of the league’s steroid policy is out for 100 games . That’s baseball for you , as f_#ked up as you can completely get it !
Wasn’t it great of former Vikings’ WR Cris Carter to remind us that he too bought into a bounty system ? Unlike Jay- z he hasn’t got 99 problems with a bi#ch that’s giving him grief . We now await word from either ESPN or the NFL as to their intentions concerning the player .
If at all interested ?
The Cuban Missile Crisis ……..
Deals with the Mavs’ anemic bowing out of the playoffs .
Josh Hamilton is hitting hide off the baseball ! His RBI and home production this season is astounding . Now look at the combined home runs and RBI’s for the teams within MLB ?
Hamilton’s going to get paid at the end of this season when enters into contact negotiations with the Rangers’ front office . If they don’t pay him then someone else will that’s for sure .
tophatal ……….
SA…
Well said, sir.
Good to see the windmills treating you well, Don Quixote.
Al…
I am, and I’m not, surprised the Clippers are about to take this series.
I thought Memphis was solid enough and that the Clippers might not have played long enough to gel, to advance into the second round.
It’s better for the fans in that the Clippers are a far more exciting team to watch. Personally, and I know I’m in the minority here, I think the Clippers will give the Spurs all they want in the next round.
(Wait, did I just bury the Grizz prematurely?)
This Cris Carter-Bill Romanowski banter is getting pretty juicy.
And if the Rangers were smart, they’d hold on to Hamilton. Can you recall a career odder than his, Al? Think of all that kid’s been through.