Ten perfectly valid reasons to hate the Los Angeles Lakers

10 – Their team is better than yours at pretty much everything.

9 – Courtside tickets to home games cost more than you make in a month.

8 – Ron Artest still plays for them under perhaps the most, inappropriate pseudonym ever.

7 – Jack and Dyan.

6 – Over the past forty years, they are the most successful team in terms of overall winning percentage in professional sports.  It’s true, do the math.

5 – They got Mark Madsen and Isaiah Rider a ring but couldn’t get one for Gary Payton and Karl Malone.

4 – Steve Nash will reach 10,000 career assists in a Lakers uniform this season and then pass Magic Johnson for fourth all-time a few weeks after that.  One of those assists will be to either Kobe or Dwight.  He’ll celebrate by placing his bangs behind his ears.

3 – Laker fans have never, not for one minute, known an ounce of suffering.  (Sorry, Bleed, Dub and JM, but you know it’s true.)

2 – Players from those 1980s championship teams STILL don’t have to buy a drink in that town.

1 – Oh yeah…. Dwight friggin’ Howard.


*For a Dubsism rebuttal, click here

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46 Replies to “Ten perfectly valid reasons to hate the Los Angeles Lakers”

  1. Chris

    I don’t believe it’s the Lakers we ought to hate but the league hierarchy under Stern ! Hell , the salary cap system now in place doesn’t equate with anything that’s said to be fair . The cap now stands at just over $58 million for the upcoming season but over the last seven years teams have simply forsaken it , as they have chased after glory . Secondly, the penalties meted out for teams going over the cap in previous season was simply a joke to begin with ! And all of this idiotic talk about the recent collective bargaining agreement bringing back a level competitiveness within the league has been a joke from the start . Those who are said to be proponents of it , clearly have no idea how the league is ran as a business entity under Stern . The profit margins not only for the league has declined because of capricious spending , but even if you factor in a dour economy that still doesn’t explain why in 2009 & 2010 , Stern was doling out money having secured $750 million of financing from several major financial institution for 22 teams over that period .

    The reason why the Lakers couldn’t get a ring while that 2007 All Star roster of the Lakers were together . Look apart from the testes on the court I seriously doubt if the players had two more balls to play with , they would have been happy at all. There was more bitching and whining to be had by that quintet than could have been found if you had a room-full of spinsters complaining about the last time they got laid . When the Lakers lost in the 2004 Finals to the Pistons beyond Shaq and Kobe , who on that Lakers’ roster stepped up to the plate ?

    That being said without the NBA having the likes of the Lakers , Celtics and Knicks as main focal points , the league (NBA) would treated like an unwanted stepchild .

    tophatal …………….

  2. Any team now taking a risk on that lying sack of fecal excrement Chad Johnson , would be doing so at their risk . How the hell did he think that he would get away with that story he and his wife (Evelyn Lozado) had an accidental clash of heads ? That’s like saying Chris Brown merely gave Rihanna love tap on the side of her face repeatedly , to keep her in line .

    Tophatal ……..

  3. #4, 5, 7, and 8. All perfectly legit.

    As far as the ticket costs go, think of it this way. The Lakers pay the freight for the Magic, the Pacers, and (insert badly run franchise here). I hate that you are making me have to sound like a Yankee fan, but facts are facts. The NBA is a league built on the backs of about five or six “big” franchises, and has an equal number that really need to be forced into new ownership/management.

    Ask yourself this question: Would you still feel this way had Howard gone to the Nuggets or the Sixers?

    Suffering? So it’s my fault your team gives you rectal cancer?

  4. Al…

    I don’t disagree with any of that. The Lakers are obviously one of the league’s mainstays.

    That doesn’t mean I can’t hate ’em though.

    Okay, so hate’s a strong word. But it will certainly be easy to root against them this season.

  5. So, Al, the brief OchoCinco incident has ended ugly in Miami. Not sure what that guy was thinking. Obviously he wasn’t.

    Let’s see if Randy Moss and Terrell Owens follow suit. If they do, at least that means we get to stop talking about them for once.

  6. Thanks, Dub.

    In some sick sense, it sounds like you owned up to that.

    This season will create quite the predicament for me. As much as I’d like to see Nash end his career with a ring, I’d like nothing more than to see Dwight Howard choke on one, not to mention see the Mamba ending his career with only five. After all, wouldn’t that be perfectly appropriate?

    Oh, and don’t look now but that little beach town that shouldn’t have a baseball team is now winners of six straight having swept your Twinkies.

    Okay, so now I feel a little bit better.

  7. C’mon, Snake.

    I write this luscious, Laker Hater post and you, and the best the ultimate Laker Hater himself can come up with is an Ochocinco reference?

    I expect more, sir.

  8. Here’s our only hope Chump. Nash’s back hurts all season and he doesn’t see much floor time meaning they have to rely on Steve Blake. Gasol is an old 32, and plays like the soft self he’s been the past two years. Kobe’s miles finally catch up to him a little, and he still keeps trying to play like he’s young Kobe. Mike Brown can’t manage all the egos, and tries to impress them when they have more basketball knowledge than him. Dwight watches them fall just short of a championship and thinks man these guys are too old to get this done, and bolts for OKC where he signs instead of OKC giving Harden his extension.

    (crossing fingers)

  9. Sounds like we’re grasping at straws here, Chap, but your Mike Brown argument is most certainly valid, he he.

    I’m not ready to give this L.A. team the nod over Oklahoma City just yet. Westbrook can easily break down Nash, who’s old enough to be his very older cousin, and as we’ve seen, there IS no stopping Kevin Durant.

    But I can already see this team getting hot mid- to late-season and rattling off 12, 13 or 14 wins in a row, then having to listen to ESPN fawn all over how great they are.

    You read it here first, not like that was an off-the-wall prediction or anything.

  10. “here’s a little ditty about Jack & Diane…”
    I was just thinking about that.

    Good post SC … and can you tell us whats gonna happen to Orlando now? This move probably freed-up some $ for them…can they buy some star (aka: winning) power?

    Just wondering…

  11. M…

    Orlando’s going to start the season with five guys you’ve never heard of before and the ones you have heard of, you probably wish weren’t on that team.

    Basically they’re starting from scratch, which might not be all that bad if a) they hadn’t already lost Shaquille O’Neal that many years ago and b) the organization gave us any indication that they know how to run a successful, winning basketball team in the long term.

    On the bright side, tickets will be very, very affordable.

  12. Funny how everybody says that the Celtics are too old to win it all. Average age of the 2012-13 roster is 28. I think the Lakers are about the oldest team in the NBA. Gasol/32, Bryant/34, Nash/38, and Artest/33. Not exactly spring chickens. I don’t hate the Lakers. I just hate the extra sex that the NBA lays on the franchise. As for inspiration for the coming season, I’m going with the mindset of Jason Terry. http://www.slamonline.com/online/nba/2012/08/jason-terry-got-a-tattoo-of-a-boston-celtics-leprechaun-photo/ A man after my own heart.

  13. Pingback: A Dubsism Breakdown of SportsChump’s Ten Perfectly Valid Reasons To Hate The Los Angeles Lakers « Dubsism

  14. Snake…

    You don’t hate the Lakers?!?

    What self-respecting Celtics fan doesn’t hate the Lakers with every ounce of beer gut in his body?

    Is this the same Snake I’ve known for years or an impostor?

  15. I guess you really don’t know me. I love the Celtics-Lakers games. Like any team, there are those I don’t like. Byron Scott/scumbag. Ron Artest/scumbag. Kurt Rambis/clothesline.

  16. I have two questions. First, do you plan on watching any Lakers games this season.
    Second, if you do can we start a pool on what game (in the name of Elvis) you decide to put a bullet through your television screen.

  17. Okay, Snake and Aero bring up two very valid points. The Lakers-Celtics rivalry is among the greatest in professional sports. I’m not arguing that.

    And yes, Aero, I will watch my fair share of Lakers games, partially because I’m intrigued by what they’ll look like and partially because ESPN, ABC and TNT will be ramming them down our throats at every turn.

    That being said, while hate is a strong word, how many of us will be actively rooting against them?

  18. I disagree with #3.

    I suffer when the Lakers don’t advance past the 2nd round in consecutive seasons. But then again I was in elementary school the last time they were in the lottery.

  19. I’m not ready to give the Lakers the nod over the Sonics either, which is why we need them to fall short more than ever this year. Dwight needs to wishy wash his way through the season without signing a contract extension, then have them fall short to Seattle, followed by Dwight pissing off another fanbase and leaving. I just hope the Dwight not signing the extension thing weighs them down. It’s also going to be interesting to see Kobe be the second banana on a team for the first time in a loooong time.

  20. I don’t know that Kobe’s ego will ever play second banana, Chap.

    He’ll still want his, won’t he?

    I mean the guy’s averaged 20 shots a year over his entire career and, as Full Court Pest and I discussed a while back, Dwight Howard’s attempts aren’t anywhere close to that (11.3 FGA!!!), which is quite sad considering he’s been the best player on his team ever since he entered the league. What’s wrong with that picture?!?

    So there’s only one ball to go around. Fortunately they’ll have Nash to facilitate. I’m not suggesting there will be any Carmelo Anthony-Jeremy Lin type problems but I’m still not sure I see Howard taking more shots than Kobe.

  21. Pingback: Ten perfectly valid reasons to hate the Los Angeles Lakers - BallHyped, NBA | BallHyped Sports Blogs

  22. TO’s got issues , namely he still has to pay the $175 ,000 owed in child support for a number of hid kids .

    Moss will make that Niners’ offense even more potent once he’s ready to play . Don’t look now but the Patriots are on the brink of signing Plaxico Burress . I rest my case ! Hopefully he won’t take his teammates at their word , when they ask let’s bring out hobby to work day . Gun play in the Pats’ locker doesn’t sit well does it ?

    The Lakers are there to hate or love, as the case maybe . In the NFL , it’s the same with the Cowboys and Patriots . Perhaps two of the most despised teams in the NFL ? In baseball , needless to say it’s the Yankees .

    Lance Armstrong is putting together his own dream team of lawyers as he looks to fend off the USADA .

    Tophatal ………

  23. The Rays in order to convincing gain the wildcard berth , they’ll have win out in their head to head series with their divisional rivals in the AL East .

    Tophatal ……..

  24. Al…

    I know, and I say this begrudgingly, that those guys (not Ocho) are first ballot Hall of Famers, but aren’t there any other talented young wide receivers in the league that can take our attention away from talking about these guys? I’m pretty much Moss, TO and Ocho’d out, if you know what I mean.

    You’re right about the Lakers. You either love ’em or hate ’em with very little room for in between. I think it’s pretty clear where I stand these days.

    The Rays have twelve more games with the Sox and Yanks but more importantly a brutal road trip coming up where they’ll have to play both Texas and Anaheim.

  25. That’s a good question, Dwin.

    We are all familiar with Jerry West’s resume as a GM but it wasn’t all that long ago that Lakers fans were calling for Mitch Kupchak’s head on a stake.

    I think it’s safe to say he’s got himself a little job security for the time being.

  26. Reading this list makes you really dislike the Lakers, especially when you mentioned that Mark Madsen and Isaiah Rider were able to win a title. Ouch.

  27. Madsen at least got some minutes that year, BS, a poor man’s Luke Walton if that’s even possible, but Rider?

    I barely remember him contributing at all.

  28. I know you had and probably are still a playa but how naive is Chad Johnson ? What part of not sh##ting in his own backyard didn’t he understand ? Never mind his own personal remarks to Dolphins’ head coach Joe Philbin . See a link I provided to a piece within my site .

    The Rays’ remaining head to head series with the O’s , Red Sox and Yankees will be the determining factor as to how the remainder of their season pans out .

    Into the valley of death rode the six hundred

    Tophatal ………

  29. Drew Rosenhaus, Johnson’s agent will try and spin the best way that he can . Damage control will be put into place as he will try to get Chad Johnson’s wife (Evelyn Lozado) to try and make light of the altercation . But her testimony to the police is already there , as a matter of record , and they will have a hard time changing the public’s new formed opinion of the player .

    Will be doing a piece on the Rays and their current drive .

    I know as such you already responded to this piece but how do you see things panning out in the NL East and AL West ?

    What race ?

    Tophatal ………..

  30. Should Kobe win a sixth ring within the next two seasons , is it OK for me to refer to him as Sir ? Apparently Bryant is one of Prince William’s favorite athletes ? I would’ve thought the Prince would be more devoted to making sure that Kate Middleton would be getting the “royal standard” in more ways than one , if you know what I mean ?

    A royal knighthood could be in the offing , were that to happen , Kobe Bryant winning a sixth ring that is . Not Wills’ servicing his wife . LOL,LOL !!

    Tophatal .,…………

  31. Chris

    Would a year-long subscription to Legoland , Winter Hsven be out of the question for the executives within the Magic’s front office ?

    With Dwight now in Hollywood , how much trouble will he land himself into, once there ? His Christian values as we know , went out the window once Royce Reed got the player to taste the sweet essence of her “ill-na-na” .

    Word of advice to Chad ….”pimpin ain’t easy ” but cheatin’ on your wife and leaving the evidence (telephone numbers and condoms) in the glove compartment of your car? Well that’s downright dumb ! That besides the spousal attack, what the hell was he thinking when he told phins’ head coach he likes to do the “Mary Jane” and that he can see himself at some point in the future being an adult entertainer ? Dolphins’ owner Stephen Ross don’t play that game homey LOL,LOL,LOL !!! He wants the image of the franchise to be family friendly and above all really pristine . Perhaps Chad should’ve been made aware of that before he signed along the dotted line of that $1 million contract ?

    On a sidenote it looks as if my beloved Patriots passed on Plaxico Burress . Something about the player asking Patriots’ management if there’s bring-your-hobby to work day ? It must have struck a nerve with GM Nick Caserio, Bill Belichick and Robert Kraft , with the thought of Plaxico Burress given the player’s experience with firearms .

    At what point can I not stop to rail on Goodell’s dumb a#s ? The preseason going into week 3 and we will still replacement refs who are use to adjudicating games at the D2 and D3 level (collegiate games) officiating the games . Never mind the fact the league hierarchy (NFL) and NFLRA (referees’ union) are no closer to reaching an agreement , than they were six months ago , when this farce between the two sides started .

    If they go into the regular season with replacement officials , I will definitely abandon watching the games !
    As I’ve said to you repeatedly , name one positive thing that Goodell has done since he assumed the reins from Paul Tagliabue in 2008 ?


    Tophatal ……..

  32. If I’m Magic fan, I want to know why the Chris Paul deal got killed by the league, yet the Dwight Howard deal is OK?

  33. Al…

    I’ve never been a fan of Ocho. Now he’s reaping what he’s sewn. No NFL career and no reality TV show. The world suddenly became a better place.

    The Rays rattle off their seventh in a row with not a single weak spot in that rotation. Very impressive. I may have to pay the Trop a visit when they come home from their roadie.

  34. Al…

    Speaking of Rosenhaus, oh to be a fly on the wall during some of the closed door meetings where his athlete fucks up and Drew goes all “Help me, help you” on ’em. I mean, think about it, that’s money out of Drew’s pocket when his clients do something boneheaded. I’d be pissed too.

    Kobe winning six, huh? That’s something I can’t bear to stand either. Still can’t say it’d be as impressive as MJ’s though. Aside from Pippen, and perhaps Grant and Rodman, name one player who’s nearly as talented as Shaq, Gasol, Bynum, Nash or Howard that the man had the opportunity to play with.

  35. Al…

    C’mon, man. You know you’re gonna watch the NFL even with replacement officials. Look at the bright side. We can come up with all new drinking games every time one of those newbies misses a call.

  36. Don’t get me wrong, Dub, I think the nixed Paul deal was shady as well.

    According to David Stern, he didn’t veto the deal. According to everyone else, he did.

    Either way, you got your happy ending and heck, so did New Orleans. At least they got Anthony Davis.

    We Magic fans are left with our you know what in our hands.

    And just to be clear, I don’t think the latest Howard deal is shady. I just think those within the Magic organization bungled the whole thing. It’s deals like that that make so many sports fans believe they can run a pro team better than those that actually do that for a living.

  37. Envy is unbecoming, Chris.
    I’m not saying I condone it, but I understand.

    PS. Got rings for Mitch Richmond & Glen Rice too. Stars that otherwise wouldn’t have one.

  38. Chris

    I watch but begrudgingly so ! Look , now and again I’ll drop the odd wager on a game . But now ? Not with guys whose sole experience is that of officiating games at the D2 and D3 levels of college game .

    This impasse has nothing to do with the league officials being a union but more so to do with the very fact certified referees are part-timers who hold down fully paid positions in the public and private sector. They seek to be compensated accordingly and the league hierarchy are not prepared to budge with from what they deem to be acceptable . Where have I heard this bull#hit before ? NFLPA (players’ union) ? Now we have the NFLRA (union) and the league hierarchy seeks to screw them over . Chief legal counselor Jeff Pash of the NFL is now backtracking off the earlier statements made by Roger Goodell berating the union . Adolphus Birch III as the labor negotiator is trying to push a 2,00Olb bolder uphill while also being asked to carry that as#-wipe Goodell on his back at the same time .

    Do you really want the first two or three regular season games to be officiated over by replacement refs ? And think about this , how will it affect the Vegas’ odds-makers and how they set their lines apart from having to deal with information that they have concerning the players ?

    So Och’s wife has filed for divorce in the Broward Co Court system ? Well she won’t be getting half of anything .

    Pedroia and Gonzalez have ripped Bobby V a ” new one” as well as Red Sox owner John Henry .
    Not long now Valentine before he’s asked to walk the plank and fall on the ceremonial sword .

    Exclusive: Red Sox stars blast manager Bobby Valentine in heated July meeting with ownership

    Jeff Passan , Yahoo Sports/ AP

    Boston Red Sox players blasted manager Bobby Valentine to owners John Henry and Larry Lucchino during a heated meeting called after a text message was sent by a group of frustrated players to the team and ownership in late July, three sources familiar with the meeting told Yahoo! Sports.
    The owners called the meeting for Boston’s off-day in New York on July 26 after first baseman Adrian Gonzalez, texting on behalf of himself and some teammates, aired their dissatisfaction with Valentine for embarrassing starting pitcher Jon Lester by leaving him in to allow 11 runs during a July 22 start. It was the latest incident in a season’s worth of bad relations bubbling between Red Sox players and Valentine.
    Gonzalez and Dustin Pedroia were among the most vocal in the meeting, in which some players stated flatly they no longer wanted to play for Valentine, the sources said. The tenor of the 2 p.m. meeting at The Palace hotel in New York turned ugly almost immediately, according to the sources, whom Yahoo! Sports granted anonymity because they were not authorized to speak about internal matters.
    Not all of the Red Sox players attended the meeting, the sources said, highlighting the chasm that exists not only between some players and Valentine but among players in the clubhouse. The perception that Valentine is being scapegoated unfairly to divert attention from mediocre performances by star players exists among some players, according to sources.
    Red Sox general manager Ben Cherington confirmed the meeting. Although he declined to provide specifics about what was said, he told Yahoo! Sports: “The intent of the meeting was to provide a forum for people to express whatever frustration needed to be expressed at a time during the season when things were not going exactly the way we wanted to on the field in hopes that we could put whatever issues were there aside and focus on playing games the rest of the season. That was the intent of the meeting. That was the focus of ownership. It was a productive meeting.
    “Since then, we have not gone on the run we were supposed to.”

    Ownership has not wavered in its support of Valentine since the meeting, and the sources said players have accepted that Valentine will remain manager for at least the rest of the season. The Red Sox doubled down on Valentine over the last week despite the perception that his first year as Boston manager has been an abject failure. Boston, with an opening day payroll of $173.2 million, is 57-59 and sits 11 games back of the first-place Yankees and 5½ behind the second wild card. The Red Sox’s last sub-.500 season was in 1997.

    Click on link to read in full .


    Valentine is most definitely on his way out !

    Tophatal …..

  39. Envy, Bleed?


    I could be a Lakers fan if I wanted to. Your bandwagon is quite welcoming. I mean, Laker fans are everywhere, even if they’ve never step foot in Tinseltown and have no earthly idea who Kurt Rambis is.

    I’m an NBA fan first and foremost and decided to root for the Magic since I lived in the area for so long.

    But they suck, man. They’ve been so close to being so good for a while now, and now it’s back to the drawing board.

  40. You’ll watch the NFL begrudgingly, Al?

    I heard a statistic today that last night’s Monday Night opener between Dallas and Oakland outdrew the final Stanley Cup game of last year’s playoffs!!! Take that, Bettman.

    I’m not sure how far apart the league is in its negotiations with its refs but they might not want to mess with the quality of its product, which the refs happen to be a big part of.

    And I don’t see what the big deal is about the Sox players being unhappy with Valentine. Didn’t we already know this?

    Tito, get me some tissue.

  41. Look just about anything could beat NBC’s coverage of the NHL . Hell put Roseanne Barr up there wearing nothing but a thong out curiosity more people would be piqued by that than watching an NHL game .

    Just when you thought it was safe to dip your toe back in the water concerning the Rays . Felix Hernandez pitches a perfect game in the team’s 1-0 victory over the Rays . 24th such game in MLB history and 3rd this season as well as the third ever pitched against the Rays . What the hell is wrong with the offense ?

    Tophatal ………

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