Lawsuits, STDs and looking forward to the day we finally stop picking on Kris Humphries

Poor Kris Humphries has become the ultimate cure for my writer’s block.  Who needs an imagination when the most, cursed ex-member of the Jenner household, whose name just happens to be the same as mine, keeps providing me with little tidbits of brilliance?  For someone who only averages seven points a game, this guy sure does get a lot of press.

First, we married Kim Kardashian.  Two months later, we separated before we could even open all the wedding presents.  We have since become a social pariah.  If it weren’t for all the badmouthing, our fifteen minutes of fame would have been up before we could say decathlon.  To make matters worse, some woman is now suing us for knowingly giving her herpes.  Fortunately, I know a good attorney.

Of course, I’m not talking about me, even though I’ve been known to be a tad promiscuous in my day.  But passing along the Herp?  Never.  I am happy to say I am communicable disease-free, thank you very much.  But Humphries, with whom I’ve had my fair share of fun ever since his name hit the public eye, is currently being sued by Kayla Goldberg, who claims he gave her the disease.  You’d think, knowing he had bedded a Kardashian, she would have suggested a condom.

As a basketball junkie, I’ve known about Humphries since his college days.  After all, when someone famous comes along bearing your same name, albeit incorrectly spelled, you tend to follow their career a little more closely.  Who knew, years later, my name would become a regular feature on TMZ’s webpage?

So, Mr. Humphries, I continue to wish you only the best.  Take comfort in the fact that there are still a few of us in your corner.  I’ll even throw out all my Kanye albums if you like.

Oh, and one final word of advice.  You may want to use better judgment on who you ask out next time.

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25 Replies to “Lawsuits, STDs and looking forward to the day we finally stop picking on Kris Humphries”

  1. Pingback: Lawsuits, STDs and looking forward to the day we finally stop picking on Kris Humphries - BallHyped, NBA | BallHyped Sports Blogs

  2. Ya know what, J?

    When he was rumored to be involved in the Dwight Howard trade, I actually wouldn’t have minded having him on our roster. At least he can rebound and heck, he’s a hell of a lot better than anyone we landed in the Los Angeles four-way deal.

    Besides, having him in my backyard would have given me plenty to write about, he he.

  3. Will this actually harm the Nets’ family friendly image or do harm to it as they embark upon moving into their multibillion dollar complex Atlantic Yard / Barclay Card Center in Brooklyn this upcoming season ?

    Hovva will have to put on a couple of concerts to make sure that place is filled on the nights the Neta are playing at home . Can I get a what what ?

    Didn’t it occur to Kayla to get Kris to strap on a prophylactic (condom) ? Or is she simply another ” skank” looking for a big payday ?

    Humphries’ best days might not be ahead of him as I believe the Nets will this upcoming season . The team simply looks good on paper but looking good on paper doesn’t win championships and that’s what far too many prognosticators are buying into concerning this Nets’ roster .

    Jerry Stackhouse , Shelden Williams and an underachieving and overpaid (owed over $60 million over the next three seasons) Joe Johnson doesn’t send a tingle sensation up and down my spine, when I think NBA championship contender ! LOL,LOL,LOL !!!

    Deron Williams will have to put up way more than double-doubles if that team is to succeed , especially against the Miami Heat in a playoff scenario .

    Prokhorov can’t afford to wait two or three years down the line for the Nets to succeed and the coaching staff led by Avery Johnson to my mind just isn’t good enough !

  4. Fan friendly image, Al? I didn’t know that’s what the Nets were going for. Perhaps they can have condom night at the new arena.

    Wait a minute…. Jerry Stackhouse is still in the league?!?

  5. The Kardashian deal is proof positive your alter ego does NOT take performance enhancing drugs! Now… Enough round ball okay?

  6. Chris

    Joe Redner needs to have a base of operation in close proximity to Atlantic Yards. If not I’ll have to speak with Uncle Luke (Luther Campbell) and gauge his interest in such a business endeavor beyond his commercial real estate , concierge limousine service , , modeling agency , porn business and night club interests. What do you think ?

    Bucs take on the Giants this weekend … how do you see that game going ?

    Their win over the Panthers wasn’t really that impressive as the offense of the Panthers was lackluster , right off the bat . Unfortunately , not many people were in attendance to see the damn game . One blackout , seven more home games and probable blackouts to come . The Bucs’ fans always faithful to very last drop . I think not as they are fair weather fans !

    Tophatal ………….

  7. Prokhorov spent $475 million for the Nets plus dropping another $ 500 million for a stake in the development . For that price , he could bought the Rays and guaranteed their future in Central Florida . Boo yah !

  8. Does your namesake know how to use a condom ? And is is true that Kim K , now that she’s dating Kanye will also get to sit up in Jay’z ‘s skybox executive suite for the Nets’ home game at the new venue ?

  9. Max….

    Is that freeze because the Jenner/Kardashian clan froze him out or is that freeze because that’s how they treat herpes.

    I’m not sure I want to know how you know that.

  10. Al…

    Stranger things have happened but I just can’t see the Bucs going up there and beating the Giants. If forced, I’d lay the 7.5.

    But as you suggest, at least we get to watch them on television.

  11. Al…

    Re: Prokhorov, which do you think is more valuable? An NBA franchise about to move to a brand new or a baseball team that can’t hit its way out of a paper bag?

    And do you really think Kanye’s gonna wanna watch Humphries run up and down the floor with his ex sitting right next to him? Not my idea of a good time, even if the vodka in the luxury box is free.

  12. Chris

    The Giants are still smarting after their loss to the Cowboys as it left a bitter taste in the mouths of the ;players . Giants receiver Victor Cruz has been reminded catch the ball first and then salsa in te endzone afterwards . LOL,LOL,LOL

    The Giants’ D line will be looking to put a world of hurt on Freeman and the Bucs’ D.

    Kanye will make sure that Kim is on her knees during the game performing orally when the Nets are playing at Atlantic Yards .

    It’s been rumored that Bills’ QB Ryan Fitzpatrick will donate all future earnings (6yr $59 million) to a charity of your choice .

    Brandon Weeden with his 5.1 QB rating will soon be seen walking the streets of Cleveland with a sandwich board around his neck begging for work .

    So Jim Calhoun stepped down rather than being forced out . Huskies’ basketball program had its problems (academic and recruiting violations) over the past 18 months that would have led to him being asked to retire .

    Billy Gillispie in light of his recent antics has to seen as a joke . The coach is said to be on an indefinite leave for medical reasons . No word however as to why in an unprovoked attack he’s said to have assaulted a Texas Tech basketball player . What the ###k is that all about ?

    Courtesy of Washington Post

    Texas Tech’s Billy Gillispie seeks treatment while his program moves ahead

    You can’t handle the truth

    The above piece deals with the fact that Melky Cabrera’s stats remain valid and make him a candidate for the NL MVP . But bear in mind also last season’s winner Ryan Braun this season has produced better stats than in 2011 when he won the award last year. So make of it what you will.

    Tophatal ……….

  13. Yea, Al.

    I’m just not seeing a Bucs victory this Sunday, as much as I’d like to say I do.

    Brandon Wheeden should take comfort that it can’t get any worse for him in his second game as Browns quarterback than it was in his first… or can it?

    Mike Holmgren can’t be happy about things right now, and is he even going to have a job soon with new ownership coming in? I’m really starting to think that franchise is cursed. I mean, how long has it been since they’ve been even somewhat relevant?

    Gillispie’s gonna end up like Renfield, Al, locked in a padded room in a straightjacket eating flies. That guy is off his rocker and has been for some time now.

  14. Jay Cutler is this era’s Jeff George . The Bears’ qb is a bi#ch , he’s Kristin Cavallari’s bit#h as well the Packers’ D lines as well . Were Cutler a prison cellmate of a rapist , he would now be a pillow biter , while his cellmate gets some penetration .

    Another bad loss for the Rays and they’re off to play the Yankees in an upcoming series , The fat lady isn’t singing yet , she’s now clearing her throat , stage left , getting ready to come on to sing an aria ,

    Gillespie does a reverse P J Carlessimo and yet he’s not punished ? How is it that he isn’t under investigation by AD Kirby Hocutt or the Compliance Dept head by <a href=";? Brian Shannon of Texas Tech , much less by the NCAA for his actions ?

    Were he working in a civilian position in the public sector , he would’ve been fired with cause .

    Why is anyone concerned with the NHL ? Those buffoons are well on the way to a second labor lockout in just over a decade . Obviously these morons have no common sense much any goddamn business !

    How anyone can try to suggest that they (NHL) had their financial house in order when they were back to offering their players 7 figure deals in terms of contracts shows that the owners and front office executives haven’t a clue !

    Diminishing returns with a brand that only is worthwhile watching during their postseason .

    Jets’ corner-back Darell Revis suffered a concussion in the Jets’ most recent game . He collapsed momentarily at his home in the past 24 hours but believes he’ll be OK to play for the team this weekend . Can someone sit his dumb a## down please !

    Catch this weekend’s fight between Julio Cesar-Chavez (46-0 , 1 DRAW, 1 NC) and Sergio Martinez (49-2-2, 28 KO’s) for the lineal middleweight title (held by Martinez) . Martinez is by far the best middleweight boxer in the world . However , I would like to have seen him fight either Felix Sturm or Gennady Golovkin .

    Tophatal …………….

  15. Al…

    I didn’t get to watch tonight’s Bears-Packers game as Brighthouse doesn’t allow me the NFL Network. I was forced to watch the USF Bulls throw away another one to the Scarlet Knights? They’ve never won a game on Thursday nights? Then why continue to schedule them?

    Let me ask you, who would you rather have behind center for the Bucs at this point? Jay Cutler or Josh Freeman?

    The Orioles are what the Rays were last year. Motivated. Not only was that a three-game sweep, it was the way they did it that may have demoralized this Rays team.

    And no NHL season, Al? What will I ever do? Didn’t they just cancel a season not long ago? Are the powers that be on ice intentionally trying to run that sport into the ground?

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