SportsChump takes on the elderly in trivia: A mismatch for the ages

I hit the links last Thursday, solo and Sandy-free, not because I couldn’t find a playing partner, but because it’s hard to find a fellow hacker who keeps the same hours I do.

Despite the glorious, autumn weather, it turned out to be a relatively miserable round.  My hopes of shooting in the 80s once again dashed after too many triple bogies penciled their way onto my scorecard.

My only shining light of the afternoon was not renewed confidence thanks to a refreshing, double Jack-and-Coke at the turn, but rather a sign at the bar that read “Trivia 7 pm!”  Despite my late tee time, I would most certainly be done with my round by then.

And I was.

I stumbled into the 19th hole to find quite a few people there waiting, pencils and answer sheets eagerly in hand.  My guess is few had consumed as much bourbon as I.  Judging by the grayness in the room, most had probably been shooting Metamusil. The place was overrun with seniors.  I was the Steve Guttenberg to their “Cocoon.”

As the games commenced, I stood my ground, confident my trivia skills could take on the older generation, despite their advantage in experience and numbers.  While they sat together in groups, I sat as my team of one.  Team Guttenberg.

The questions in the early rounds were easy, ranging from who replaced Bob Barker as the host of “The Price is Right” (Drew Carey) to who served as George Washington’s Vice President (John Adams), both of which I got right, as did everyone else in the room.

The questions got progressively harder and my bourbon buzz got stronger.  My only advantage was the eighties soundtrack spun by the trivia hosts.  Had they been playing some big band or swing, my days would have been numbered.  But Duran Duran and Frankie Goes to Hollywood were there to give me hope.

A few more cupcakes and then… three straight questions missed.  Damn you, history and science!  As the host walked around the room collecting everyone’s hand-written answers, I felt like pulling a Ted Knight in “Caddyshack,” handing him a bribe and telling him to “keep it honest.”

I held what I felt was a comfortable lead in the early rounds, proudly sticking my chest out as I heard the announcers call “” aloud as if a) the seniors in the group had even heard of this thing called “the internet” and b) they would have given a shit about my website if they had.

With my lead dwindling and no ability to phone a friend (I feared for my life had I tried to use my cellphone with seniors mean-mugging me from across the bar), the halftime question, worth eight points, was “Name the five members of the Iroquois tribe.”  My nemeses held an unfair advantage considering many of them were alive when Native Americans were still free to roam the land.  I’ve listened to plenty of Jamiroquai in my day but that was no help.  I was left to the sounds of Bananarama and Rick Astley for inspiration.

With their lead growing and their white wine flowing, the elders started getting cocky.  Trivia rumble! held fourth place after halftime.

The next question: Sports category.  Name the oldest NBA franchise not to win a title.

My mind wandered.  The watered down Jack and Coke in my glass taunting me, dude, how can you not know this?   My mind drew a blank.  I submitted my answer, the Cleveland Cavaliers, knowing full well it was wrong.  Perhaps, my west coast people know the correct answer.  A trick question: the Sacramento Kings, formerly the Rochester Royals.

And I call myself the SportsChump.  The trivia hosts looked at me disapprovingly.

C’mon Stray Cats.  Where are you when I need you?

SportsChump was back in the game by correctly answering that Forrest Whitaker played Idi Amin in “The Last King of Scotland.”  Suddenly, from out of the blue, a younger team emerged: The Honey Badgers.  Not an elderly member in the bunch but still, a group of six who could confide in another for answers, talk things through.  At the bar, I sat alone, lifeline-less.

Huey Lewis, you’re no good to me now.

Time was running out as the final question was announced, again in the sports category.  It was time for me to push all my chips in and make my mark.

Which was the first NFL team to appear in three straight Super Bowls?

Damn, a question before my time, but still one I should know.  Chiefs, Packers, Vikings, Bills?  My mind wandered.  Certainly it had to be one of those.  I wagered half my points.  I was wrong.

It was the Miami Dolphins, as if anyone remembers a time when they were competitive.

The Honey Badgers won the tournament.  I immediately called for drug testing.  Still, a good time was had by all.  The seniors took home second place, SportsChump finished in fourth.  That’s what I get for bringing a walker to a wheelchair fight.

I’d like to thank the good people at Pebble Creek Golf Course and for hosting the event.  And rest assured, oh elder ones, I shall return and vengeance will be mine.

I just may have to bring a friend.

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16 Replies to “SportsChump takes on the elderly in trivia: A mismatch for the ages”

  1. Pingback: SportsChump takes on the elderly in trivia: A mismatch for the ages - BallHyped Blog Network, Straight Ballin Blog | BallHyped Sports Blogs

  2. Next time you want to play trivia, give me a call. I’m not allowed to play Trivial Pursuit because I know all the answers. My friends lovingly refer to me as “The Fount of Useless Knowledge”. I will defer to you on questions dealing with sports. History is my passion.

  3. And the answer to the Iroquois Confederation is: Mohawk, Oneida, Onandaga, Cayuga, and Seneca (and, no I didn’t have to look it up- I’m a history/government teacher).

  4. I volunteer for Team Sportschump! Althou getting Jimmy would be the winning tkt.

    Great read. Pretty darn funny SC. Great stuff.


  5. I can help you bridge the age gap with the seniors and Speedbeagle can be our ringer. We’ll play a little Pink Floyd softly in the background and as the elders are having a flashback we’ll walk away with the contest!

  6. Aer….

    Your deviance always makes me smile. Although even Pink Floyd was modern to this group.

    I’m thinking Count Basie or Cab Calloway. God help the ruckus that would have ensued had the DJ started playing “Minnie the Moocher.”

  7. Jed…

    Believe it or not, SportsChump is still old school when it comes to phones.

    No internet or nothin’, just text and phone calls.

    I know it’s only a matter of time before I upgrade but at this point, I find it adds some well needed simplicity to my life.

  8. Chris ‘

    I’m glad you made it that far .

    Speaking of trivia , if Marcus Vick were on the Eagles playing the quarterback position ., would he be better than his elder sibling ? Your thoughts ?

    Did this piece on the Falcons and Chiefs .

    16-0 is nice, 19-1 is considered great, but 20-0, is damn brilliant!

    So 50′ is now a boxing promoter with several top ranked fighter in his stable ? After the apparent falling out with Money Mayweather and their bi#ch tweet fight , what happens next between the two ?

    Tophatal ……………

  9. Al…

    I’m not sure Marcus Vick’s opinion counts for much these days. And until Philly rights that ship, and their offensive line, they’re going to continue losing games.

    I left you a comment on your latest piece but I fully expect the Saints to upset the Falcons this week, not that it’s that much of an upset.

    The Falcons are only 2.5 point underdogs, which tells you how much respect Vegas has for that team in this game. The Saints are 3-5 and the Falcons are undefeated and they’re giving only a field goal.

    Remember, regardless of what’s happened, it’s still the Saints division until the Falcons can prove otherwise when it matters most.

  10. Marcus Vick is about to be b#tch slapped back inside his mother’s womb by his elder male sibling . ‘nough said !

    The Saints between now and the end of the season , will have to play at a high caliber , in order to win out not only within the division , but also to be sure of gaining a playoff berth .

    The Saints did themselves no favors in the first quarter of the season , with those early losses , but now it will be interesting to see how the Bucs , Falcons and Brees’ teammates fare over the remainder of the schedule .

    Nick Saban showing humility before ‘bama and the Aggies get it on ? Hell must’ve frozen over . Not only that but that newly minted bigot , Donald Trump is now once again being an a##hole . Hey Trumpy , Jigga and Jayz have a message for you .

    Tophatal ………..

  11. Al…

    The Saints already are playing high caliber, or at least their offense is. Their defense is still pretty porous but I think soon enough, we’ll look back and forget all about their shabby start.

    Also looking forward to seeing what Bama can do against that A&M QB. I don’t expect much out of him.

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