Brawl at Camacho wake inspires fictitious SportsChump ex-girlfriend melee

“To all the girls I’ve loved before, who’ve traveled in and out my door.”

Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson


Fasten your seatbelts, readers.  I’m about to get tasteless.

Wakes and funerals are supposed to be a time for reflection and prayer.  They are meant for us to look back and honor the life of a loved one.  Apparently, those who attended the wake of the late Hector ‘Macho’ Camacho never got that memo.

At Camacho’s wake last week, a catfight broke out, and by catfight, I believe you know what I’m talking about.  Girls fighting, former girlfriends and loved ones of Hector Camacho scratching, clawing, pulling each other’s hair, calling each other names and throwing passed appetizers, all the while Camacho lay there resting in peace.  Now that sounds like a party.  I’m surprised Don King wasn’t charging admission at the door.

First of all, let me get this out of the way.  What happened to Camacho was a shame.  I don’t wish his fate upon anyone.  He got mixed up in things he shouldn’t have, his life spiraled sharply downhill and he ended up paying the ultimate price.  But apparently, even in passing, the women in his life still haunt him.  So much for eternal resting place.

Camacho’s wake was held in his native Puerto Rico when a brawl broke out after an ex-girlfriend leaned over his casket to pay her respects.  Apparently Camacho’s sister didn’t take too kindly to the ex-girlfriend’s presence.  I call her Camacho’s ex-girlfriend because they would likely have still been hitting it were he not dead.  Another fight allegedly broke out afterwards between a former bantamweight champion and a different member of Camacho’s family, making for a nice undercard.

Camacho, man, you are my new hero.  Way to go out in style.  Chicks duking it out at your funeral with your corpse just lying there, as calm and serene as you’ve ever been, silky white suit, hair slicked back, banging down the doors of the pearly gates and still, you have women fighting over you.   I guess even in the afterlife, we are not free from women starting shit.

The Fray by the Bay, the Clash over the Ash and the Great Camacho Funeral Brawl of 2012 got me thinking.  Okay, mom, here’s where you should stop reading if you haven’t already.  At my wake (puh puh puh), which one of my ex’s would start the biggest ruckus?  Which among them would take down the others or start randomly throwing the crab rangoon?  If I were to put them all in one room together, which ones would initiate the throwing of the ‘bows?  Of course, this is assuming any of them actually showed up in the first place.  Memo to self: hire fancy catering to maximize attendance.

Believe it or not, I’ve actually seen a few of my exes in action.  While mostly a loving lot, several could definitely hold their own in a pinch.  I imagine so if they had to put up with the likes of me.

Of course, upon presenting such a gathering, I’d have to seed them all appropriately, like a pre-season college football ranking, basing them on height, weight, age and their overall ability to throw down.  Who amongst the former Chumpettes would be the favorite to take the tiara and who would be the most likely to upset a top seed?  Must give this more thought.

I’ll leave it at that, not mentioning any names to protect myself from the angry e-mails and surprise knocks on my door in the middle of the night, but imagine the possibilities.  Has you guys excited, doesn’t it?

The good news for my lovely collection of ex-girlfriends is that they can stow away their boxing gloves for now.  I plan on leading a healthy and prosperous life.  Now if there was only a way I could see them all kick the shit out of each other without me kicking the bucket.

Now THAT would be something.

Dear Santa…

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38 Replies to “Brawl at Camacho wake inspires fictitious SportsChump ex-girlfriend melee”

  1. Pingback: Brawl at Camacho wake inspires fictitious SportsChump ex-girlfriend melee - BallHyped Blog Network, Other Sports | BallHyped Sports Blogs

  2. To bad about camacho. One of the best fighter on the history of Boxing. Had to many problems outside of the rings from drugs ,stealing etc. Not a good role model.

  3. This just in: Jovan Belcher made sure that his girlfriend won’t be fighting at his wake.

  4. Snake…

    That comment was probably more tasteless than my entire post. Thanks for getting me off the hook. Nothing like providing a venue for us to speak our minds freely, right?

    I read about the Belcher story when I woke up this morning (afternoon). Absolutely unreal, like out of a movie or something.

    Can you imagine Romeo Crennel watching that? I’m sure more sordid details will emerge eventually.

  5. Though tragic , this loss was to be expected . You try and double-deal with drug dealers . Guess what , your a#s will be grass .

    Arturo Gatti’s death, Vernon Forrest’s and now Hector Camacho .

    Tophatal …….

  6. If you think Macho Camacho could lay the pipe , then see Evander Holyfield’s file . Nine kids, two through with his ex wife , a cardio thoracic surgeon , and seven outside of his marriage . On the day his wife had his last kid , one of his his baby’s mamas was also giving birth .

    He recently declared bankruptcy and his 84 room (Atlanta ) mansion is now in foreclosure . How the hell can a fighter of his caliber , having earned over $250 million , and now he hasn’t a pot to p#s$ in or a window to throw it out of . Holyfield owes in excess of $300,000 in child support and another $175,000 in spousal support for several of the babies’ mamas .

    Tophatal ……..

  7. Your thoughts on Chiefs’ player Jovan Belcher who committed suicide at Arrowhead Stadium in close proximity of head coach Romeo Crennel and GM Scott Pioli ? . Prior to that act , Belcher had shot to death his girlfriend (22 year old) , leaving behind his two month old baby daughter .

    Stern’s actions in fining the Spurs is ludicrous ! As for Jalen Rose’s a comments in saying that Popovich’s actions were disrespectful . Well it clearly shows how much an a##hole Rose just happens to be ! David Stern has yet to address the malevolence and the lies he has countenanced as the Maloofs continue to screw over the city of Sacramento . Yet the fans there believe that the mayor should primarily use public funds to build a venue for franchise on a good day couldn’t beat a varsity team much less a competent WNBA franchise .

    Tophatal ………………..

  8. David Stern, that Nazi cocksucking bastard, strikes again. Its not about the fans, its about TV ratings. It always has been. If Herr Stern cared about the fans, then he would stop meddling in the team’s business. Its all about winning the championship and most teams rest their players at some time during any given season. Its time for the owners to regroup and force that asshole to retire or fire him. What if the Spurs had beaten the Heat? They almost did. What if Pop didn’t send the players home but just didn’t play them? Would a fine still be justified in his mind? Oh, did I ever mention that I hate his guts and hope he dies? And of course, Jalen Rose is and always be a major asshole.

  9. “Fasten your seatbelts, readers. I’m about to get tasteless.” In other news, salt taste salty.

    Belcher’s girlfriend could easily be fighting. Even seen the Walking Dead? That zombie shit is for real, man.

    I for one would love to see a Royal Rumble of all of Chris Humphery’s ex-girlfriends. I bet Roseanne Barr could kick the shit out of Kim Kardashian.

  10. Al…

    It must have been a difficult day in Kansas City. Even more difficult when the fans in Arrowhear realized they were Chiefs fans. Brady Quinn with a W? Really?

    And when it comes to multi-millionaires declaring bankruptcy because of their mistakes? Well, I just can’t feel sorry for ’em.

  11. Al…

    I worked all weekend so I wasn’t able to hear Jalen’s comments about the Spurs penalty… but did you happen to hear what Herbstreit said about Northern Illinois being included in the BCS?

    They’re most certainly worth the listen.

  12. Jedly…

    Camacho may have been smiling but likely rolling his eyes just as much, just like every single ex of mine that read this post.

    Yeah, like they’re reading.

  13. Snake…

    Okay, let’s take a breath and not, for one second, talk about Der Kommissar, but rather talk about how the Orlando Magic heading into Los Angeles and handing Jack Nicholson, Dyan Cannon and the ugliest of them all, Dwight Howard, a nice healthy loss.

    The Lakers are currently 8-9. There is a God.

  14. Dub…

    Are you actually suggesting I’m tasteless on the regular?

    Takes tasteless to know tasteless, brother.

    And Roseanne and I still talk. Gotta problem with that or is that just jealousy talking?

  15. Man I love Latin girls. More for what they could do for ya when you’re alive,but still you have to admire their passion. I know I did.

  16. Totally off topic, but when can we get an update on the College Football Pick ‘Em contest. Did anyone ever pick Notre Dame, and if so, is Beagle Voodoo allowed?

  17. Beag…

    Basically the contest is yours and Nick Saban’s to lose.

    I guess I was trying to prove a point with the contest, that being I wanted to see whether, in this day and age, a surprise team could sneak in and take the whole damn thing.

    And Notre Dame most certainly did that. Well, not yet they haven’t… but they’re a win away.

  18. Herbstreit has been spending way too much time with his d#ck in Lee Corso’s a#$ as well his mouth . Corso has not only sucked out Kirk’s sem#nal fluid but his brains as well .

    Jalen Rose should know thing or two about bringing things into disrepute , his NBA career was literally one of disrepute .

    All of this outpouring for the passing of Belcher while compassionate , where there’s the compassion to the girlfriend he heinously shot to death , thereby depriving a (three month old) child of its mother . Belcher is a gutless piece of excrement , much like that other piece of s#it , Rae Carruth .

    Belcher and Carruth aren’t men , but gutless ba$tards !

    Tophatal ………..

  19. Jalen can be insightful at times but C Webb (Chris Webber ) is much better than his contemporary , Jalen Rose !

    So Friedman is seriously prepared to listen to offers for both Hellickson and Shields ? What’s up with that ?

    Tophatal ………….

  20. So Miguel Cotto got his a#s waxed on Saturday night by Austin Trout ?

    Fi’ty Cent boxing promoter ? Now he’s seriously going to try and put together a package, that’ll induce a bout between Pacquiao and Mayweather . It’s not worth the money , as both fighters are now past their prime . And why the hell is Pacquiao fighting Juan Manuel Marquez , for a fourth time ?

    It’s not as if both fighters are in need of the money . Boxing is now a $$$king mess !

    Tophatal ………..

  21. Al…

    I’m not crazy about Webber on air.

    And listen, we both knew that Shields’ and Hellickson’s names would be mentioned as trade bait.

    Trust me, the organization would rather keep both of them but their values are both high enough that if they can get a solid hitter in the lineup, they’re going to at least entertain the idea.

    They’ve got a solid young rotation coming up in Moore and Archer. I think Shields will be unrestricted at the end of this year and Hellickson will soon be due for a huge pay day.

    Both those guys will likely eventually be gone. It’s something we’re going to have to prepare for as fans of the Rays.

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