A Jonathan Villar-Brandon Phillips inspired caption contest

buttslideThe other night in Houston, one man put his face in the butt of another and didn’t even have the decency to do it in the privacy of his own home.  This time around, there were 25,000 fans there to see it.  Well worth the price of admission… or not.

In the very first inning of Tuesday night’s baseball game between the Reds and the Astros, with Houston already down 4-0, Villar tried his best to stretch a single into a double.  Instead, he got tagged out in the most memorable of fashions.  Phillips fielded the throw but didn’t have time to turn around.  Instead, he stretched his glove out underneath his legs to make the tag.  Villar was called out, with his momentum carrying him directly into Phillips’, well… rectum.

Butt fumble postThe play led ESPN to ask the ever-important question of which derriere-related incident was more embarrassing: Villar’s slide or Mark Sanchez’ butt fumble of last year.  Ah, the merits of hard-core journalism.  To make matters worse, not only did the woeful Astros lose that game 10-0, it marked their 100th loss of the season.  And just when Villar thought things couldn’t get any worse, he got a mouthful of Brandon Phillips’ ass.

So, to celebrate the ineptitude of this year’s Houston Astros, I’ve decided to host a caption contest in their honor.  The reader to come up with the most creative caption for the picture below will receive one free roll of toilet paper, some floss, one lesson on how to properly slide into second base and a nice, firm pat on the ass.


Jonathan Villar Brandon Phillips

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21 Replies to “A Jonathan Villar-Brandon Phillips inspired caption contest”

  1. Sheesh… if I recall the gluteus maximus is far from his rectum… methinks Chump just wanted to use the word rectum… is this what they call hard core journalism these days? LOL

  2. Tip to waitress: Stop serving that Chump!

    Thanks for the 2nd smile! 1st was when the Dodgers clinched and went swimming in the Diamondback center-field pool!! Too funny…

  3. In spite of the obvious embarrassment, I actually think he was safe. If you pay close attention, the tag was made on Villar’s chest. His hands,(left that you can see), actually touches the base before the tag.
    In any case my submission would be Phillips saying…”a little to the right please”.

  4. Tree…

    Talking East here, I don’t know what it’s going to take to get the Rays bats to start producing.

    They’re not gonna fire Maddon and they’re not gonna dump ten mil into a potential bat/free agent. They can’t afford it.

    To me, the likeliest of heads to roll has to be their hitting coach, Derek Shelton. I know he’s a Maddon hire but goodness, watching this team try to hit consistently is like watching paint dry, but worse.

    At least watching paint dry gets some runs.

  5. Mony…

    Did you end up in G’Ville this weekend? I never got a call back.

    And I’m with you, man. I’m surprised the ump called Villar out. I mean, Phillips essentially made no play other than sticking out his glove.

    Maybe he had just called a number of Astros game earlier this season and was used to them being out.

  6. Chris

    ” Ah the sweet smell of butt in the morning or evening …yum ” !

    The Eagles’ offense are bringing shame to the word dysfunction . Not even a mild mannered geriatric male suffering from ED (erectile dysfunction) droops and drops off the way this Chip Kelly coached team has done . Especially after last night’s inept performance .

    Is that light at the end of the tunnel or the actual train heading inwards towards the Rays ? Joe Maddon’s team are as soft as a baby’s @ss . . Who is actually meant to be a leader on that team ? Evan ” Pretty Boy” Longoria and his angst of wanting to save stray canines ? How about Longo stepping up to the plate for once ? Longoria is overpaid and provides no vocal leadership on this team . Rays’ fans are forever the optimists rather than dealing with reality . The Rangers took it to Tampa , last night and Maddon was wanting in terms of coming up with an answer for the team’s continued mediocrity .

    tophatal …………….

  7. Calling last night’s Chiefs victory was a no-brainer, Al. Reid knows Philly’s every last tendency after having coached them for years. Besides he’s got that Chiefs locker room believing in him and his message. They wanted to win that one for him bad. Are we surprised though that Philly retired McNabb’s number so soon?

    Went to the Rays game last night, man. They scored two runs in the first, left bases loaded with two outs against Darvish and couldn’t manage another run the entire night. Meanwhile, the Rangers bats woke up against Moore hitting three solo shots in the third.

    Another huge home stand coming up for the Rays against Baltimore. If they have any desire to make the post-season, they better quit fucking around.

  8. The home stand for the Rays is of utmost importance and then you have the upcoming series against the Yankees . So make of it what you will.

    Nothing surprises me about Philly at the moment ! Vick is old and only momentarily gives you flashes of brilliance . He simply cannot give a franchise the kind of consistency that they would seek over a sixteen game schedule . And that is what so many people fail to realize as they continue to drink the Chip Kelly Kool Aid . I believe one of the ingredients of that drink , is a great deal of bulll#hit .

    Call me naive , but is it now time to blowup the Browns as an organization ? They trade Trent Richardson to the Colts . Now look at the Browns’ roster and indicate to me what you believe that they have left that is of value that would make that franchise remotely competitive ?

    My boy Jon Bones Jones is defending his UFC light heavyweight title on Saturday night . I have some money riding on the bout and I want him to take out Alexander Gustaffson .

    Pettite will formally retire for a second time . That now leaves Jeter as the only player left on the Yankees’ roster who has been a member of 5 World Series’ winning teams with the franchise . Personally, I believe 2014 will be Jeter’s last as a Yankees’ player .

    Let me know what you think of the following . College Football piece .

    Trouble in paradise

    tophatal …………………..

  9. Al…

    The Rays are playing nothing but teams vying for wild card position for the rest of the season so every win and loss will have direct effect on their (ever-weakening) standings.

    I’m no Philly fan so it doesn’t matter to me what happens to them this season. It’ll be an interesting experiment to watch although I’m pretty sure most of us can guess how it ends up.

    So people think Pettitte’s a borderline Hall of Famer, huh? If it were up to me, I’d put both he and Schilling in. Those two were as clutch in the post-season as it comes.

  10. Nice one, BS.

    I wonder if he would bring apples for his teacher in high school.

    I’m actually surprised no one has made a play on the whole Shaq-Kobe “Tell me how my ass tastes” rap.

    C’mon, people, you’re slipping.

  11. Chris

    The thing that is now giving me the greatest pleasure in terms of the AL wildcard race is seeing Girardi squirm and act like a petulant child ! Now in the off-season the front office can clean house with the Yankees and rid themselves of Girardi and the coaching staff . In terms of A Rod they may well have to put up with his @ss until the end of his contract .

    Chip Kelly’s tenure with the Eagles could very well end up like Spurrier’s with the Redskins . And Steve Spurrier was lucky enough to walk away with $25 million of Dan Snyder’s money after his tenure in DC .

    Who to your mind is now currently the most despised or incompetent owner in all four of the major professional team sports ? Going on present occurrences I would have to say Jim Crane of the Houston Astros .

    Two consecutive seasons of his team losing over 100 games , first in the NL Central in 2012 , now having moved to the AL West they repeat the same feat again .

    Now Crane is in complete denial as to the team’s financial woes and is basing the Astros’ future success on a yet to be negotiated television contract deal . Are all owners that frigging stupid or is it just the ones in baseball and in the NFL in particular ?

    If Vince Naimoli were still involved in baseball , he would be patting Crane on the back and toasting him with a glass of champagne and congratulating him on a job well done .

    Dropped this MLB piece :

    The last of the bad men or how the AL West has now become a no man’s land

    tophatal ……………………..

  12. Re: Girardi, Al, he may very well have seen his last days as Yankees manager… and he’s probably okay with that.

    Not sure how long the Chip Kelly experiment will last in Philadelphia but it certainly appears Oregon hasn’t skipped a beat in his absence.

    Most hated owner in all professional sports? One bad year doesn’t give Crane the award. One would have to think it would take a lot to knock Jerry Jones from that perch. And let’s not forget about Baby Steinbrenner.

  13. Chris

    It’s two bad years with Crane and the Astros , as they lost 100 games last season as well, while they were in the NL Central . He bought the team from Drayton McClane for $775 million, got a kickback of $100 million from “Honest Bud ” to move the franchise from the NL to the AL , and now all of a sudden the franchise is are having financial problems ? And that is with a pared down payroll . of $22 million .

    Jim Crane says that things will be alright, because their pending television contract will provide the ball-club with the much needed funds they desire . That contract is not up until late 2014 . Given how dire that team now seems to be, in term of their performances and lack of attendance at Minute Maid Park , I hardly think that they are likely to be offered anything like a multi billion deal stretching over two decades . The Astros as a product , are is simply too damn awful to watch , even if you are new to the sport of baseball or an avid fan of the game .

    Left you a response concerning the Rays .

    You will be pleased to know that Cynthia Ross the controversial judge in the Mayweather Alvarez fight is taking a prolonged leave of absence from the Nevada State Athletic Commission . I would have thought it best if she simply emigrated to Kazakhstan , as hear it is wonderful there this time of year and the natives are said to be so friendly .

    Browns’ GM Joe Banner maintains that trading Trent Richardson to the Colts was the right thing to do , because with the picks they get they can build a more competitive team . LOL,LOL LOL !! I could build a better team using the pieces from a frigging Lego-Set .

    tophatal ……………….

  14. Chris

    Freeman’s QB rating through two qtrs against the Pats 44.6 and his completion percentage 45%. Is it any wonder the idiot beat writers who remain optimistic concerning Josh Freeman are simply too dumb for their own good and then put pen to paper to come up with their asinine columns not just concerning the Bucs but all three of the professional sports’ franchises in the area ?

    tophatal ………………

  15. Woah here he comes…
    Watch out boy, he’ll chew your butt

    Woah here he comes…
    He’s an asseater

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