“Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me.”
-Salt n Pepa
“We’re going streakin’!!!”
-Will Ferrell as Hank the Tank in Old School
There’s a nudist colony not too far from me. I’ve actually been there once, not on a dare, but because it was a holiday weekend and some friends were going to party.
This was years ago and I kept my clothes on. I generally don’t disrobe in the presence of more than one other person whom I deem special enough to do that sort of thing with. It’s not that I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I just don’t find it necessary to display the family jewels in front of a bunch of strangers.
Streakers, however, live by a different credo. I’ve done some crazy shit in my lifetime but I can’t say that stripping down to my bare essentials and running around a sporting event has ever crossed my mind. Has it yours? If so, you’re probably reading the right website.
Most of the time, when we see streakers scurry through sporting events, be it baseball, football or tennis, we’re amazed that some guy would drop trou and take to the playing field for fear of the consequences… and the shame.
This time around, at Muirfield, it was a little different.
The streaker didn’t have a penis.
That’s right. At last weekend’s President’s Cup, an Ohio woman decided to get naked and run onto the course to display her American pride, among other things. How totally awesome is that? Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the golf course.
Now let’s say you’re working security at a local sporting event and some guy decides to run onto the place naked. You gotta figure it’s open season on the guy, right? Like, you could totally take him down, give him a few solid jabs no questions asked and wait for authorities to get there. Guys streaking is almost understandable. We’re guys. We do stupid things. We pee in public, throw things at the television set for no particular reason and try to fix things we have no business fixing.
But women streaking? How and when does this happen and how can we predict the next time it will so we can all be there to watch?
Now pretend you’re a security guard at the same event and some woman decides to randomly strip and take to the field of play. You’d have to just sit there in amazement, right? Then what? You can’t tackle the poor girl. You’d pretty much have to hope she runs out of breath or decides to put her clothes back on. Carry on, folks. There’s nothing to see here.
Imagine meeting a girl for the first time and asking her the craziest thing she’s ever done only to hear her say she streaked at a major sporting event. And how about this lucky girl’s eventual groom-to-be? Mom, I’d like you to meet the girl I’m going to marry. Your mom looks at her skeptically, thinking she looks vaguely familiar. Oh, you’re the girl that ran onto the golf course naked for millions to see. Son, I’m so proud. When’s the date?
Just when we thought we’ve seen everything, now we have women showing their affinity for the links. I’m a golf fan, but come on.
Kimberly Worcester, who gave us just another reason to be sports fans, was arrested and cited for disorderly conduct. She has a court date set for two weeks. Here’s hoping she brings something nice to wear.
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Chris
This came naturally back in the seventies and eighties in the UK at a number of sporting events . Even at a venue such as Wimbledon during the All England Championships . Even in Paris , France as well , where they’re not really hung up on that sort of thing . You , Yanks, are far too prudish when it comes to such things .
Terrific win for the Rays last night with Lobaton going deep .
The Braves surrendered in their series , quicker than when the Germans laid siege to Paris during WWII . Damn , they were bad against the Dodgers !
Pine tar anyone ?
tophatal …………
Yeah, Al, I imagine her penalty would have been far more severe than just $99 and a slap on the wrist had that taken place here. But nobody ever said this country wasn’t sexually uptight.
Lobaton was amazing last night. The Trop was loud as hell. And there were finally far more Rays fans than Sox fans in the place.
Here’s hoping they can do it again tonight.
I think that the Rays can do it , but they will need to get a fast start right out of the gate.
What percentage of players do you believe in the NBA are using recreational drugs (marijuana) ? And also do you think that players have in the league have ways to circumvent the league’s testing protocols ? Dropped this piece on NBA but more specifically on the issue of Lamar Odom . Let me know what you think ?
Pride comes in various forms and it comes before a very great fall ….
tophatal …………………….
It all rests on Hellickson’s shoulders tonight, Al.
I’m perfectly okay with Maddon throwing him. While certainly having some shaky moments this season, he’s still been one of their best young pitchers over the past few seasons.
Hello Triple SC,
Monday night was my 1st ever postseason game, but marked my 5th game at the Trop since 2008…3rd to see Red Sox vs Rays…I am too am very happy how there were way more Rays fans than Red Sox fans. Only speckles of Red, or in my case- green, shirts in a sea of blue! Things have changed over the years for sure!
It was awesome to meet you and enjoy seats together for a few innings! Thank you for your hospitality! It was so exciting to share the walkoff Rays win with you! True baseball fans know how special those kinds of wins are. That was my 2nd walkoff HR win at the Trop!
Such a sad loss tonight, but gotta say Go Red Sox! And Go Buccos to plunder a Win on the road!
Dee Dee
Chris
Jeremy Hellickson has proven to be good in clutch situations more often than not .
Freeman in Minnesota ? Your thoughts on that ?
Well the Rays bow out and it’s back to the drawing board after last night’s tepid effort .
Why didn’t Maddon adapt concerning Shane Victorino ?
Dee Dee…
Turns out we saw the best game of the series.
The only Rays win at that.
Al…
Despite the use of nine pitchers in the game, they still (all) got the job done. And as usual, it was the absence of any hitting that led to the Rays’ demise.
Care to place a wager on whether their hitting coach will be around next season?
Best thing to happen to golf since Happy Gilmore.
Bleed…
Just taaaaaaaaap it in.