Johnny Manziel and the Cleveland honeymoon

heart shaped bedI’ve never been married but I hear honeymoons can be nice.  They’ve got heart-shaped beds, full-body massages and champagne and strawberries fed to you on a whim.

I mean, that’s what happens, right?


Okay, so maybe I’ve been misled.

We often use the term “honeymoon” derogatorily, meaning those who engage in said activity have a short, rather unrealistic period of bliss before reality sets in.

Enter Johnny Manziel and Cleveland’s four month honeymoon before football season.

I’ve never been to Cleveland before but I hear they have a fancy Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  I also understand the city hosts a pretty rabid base of sports fans.

And now they have themselves a brand new quarterback to froth over.

Johnny ClevelandCleveland is like no other American city its size.  Its sports struggles are well-documented: The Drive, The Fumble, The Shot and The Decision.  They all combine for The Collective Agony.  And now they’re looking at Manziel to become The Savior.

Losing is so ingrained in Cleveland’s culture they’ve come to expect it.  They’re like Cubs fans or Red Sox fans pre-2004, except worse because NONE of the city’s teams have won lately.

Cleveland’s sports history runs deep.  They’ve hosted a professional baseball team since 1901, a professional football team since 1944 and a professional basketball team since 1970.  None of them have won a championship since the last time Jim Brown smiled.

The Indians haven’t won a World Series since 1948.  The Browns last won an NFL Championship in 1964 before there even was a Super Bowl.  The Cleveland Cavaliers have never won a title.

Manziel Browns hatWith the arrival of one little man, however, the historically downtrodden Cleveland fan has reason to believe that might all be about to change.  Just ask the Browns’ ticket office whose phones wouldn’t stop ringing to the tune of over 2000 additional season tickets sold within 24 hours of drafting Manziel.

The Heisman Trophy winning, former Texas A&M quarterback was taken with the 22nd pick in the first round in what has been reported to be the most watched draft moment in television history.  Of course, televisions had just been invented the last time Cleveland won a championship.

America’s obsession with Manziel has become Tebow-esque in nature.  Browns fans can only hope their newest play-caller doesn’t suffer the same fate.

The Browns have had umptillion starting quarterbacks since their last pretty good one, Bernie Kosar who left there in 1993.  None of them left any sort of indelible mark on the franchise.  If Manziel somehow leads the Browns to a championship and exorcises a half century’s worth of the city’s demons, Cleveland may implode with a party the likes it’s never seen.  Tears of joy would flood the Cuyahoga River.

rudyOf course the odds are stacked tremendously against the kid.  To paraphrase Charles S. Dutton in Rudy, “he’s five foot nothin’, a hundred and nothing.”  And trust me, if Manziel ends up bringing a championship to Cleveland, screenplays cheesier than that will hit Hollywood desks by the dozens.

Cleveland brass has tempered expectations since the pick, pretty much saying Manziel will be their opening day backup quarterback, which is akin to the concierge telling a husband and wife they’re out of champagne.  But that won’t stop Cleveland fans from enjoying the honeymoon or stopping to believe.

They never do.

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25 Replies to “Johnny Manziel and the Cleveland honeymoon”

  1. Brandon Weeden who just happens to be Tony Romo’s backup in Dallas says ….. “Hi ” ! .

    Oh the travesty of Donald Sterling . He is now criticizing Magic Johnson for having the HIV AIDS’ virus and the fact that the former Lakers’ player doesn’t do enough for his own race ? WTF ! Johnson has done more for African-Americans and minorities in general than Sterling could ever conceive of doing in his lifetime .

    SVG and his brother Jeff Van Gundy in Detroit possibly running the Pistons ? Your take on that ?

  2. Sterling’s digging his own grave, Al. He picked the wrong fight.

    And I hadn’t that brother Jeff was leaving the booth to join Stanley in Motor City.

    In what capacity?

  3. Hmmm… Cleveland Ohio, the home of the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame… This is easy… Sung by the fans of the Browns…

    Johnny get angry, Johnny get mad… (dump dump dump duh)
    Give them (the rest of the NFL) the biggest whippin’ they’ve ever had…
    We want a brave man, We want a cave man…
    Johnny, Johnny do you care really care for us?

    Word is that right after the Manziel selection Cleveland’s season ticket sales made a jump of over 10,000 in one day! You remember me ragging on the Bucs for handing over a king’s ransom for that cornerback from the Jets? Where’s he now? This is another case where I’ll rag on the Bucs… They should have taken Manziel! I may be wrong, but this guy just feels like the real deal… More so than Andrew Luck did to me… Time will tell…

  4. Tim Couch, Colt McCoy now Johnny Football.
    Got Hype?
    The Mistake By The Lake does…yet again.

    Honeymoon is sex anywhere and everywhere, nothing is off limits. That’ll last a few games, hell maybe even a season or two.

    Then, they’ll have bedroom sex, where it occurs only in the bedroom, missionary style.

    Soon enough, the Cleveland Curse will rear it’s ugly head and they’ll be like the rest of us married folks, having hallway sex.

    That’s where you simply say, “Fuck you” as you pass each other in the hall.

    Hallway sex is destiny…because it’s Cleveland.

  5. BS…

    The odds are stacked against this guy.

    Let’s play a little trivia, shall we?

    Since 1990, only five quarterbacks drafted in the first round have won a Super Bowl for the team that drafted them.

    Can you name them?

  6. I like the breakdown, Bleed.

    A good buddy of mine who’s a lifelong sports fan but more of a gambler and sheds professional sports allegiances (although he is a Buckeye alum) decided to voluntarily become a Browns fan.

    This happened long before the Manziel pick.

    I couldn’t help but wonder why someone would submit themselves to such torture.

    Glutton for punishment, I guess.

  7. It’s Cleveland, for fuck’s sake! Willie Beamon couldn’t win there! Neither will Manziel.

    I like the guy’s swag, but he’s probably gonna get it beat out of him with that surrounding cast. He’ll make a few plays, a few top-10 highlights, but he’s just too damn small to take the pounding he’ll get in the NFL. Ask Mike Vick, or RG3.

  8. I doubt he’ll make it through training camp without doing something moronic. I enjoyed his draft freefall immensely and if he does make it on the field I hope every time he gets sacked the defender does that lame-ass money rubbing gesture.

  9. Han…

    It looks like you and the nays have it in our official Manziel pool. Currently nine to one against.

    And just a reminder, Manziel is smaller than both Vick and RGIII and maybe, just maybe, not as good as them in college either.

  10. Burnsy…

    I don’t think the Browns are offering their fans any sort of money back for their season tickets if Manziel ends up in rehab before the season even starts.

  11. Chris,
    These comments are great from your people. I really enjoyed the new rendition of an ancient Joanie Summers song.
    My take on Johnny Football? We have another Doug Flutie entering the NFL. Exciting and eventual heartbreak. I’ll dig up an old EP song “Heartbreak Hotel” and modify it. LMAO

  12. Bets…

    Flutie had a pretty good NFL career, far better in the CFL, but how far did he ever take the Pats, Chargers, Bill or Bears?

    And the NFL is a lot more physical now than it was then.

  13. Not only has Sterling dug his own grave but his being critical of Magic Johnson by stating that the former NBA great doesn’t do enough for the African-American community is a damn joke !

    Donald Sterling may well have been a great litigator as a young man, but at this stage of his career and as an owner in the NBA , he is proving to be a bonafide a#shole of the greatest possible magnitude and an ongoing embarrassment for the league in general who knew of his prior bad acts much as they knew of Rich DeVos’ stupidity and homophobic rants . I guess that’s now become the NBA in general ? And how dumb is the union hierarchy within the NBPA to let this all happen over the years and not voice their concerns ? So explain to me how it was that the league itself in your eyes didn’t really have an issue with Jason Collins’ sexuality and the hypocrisy that went on there before his signing with the Nets ? If centers such as Bynum and Kwame Brown were still playing while robbing their teams blind in terms of a contract and salary , then how is it that the teams didn’t feel that Collins was worth a chance at the start of this season ?

  14. Appearing on ESPN Arkansas, Cleveland QB coach Loggains said Manziel sent him a text that read: “`I wish you guys would come get me. Hurry up and draft me because I want to wreck this league together.'”

    And there you go…Like a glove…
    The Browns have already been wrecking the league for decades.

  15. I almost didn’t comment though your original post begged an answer… Manziel is a perfect draft choice for the masochists of Cleveland, perfect. He’s too small, too slow and does not possess an NFL arm but… he does have that certain swagger and an innate football sense which ‘might’ translate into the NFL provided he can withstand the repeated body slams forthcoming due to the porous Browns line. Still it will be more entertaining than anything else happening in Cleveland.

    And using the term ‘honeymoon’ in a derogatory manner doesn’t mean it’s NOT reality.

    “None of them left any sort of indelible mark on the franchise.” … come on Chump… who’s saying that ‘perennial loser’ is not an indelible mark?

    And who the F was talking about that idiot Donald Sterling? I thought that this was a football related post??

  16. Ok Chris let’s take a break from yesterday’s news. I live in a service oriented city. Your livelihood is in the same category. There are “Georges” and stiffs in all walks of live. I believe some of the stiffs need to be called out and embarrassed. Kinda like what Ted Turner said to Bill Gates prior to his opening of his foundation. He mentioned at the time the “Bill Gates wasn’t doing enough for charity.” Since then, that’s been corrected. The LV press chided Lefty Mickelson and that too has been correct. Read the following by world class writer R Reilly. Very eye opening.

  17. Zing, Bleed.

    I saw that ESPN listed Manziel as the 23rd ranked fantasy QB over EJ Manuel, the Bills’ starting QB.

    Either they think Manziel will get the starting job on day one… or they think Manuel is just that bad.

    Either way, don’t you want to be the guy who ridicules the guy who picks Manziel in the first round of his fantasy draft? Only in Cleveland.

  18. I see the NFL apart from now having cheerleaders suing the teams for lack of payment or non-payment we now have a number of NFL players seeking to sue the league for having them take certain medication in order to have them on the field during games ? An action is planned (link inset) by Richard Dent that if successful could be followed by others . What’s up with that and whatever happened to personal accountability by the players themselves never mind the ongoing ignorance and apathy of the NFLPA (Players’ Union) ?

    Ex-49er In Class Action Suit Against NFL For ‘Culture Of Drug Misuse, Substituting Players’ Health For Profit’

    By Dennis O’Donnell , San Francisco Chronicle

    SAN FRANCISCO (CBS SF) — Former 49ers Pro Bowl center Jeremy Newberry has joined other former football stars Richard Dent, Jim McMahon and Roy Green in filing a class-action lawsuit against the National Football League alleging illegal and rampant misuse of pain-killing medications that led to debilitating injuries and long-term health problems.

    The suit was also filed on behalf of “hundreds” of additional former players Tuesday in San Francisco Federal Court.

    In a copy of the lawsuit obtained by KPIX 5, the players allege the misuse of pain-killing pills and injections – without a doctor’s prescription or explanation of side effects – were necessary to keep players on the field and helped turn the NFL into a billion-dollar empire.

    Download full lawsuit complaint (pdf.file)

    “We have not seen the lawsuit and our attorneys have not had an opportunity to review it,” said Brian McCarthy, Vice President of Communications for the National Football League.

    According to the lawsuit, “…the NFL has intentionally, recklessly, and negligently developed a culture of drug misuse, substituting players’ health for profit.” The players seek financial compensation for the long-term chronic injuries, financial losses and long-term health care for future problems they will suffer.

    Newberry, who also spent a season with the Oakland Raiders, was a two-time Pro Bowl center for the San Francisco 49ers who played 11 seasons in the NFL, nine in San Francisco. He has also worked as an NFL analyst for KPIX 5 in San Francisco. After years of taking the pain-killing drug Toradol, the 38-year-old Newberry says his kidneys function at 30 percent. He says nobody ever warned him about the long-term consequences of pain killers.


    Click on link to read in full.


    In your opinion who is really to blame here concerning this all ?

    Makes for an interesting debate don’t you think ?

    tophatal ……….

    tophatal ………………

  19. Last time I was in Tampa(15yrs) I remember a bar owned and named after a Buc player?? It was near the Capital One facility? What was the name?

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