Those who can’t pitch, rap: The curious case of the man who can’t throw

50 metsI like making fun of people.  I mean, what’s the point of running a sports blog if you can’t blast the ones you love?

This time around, it’s Fitty Cent’s turn… again.

We’ve already questioned his courtside seating arrangements although, to be perfectly honest, hanging out with Meryl Streep at Lakers games is probably an upgrade from the time spent with his usual posse.  He’s also been caught taunting Floyd Mayweather for his inability to read, as if professional boxers, or gangsta rappers for that matter, are known for being the most literate people on the planet.

Either way, Fitty should probably work on his baseball toss before throwing stones.

Earlier this baseball season, Fitty was giving a post-game concert at CitiField, providing Mets fans with something they haven’t seen on that field in years: Quality entertainment.  The organization asked him to throw out the first pitch that evening, which he did.

Let’s just say he should probably stick to rapping.  The moment that followed immediately ranked as everyone’s worst opening pitches of all time.


Tweeters immediately came out with such gems like…

Cassmark/JimFrangelo ‏@Cassmarkrock

50 Cent’s opening pitch at the Mets game. Let’s just say if he were playing darts, he would’ve hit the 8 ball in the corner pocket.

tracey cheun ‏@tcheun

SO PISSED. was about to go to sleep and 50 cent’s first pitch from New York flew threw the window and hit my head

Steve Rushin ‏@SteveRushin

50 Cent’s first pitch tonight reminds us that Snoop Dogg threw one in 2012, fresh off Tommy Chong surgery.

José ‏@MostHatedRT

By the way 50 cent threw that pitch is clear that he grew up without a father figure


I was going to leave Fitty alone for his athletic inability but then I saw this video of a 100-year old woman throwing out the first pitch at a Cardinals game.  Now obviously she didn’t walk all the way to the mound and she had some assistance but at least she got the ball over the damn plate.

throw like a girlThen the Rays, in their constant efforts to distract fans from how mediocre their team really is, brought in a female pitching phenomenon who proceeded to strike out the team during batting practice with a barrage of knuckleballs.  It was a welcome change from Rays’ hitters striking out during actual games.

A few weeks after, this lovely Asian girl had trouble reaching the plate but that’s because… SHE HAD JUST BROKEN TEN CINDERBLOCKS WITH HER HEAD!  I’d say she gets a pass for her errant throw.

Then there’s leggy supermodel Crissy Tiegen who made herself a few tequila cocktails before throwing out the first pitch at a Dodgers game.  The ball reached the plate.  Perhap Fitty should have considered a drink or two before stepping on the rubber.

And now we’ve seen Little League phenom, 12-year old, Mo’ne Davis mow down batter after batter while Fitty is airmailing balls past the first base line.  Perhaps it’s time to replace the phrase “throw like a girl” to “throw like a rapper.”

Fitty clearly needs a do-over and a pitching lesson.  I’m sure any one of the aforementioned would help him out.  Or maybe he should just stick to doing what he does best.  If we only knew what that was.

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13 Replies to “Those who can’t pitch, rap: The curious case of the man who can’t throw”

  1. Those who can’t rap pitch , but what if you don’t give a #hit , because you have over $300 million in the bank ? Fitty doesn’t give #hit , what your or I might think about his pitching . It’s all about the “cheddar ” .

  2. I don’t wrap at all , though I do like the genre ! Was brought up on traditional jazz and reggae music .

    The Rams are likely to be in for a tough season if the news concerning Sam Bradford is said to be true . The quarterback is likely to be lost to the team for the entire regular season . Alternatives at the position are very thin .

    Think the likes of Bryant and LBJ are seeking to make a point ?

  3. Bradford just can’t stay healthy, Al.

    That’s a shame.

    Through five full seasons, he’ll only have played fifty games. That’s not what the Rams were hoping for.

    Same play to bet them under on the season.

    Oh and Kobe thinks he and LeBron aren’t getting their just due? It’s no wonder people can’t stand the guy.

  4. My elderly neighbor (octogenarian) uses a walker to get around and he’s more athletic than Sam Bradford . He’s a military vet who saw action in Korea . Need I say anymore on the matter ?

    Lovie Smith believes everyone deserves a second chance ? If Richie Incognito comes off with his antics , such as the ##it that went down with the Dolphins , then what ? Incognito is said to be on the cusp of being signed by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers .

    I see the Tampa Bay Rays are use to giving up the long ball ? That pounding at the hands (9-1 loss) of the O’s was well deserved . What’s up with the Rays’ lackluster pitching as of late ?

    I couldn’t stand Kobe from the get-go, without delving into the aftermath of what took place in Eagle , Colorado . Part of the ” bro-code ” , you don’t sh#t on your teammates , by telling about what they’ve been doing behind closed doors . It led to the falling out between Bryant , Shaq and Rick Fox. Out of that mess , Fox ended up divorcing actress Vanessa Williams . How ##cked up was that , given how hot Williams was then and still remains now ? Kobe Bryant is nothing more than a self-serving ###ole .

    LBJ seems intent on having many of his former Heat teammates at his side this upcoming season with the Cavaliers . I know Kevin Love will make their offense better , but I am sure none of the additions to the Cavs’ roster , in terms of the former Miami players will be of benefit to the team . I mean look at how poor the Heat were offensively , in the postseason and in particular during the NBA Finals against the Spurs .

    tophatal ……………….

  5. So the Bucs didn’t go after Incognito after all, Al. Landed the guard from New England instead. It’s nice to see people get the better of Belichick for a change. Looks like Mankins might just bring some leadership and cohesiveness to a line that most certainly needs it. We’ll see how long it takes for that to happen.

    This series with Baltimore is a stark reminder of just how far of a gap exists between the Rays and Orioles, Al. For all intents and purposes, this season is over.

    And speaking of Kobe and his comments, I’ll have my take up on that tomorrow.

  6. Love the idea about replacing “throw like a girl” with “throw like a rapper”. That’s awesome! I still laugh like hell watching that video. I saw it in ESPN while working out on my elliptical one early morning. Watching that while on a machine is hazardous; I nearly fell off from laughing so hard. Of course, I am easily entertained.
    Dee Dee

  7. 50’s lame toss reminded me of that commercial where the dad is teaching his kid to throw in the front yard…Shit cracks me up everytime….Who knew Curtis was raised by devils?

    You could just hear Bob Uekers voice in the background…
    “Juuuuust a bit outside”

  8. Dee Dee…

    I wonder if we’re taking all these first pitch things a little too seriously.

    Nah, it reminds us how hard it is to get the ball over the plate and how absolutely unathletic some people are.

    Present company excluded, of course.

  9. Chump,

    I almost feel embarrassed to reply on topic on this site… and I especially feel bad saying ANYTHING positive about the overpaid thug Curtis James Jackson III, also referred to as ‘fleeting sense’ or whatever but I will officially grant this moron his day in the sun for openly calling out Floyd Fayweather for not being able to read. LOL could anything be funnier? An overpaid idiot rapper calling out an overpaid cowardly idiot boxer?

    Heck the next thing you know blacks will be bkitching about having a black President… oh wait…

  10. Tree…

    Mayweather fights tomorrow. I’ve heard he’s not taking this fight seriously.

    Kinda like how Fitty took that pitch.

    I say put ’em both in the ring and see what happens. At least we’d finally have a fight worth watching.

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