Chumpservations, Vol. 33: Timothy, Marshawn, Jameis, Giancarlo, William and the cure to end attendance woes

Football 25x25I woke up from a blissful slumber the other afternoon to find an online headline that read…  “Tim Tebow Caught In Controversial Photo.”

My imagination raced.

Could the saintly Tim Tebow have posed nude for someone back in his Gainesville days?  Despite the absolute unlikelihood of that happening, such a photo would only have added to the slew of improprieties attributed to Urban Meyer’s Florida Gators of yesteryear.

So why all the uproar?  We recently clamored about Kim Kardashian posing nude… again… as if she’s ever been photographed with clothes ON!  What sort of photo of Tim Tebow doing anything other than being a squeaky clean, good guy would make the world implode?

Tebow prayerNo, the photo in question was not of Tebow in a compromising position but rather of him leading the set of one of the many television shows in prayer.

Uh… so what?

I know we still fail to recognize and respect the different races, religions, creeds and genders that comprise this country but what’s wrong with Tebow leading his co-workers in a little pre-shift prayer.  I’m a non-Catholic and I’m not offended.  Why should anyone else be?  We have entire channels dedicated to organized religion.  A guy can’t mix in a little baruch atah before a broadcast?

Say what you will about Tebow, he’s never been overly preachy when it comes to religion.  Sure, his pro-life Super Bowl commercial a few years back was about as ill-advised as LeBron’s “Decision” but I can’t fault the guy for subscribing to a faith when so few of us actually do.

I went to the University of Florida and I never saw Super TIm walking door to door, handing out Jesus pamphlets or actively recruiting new church members.  He was just running over people and winning championships.

So let’s cut the guy some slack… that is, until those nudies finally come out.


Football 25x25So Marshawn Lynch has been fined by the league again.  For what, you ask?  For once again doing nothing.

Here’s the problem.  Roger Goodell doesn’t like that either.

A lot has been made lately of the Commissioner serving as judge, jury and executioner of his own league… and rightfully so.

Not too many people have Ray Rice’s or Adrian Peterson’s back.  That would be hard to justify.  But in both cases, Goodell and his masked band of Judge Dredds suspended both players with no precedent.  Thank you, Players Union, for surrendering every player’s last right.

Ray Rice went from being suspended from two games to six games to indefinitely.  Peterson’s suspension went from indefinite to the end of the year.  Furthermore, in the Peterson case, Goodell made it unclear which of the running back’s sins was more egregious, beating his son or showing no remorse for it.

Sherman Baldwin cutoutAnd now Lynch, another running back, who has nowhere near the criminal issues of Rice or Peterson has been fined $100,000 simply for not making himself available to the media enough so that Richard Sherman and a cardboard cutout of Doug Baldwin poked fun at the fine and the hypocrisy of the league in a recent press conference.  Expect… further… fines.

We all know Lynch doesn’t say much.  We also know that the league demands its players make themselves accessible.  Lynch does not, hence the penalty.

I guess, like Marshawn, Commissioner Goodell is all about that business and there’s nothing the players can do about it but poke a little fun and reach a little further into their wallets.



Football 25x25I can’t believe I’m about to say this but…. here goes.

Deep breath.

What’s up with the lack of respect the Florida State Seminoles are getting?

Seriously, they’re the only undefeated team in the nation and they’re ranked second and third in the latest college football playoff system?  Never before have losses counted so much… and wins counted so little.

I get that they play in a conference which features about one-and-a-half good football players per team.  I get that other team’s schedules are more difficult.  I get that other team’s losses are more impressive than Florida State’s wins (does that even make any sense?)

Jameis ShhBut none of that changes the fact that the Florida State Seminoles have won 27 straight games.  So what if they are doing so by eking out wins over Miami, Louisville and Boston College.  They’re still winning.  Years ago, the Florida Gators won a national championship.  That team was loaded but they also weren’t blowing out their opponents.  They were just winning and kept doing so until their very last contest.  They still won their national championship.

I hate the Florida State Seminoles as much as any respectable human being with any sort of decency or common sense but that doesn’t change the fact that them being unworthy of one of the final four spots (which some have actually suggested) is ludicrous.

As in the BCS days, let’s allow the season to play out and when FSU finally does make the post-season, we’ll see how they fare against the likes of the one-loss, power conference teams.  Only then will we know how good or bad this Jameis Winston-led Seminole team really is.


dollar sign 25x25I had a great idea the other night for how professional sports teams suffering from lack of attendance can increase their turnstile figures.

This conversation originated across the bar, as many good conversations do, when a few customers and I were discussing how the Rays and Bucs (shitty teams) can’t draw fans but the Lightning (a good team) does.

beer cansI’m all about that booze, ‘bout that booze.  More freebies.

Seriously, why would anyone in their right mind pay a premium price for tickets to see a lousy product knowing that when they buy a cocktail at the stadium, the need to drink prevalent, they feel like they’re leaving their first born as payment.

Earlier this season, some friends and I went to a hockey game and paid $100 for four under-poured shots of whiskey and four beers.  A hundred bucks!  That’s highway robbery with a side of inflation.  It’s no wonder the baseball team across the bridge can’t attract fans.

If sports teams really want to bring fans in, feature a cheap liquor night or at least charge prices according to the team’s record.  Rays drawing only 10,000 fans a game?  Make it dollar beer night and I guarantee you’ll pack that place.   Marlins can’t draw either?  Make it buy one get one mojito night and you’ll make a mint in no time.  (See what I did there?)

Seriously, imagine suffering the embarrassment of being a Jaguars fan.  (There are still Jaguars fans, right?)  Why should the world’s last remaining Jaguar fan be asked to spend $15 on a beer when his team looks like they’ve been drinking beer themselves?

I hereby propose that no professional sports team with a losing record should be allowed to mark up undrinkable Bud Light by 800% when they themselves are unwatchable.  I’m not suggesting they don’t turn a profit.  I’m just saying lower their profit margin and counteract that with higher volume.

Liquor prices should coincide with a team’s win-loss record.  Then at least watching the misery of your crappy team will ease the pain of having them rack up another ‘L.’  Sure, this increased consumption of liquor might lead to more incidents so just responsibly monitor how much people are drinking and arrange rides home for those who choose to engage in said gluttony.

It’s better than having an empty stadium.


baseball 25x25 2Speaking of ill-fated attempts to attract fans into the stadium, the Miami Marlins just awarded their young superstar with the largest contract in baseball history.  Giancarlo Stanton is the face of their franchise, having just celebrated a $13-year, $325 million contract….and a 25th birthday.

Welcome to the lifestyles of the rich and famous, kiddo.

Giancarlo champagneAfter the long-term deals of Alex Rodriguez and Albert Pujols turned out to be busts, I honestly thought we wouldn’t see another contract like this for some time.  Thirteen years?  That’s longer than most marriages.  Now the Marlins are wed to Stanton for what should be his entire career.  ‘Til irrelevancy do you part.

Of course the contract is back-loaded which means if things don’t work out, this will be a tough contract to move.

I can’t help but wonder whether Stanton will be enough to pack Marlins Park, a stadium that draws fewer fans annually than Tropicana Field.


More power to Stanton who was photographed shortly thereafter holding a magnum of $20,000 champagne.  Heck, that’s normal price for stuff in South Florida.

What sort of money do the Marlins have that they can afford to pay one player so much but the rest not?  Haven’t they been paying attention to professional sports these days?  What franchise has won anything lately with such a lop-sided payroll?

In a cap-less league, it’s easy to make mistakes.  The Marlins and their fans are hoping this isn’t one of them.  Stanton may very well finish out that contract with the Marlins.  The only question is whether they’ll still be playing in Miami when he does.


Football 25x25And so the Muschamp Era in Gainesville has come to an end.  The school and its future ex-coach came to a mutual agreement that Coach Boom would not return in 2015.  I’d almost feel sorry for the guy if he hadn’t singlehandedly made my alma mater’s football program woefully irrelevant.

And so the search for a successor continues with big shoes to fill.  Some coaching candidates, Rich Rodriguez, Bob Stoops, Steve Spurrier, Dan Mullen, etc. have already expressed their disinterest in this position.  And why wouldn’t they?

MusFlorida is one of the biggest pressure cookers in college football.  Even Urban Meyer’s poor little ticker couldn’t take it.  ‘Til then, nobody even knew he had one.

Former Gator and current ESPN analyst, Jesse Palmer, once said of playing quarterback at the University of Florida that he felt more pressure to succeed there than he ever did playing in the NFL.  I can’t imagine coaching there would be any different.

Numerous names will surface and the pressure to make the right choice resides heavily on AD Jeremy Foley’s shoulders.  Florida’s talent cupboard is not nearly as bare as it was when Urban Meyer left some years ago meaning whoever replaces Muschamp should be able to hit the ground running.

Until that time, Gator fans will have to temper their expectations and cross their fingers that their next head coach doesn’t do any worse than his predecessor.

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19 Replies to “Chumpservations, Vol. 33: Timothy, Marshawn, Jameis, Giancarlo, William and the cure to end attendance woes”

  1. Didn’t know going in this was going to be a marathon… By the numbers…
    1. In case you hadn’t noticed, unless you’re a Muslim nowadays, your religion (if you practice one) has become fair game in the eyes of the incomparable main stream media. I wholeheartedly believe Tim’s Christianity played a direct role in his dismissal from the NFL and even now they can’t let him lead his life without this kind of reprimand. Look what the “accepted” members of the league are up to…
    2. Marshawn Lynch being fined is a total farce. Here’s the sports media, just like the main stream bunch, bullying people around to suit their needs and agenda, all while Roger act as their enforcer… Poor baby’s can’t get dirt on a guy if he doesn’t talk…
    3. I think the QB at FSU turns a lot of people off. That and the way the school seems to hurriedly cover up for his misdeeds. They could win it all again this season and if they do I’ll put it right up there with Auburn winning it all under Cam Newton… Sometimes big time college football is a damned shady business when they adhere to the “anything to win” philosophy…
    4. I see where college football people are proposing the sale of beer in their stadiums. These are the folks that pretty much sell out all the big conferences’ games anyway! Unless they’ve changed their tune, the Tampa Bay Rays allow fans to bring food and non-alcoholic beverages into Tropicana Field. This is virtually unheard of elsewhere in big time sports although NASCAR venues are pretty lenient too. Yeah, if your team sucks and you go to their games anyway the beer prices should be commensurate…
    5. Simple response to the Marlins unbelievable move… Stupid. One guy, unlike basketball, doesn’t make an MLB team win… Let me know which comes first, the Marlins are a business failure or the Marlins make the playoffs…
    6. My hair turned gray and started falling out just from managing an agricultural business for other people. I don’t want to even think about a job like coaching at Florida even if they pay you more than the Governor! It’s such a great job that even the successful coaches they’ve had want out! So are there any legends willing to take it on? Bobby Bowden? LOL!
    And so it goes Chump!

  2. If I’m being interviewed by Deion Sanders I’d likely be pi#sed ! I mean it’s not as if Sanders was ever known for his eloquence and the use of the English language . Sanders makes Magic Johnson seem like a PhD Master of English Literature and Letters. If Goodell really wants to address the woes of the NFL at present, perhaps he can deal with the fact the Jacksonville Jaguars , Oakland Raiders and New York Jets have made the league brand look so damn puerile this season . Are you looking forward to the annual Turkey Stuffing likely to be served up by the Dallas Cowboys and Detroit Lions on Thursday afternoon ?

    On a passing note , for you and the patrons of your site may you all have a wonderful and peaceful Thanksgiving also a safe one I might add !

    Dropped new odes on the site if at all interested or you can check them out on Facebook (Tophatal’s Blog) .

    Tophatal …………..

  3. Yea, sorry about that Dwin. Was running off at the mouth. Guess I could have made this one a little shorter but the hits, they just kept on coming.

    I don’t know that Tebow was exiled from the NFL for his religious beliefs. Heck, Kurt Warner was thanking Jesus every chance he got. The only difference was he could actually play quarterback.

    I don’t want to sound like a bandwaggoner here but I love this Seahawks team. They’re all so damn different. Lynch, a bad ass who says nothing, Sherman, a bad ass who says everything, and Wilson, a not black enough quarterback who says all the right things. I wouldn’t mind seeing this team repeat. And it just might happen. God help us if they do. Sherman would be uncontrollable.

    College football? Shady? The system wants to do everything it can to ensure FSU won’t repeat. Almost makes you want to root for them. Wait, who the hell am I kidding? Fuck them and the horse they rode in on, he he.

    Beer at college stadiums? Can you imagine if they sold beer at the Swamp? Let’s just say clean up on aisle five.

    I’m with you on the Stanton deal. This could end badly for Mi Ma. Who else are they going to be able to bring in and for what kind of money?

    and Dwin, sir, your choice for Muschamp’s successor would be?

  4. Still no word as to why Kobe hasn’t yet started to rail on his teammates ? Your thoughts on that ?

    So it looks like the BoSox are going to be the big spenders in the AL East this season , with the acquisitions of Hanley Ramirez and Pablo Sandoval ?

  5. Aren’t we tired of that Kobe, Al?

    Or perhaps his image consultants have told him to cool it with the public ridicule.

    Doesn’t surprise me that the Sox made some bold off-season moves. They needed to do something.

  6. Red Sox GM Ben Cherington wasn’t inspired by what the franchise had within their farm system .

    I am still shaking my head in disbelief that the Atlanta Braves traded Jason Heyward to the St Louis Cardinals, but kept BJ Upton whose season was inconsistent and hardly productive , in terms of the offense or defense .

    The longer the agony is prolonged in LA , the more likely it is that we’ll see Kobe Bryant implode for the umpteenth time .

    Who do you succeeding Wil Muschamp as the Gators’ next head football coach ?

  7. Many have compared various aspects of the Zook and Muschamp regimes (the guys who came after THE GUYS). Here’s hoping for one more to be added come 7ish on Saturday.

  8. Yaz…

    I know an anxious Gator Nation will watching with fingers crossed.

    And the Seminoles might just be a slight bit nervous.

    By the way, can you tell me what the hell is going on with our basketball team?

  9. Chris, I think the short answer is “growing pains.” Any team that loses 4 senior starters is going to have to reestablish their identity. Mix in injuries, suspensions and a real slow start by Kasey Hill and you end up with a .500 team in the early going. I’m not pressing panic yet; it’s a work in progress and I believe Billy and his players will meet the challenges ahead. My expectations are for another couple of dances in March, but a return trip to the Final Four may not be within reach.

  10. Chris

    Jason Heyward performed great for the Braves last season, came up with some timely hits and was productive in spells as a lead-off hitter for Atlanta , but it appears it wasn’t enough to convince GM John Hart (former Indians’ GM) and team President John Scheurholz he was worth having around. I find that perplexing , considering how mediocre a season BJ Upton had for the team over their entire schedule and the fact he was being a paid great deal more than Jason Heyward !

    Could Jay Cutler and Tony Romo have performed any worse than they were able to for their respective teams today ? And you were trying to suggest to me the game between the Eagles and Cowboys would be competitive ? Cowboys Stadium should be turned into a mausoleum and there the carcass of this current Dallas Cowboys’ team should remain entombed . Anyone who’s a believer in the Cowboys should seek mental health evaluation . I’m sure it’s covered under the Affordable Care Act . LOL,LOL ,LOL !!!

    Cutler on his best day is assured of only one thing , his wife Kristin Cavallari will play with his balls . Because when it comes down to ” brass tacks ” and his stats , his ball play on the field isn’t worth #hit .

    The 49ers are really looking to play their way out of contention within the NFC West and the conference as a whole .

    Responded to your comments on those most recent pieces .

    Stay safe on Black Friday and Cyber Monday as your anecdotes and great content is needed within this forum .

    “Nakama “………….. Japanese for ” good friend” !

    Tophatal ………..

  11. If Kobe ain’t bit#hin’ and whining, does it actually mean the Lakers are winning ? That’s not meant to be a Freudian slip or closely linked to Kierkergaard (Soren) .

    Tophatal …………..

  12. He was suspended the first three games and looks a bit lost now that he’s back. Work in progress, indeed

  13. I’m surprised he’s not starting based on pure talent alone.

    I guess I have to trust in what Billy D is doing.

    Not to impressed with their performance in the Bahamas, however.

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