Twitter gets frisky on Easter Sunday with #JesusPickUpLines

Just as people were ranting and raving about how offensive it was that Kentucky’s Andrew Harrison, a black man, dropped an N-bomb on live TV when referring to Wisconsin’s Andrew Kaminsky, a white man, this Easter Sunday, Twitter offered up something far more offensive… and hysterical.

God bless the internet.  Literally.

Some creative kook decided to come up with the hashtag “Jesus Pick-Up Lines.”  For his efforts, he probably has a one way ticket downstairs reserved in his name.  Either way, considering I’m a full-time heathen working in a bar who hears cheesy pick-up lines all the time, I found this string of Tweets laugh out loud funny.

So enjoy the post and try not to get too offended while reading.  Remember, if God didn’t have a sense of humor, he wouldn’t have invented the smile.  Oh, and if you don’t know what a hashtag is… this might help.

 

Ruben ‏@ColtonSJAtkins

Aye girl. I was lookin through the book of numbers when I realized I didn’t have yours. #JesusPickUpLines

 

Parker Yowell ‏@ParkerYowell

“Don’t worry, it doesn’t always take me three days to ‘rise’ to the occasion.” #JesusPickUpLines

 

 

Jacob Curry ‏@mightyjoejacob

The Last Supper isn’t the only thing I’ll be eating tonight. #JesusPickUpLines

 

andrew kimler ‏@AndyKimy

I haven’t been nailed in like, 3 days. #JesusPickUpLines

 

Barracks O’Bama ‏@P0TUS

#JesusPickUpLines: “You up for a night of rapture and perhaps a second coming?

 

Dominic Gwinn ‏@DominicGwinn

“I’ve got nine inches, and I don’t mean the nails.” #JesusPickUpLines

 

Sham ‏@SDBliss

Are you ready to accept the body of Christ?  #JesusPickUpLines

 

Tyler Morrison ‏@tylermorrison1

When I saw you on Tinder I swiped righteous

 

Michael Clear ‏@MichaelClear

I’m a Messiah in the streets and Satan in the sheets. #JesusPickUpLines

 

♔₭!И₲ ₮!M ϨÜⱢⱢ!V▲И♔ ‏@timsullivan23

Hello there, stranger from another manger #JesusPickUpLines

 

Tommy Campbell ‏@MrTommyCampbell

Noticed you’re wearing a cross. Funny story actually…

#JesusPickUpLines

 

Holden Curtis ‏@TheHoldenex

I’m really thorny right now #JesusPickUpLines

 

Jonathan Millhouse ‏@JMillhouse

It’s not easy hauling around such a big piece of wood. #JesusPickUpLines

 

Political Nerd ‏@Sttbs73

#JesusPickUpLines I put the “stud” in bible study.

 

em/faith ‏@lirrysdonuts

#JesusPickUpLines  see these abs?  crossfit.

 

Revelator Ryan ‏@ryan_unsigned

You a walking dead fan? #JesusPickUpLines

 

John Apples ‏@Napmaster_90

My dad owns this place #JesusPickUpLines

20 thoughts on “Twitter gets frisky on Easter Sunday with #JesusPickUpLines

  1. Either the word is bad or it isn’t. Donald Sterling lost an NBA team and had a lifetime ban and he didn’t even utter the word. Absurd honestly. Just be consistent in the fake outrage everybody.

  2. I think there can be a little gray area allowed on this one, D. It’s not so cut and dry.

    And in this case, I’m not so sure people were offended by the use of the word as by the situation in general.

    I heard Stephen A. had something to say about it, #shocker, although from what I hear it was more an attempt to calm things down than anything else.

    If you wanna hear some quality N-bombs, try to catch Snoop’s bit on the recent Justin Bieber roast, then Kevin Hart’s follow up to it.

    Funnier than the Jesus tweets.

  3. The word doesn’t bother me at all nor did Donald Sterling for that matter. If he doesn’t like black people that is his choice as ignorant as it may be. It bothered other people way too much. What bothers me is it is just sluffed off one time and another we want to fire, imprison or do a whole mess of things to the offender. Just be consistent. The argument loses credibility when the punishment is not even handed. It is like disciplining a child.

    Stephen A Smith is like that first burst of pee in the morning. You can’t wait to get it out of your system.

  4. Lets refresh with Riley Cooper shall we. Granted his was said in hostility but the dude was publicly vilified for weeks, had counseling, the works. AH makes the comment and Stephen A Smith defends him. The same SAS who a few weeks ago accused the eagles head coach of being a racist because he cut/traded some players off of his team. No evidence mind you, just pure speculation. Yet that type of talk is permitted. Ridiculous!

  5. Okay, D, let’s play devil’s advocate here… or at least try.

    And let’s also remember, Donald Sterling never even said that word on the tape… which by the way was recorded illegally.

    When I think of the word and its modern usage, it’s not necessarily the word that’s the problem but the tone, or rather the spite, behind it.

    Could we tell from Donald Sterling’s mumblings that he hates people of another race? I’m not so sure. He definitely didn’t like Magic or anyone that his mistress was allegedly banging, white or black.

    Did Harrison hate Kaminsky because of the color of his skin? Again, not sure. I know he hated him because he and Dekker had just schooled their ass and ruined their perfect season.

    Was there spite in Harrison’s voice? Yea. Because he had just lost.

    Look, it’s a word and it ain’t going away. Neither is racism. And there’s really no way to tell who hates who more.

    Although as you suggest, we all pretty much hate Stephen A.

  6. And good call in bringing up Cooper because in that instance, there was spite in his voice, or at least there was in my opinion.

    When he used that line, you definitely got the impression he was talking about black people and black people only.

    Yes, he was vilified and yes he had to deal with his teammates in the locker room. We don’t hear about it much anymore though. But do we still look at Riley Cooper differently?

    Re: the Chip Kelly stuff, who knows. That seemed to be all made up from Stephen A. anyway.

    I try not to listen.

  7. So we agree that Mr. Sterling was railroaded? I buy your tone argument a whole lot. I don’t think Mr. Harrison hates white people. Yeah he was pissed about being schooled by big Frank. I just see the PC police being selective in its outrage. Maybe Riley should have (and did) taken more abuse than AH. Imagine if Frank Kaminsky had said that about AH…the tone would not have mattered.

  8. I agree with you on all counts there, D.

    Sterling got a raw deal but he’s a rich white guy. Plus he had a track record of racism. So nobody feels sorry for the guy.

    The PC police’s presence shouldn’t surprise you. They’re everywhere. That’s why I like tending bar. They rarely show up there and if they do, they’re generally too drunk to argue their point.

    Riley took his lumps and again, the only people he had to answer to after opening his mouth were the 50 other guys in that locker room.

    And yes, had the roles been reversed and Kaminsky said that about Harrison, we’d be having just a tad more of an uproar today.

    Goodness, can you imagine?

  9. Christian

    Crucifixion ? Bigotry ? Welcome to Indiana ? Where at this time of the year ___all are treated equally , except the gays and f@#gots . Governor Mike Pence uses this , as a welcome to visitors to his state. The NCAA headquartered there in Indianapolis were about as vocal in their opposition to the statute as #hore on the job lying on her back getting to paid to do what she does best .

  10. I’m just waiting for the religious right to come and protest this page.

    Surprised it hasn’t happened already.

    Although I’m not sure how many bible-thumpers subscribe to the Chump.

  11. Did they really just put Dikembe in the HOF? LOL, are they serious? Great guy for sure, but HOF? What are they smoking?

  12. Who else got in, D? I wasn’t paying attention to that? Is Yao Ming in?

    That’s another one I’d be skeptical of. I get what he did by bringing in an international audience but I’m just not sure that his numbers hold up.

    Here’s Dikembe’s key career stats:

    19 years played with 6 different teams.
    Led the NBA in blocks three times and in rebounds twice.

    Here’s an interesting statistic. His career high in scoring per game (16.6) came in his very first year in Denver. After that, he never scored more than 14 a game in any year.

    I’m with ya’, man. I don’t think those numbers are Hall-worthy.

    Wait a minute… did they just put Calipari in too?

  13. Chris

    Ex Baylor Men’s college basketball coach Dave Bliss is back in the game , about to become the coach of NAIA school ? I believe there’s a lesson to be learned there , somewhere ! Crime does pay and having a lying s#it-head of a coach , seems to be welcomed in some circles , even when he lacks integrity and honesty .

  14. I mean they inducted like 10 people…WTF? The HOF is supposed to be unique. They should take baseballs Q on this and in some years they elect nobody. Nada. Zilch.

    Dikembe just does not pass the eye test as a HOF. I didn’t even bother to gloss over his stats as I know he doesn’t belong just by watching him play for years. Just Turrible as Barles Charkley would say.

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