No Shit, Sherlock: Volume One

Captain has a new mascot.  His name is Captain Obvious.  His pitch in their relatively entertaining, television spots is that using their website to book a vacation is the obvious choice.

Years ago while hosting Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update, Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler hosted a sketch called “Really!?!” in which they crack on current events and ridicule those in the news who had ridicule coming.

Growing up, we’d just say “No shit, Sherlock!” whenever somebody would say or do something so obvious it warranted that sort of response.  Plus it proved we knew who Sherlock Holmes was.

Last week in sports, four different tidbits were reported that were so obvious they shouldn’t have surprised a soul in making the news.

Bobby BBowden calls Winston “an embarrassment”

On a radio interview with Mouth of the South Paul Finebaum, former Florida State head coach Bobby Bowden was asked if he felt Jameis Winston was an embarrassment to the university.  Bowden in kind responded that the kid was a daggum helluva quarterback but yes, he was an embarrassment.

No shit, Sherlock!  How exactly is this news and who out there thinks Jameis’ actions while enrolled at FSU were something the school was proud of.

I’m pretty sure no university would like to be associated with a kid who made more headlines by stealing, raping (allegedly) and yelling obscenities at the top of his lungs than he did for winning football games, even if he did come with a Heisman Trophy.

I’m pretty sure if we asked Winston himself whether he considered those deeds embarrassing, he’d agree with you.

Manny MoneyPacquiao-Mayweather becomes richest purse in boxing history

Again… no shit, Sherlock!

Before these fighters even entered the ring, we all knew this fight would be the most money-making fight in history.  So when news was released that it shattered all previous records, why was anyone surprised?

When this bout was originally scheduled years earlier, Jerry Jones offered to pony up $100 million just to have the fight in Dallas.  If nothing else, Jones is a pretty shrewd businessman.  He’s not about to write a nine figure check if he doesn’t think he’s going to get a substantial return on his investment.

Heck, pay-per-view charged $99 just to have the fight in your home and 4.4 million households bought the fight so you do the math.  Did I really need someone to tell me that this fight made more money than any other fight in the history of boxing?

What I’d really like is for someone to tell me is how much the fight would have made had it been held when it was originally supposed to.

Handout photo of Lindsey Vonn and Tiger WoodsTiger Woods admits to cheating on Lindsey Vonn

What’s that old expression?  A leopard doesn’t change his spots.  Well, I guess that’s not entirely true considering the once greatest golfer in the world can barely make a cut.  But much to Lindsey Vonn’s dismay, some of his other old habits are hard to break.

Apparently Tiger came clean recently and told his former Olympic skiing girlfriend that he had a moment of weakness, which involved sexual relations with another woman.

No shit, Sherlock.

You don’t think Vonn could have been all that surprised, do you?  She had to see this coming.  It’d be like being surprised Bill Clinton cheated on you.  I mean, this is a guy that cheated on his former Swedish supermodel wife with a Perkins waitress.  Tiger has repeatedly proven over time that not only will he fuck anything that moves but he will show little remorse for it.

Memo to the next girl that dates Tiger Woods: Don’t go in with high expectations.

ChuckExpensive bar tab keeps Barkley on air

Apparently Charles Barkley will be staying on at TNT.  And it only took $1700 to keep him.

Well, $1700 worth of wine and tequila.

In an effort to show Chuck just how much they love him, the network wined and dined Chuck, ringing up quite the bar tab.  Whoever picked up that check couldn’t have been all that surprised.  I mean, no shit, Sherlock, the guy isn’t called the Round Mound of Rebound because he drinks a lot of water.  I’m just surprised burgers, wings and Twinkies weren’t thrown in for good measure.

Barkley’s been known to drop a cool million on a single night in Vegas.  For $1700, I’d say TNT got off easy, which is a good thing for all of us because Barkley is one of the most entertaining analysts on television.

I just wonder how long those tequila bottles lasted.

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11 Replies to “No Shit, Sherlock: Volume One”

  1. Bowden’s comments fit the criteria but I’ve got to hand it to him for coming out and saying it.
    When was the last time you didn’t get the feeling boxing was rigged? My wake up moment came years back when Ali took back the title for the 3rd time against Leon Spinks… And people pay good money to watch just like with rastling… Go figure…
    Maybe Tiger figures if he comes clean he’ll do better in the next major… Sorry man, the curse is gonna be there the rest of your life…
    I like Barkley… Evidently he could keep a bar in business for a long time…
    I still want to see the knife fight…

  2. Chris

    In a traffic stop didn’t Charles once allude to the fact the reason for his speeding was the fact he was late in meeting up with a hooker for a blow-job ? $1700 is still a small price to pay .

    Money walks away with a reputed $200 million , Pacquiao makes the excuse for his loss was a shoulder injury suffered prior to the fight . I guess his (Manny Pacquiao) u mastu$bating rigorously with both hands , meant he couldn’t throw a right jab or a left hook ?

    Bobbie Bowden suggesting Jameis Winston was an embarrassment to FSU is somewhat like a Roman Catholic priest suggesting the abuse of young boys was not necessarily a means to end but just way of getting a boy on his end. Bowden allowed players under his tutelage , to get away with multitudes of #hit , that were just malfeasance as Winston’s actions . . A great deal of the time it was actually covered up by the so called professionalism of the TPD (Tallahassee Police Dept) .

    If Lindsay chose not to get on the end of Tiger’s sand wedge then sooner or later some skank was willing to . I am surprised Lindsey Vonn and Woods lasted as long as they did. Tiger’s wood needs to waxed and polished relentlessly . And it seems , the only poles Lindsey wanted in her hands were ski poles .

    Biker gangs in Texas , shooting $hit up ? WTF !

  3. Chris,
    The Clippers are becoming the NBA’s version of the Cubs. Game #6 was a classical meltdown/choke job with Harden on the bench. Game #7 came out lackadaisical and game over. Look, Doc Rivers is a good coach, but needs to relinquish the GM job. Do you really believe his son would be on the roster sans Dad? I’m guessing either the “D” League or Europe.
    Did you hedge the TAM/NYR series? 1-1 as I type.

  4. Dwin…

    I moved to Orlando shortly after Barkley threw that guy through the plate glass window. I wish I still had pictures of that thing boarded up. It was right there on Church Street. I still love hearing Barkley talk about that night. He kept referring to the guy who was pestering him as a midget. Classic Chuck.

    I don’t feel sorry for Tiger one bit. One of these days, the guy will grow up.

    You’re correct, boxing has always been corrupt. The last big fight I remember caring for was the night Tyson bit Holyfield’s ear. That was the last heavyweight fight anyone in this country gave a crap about.

    And even though I’m a Gator through and through, I imagine sipping on whiskey, smoking a stogie or two and playing a round of golf with Bobby Bowden, well, I imagine he’d tell some daggum good stories.

  5. Bets….

    Yeah, I also thought Baby Rivers was getting a little too much playing time in that series.

    And no, no hedging. At least not yet.

    I liked our chance against the Rangers.

    We’ll see what I do in the Finals. But with Chicago winning tonight’s action in triple overtime, I may just let the damn thing ride.

    That’s the right thing to do, no?

  6. Let’s don’t forget the lost world that is the NY Knicks. They overpay for Phil & Carmelo, hire a “never has been” coach, trade away good players, tank the season on purpose and still don’t get one of the top picks in the draft. NSS – I just can’t believe the sports media continues to fixate on them. They just just treat them like they do the Jacksonville Jaguars – let us know when you’ve got something real going on and we’ll pay attention.

  7. They have to fixate on them, Moose. They’re a New York team with a rich history that for a variety of reasons has been irrelevant for years.

    Okay, not for a variety of reasons. For one reason.

    Today, Cowherd said on this show that one of the toughest things for a franchise to overcome is a bonehead owner.


  8. Chris, according to the Gambler’s Hippocratic Oath you DO NOT hedge unless it’s life changing or blood $$. There are a few exceptions, but none to be concerned with.

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