Steve Sarkisian and Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey: A marketing match made in heaven

Coaches say the darnedest things.

Coaches liquored up on Fireball kick it up a notch.

You’ve probably heard by now that USC Head Football Coach Steve Sarkisian had one too many cinnamon whiskey shots at a pep rally recently, then stepped to the podium and told a crowd of probably equally liquored up USC fans to “Fucking Fight on, baby!”

“That’s fuck-ing with a capital F, bay-beee,” says I in my best Dickie V impression.  I don’t recall Knute Rockne ever using that same motivational speech, probably only because they didn’t have Fireball back then.

Sarkisian is not the first college coach to tip back a few and do something stupid.  Remember Larry Eustachy?  The former Iowa State Cyclones basketball coach was photographed at some keg party with college co-eds half his age.  I guess that sort of thing is frowned upon in Ames.

Look, I’m not here to come down hard on Sarkisian.  I’m pretty sure the boosters, AD and every politically correct media outlet this side of ESPN have already done that for me.  I’ve had my fair share of drunken nights and done a few things I’m not proud of so I’d just be the pot calling the kettle Fireball.  The guy’s a head football coach of one of the biggest college programs in the country.  He doesn’t need me to tell him he fucked up.

Instead, I thought I’d take a different approach.

Coach FireballIf you’ve ever been in a bar before, you know that Fireball is one of the most commonly ordered shots.  Its success is a relatively recent phenomenon.  Within the last several years, it has skyrocketed to become many Americans’ first, second and third steps on the long and stumbling road to bad decision-making.  Fireball is weaker than your average whiskey but don’t tell Coach Sarkisian that.  He thinks he had himself a nice buzz.

Since the Most Interesting Man in the Universe has been used to sell Dos Equis and Carl’s Jr. used that drunken David Hasselhoff video to sell cheeseburgers, I thought Fireball could take advantage of this (cardinal and) golden opportunity to market their product.

To honor Coach Fireball’s bad decisions, I’m hosting a little contest and putting you directly in the liquor company’s boardroom.  The reader who comes up with the best Sarkisian-related slogan that Fireball should use to promote their product will win one hearty shot of cinnamon whiskey on me.  You just have to come to my bar to get it.*

*travel expenses to Ybor City not included

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12 Replies to “Steve Sarkisian and Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey: A marketing match made in heaven”

  1. Trojans doing what they do best __ blowin’ sh#t up as only they can . Like a prophylactic , once there’s hole in it , what frigging use is it ? Steve Sarkissian , proving he’s not much of a step up from his predecessor Lane Kiffin in terms of common sense , demeanor or etiquette .

    Did I miss something concerning the Bucs last night , because Jameis Winston was nowhere as impressive as the idiot beat writers in Tampa were making him out to be . Granted they were playing the Bengals , but the performance as far from being impressive for the team’s first win of the season. Next up for them the Browns and Johnny Manziel .

    Got a new piece up on the NBA .

  2. Fireball: When you want to embarrass USC, but already have a house and don’t want to kill your ex.

  3. Let’s see…

    a) Fireball – it’s what’s for dinner.
    b) Fucking Fireball on, baby!
    c) What’s missing from your pep rally? Come on, you know the answer.
    d) What are you people drinking at UCLA? Get some Fireball & come to the party with USC.
    e) Fireball: A great way to piss off Pat Haden

  4. Al…

    I actually thought Winston looked okay. You keep forgetting the kid is 22 years old. He’s gonna make mistakes.

    What I’m looking at is is he commanding the huddle, does he have the confidence of his teammates, is he a leader?

    I’d have to say yes to all three of those things.

  5. I think Dr. Milhouse may have just won himself a shot of Fireball.

    Taking down three figures with one slogan?

    Me likey.

    Good thing he lives close to the bar at hand.

  6. Moose…

    So the latest news is that alcohol will no longer be allowed in the USC locker rooms? Why was it even allowed there in the first place?

    Look, you can’t tell me Nick Saban doesn’t have a fine bourbon in his office. You just see the guy showing his ass.

    And Fireball, coach? Come on. Next thing, we’ll be hearing he had a flask of Rumple in his office fridge.

    Jager bombs anyone?

  7. USC’s athletic department has been a piece of work for a long time now. Haden and Sark are just a couple more sad chapters in a novel of misery. More than enough for their fans to start medicating heavily. Tee up those Fireballs.

  8. Exactly, Burns.

    When Haden got the call that Sarkisian had said “Fuck” in public, he probably breathed a sigh of relief thinking it was something far worse.

  9. Nike and Trojan condoms will co-sponsor SC football this year.
    New ad campaign featuring Sark will be

    Just Fuck It

  10. Like everything else, if he wins ball games, all will be forgotten.

    Not so sure I can say the same for the USF head coach. Stay tuned for a full report on this one.

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