I don’t know about you guys but last week, I was ready for a tirade.
I’m not talking about a Jim McElwain kind of blowup where you yell at your player until your hair shakes, face turns red and a heartfelt apology, or at least mandatory looks for a touchdown, are in order.
I’m not even talking about an “I want winners, we are who we thought they were, we play to win the game” sound bite. I think we all understand those are once in a blue moon moments that we sports fans feel the need to recite or at least find online every so often to have a good chuckle. Note: If you’re anything like me, you have those pages readily bookmarked for just such occasions.
Let’s be honest, cracking the top sports tirades of all time is difficult business, particularly in this politically correct day and age. (Fuck you? Fine you.) Either way, I can’t help but feel we are long overdue. It’s been far too long since we’ve seen a coach’s head explode on live television and there are certainly enough bad teams out there to warrant such a reaction. It’s been since 2006 that Denny Green let ‘em off the hook. Singletary wanted winners in 2009. That means it’s been six solid years since we’ve celebrated a coach losing his shit.
After Week One, I thought it might have been Lovie’s turn. His team got smoked yet… nothing. He never got above a three on the Lose your Cool scale. What kind of incense does this guy light up to not be entirely… incensed? Had my team soiled the bed like that, there’s no way I would have been F-bomb free. Even if it cost me $25 grand per expletive, I would have gotten my money’s worth.
Lovie may not be “that type of guy” but at least it would give us something to talk about, something to cheer for, the impression that getting his ass handed to him was not just another day at the office, even in Tampa.
So what does Lovie do after I planned on writing an entire post begging and pleading him to show some emotion? In his own Lovie way, a football coach clearly more at peace with himself than the rest of us, he uses his own Woosah approach and inspires his Buccaneers to go into a place where their quarterback has never played, into a game which they were ten point underdogs and shut down one of the game’s most prolific quarterbacks on their way to victory.
Just like we all drew it up, huh?
It just goes to show that we really know nothing at all. One week we’re calling for Lovie’s head and proclaiming Jameis Winston a bust and the next week they’re hugging it out victoriously.
I guess my request for podium-pounding will have to wait.
Maybe John Fox’ll be the next guy to make our tirade hall of fame. He’s got all the right reasons. Lousy quarterback, horrible secondary, if you’re not screamin’, you’re not tryin’.
Or maybe it’ll be Tom Coughlin. He’s been under fire for years and the Giants’ 0-2 start, plus the way they’ve lost those games, will inevitably warrant a New York Post headline calling for the old man’s head. He’s got money to burn and an equally fiery temper so let the profanity fall where it may. Oddshark lists Coughlin at +2000 as the first coach this season to be fired if you’re feeling frisky. That might be a wise wager considering the Redskins, Browns and Buccaneers have already won a game. Mike Pettine and Jay Gruden get to experience job security for at least one more week.
Make no mistake about it, however. It’s the NFL and the bell tolls for someone. Hopefully they’ll give us a good soundbite on the way out.
Dude, good post, but like you; I was looking for at least a mini explosion of some kind from Lovie. By again, he got it right! Why do we all just sit back and enjoy the ride! The Bucs will be good this yeYand they will make the playoffs! You heard it here first!
Once again, I’m clearly going to have to drug test my readers.
No way this Bucs team makes the playoffs.
I say we make a friendly wager.
I told you it was a long season and to be patient and you only had to wait a week (for a win, not a rant). I’m not so sure Tampa Bay couldn’t beat Philadelphia right now. Lovie is always calm, cool and collected and he may be exactly what that team…and especially Winston…needs. No rants for Lovie. It ain’t gonna happen. And as for Coughlin…he can make a face on every damn down and throw a fit with every freaking play but apparently he will never be fired. Ever. I guess a couple rings buys you tenure until death.
That’s what I’ve felt too, Burnsy.
I could never understand why Tom Coughlin’s name routinely came up on the To Be Fired list. Heck, that town still idolizes Joe Namath.
As for your Eagles, I still feel they put too much into Bradford. Philly fans bought that acquisition hook, line and sinker too.
I get that that team is desperate for a Super Bowl but do you really see Bradford as the guy who can lead you there? Based on what?
I hate Chip The GM. I didn’t want to inherit this cast of characters. I expected Bradford to be hurt by now and still based an NFC Least title at 10-6 on Sanchez and the rest of the “talent.” Chip let both guards walk. He traded his best DB because the guy wanted to start instead of just be a nickel player. Kelly’s ego is bigger than anybody outside of Trump. He’s a mad scientist who I at least trusted would let basic football knowledge “trump” his need to prove everyone he could be a genius by just wheeling and dealing anyone and his system would work regardless. It hasn’t. Geez, I’m venting on your site more than my OWN.
I’m here for ya’, man.
That’s why the website was created.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend/patron at the bar the other day. He was a Ravens fan although he was entirely sold on Kelly as a “coach who thinks outside the box.”
On the flipside of that outside the box coin, there’s a reason NFL coaches haven’t had sustained success running that spread offense. Opposing defenses are too big and too fast. It’s pretty much that simple. Plus I still don’t think he even has the personnel for it.
Giving Kelly the keys to the car? Well, I don’t have a problem with coaches making roster calls as long as they’re doing it right, the whole Parcells shopping for the groceries thing.
It’s still early and like I said, anything can happen in that soap opera of a division but it’s certainly not looking good.
I’d tell ya’ to keep hope alive but I don’t see this ending well.
In a few weeks, we will likely see that image of Coach Mac carved into a pumpkin somewhere 🙂
Hopefully, he won’t have lost by then.
I’ll be up for Tennessee, Yaz. You gonna be hanging out at the lot?
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. You guys hired LOVIE FUCKING SMITH!!!! BWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH (deep lung-reloading gasp) BWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
The lot is no more, ’13 was the last season for it. I’ll be cruising around somewhere, probably looking for a reasonably priced ticket.
Ain’t gonna get a tirade from him but how about Pagano? Down to the Jets tonight and the D looks like my kids in the backyard. Gotta be on suicide watch, eh? Didn’t he used to coach in Fl?
The MFers name is “Lovie” for Christ sake.
…Also, he coached Jay Cuntler, so he’s accustomed to failure.
I find it hilarious that you were actually expecting anything other than his Lovieness, Thurston Howell the 3rd.
Tom Coughlin please take your time while walking the plank .
Jay Gruden please think carefully concerning the next decision you make concerning your choice of a quarterback .
Chip Kelly , please take time to remember you’re no longer coaching in the PAC 12.
Lovie Smith just take time to try and mold the Buccaneers into a team that can play competitive football.
Drew Brees , must be wishing for the days when Bountygate was really in full motion for the Saints.
Jim Tomsula , just take your time to take in the view and the players you now have with the 49ers.
Colin Kaepernick just take time to count the number of tattoos on your arm and then the cost of each . I know it’s not much by comparison to what the Niners’ organization is now paying you ($126 million over seven years).
Jay Cutler just count the seconds before the Bears’ fans are calling for you to dipped in your own blood.
The optimistic side of me says this is a guy that took the Bears to a Super Bowl with Rex Grossman.
The pessimistic side of me sees everything else.
He’s here for a while. Unless the Bucs see no improvement, they’re giving him essentially free reign.
But then again, it’s not like the owners are really paying attention.
The lot is no more, Yaz.
Well, if you land a reasonable ticket or two, let me know. I’ll be with a crew.
It’s a mini-Lillian’s reunion so we’ll be there for much of the festivities.
I’m confounded by the Colts and their current predicament.
It wasn’t long ago we were celebrating Pagano.
Again, it’s too early to overreact and they’re still putting their off-season parts together but I didn’t like the fact that they essentially couldn’t move the ball at all against the Jets.
And the turnovers. Oh my.
Maybe an evil Lovie, Bleed.
The guy has to have a nasty streak, doesn’t he?
LIke a mini-evil Stewie, a Lovie alter-ego.
One can always dream, can’t one?
That’s the thing though, Al.
Nobody in the NFL these days has the time to take the time.
Let me ask ya’, who do you think will be the first coach this season to be given his walking papers?
I don’t know when you’re getting here but fyi, there’s poker at brobills 2nite