Twitter eases the pain of another sordid Sunday

Ah yes, the frustration of the Sunday afternoon for those of us who root for NFL teams that are, shall we say, lacking.  I’m becoming convinced the reason so many of us play fantasy football is because the real-life teams we root for suck.

This Sunday, I opted to remain on my couch rather than attend a Carolina Panthers-Tampa Bay Buccaneers game that featured crappy weather and even crappier play.  Good call on my part.

During what turned out to be a deflating loss, I looked to Twitter to keep me company.  Being cyberspatially reminded every few seconds that the Buccaneers aren’t the only futile team in the league, #Dolphins, #Texans, #Bears, #Eagles, #Bills, #Browns, #AnyoneElseIveForgotten, helped ease my pain.  Commiserating on social media can be comforting, like a hug from a long lost friend or a visit to your local AA chapter.

Bucs bagsI keep telling myself that this Buccaneers team is a work in progress, that their situation is more promising than the aforementioned hash-tagged teams.  Unfortunately, promise in the NFL only gets you early draft picks the following year.

So, my dear friends, if your football team sucks, I suggest you trade in the paper bag you’re wearing for a Twitter account.  It might just turn your football frowns upside down.

Here are some of the more soul-cleansing Tweets from a Sunday that saw bad teams get only worse.



Tom Green ‏@Tomas_Verde

Maybe he should change his name to Jameis Loseston since he’s on the Bucs


Dr Cork Gaines ‏@CorkGaines

Jameis Winston has already entered the I-need-a-hug portion of his rookie season.


Aaron Gettings ‏@aarong33

Jamarcus Russell > Jameis Winston


Ira Kaufman ‏@IKaufmanTBO

With Bucs trailing 31-10, the sun has come out strongly at RayJay amid the darkness. Stadium bars doing a brisk business


JoeBucsFan ‏@JoeBucsFan

Another home blowout. Unthinkable.



Jameis wINTston


ChrisHumpherys ‏@SportsChump

Are they gonna charge a cover for Lovie Smith’s post-game press conference?  And should I wear black?




Michael Wallace ‏@MyMikeCheck

Full disclosure: This is from a long disgruntled Redskins fan. My train wreck squad can proudly take credit for preventing Miami’s 0-4 start


NOT SportsCenter ‏@NOTSportsCenter

State of Florida football power rankings:

1. FSU

2. UF

3. Bucs

4. Jaguars

5. UM

6. USF

7. UCF

978. Shady Acres Retirement

979. Dolphins


Jake Christie ‏@TheJakeChristie

The Dolphins have an arrangement with Obama so firing Philbin in London will count against the UK’s unemployment numbers.


Peter King Verified account ‏@SI_PeterKing

Best offensive player for the Dolphins today: the penalty flag.


Tim Reynolds Verified account ‏@ByTimReynolds

This is the first time that the Dolphins and Marlins have had their seasons end on the same day.


Jason Smith ‏@howaboutafresca

Coming soon: Robert Duvall stars as Joe Philbin in the thriller ‘We Left You In London.’




Carrington Harrison ‏@cdotharrison

The Chiefs got a delay of game after a timeout. In real life.


Zach Harper ‏@talkhoops

On highlights, we probably don’t need to say “short pass from Alex Smith.” Can probably just move it to “pass from Alex Smith.”


Jimmy Traina Verified account ‏@JimmyTraina

Chiefs down 36-18 with 2:30 left & Andy Reid just kicked a FG. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.




Dr Cork Gaines ‏@CorkGaines

I just tried to imagine how bad the Texans would be if they didn’t have JJ Watt and I nearly passed out.


Dubsism ‏@Dubsism

Fuck Fan Duel. I’m starting a site called Fan Drinking. Having Houston as your fantasy defense, you realize bourbon and Clorox mix well.


Robert Littal ‏@BSO

Props to HBO for editing Hard Knocks so well, people thought Texans might be good.


Jayme Lamm ‏@jaymelamm

I feel like the #Texans change quarterbacks more than I change boyfriends. And that’s a lot.


SportsPickle ‏@sportspickle

At least Houston has the Astros?


ChrisHumpherys ‏@SportsChump

That Hyundai commercial where a Houston Texans fan celebrates a victory in his car?  Clearly fictional.


DJ Gallo ‏@DJGalloEtc

What a special day it will be when Matt Schaub is inducted into the Texans Hall of Fame.




Bryn Swartz ‏@eaglescentral

Sam Bradford looks like a newborn deer. #Eagles


Dave Cokin ‏@davecokin

Chip Kelly one loss closer to getting an enormous offer to coach Maryland in 2016.


SportsPickle ‏@sportspickle

The Eagles still have a shot at the No. 1 overall pick … which Chip Kelly will trade for an old knee brace and the rights to Vince Young.


Jeff McLane Verified account ‏@Jeff_McLane

#Eagles are only down two scores. There. I found a positive.




Nick Friedell ‏@NickFriedell

Dude behind me at Soldier Field: “Jay Cutler makes me drink.”


SportsPickle ‏@sportspickle

Jay Cutler just threw a horrific interception near the goal line, so: Yes, he’s back to 100%.


BigHeadSports ‏@BigHeadSports

Good to see his hamstring injury hasn’t affected Cutler’s ability to Cutler.


Mark Lazerus ‏@MarkLazerus

Baby was asleep, but started spontaneously crying the moment Jay Cutler was picked. The sound was off and everything. #DisturbanceInTheForce




Travis Williams ‏@TravisKWilliams

Welp this looks like so many other Sundays. #Redskins


Ryan Nanni ‏@celebrityhottub

Tell you what, Kirk Cousins throws a confident incompletion.




Kalle Oakes ‏@oaksie72

A Jim Irsay field sobriety test is easier on the eyes than the Colts-Jags game.


Ryan Nanni ‏@celebrityhottub


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16 Replies to “Twitter eases the pain of another sordid Sunday”

  1. What the hell is going on with the Falcons? Maybe good coaching does stand for something? Still waiting for the implosion somewhere down the road, tho. I feel for you SC but at least you’ve got the Gators to enjoy for the first time in a while. And I’m afraid sportsattitudes may have to be put on suicide watch with what Philly is showing on the field – I was surprised you didn’t have some Philly tweets included. It was probably x-rated though.

  2. Two words, Moose.

    Dan Quinn.

    That team always had an offense that could put up numbers. Throw in one of the freshest young defensive minds and you have yourself something.

    A local radio blowhard was talking about how the Falcons were doing it with smoke and mirrors, that they weren’t for real.

    I don’t know whether they’re for real or not. The Texans are pretty bad. But I can tell you the Falcons will be in the playoffs. And might even be ready to do some damage.

  3. Funny funny stuff SC! Enjoyed this post. Yr Grandpa Jerry always said College football was more entertaining & a better game to watch… of course there was no Twitter then to help the Pro’s.

  4. There are a number of very bad football teams in this league. There are also some undefeated teams I don’t think much of. I don’t know what to make of it all yet but it’s starting to look and feel like those guys in New England might be able to play within the rules and still win it all. It’s early and more injuries to come…but the Pats on a bye week were one of the better performers this weekend. Hey, how is your fantasy team doing? Did you take the plunge and play?

  5. MoS…

    Twitter has become, among other things, a great way to vent out the shittiness of some of our football teams.

    Helps on those Sundays your team is down thirty.

  6. Speaking of good football teams, Burnsy, your boy, and his fantasy team, are taking his new league by storm.

    I’ve already finished in the money twice for high week, including this past week.

    My team name? The Midnight Meat Train.

    Although they love my company, let’s just say those boys are ruing the day they asked if SportsChump could come out to play.

  7. Chris

    Jameis Winston throws four interceptions in his most recent game and Lovie Smith is trying to convince us all, that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. WTF !

  8. Midnight Meat Train rolls on. Indeed, I would have expected nothing less than a stellar effort from SC. And of course…no one asks how you are doing unless they’re dying to promote how they are doing. No money exchanging hands/just playing for pride in three leagues…a combined record of the teams is 9-2-1. Interesting note…that tie was a win also until the NFL awarded an extra couple of yards to an opposing player two days after our game supposedly went final. But what the hell…I’ll catch a similar break in return before the year is out.

  9. Al…

    I can’t help but wonder if they’re just going to ride this Winston thing out all season or give Glennon some snaps.

    Big home game this weekend. Hosting Jacksonville. Not a horrible team but a game which Tampa Bay can ill afford to lose.

    We lose at home to Jax, Al, and it’s time to do some serious soul-searching.

  10. Jack Dorsey is back as the CEO of Twitter . Any chance he can impart some of his wisdom on the Bucs as a franchise ? Lovie Smith has his goddamn head shoved up hos @ss , if he believes this team is now playing better than at the start of the season. Is he on some sort of prescriptive medication ? Only a frigging moron would now buy into any of the rhetoric and pragmatism he’s selling. Smith is as dumb as they come if not worst. Even Raheem Morris was never this incompetent on his worst days.

    The Glazers are a joke as too is GM Jason Licht. Buccaneers’ coaching staff couldn’t spot talent with the aid of a flashlight if they were in a darkened room .

    If Tampa loses to the Jaguars then the idiots of 620WDAE and Pewter Report can begin to suck on each others’ ###s as they mourn the loss . If the Buccaneers win then the crew from both media sources can kiss each other on the @ss.

  11. Chris, Kelly keeps saying the Eagles’ problem is the execution…not the play calling. Throwing it all on the players…not going over too well in the locker room I’m sure…he still thinks he’s in college dealing with boys, not men. That much was obvious when he got rid of all the players he did…all the men who didn’t deal well with his smoothies and sports science (by the way all the players he has now seem to be hurt). His use of the word of course reminded me of my favorite Tampa Bay Bucs HC John McKay who…when asked about his team’s execution…said he was in favor of it.

  12. If that’s the case, Burnsy, that could be the beginning of the end for a guy that was supposed to revolutionize the NFL.


    There is a guy who’s currently revolutionizing the NFL. His name is Bill Belichick. There might just be another guy too whose name is Dan Quinn.

    In Philly, I just don’t think the pieces fit the puzzle and the puzzle might not even work to begin with.

    One would think this would be a time to rally the troops, not divide them.

    I think you just made me change my mind on whether they’ll cover against New Orleans this week.

    You don’t think there’s any way Kelly gets fired before season’s end, do you? Or what if they miss the playoffs? Any chance he’s out of there?

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